Introvert Mom

I’ve been feeling a little crunchy lately, not just lately, weeks I think; irritable, stressed, maybe sometimes a little depressed. I thought it may be work related or because since school has started, the schedule has been in hyper drive with work, super early mornings, and school sports. All I know is everyday I’ve been going through the motions of getting things done and at the end of the day I’m completely worn out, not to mention if just one little thing throws off the equilibrium of my ‘flow’ I’m wrecked. I’ve been trying to process this and honestly pray about this for awhile now. Since I’m awake pretty early I sit and pray in the quiet hoping for peace and some sort of ‘light-ness’ to my day. Well yesterday I think I finally figured it out. I am a total introvert, feeler, and people pleaser living in chaos almost 24/7.

My brother is almost 11 years younger than me. What that means is for almost 11 years I was an only child which totally works for an introvert. My mom however is a total extrovert and therefore had people at our house all the time. My usual MO (modus operandi-method of operation) was to greet people as they came, eat the food, then hide out in my room until everyone was gone. An article I read recently about my specific personality type according to Myers-Briggs testing (I’m an INFP) said that ‘When under stress the INFP gets lost in internal turmoil”…caught between pleasing others and maintaining their own integrity and taking care of their well-being.’ Some of the causes of stress are cited as ‘not enough time alone, small talk, too many demands on their time, and of course, too much extraverting.’

Here’s the deal: I’m the mom of teens which are super involved in school and sports and I have a career as a sales rep. That about covers all the stress factors for INFP type personalities. How do you ‘mom’ and constantly give to your kids, your spouse, your friends, etc.. and how do you do sales for a living without small talk all while being a people-pleaser without getting stressed because you’re an introvert? I’m open for suggestions because I don’t think it’s possible. What are the solutions? The article says ‘give them space, forgive them for being overly critical, let them get away by themselves, let them do projects they’re interested in’…all good stuff, not surprising. What if you’re a mom with lots of responsibility, a demanding job, a mom that doesn’t want to miss a thing with her kids? Is it ok or easy to just simply get away? No. As much as I’d love to there are seasons when it’s not possible. What’s the solution then? I don’t know but I will continue trying to find those pockets of silence, I will force myself to rest in peace and quiet and to have some dead space even if it’s for 5 minutes every few hours while trying not to start the dishwasher or do laundry or run another errand or get on the phone. In this season of life I can’t hide in my room until everyone leaves so I have to recharge in those pockets (while planning a short vacation getaway). I’ve missed writing this blog so here I am in my solitude pocket being vulnerable. Susan Cain writes ‘Solitude matters, and for some it’s the air they breathe.’ Here I am, breathing.

Today I wear BareMinerals Gen Nude Radiant Lipstick in Mantra which they describe as a dirty mauve. I really love these lipsticks because of the texture and the colors because as titled they are Gen(erally) Nude. All the colors are easy to wear for every day. I love this color, it’s my MLBB (my lips but but better) shade. My mantra for now will be ‘stop and breathe.’ Cheers!