Adult Identity Problems?

I’ve been feeling kinda blah lately and I was mostly attributing that to the lack of sun during this long gray Michigan winter, which still may be part of it. The other part is what I’ve been writing about recently regarding teens…the search for identity. Without clear ‘identity’ we lack direction and purpose to our days. I was getting overly annoyed at my teens for their struggle to figure out who they are and where they belong yet lo and behold, most of us struggle with this our whole lives. I started getting jealous of my daughter and her passion and fire, of some of the other women on Facebook that seemed ‘all together’ and doing what they loved, I was getting upset about getting older, having fewer choices in life, having overwhelming responsibilities, etc. Me Me Meeee. Then I had my ‘aha’ moment. I let life and my daily and never ending to-do’s take over and make me forget what was already done, my striving to be everything to everyone, keeping track of everyone’s to-dos, making sure all was set was drowning me. You guessed it, I’m a people-pleaser and beyond that, I was (am) trying to control the circumstances and outcome for everyone to make sure they’re ok and happy. How overwhelming and exhausting is that? I would venture to say that women more than men tend to lose who we are while making sure everyone else is good. Through all this stuff I was not sleeping that well and grinding my teeth in my sleep to the point that I was leaving tooth marks in my nightime mouth guard.

Well, this is where I was and I finally took a deep breath and prayed. I prayed for peace and clarity . I prayed for focus and to rest in the knowledge that my identity was in Christ. For the past month I was part of a launch team for a book called I Am by Michele Cushatt which speaks exactly of this and the timing couldn’t be better! It is such a great book. In one of the chapters titled ‘I Am Valuable‘ she lists out things like ‘You are worth more than the rejection that split you on two, you are worth more than the sum of your contributions to church and school and community, you are worth more than your best outfit, you are worth more than a week of sleepless nights and crazy days trying to cross items off your to do list‘, and so on. She ends this list with Jesus’ words ‘So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.’

Who we are sometimes gets blurred when we lose self esteem or confidence and we start listening to words of others. ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never harm me,’ WRONG. Many times, if we are unsure of ourselves, we let the words and actions of others define us. What does that feel like? When your once confident self gets belittled, to feel like your voice doesn’t matter, to constantly adjust to ‘fit’ another’s wants, needs, and expectations yet never quite getting there? What if the person doubting yourself is you?  In the Bible God says ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Did you catch that? If you don’t love yourself how can you love your neighbor? Without the confidence in who you are, plenty of people will dictate who they think you should be. Stand strong. I am not my job, my circumstances, or my past, and if we can get past all the noise maybe that is the beginning of truth and authenticity with each other.

Today I wear Tom Ford lipstick in Misbehaved which is a pinky coral (probably a smidge too light for me).I admit, this is my most expensive lipstick purchase and I don’t use it too often but I do like it. These lipsticks are highly pigmented and fairly moisturizing. I chose this color because it reminds me of summer and I am so ready for that! Cheers!