Archive | July, 2012

Unexpected

30 Jul

 

Just goofing off

Last week was a good week. If you recall, I had some different tests done the week before, last week was all about results. I really hate the cancer roller coaster of emotions. I wonder if there will ever be a day when whatever I’m feeling (a cold, a sore throat, or for that matter whatever lump or bump appears or disappears) will not be about cancer. Oh well, such is the life of a survivor or fighter, whatever. Anyhow, last Monday the tissue they saw on my optic nerve turned out to be just an extra bundle of nerves and tissue and was not abnormal. Wednesday, the MRI results showed I had a bulging disc in my neck explaining the numbness and tingling in my left arm; not related to the multiple surgeries in my neck or the radiation. Friday my laryngologist did a follow up check of my vocal cords and the hemorrhage on my right paralyzed cord is healing and my left vocal cord is starting to move again. Whew, now I wait for my ultrasound and those results in two weeks. From the extreme emotions and weaning off the high steroids, by Saturday, I was exhausted so I think I slept half the day. Life comes fast and furious sometimes. Cancer has introduced me to a whole new set of emotions and there always seems to be something unexpected that comes up, but it’s not all bad, each day is new and I choose to trust God….not fear.

Yesterday we dropped off all three kids at camp for the week. It was the first time for our youngest to go so I was sad to let him go yet excited for him and his new adventure. What was unexpected for me was how I felt saying good-bye to my oldest. I was proud and sad at the same time. He will be 15 in a few weeks and will be starting driver’s ed when he gets back from camp. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming but as I watched him walk away I was saddened at the fact that he is edging closer to legal adulthood. Have I done enough as a mom? Have we taught him well so far? Our time as parents molding and shaping our kids into adults is so short. I have great kids and I feel truly blessed.

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Creamy Lipcolor in Blue Raspberry. I LOVE Bobbi Brown lipsticks. Most of the colors have a brown base so they work for most skin tones. The Creamy Lipcolor is so moisturizing it feels like a balm but these have lots of shine and color. If you love lipgloss but need more color, these are for you. I chose Blue Raspberry because it’s a great berry tone for summer, and who doesn’t love blue raspberries?

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Breathless

23 Jul

Sunset over the Mediterranean Sea

 

Awhile back I bought a book called The Happy Book by Rachel Kempster for me and my daughter. It is essentially a journal with prompts; you can draw, tape pictures, or just write about things that make you happy. In the future, it can be used as a reference to look back at happy things and make you smile on the days where a smile is hard to find. Recently with the advent of some mixed health news, I put it in my car and started.  The very first entry was to list everything that makes you happy. My list currently has about 85 things listed and is not finished. I have to say while writing all these ‘happy’ things, I had a huge smile on my face. So, this weeks topic for my blogging group is ‘breathless’ which I thought tied into things that make me happy because some of the things  that make me happy are also things that take my breath away. Today I was left breathless when the doctor told me that the extra ‘something’ that was seen on my optic nerve was NOT cancer, just some nerve bundles, normal tisue. There are the small things that make me happy or take my breath away too, like chocolate cream pie, or just a really good candy bar, obviously a new lipstick, and even a hug from someone I love can leave me breathless. Then there’s the big and beautiful things like rainbows and sunsets and the colors of a flower in bloom; or even my kids laughter or watching them sleep. Then there are not so happy things that knock the wind out of you leaving you breathless. Things like hearing the phrase “you have cancer” or “the cancer’s back” or “yes, it’s back again,”; or when you get robbed or when your child is sick, etc. Both instances, good and bad, leave your heart racing and your mind turning in different directions. Both though, the good and the bad give you more life. They allow you to feel something and that’s how I want to live. I want life to take my breath away.

What is it that takes your breath away? For me, life leaves me breathless; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I read this quote last week and it has left an imprint on my mind because this is how I want to be…passionate, daring, and always a dreamer.

“When we focus our energy towards constructing a passionate meaningful life, we are tossing a pebble into the world creating a beautiful ripple effect of inspiration. When one person follows a dream, tries something new, or takes a daring leap, everyone nearby feels that energy, and before too long they are making their own daring leaps and inspiring yet another circle.”- Author Unknown

Today I wear Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment in Passion. This is a tinted lip balm with SPF 15 which comes in 5 sheer colors. I love these tinted balms because they’re packed with vitamins, have great color, and are not sticky (they’re just a little pricey). I chose Passion because I love the name but also, this one is the sheer candy red color…I LOVE it!!!

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Dancing in the Rain

19 Jul

Don’t worry…from a candy store in Spain

Life is a crazy series of events triggering a response leading to, of course, another event. Some things you can control, most things you cannot. Being a woman of faith, God is the master conductor and we are the instruments; sometimes playing the wrong notes, taking the wrong turn, and sometimes playing it right. Together with God though, our story is a symphony even more beautiful than Beethoven’s 5th. If you’re familiar with the song (I’ve attached a link), my life has felt like the first movement for awhile. The past few days, no scratch that, the past month has been a little stressful. From a couple posts ago you know it started with my son having a seizure which led to 3 doctor appointments right up until literally 2 hours before leaving for the aiport on our long European vacation. As an update, at the first appointment the doctor said that there was something wrong on the EEG (brain wave test) so he wanted to do an MRI immediately to rule out a brain tumor before we left for vacation…uh huh. MRI was the next day, then Monday morning we found out it was fine but he was diagnosed with a seizure disorder that he will supposedly grow out of when he hits puberty. OK, I can deal with that, we left with a medication that would help prevent seizures. Later that afternoon, we left for vacation and you know some of the mishaps that happened from my last post. Also, being a mom trying to keep her eye on three kids in large crowds in foreign countries, it was a little stressful.

When we got home I had a few doctor appointments with various results which I will talk about next time. All I can say right now is that at my last doctor appointment yesterday when my laryngologist told me that my left vocal cord was looking a little paralyzed, I broke down (not to worry, I got a cold in Europe and lost my voice, consequently, traveling and having to talk for my job has taken its toll. Now it’s steroids and as much vocal rest as possible while working). Well, in attempt to be totally transparent, I confess, I was trying to take care of everything myself, trying to control every little situation which I really had and have no control over. I was tired and I forgot for a split second that God was on my side. What woke me up you ask? Well, after yesterday’s appointment I was driving back to work and it was pouring rain. I decided to drive up to my first account and pull a ‘Gene Kelly.’ You know, great singer-dancer-actor from the 1950′s…Singing in the Rain, An American in Paris, etc. Yup, I blasted the music, cracked my window and danced in the rain in the parking lot (remember I’m a dancer who studied dance from youth through college). I loved it! First off, you know I love music, but it got my heart pumping and my adrenaline going and that simple act of craziness for less than a minute made me laugh and realize the joy of living…God is with me through the mountains and the valleys. So as I enter my season of testing again (ultrasound, PET scan, MRI…), I go with a smile.

Dancing on the streets of Paris with a breakdance crew

Every day is a new day, try something crazy. Today I wear Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Gloss Stain in Cherish. These new gloss stains are pretty awesome. They go on smooth, have great color and unlike most lipstains I’ve tried, they are very moisturizing. I chose this color because it’s pretty for summer and works for all skintones (in my opinion). Also, I love the name, cherish every moment!

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Perspective

12 Jul

Alex peeking at the Eiffel Tower around the corner

I just got back from the vacation of a lifetime, almost a week in Paris, then a Mediterranean Cruise through France, Italy, and Spain. It was a memorable trip that we had saved for for awhile. My whole family went along with my mother-in-law. When we arrived in the Barcelona airport after 14 days of travel to finally return home, we were informed that our flight was cancelled and we would have to stay another day. My oldest son immediately replied, ‘of course it’s cancelled, everything that could go wrong, has.’ Funny enough, for a split second I had no idea why he said that, then I remembered the fine details which my mind had already blocked out.
First, our flight out was delayed an hour because as the pilot inspected our plane, some type of fluid went into his eye and he couldn’t fly so we had to wait for another pilot. When the new pilot arrived we were delayed another half an hour because an overhead bin got stuck and we had to wait for maintenance to fix it. After flying all night, we arrived in Paris at 7am were dropped off at an apartment complex with no instructions. At 8, we were able to reach the rental company who told us that we were at a different apartment than they had originally assigned (which they hadn’t informed the driver of) and our new one would not be ready until 4pm. With map in hand we had to find their office to leave our luggage until our place was ready; so, after flying all night we walked all day through downtown Paris. On the third day in Paris the water in our place shut down, yup, six people, no running water…no showers, flushing toilets, drinking water, etc; it didn’t start again for about a day and a half. In the meantime we decided to pay for a hotel room a block away just to take showers and brush our teeth (and it wasn’t cheap). Our last day in Paris I was robbed, this event I do remember. Fortunately, I had emptied my wallet and only had my drivers license, two credit cards and some cash…it was still traumatic. Leaving Paris for Barcelona we flew on a small European airline. Unexpectedly we had to pay for each of our bags and had no assigned seats. Anyhow, I’m sure there were other things that happened on our trip but they are now a distant memory. Literally, when my son said that statement, all I could remember that was bad was my wallet being stolen.

What I do remember is how beautiful and different everyplace was, all the history and the people. I remember our bike tour of Paris and was thankful that as we sped around the crowded city for three hours none of us got hit by a car and that none of us hit a pedestrian. I remember trying on lipstick (how could I resist) at a large Parisian department store and dancing in the streets with a group of breakdancers in front of a whole group of people. I remember being amazed by all the artwork in the Louvre, seeing Mona Lisa, and an original Monet. I remember being in awe of all the churches and the Roman ruins, the beauty of Gaudi architecture. It was incredible,  I also met some awesome people with great stories.
It’s perspective right? As we were funneled to different hotels because of the flight cancellation we met a couple who said everything went wrong on their vacation, lost luggage, cancelled flight, etc. the husband even said he wouldn’t leave the US again. How sad, no good memories? It’s all how you look at it. What could have been changed? What were you in control of? My vacation was awesome. We spent quality family time, we saw artwork and touched buildings we had only read about. The things that happened were only minor and we all walked away unscathed and richer for the experience. Life is a series of circumstances that we have to make the best of, so why not?

Today I wear Buxom Big and Healthy Lipstick in Barcelona. First, I LOVE this lipstick. It’s like a fat crayon but unlike some of the others, it’s MOISTURIZING and stays put!!  I chose Barcelona because it was one of the cities we went to that I loved but also because this color is candy red!  To Life!!

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