Tag Archives: breathe

People

21 Jan

morning magic

Wow, has it been almost two weeks since my last post? It’s not for lack of ideas on what to write. In fact, I read a quote somewhere which said that quiet people have the noisiest minds; or something like that. For some who know me, you may think I am not quiet by nature…untrue, I am an introvert who over the years of being in sales have become a trained extrovert. Over the past couple weeks I have been able to meet with a few friends for coffee or just brief one on one time. It’s a time I cherish developing and deepening relationships. Each one has a different background, life, goals, etc, it’s so interesting hearing their stories and their feelings about different things and it gives great perspectives on how past and current events change you and make you who you are today. I met with a close friend going through a divorce and I can’t help but hurt for her and her kids. It’s a struggle for her to balance what’s best for her, what’s best for her kids while trying to guess what their future looks like. There are many facets to her story and it’s just awful. The beautiful part is that she hasn’t lost her faith and is now relying on it, along with her friends to get her family through. I met with another beautiful friend and jewelry designer Michele Saulson for ‘girl time’ and a private shopping experience in her home. It was great getting to know her better, talking about our families, and listening to her goals for her company; and of course shopping her awesome stuff! saulson designsSo many people, so many stories. Here’s what I know, everyone is going through and experiencing life differently and you can’t judge them based on how they look, what you think you know, or even on just one or two interactions. A big story that has come out recently has to do with Notre Dame football player Manti Te’0 and his ‘virtual’ fake or real girlfriend. I don’t know the whole story and whether he’s lying or telling the truth. I do know that it’s a sad statement to think that he considered this person that he met on-line his girlfriend?! Have we come to the point where we don’t need face to face, physical contact with other human beings? I hope not. I know I need it and I’m pretty sure our society craves it. Once again, love God, love others. Look people in the eye, smile, hug.

As of today I still have no results from my blood work but it’s still one day at a time. I read a quote (sorry for all the quotes today) that said, “To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.” - Oswald Cambers. Breathless expectation, I love that. I still seek the magic everyday and most of the time it finds me through people.

Today I wear Mary Kay NouriShine Plus Lip Gloss in Beach Bronze. I got a sample of this believe it or not in my son’s Halloween bag after trick or treating in the neighborhood. It was in a bag with a candy bar and it had a tag on it with a business card which said, ‘something for mom’; clever idea I must say. Anyhow, it’s a great bronzy color with a bit of shimmer. It has a great non-sticky consistency and is surprisingly long lasting. I chose the color because it can be worn as both a wintery bronze on me (because I’m tan) but also in the summer for that sun-kissed look. I mainly chose it for the name. It’s been really cold the past few days in Michigan and the name ‘Beach Bronze’ just captured me! Cheers!

About these ads

The Same?

5 Jan

snow

The first week of 2013 has come and gone. It’s funny, we were at a friends house New Years Eve and we were all excited about a new year ahead, thinking about the possibilities, things we would change, places we want to see, goals, etc. Well, January 2nd dawned and it was back to work for me, and back to school for my kids. So after all the anticipation and excitement for the new year, life is still the same…or is it? One of the things I consciously wanted to change or do every single day was to find the magic,or the blessing, whether it be with another person, the weather, a flower, whatever, because in the rush of our daily lives I believe that we miss a lot. Yes it’s fun to look forward to the next vacation or there’s of course the thought process of ,’when ____happens, then it’ll be great or my life will be better.’ But what about right now? What are you missing? This year my eyes are wide open and it’s much more exciting to start the day anticipating something magical or even the purposeful thought of being on a ‘quest’ for blessings or magic.

Here’s the magic from this first week of 2013:

January 1, sleep. That’s right, it was a blessing to be in pajamas most of the day, not having to do one thing…truly magical

January 2, met with a friend and had a great time talking about all kinds of stuff. Investing in relationships are a must!

January 3, talking with one of my kids about the dangers of social media..the magic? They listened and we had a good heart to heart

January 4, watching my son play a high school basketball game against a large rival school in a packed gym. Felt blessed, proud, and sadly,…old

Today, ran into my husbands office to take care of some things for him and another lady was waiting in the hall for her boss(a dentist) to show up so she could start work. We exchanged ‘hellos’ and I told her to have a great day. She said, ‘Everyday I get to work is a great day.’ That statement actually stopped me in my tracks so I turned and asked, ‘Really?’ She replied, “Absolutely. I feel so blessed and thankful to have a job when so many are without. It’s true, every time I get called in to work I’m ecstatic and it’s a great day.” Wow, what great perspective.

These are just little things but life isn’t filled with grandiose moments, it’s filled with minutia…small moments of impact that if we don’t look for them, many times we miss them. Don’t miss those moments of magic because life is beautiful.

Today I wear MAC lipstick in Captive which is a pinky plum. There are a ton of great MAC colors and formulations of lipsticks. I admit I don’t love them all, but I do love their satins and sheers. I chose Captive because it is an easy everyday color for me to wear and also for the name. Be captive in the moment, don’t rush through life. Happy New Year!

2013

27 Dec

snow

Four more days until the new year…2013. It’s hard to believe how fast time goes by. I ran into a friend today and asked her how Christmas was for her and her family this year and she said, ‘uneventful, thank goodness’. She said it was the first time in a few years that there wasn’t crying. Last year her mom passed away, the year before, her sister. She told me that she and her family were able to do ‘normal’ Christmas things without tears…church, family dinner, presents…she said it was very peaceful and loved seeing everyone smiling again. I can relate in a small way. Remember from a past post that December has been a hard month in my cancer journey, either I was diagnosed with cancer, recovering, or preparing for a surgery. This year I declared a moratorium on anything health related; no doctors appointments, blood work, etc. and I guess you could say this December was also peaceful for me. I am also fortunate enough to have the holidays off of work so I don’t return until January 2. With all this downtime I’ve been reflecting on the events of the past year. Highlights include me still being able to sing at my fourth Voice Day concert after three surgeries, a paralyzed vocal cord and major radiation(twice), a trip to Europe with my family, the kids all playing basketball (the face of my daughter when she came home and said she made the team…priceless), good 20120629-204705.jpggrades, dance recital, good health, running in 3 races, and NO CANCER year 2! Yup, the highlights were awesome, but some of the best memories were just every day things. I am so thankful for so much it’s quite overwhelming. My daughter today asked what my New Year’s resolutions are, well, I don’t really have any. It’s kinda bad but I’ve always been the one to literally live day to day. Yes, I have really large, no, monumental goals and aspirations, but since I’m quite the dreamer some may be unattainable…I don’t care, you never know, I mean, who knew I would write and a publish a book? Anyhow, there are things I would like to improve or just keep doing in the new year:

Cover

* Respect every person and invest in their story *Speak the truth * Be intentional *Live boldly *Keep dreaming big * As Eleanor Roosevelt says, ‘Do one thing everyday that scares you’… ‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face.’

As I look toward 2013 I know big things are in store. I have that restless feeling that I get so often, so much so that I have strange energy brewing from my fingertips to my toes. I’m not sure what the future holds and I also know that life is short and time goes so fast. What are you thankful for? What are you looking forward to? Don’t hold back…SEIZE THE DAY!

Today I wear my go to red lipstick for the holidays Lancome L’Absolu Rouge in Merlot. It is a deep red/burgundy which I have loved for a few years. It’s surprisingly moisturizing (most reds are not) and for me, its the perfect evening red. Happy 2013…CHEERS!

Too Busy

28 Nov

Wow, does life ever just ‘coast’? For those who live in America, I pray all of you had a Happy Thanksgiving. A few things have happened the past couple of weeks that have dramatically changed my schedule, all while starting and adjusting to a new job!  First, my oldest son (who broke his hand last month and had to have surgery and pins) got his stitches taken out on a Friday and was trying out for the high school freshman basketball team the following Tuesday. Was I a nervous wreck? Of course. Well, he made the team and is so excited. That act alone added daily practices (including weekends and school breaks) and games from now until March. My daughter was in the school musical last month which was awesome. She did a great job and was happy to be a part. When we asked what she planned on trying next she said maybe some after school clubs because she didn’t really enjoy sports…ok. Well, out of the blue she decided to try out for the 7th grade basketball team and by surprise, she made it! She came home shocked herself and said, “I don’t know what happened.” So, tack on another practice every day plus games through February (on top of dance class). Then of course my youngest, yes, he is playing basketball too, practice twice a week plus two games a week. Never has my schedule been more packed. Today I am writing on the importance of rest. Besides feeling like a taxicab at night and weekends, I am working full time and am now trying to get ready for Christmas…it can be too much. What are some of the top side effects of stress and not enough rest?  Weight gain, sleeplessness, and mood swings…yes, yes, and yes. We have now entered the highest ‘stressful’ seasons by itself and without enough rest and relaxation, it could be very bad for your health. Take the time to sit still (which is hard for me to do too), breathe and be thankful, it helps the attitude.

On another note, I was thinking about those who might be struggling right now, like one of my old customers who lost his son this past summer from cancer. Life is hard. People have asked me how I hold on to hope through all the ups and downs of cancer. My answer is simple, sometimes it’s impossible but others have been there to fill me with hope or fill up my tank so to speak. Since the beginning of my cancer journey I have received numerous phone calls, cards and e-mails, some even from strangers, and I have saved them all. When I am feeling down all I have to do is read a few emails or cards and I start feeling that hope again. I also 100% believe that God has a plan and my hope is in Him. Sometimes we just need a word of encouragement to remind us how loved we are or how much we matter and when we feel that hope ourselves, we can share it with others who may need it. Can you think of anyone who may need a card or a text for a little encouragement? Why wait?

 

Today I wear Lancome L’Absolu Rouge in Bordeaux. This is my favorite formulation of Lancome lipstick because it’s moisturizing and smooth. My fave red, Merlot, comes from this formula , but today I chose Bordeaux which is a soft burgundy color with lots of shimmer…perfect for the holiday season. I love it!

Relax

19 Oct

This week was the first official week of my new job and I decided I really don’t like not knowing what I’m doing. I traveled to both Pittsburgh, PA and Columbus, OH to meet with both my trainer and my mentor. I know how to do the actual job because it’s what I’ve done for 20 years, but to learn all of the processes of a new company like computer, expense report, etc…wow, it’s a lot. What I find interesting is that as I get older after being downsized from lay offs or company buy outs, is that the grass is not always greener. After all my experiences though (including cancer), I know better what I’m looking for and what I can tolerate. So far, I really like the decision I’ve made, it’s just funny hearing what people complain about thinking it would be better somewhere else, typically it’s not, it’s just different. I believe there are no accidents and that God opens and shuts doors, sometimes leaving us to wonder…what? why? Oh well, always good to mix things up.

After all the travel and stress of learning the tools of the new job, I decided to get a massage today. I don’t usually get massages because I am crazy ticklish, but I knew I needed it. I carry my tension in my neck and shoulders and because of all the surgeries and radiation to my neck, I have a lot of scar tissue. The scar tissue affects some of the nerves in my neck so when I’m tense, it’s harder for me to breathe and I start losing feeling in my left arm. By Thursday morning, my left arm was numb and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath so I used some of my early birthday present money from my parents and decided to get a massage. It. was. fantastic. One of the things I loved about it (besides of course the relaxation), is that it forced me to sit still for an hour and relax. It gave me time to focus and think about today, it almost made me cry (I’m such a wuss). My birthday is coming up and as I thought about it laying there, I realized I haven’t had cancer since May of 2010, two and a half years. Yes there have been scares and I’m still on ‘watch’, but surgeries and radiation in 2008, 2009, and 2010…now, here I am, so thankful for my health, my family, friends, my life. So many lessons learned…it’s overwhelming. If not a massage, take a few minutes and think about your life. Sit still, think about the good, the bad, and the ugly but maybe start with ugly and finish with good. If you can’t remember, get yourself a journal or notebook and read through at the end of the month, then thank God for your blessings and for still being around to read what you wrote.

Today I go beyond lipstick and totally recommend Sephora Favorites Super Stars Beauty Essentials Kit. I just got mine yesterday and it is AWESOME! Sephora puts kits together based on their best sellers and they are usually in categories like fragrance, mascara, lips, etc. I don’t typically buy kits because most of the time I know I’ll only be using one or two products and the rest will go to waste. This one is different…every single thing in this particular kit is awesome, not to mention five of the nine items included are their normal FULL SIZE! I LOVE THIS KIT and the colors they chose for lips, eyes, and cheeks are universal and will look great on just about every skin tone! Have fun!!

“B”

15 Sep

Every time you meet someone you never know how you may impact their life or adjust their story; or even more importantly how they may change you.  When I was doing my radiation treatments I befriended a fellow patient who I’ll call ‘B’.  When you’re getting radiation treatments you go at about the same time every day because they want the level of radiation to remain consistent throughout the day. Of course then, you see the same people in the small radiation waiting room every day; some were only there for a few treatments or a few weeks, but ‘B’ and I were there every day for the whole seven weeks at the same time and our stories kind of run parallel. We both had an aggressive thyroid cancer that spread, we both had a parlyzed vocal cord, and we both had several surgeries. Thanks to Facebook, we found each other and now are able to support each other in our post cancer paths through e-mail. Recently I heard from both him and his wife because he suffered a small setback. Like myself, it has been increasingly more difficult to breathe and swallow, but for him, it was becoming impossible. He went back to the hospital and like me was told it was scar tissue that has built up since radiation. He suffered some complications and is still trying to recover with a new trach in his neck to help him breathe. My heart is so heavy because I feel his same fear and heartache. He talks about all the things he still wants to do with his family and I completely understand. Even though I only saw him for a half an hour every day for seven weeks, I care for him and he and his story have deeply affected me.

I know we are in a world of social media that has sucked us all in, and sometimes it can be viewed as bad because we have lost that personal face to face communication and touch, but in some ways it has been a blessing. I have been able to stay in touch with this friend who shared in the struggle of radiation and cancer. I have forged some deep friendships with people who I have never met; people who like me find it easier to express their thoughts and feelings through writing (and music). People like those in my bloggging group who leave their heart in their writing, I love them (you guys know who you are). For my special friend I met on Twitter…you are AWESOME! To my Thyca sisters Sarah, Bridget, Megan and others who I only know through Facebook and blogging…it’s awesome to know we all had the same fight and it was never easy! Yes, these virtual friendships are incredible and I’m thankful. Nothing is better than the personal face to face, but all friendships, if you put yourself out there, are wonderful. Each person has placed their imprint on my heart and it’s overwhelming. Each person you meet, even  briefly, can adjust your story, change your path, change your way of thinking…think about the power you have to do the same for them. Use your words wisely, love openly and the love and friendship you get back will amaze you. Thanks for being here and being a part of my story.

Today’s lipstick is Clinique Chubby Stick in Pudgy Peony which is a sheer fuscia pink. I like these glosses because they feel like lip balm and this color is just fun. They are ultra sheer but shouldn’t friendship be like that? Transparent? Cheers!

Tired

30 Aug

I’m tired. I’m just going to ramble on about different things that have been bothering me so please bear with me. First, I still have not done any bloodwork to confirm or deny tumors…it’s been three weeks but my doctor is finally back from vacation so I will see him soon. Since my ultrasound a few weeks ago, I have had that underlying anger issue, remember (refer to ‘Angry’)?. I am a sales rep, have been for over 20 years. Sure it’s a fine career, but generally speaking, the customer is always first. So…when you are in a bad mood or an ‘angry’ mood, or if you have a bunch of personal issues going on…well, you still have to smile and be on your ‘A’ game…talk about a great paying acting gig, it’s exhausting. I thought I was done acting since switching my degree to science in college. What else…you know those relationships that you think may be solid then all of a sudden you feel a little pushback just when you think you may really need their friendship? yeah. Hmm, I am so busy with the three kids and the school year ramping up again it’s not even funny. One in elementary and one in Jr High and one technically starting high school, throw in there the beginnings of football for the youngest, travel basketball for the oldest, and dance for the middle, etc.., it’s hard to catch my breath. Oh yeah, that’s another thing, with allergy season and of course, all the issues with my neck, it’s hard to breathe. I saw my speech pathologist recently who told me that because of everything I have gone through, including the hemorrhage on my vocal cord which happened on our vacation last month, my remaining vocal cord is weak which explains my breathing and also my weaker voice. She gave me a couple different contraptions I can use in the car to help exercise and strenghthen that area…it’s exhausting.

Can I just sleep for awhile? The other thing is this, I want to still be active but my body does not match up to what my mind thinks it can do. Most of my life there has been at least one person telling me I couldn’t do something. You can’t do this or do that, you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, fast enough, tall enough…whatever. I have always looked at that as the ultimate challenge..PROOVE.THEM.WRONG. Well, surprise, I can’t run like the wind anymore, bike fast, dance like crazy, kickbox because my breathing will not let me and it’s irritating!! I am starting back up in ballet soon because it is the one type of dance I think I can control my breath in. I have also decided to try a few more 5K runs not because I’m stupid or crazy, but because I need to. I want to at least feel like I’m the boss of my body if even just a little bit, plus the wind on my face makes me feel free. Strange, huh? Hard to explain. That’s enough, I’m done. Now to focus on the peace that passes all understanding…Ahhh

Today’s lipstick is Lancome Rouge in Love lipstick in Fiery Attitude. Can you guess why I picked it? anyhow, it’s a beatiful wine color which would be great for fall. These lipsticks have ALOT of pigment and are fairly long lasting. The texture is super light on the lips but again since it’s longer lasting it’s a bit drying for me. Pretty anyway!

Insomnia

8 May

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time in the day?  I read a quote last week which said, “Sky Above, Earth Below, Fire Within.” That statement really impacted me because that’s how I feel after cancer. I have a fire within to make some type of difference. With my voice still intact despite all the surgeries, radiation treatments, and the loss of one vocal cord, I feel like I might have something to say. With my new found passion for writing, my book, my blog, etc, I feel I may have lots more I need to write. With the people my job allows me to meet and those currently in my life, I feel the need to hear people’s stories because there are so many, and do what, write them down? All the stories, all the backgrounds help me appreciate my own and make me a richer more loving person. With my new found health and passion for life I feel I might be preparing for something to do…I just don’t know what.  All I know is that I’m awake and at times, overcommitted, and add to that all the lipstick…it’s just crazy.

What do you do when you have a burning passion to do something and don’t know which direction to take because you’re not exactly sure what that passion is? ‘To make a difference’ sounds too broad right? I’m curious, really, what do you do? Yes I know I spoke about purpose in my last blog and I still believe that people are the purpose for where we are. For me though, after all this cancer junk, at the end of the day it’s hard for me to sleep because it’s another day, another 24 hours, gone and I’m just wishing I could have done more with that time…. another risk, another phone call, another letter, whatever, just more. I guess for now, I will pray and go about my days with eyes and arms wide open. Eyes open for whatever may lie ahead. Arms wide open to people.  Notice anything with the picture above? There are two rainbows…don’t miss the moments.

Today I wear Dior Addict Ultra lipgloss in Flash which I’m sad to say was a limited color a few months ago ( a close relative would be Outrageous Fuscia or Sari Pink). What I love about the Dior lipglosses is they are so moist and not sticky. They add a hint of color and are beautiful.  Right now, they are my favorite lipglosses. I chose the color Flash because the name reminds me that life goes by so quickly!

Nature vs. Nurture

8 Nov

I have had a crazy, stressful week this past week.  I eluded to a certain situation in my last blog and this week everything exploded and I was caught in the firestorm.  Everything revolved around a single person and their actions which finally caught up to them.  I’ve always wondered if bad choices really ever caught up to some people (because some seem to get away with a lot more than others), well now I know, sooner or later they do.  It was interesting watching everything unfold and because I’m always curious about people’s stories, I wondered what this person’s story was that made him who he was today.  It raises the question. ‘nature or nurture’?  Did God make us this way or did our environment create us into who we are today.  I say both.  One of my husband’s favorite phrases when he’s on a stubborn streak is, ” That’s how God made me and no one can change that.”  I believe that to an extent but I also believe that environment can soften and mold us.  I can only imagine the type of person he would’ve been had his parents not reigned him in. I believe we are all created with unique personalities and temperaments but I think our families, friends, and the environment we are raised in mold us too; and then of course, the different choices we make throughout our lifetime direct us one way or another.

People are funny and interesting and knowing people’s stories not only help you understand them more, but accept them and love them too.  I’m not saying that you have to accept their decisions or how they treat you, but it gives you a better handle on things in terms of ‘being the change’ for people (even if it means walking away).  I’m hoping this event may precipitate a change for the better but who knows.  I read a quote which says, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced”-J. Baldwin.  I understand we need to face our challenges or challenging people head on whether change happens or not.  Maybe it’s just to plant the seed or to be a part of that ‘nurture’. We all have a voice and I’m so thankful after cancer that I still have mine.  We need to use it not only to spark change but to be a blessing to others.

This week I wear Bobbi Brown Rich Lip Color in Crimson.  It’s a rich, deep, wine-red, color and the newest to my ever expanding collection.  It’s great for the holidays and red is always that reminder to for me to live life to the fullest…wear it like you mean it!

Popularity

2 Nov

 

I was never very popular in school.  I wasn’t the prettiest or the most witty, no, I was the super shy, quiet, smart girl that sat in the middle of class; not in the front, not in the back.  I was not really invited to any parties and never really had a date until my senior year.  The only time my shyness was banished was when I sang.  Music stirred my heart, and my emotions were always transported through my voice.  I was not really depressed about not being part of the popular crowd because I was kind to everyone and had many friends because of that.  The flip side to that is that I was (and still am somewhat) a people pleaser.  Now, I have three kids, one of which is a teenager who just recently asked me about popularity.  He is the starting quarterback for the football team but he asked why it feels like all the trouble makers seem to be the popular kids.  I tried to do the ‘don’t worry about it be kind to others and be confident in yourself’ talk, but I remember feeling the same way.  It is so hard.

Recently, I’ve had to deal with a situation at work where I had to stand up to something that disturbed the status quo.  It has been very difficult for me.  I haven’t slept that well, and I’ve lost weight from the stress.  I realized that in my quest to ‘go along with things’ or to be popular, I have lost my own opinion and ‘gumption’.  For me, wanting to be popular equates to wanting to be liked by everyone and with my work situation, there are definitely people that will not be pleased in the end.  It is virtually impossible to please everyone and to be liked by everyone.  I told my son that more important than being popular is knowing who you are and what you believe in.  Popularity changes with each second of the clock so it’s critical to be true to yourself and stand on the foundation that God made everyone unique. I stepped forward at work and said something ,and even though I’m stressed about the decision, I know it was the right thing to do.  It’s a risk to be yourself, not caring whether your opinion is well liked or not, but it’s important.  Don’t lose your voice just to be liked or popular.  We were all created for a unique purpose and if we try to be like someone else, we lose a little. 

Today I wear Lancome’ Color Design lipstick in Curtain Call.  It is a sheer deep raspberry which looks amazing on my medium skintone, it’s great for the season.  Not only is it a great color, it’s got a great name.  This is your curtain call.  Wouldn’t it be great to come out as you?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,407 other followers

%d bloggers like this: