Christmas

Christmas is coming and I don’t feel ready. Last weekend I returned home after a week in paradise to snow and the onset of Christmas rush; no tree, no presents, slight panic. I have to say my mind is in a constant state of blur. Despite the fact I went on an amazing vacation in a beautiful place with fun and lots of laughter and am basically functioning like normal with work, kids, etc., I have this underlying sadness that infuses itself in everything. I can’t help having cancer as the backdrop of my daily life, it stinks but I am trying to make the words ‘stable disease’ my favorite as I navigate forward. The knowledge that cancer is present in my body is this dark undercurrent that draws me away sometimes and on occasion, that undertow forms a geyser that breaks through the surface and I find myself bursting into tears at random moments. Yesterday was my first day shopping for presents and I couldn’t help looking around at the frenzy of shoppers looking for the perfect presents and at the same time feeling like ‘things’ really didn’t matter because moments and time is really all we need (how do you convince kids of that?).

Anyhow, at church today our pastor challenged us to focus on moments of love. We are inundated with bad news, bad politics, and bad people and it’s easy to get cynical and miss the love moments around us. I believe there are more love moments in our lives that we miss or forget about because we so easily get derailed by bad news, bad people, and even social media posts we disagree with. Maybe if we become more intentional about seeking love or creating moments where others feel loved, the negatives will roll off a little easier. Personally, I need more peace and positivity. So for now I will focus on love, time, and moments, and of course I will still buy Christmas presents but without the pressure of finding the perfect ones because when it’s all said and done, things don’t really matter as much. ‘The things we do are the most important things of all. They are more important than what we say or what we look like. The things we do outlast our mortality. The things we do are like monuments that people build to honor heroes after they’ve died…Only instead of stones they’re made of memories people have of you. That’s why your deeds are like monuments. Built with memories instead of stone.’ From the book Wonder, R.J. Palacio

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy every moment with family, friends, and people you love. Look for the love moments and focus on the joy. ‘For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.’ Luke 2:11

Today I wear NYX Pin-Up Pout Lipstick in Red Haute. Cheap, creamy, moisturizing, and red. Cheers!