Identity

Since beginning this blog 4 years ago I have written once or twice a week. It’s July and I have only written one blog the whole month of June. I can blame extreme busyness, exhaustion, lack of inspiration, etc but honestly I’ve been thinking and praying about what to write and I’ve come up with several things but what stops me from publishing them is fear and I’m done being afraid. The choice to speak up is risky but keeping something inside is not great for the soul; either way, if we don’t have the courage to speak up, situations don’t change. I’ve met up with a few of my close girlfriends over the past month to talk about kids, work, and life in general and there seems to be a common struggle with all; longing for truth and authenticity. I think this is particularly hard for women because we tend to compare ourselves to each other more so than men. We compare, parenting, kids, bodies, homes, jobs, etc, and lots of times we don’t take the time to ‘get real’ so, the truth and authenticity in relationships we desire is often times surpassed by our need for approval. Tough balance. Here’s my struggle when it comes to this blog, it’s mostly always positive. Now I have to say that most of the time I have a positive take on life but there’s that 5-10% of drama, struggle, questions, difficulty, that at times feels like 90% and up to this point I have chosen not to write about it because why? Fear of acceptance or just plain fear of the topic(s) and those involved. Well, bear with me as I gain momentum and open up more because the reason I write is really for me and to work things out in my head (introvert problem).

There have been a couple news stories of late that have really irritated me, but both question the same thing…identity. The first is Caitlin Jenner and the other is Rachel Dolezal; man identifies as woman and white identifies as black. I’m not going to debate about those stories but is someone’s identity and their struggle really newsworthy? I mean Nightly News newsworthy? War, famine, decline of the dollar, politics, extreme weather, etc…don’t we have enough other news? And don’t all people struggle with identity? The big question…WHO AM I? And if you’re a Christian…Who was I created to be; What is God’s purpose for me? I think every person struggles with this questions more often than not. Our identities are first shaped around our natural gifts, talents, temperaments, etc. add in people, experiences, and environment. Who we are sometimes gets blurred when we lose self esteem or confidence and we start listening to words of others. ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never harm me,’ WRONG. Many times, if we are unsure of ourselves, we let the words and actions of others define us (Note to parents, kids are all unsure of themselves so watch your words). What does that feel like? When your once confident self gets belittled, or to constantly feel like your voice doesn’t matter, to not feel loved for who you are, to constantly adjust to ‘fit’ another’s wants, needs, and expectations yet never quite getting there, add fear of change or speaking up…perfect storm. It leaves alot of questions about identity and if you let that happen too often, eventually when you look in the mirror all you see is a ghost of who you once were and it’s a long road back to figuring out who you are again. Without the confidence in who you are, plenty of people will dictate who they think you should be. Stand strong. I am not my job, my circumstances, or my past, and if we can get past all the noise maybe that is the beginning of truth and authenticity with each other.

Since I’m still a lipstick lover and this is my lipstick journey I’m still going to talk about what I love. Since it’s summer I generally stick to tinted balms and glosses and one of my most favorite glosses comes from Laura Mercier becuase I love the texture and consistency. Today’s is Laura Mercier Lip Glace’ in Poppy which is a ruby red gloss. I love it! Cheers!