The Break Up

2 Jun

How do you break up with a friend? Sorry to start off as a downer, but it’s something I’ve been struggling with for awhile. There are several things that I have a difficult time tolerating post cancer. Things such as stressing over things you can’t change, complaining about things that cannot be changed (if there’s something you don’t like either walk away from it or try to be the change factor), people who’s glass is always half empty (pessimism really brings me down), judgement without knowledge,etc. Anyhow, I have been friends with someone for awhile now and for whatever reason our relationship has changed. I know relationships go through changes, but I can’t put a finger on when or how this one changed, but it is no longer something I want to be a part of. After years of get togethers we cannot seem to get past the surface level of conversation and our friendsip has become stressful. I feel as if it’s a competition and our meetings make me feel like she’s trying to somehow ‘one-up’ me, her tone a little condescending. I am to the point that I only ask her questions about herself and I barely share information about me (she doesn’t seem to notice). Well, life is short and I don’t want friendships to be stressful, it’s not a competition. Can you tell I’m struggling with this?

The other side of the story is this, she was a great friend, supported me through all of the cancer stuff, but now that I’m healthy again, well, things have changed. When I try to share something I’m struggling with or even something I’m excited about, she seems to blow it off and turn it into a conversation about how awesome she’s doing…what’s the point? Well, another thing on my mind is this, it is very difficult for a woman in her 40’s to make new friends because many women in this age group already have their core friendships. Not that I don’t have any other friends but it seems silly to drop one and look for another. I’m not looking for a replacement really, I’m just struggling with her. It’s too hard to be her friend…did I mention everything in her life is always perfect? Oh yes, never a problem with her, her kids, her marriage, etc,  in all the years I’ve known her…always 99.9% awesome, maybe that’s why it’s been hard getting under surface level.

Oh well, I just wanted to vent and ask for advice today. Obviously this weighs heavy on my heart. Do I just ignore the invitations, text messages, etc? There are complicating factors to that but I can’t get into it. No worries, she doesn’t read my blog, too busy.

For today I use Dior Addict Lip Glow. This is by far one of my most favorite lip balms. It moisturizes and brings out the natural color of your lips, it’s awesome. I chose it because I believe that friendship should be similar,sheer enough to reveal the real you, but a good friend brings out your natural ‘colors’ and make them shine.


11 Responses to “The Break Up”

  1. sarahyoung1119 June 2, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    She’s too busy for your blog? Would you be too busy for hers? I feel for you and have been there. A wise person told me that adult friendships should ADD to your life, not put a drain on it. My advice? Try the phase out. If she asks for an explanation for unreturned calls, texts, etc, then tell her that you wish her the best out of life, but you feel like you need to move on from the friendship. I struggled for months with a friend break-up, and God brought me a new, wonderful friend almost immediately after I made the decision. I pray the same will happen for you!

    • Anna June 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

      Thanks Sarah, you’re right she doesn’t add, she drains. It’s just sad…

  2. drchoneydew June 3, 2012 at 1:09 am #

    ditto to the above!!!!!!!! ((hugs))

  3. Jo June 3, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    I am all about removing negative people from your life. I also believe if someone adds nothing to your well being, they are acquaintances, not friends. Treat her as such. You can return texts and you can take the calls, if you want to, but GIVE her nothing. That is what she is giving you. Nothing. Do not go out of your way to see her. Just pull back and I am guessing here, you aren’t that important to her life and she’ll fade away. I don’t think a big confrontation is in order. Just go away. ♥

    • Anna June 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

      Thank you Jo. I teared up reading your response because it’s truth. It’s sad thinking about all the time invested in the relationship but I guess sometimes people are only in your life for a season….

  4. Lauren June 4, 2012 at 10:02 am #

    Oh my dear Anna. This breaks my heart, because I went through one last summer. Everything was about her, her wedding, her perfect groom, her new job and I was just a bystander used to praise her for how awesome her life is. Like you I was nervous and scared to say something that would alter a friendship I had cherished for years, but I finally had to tell her that I was done trying to go through the motions of a friendship with someone who didn’t really want to be my friend. Sharing how I felt was scary and it did change our relationship. We don’t talk or see each other often, which is sad, but I’m also happier to not have someone who hurts me so bad considered a close friend. The beautiful light at the end of the tunnel is that God has blessed me this year with so many sweet, new friends that I am building new memories with and learning again what it means to have a deep, meaningful friendship with another person. You are a strong, courageous, beautiful woman who is a blessing to be friends with. This transition will be hard, but God has a friend waiting on the other side who will nourish your soul the way a true friend should. I love you 🙂

    • Anna June 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm #

      Thank you Lauren…this stinks!

  5. Suzy June 5, 2012 at 4:24 am #

    I agree with Jo. Friends should uplift not drain. Take care.

    • Anna June 5, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

      Thank you Suzy!

  6. Jill June 8, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

    I am actually going through the same thing! It was nice to read that I am normal and others feel the same!!
    I can’t explain either why it happened. I feel that we are in competition too with our kids! she always has to one up me! I am not like that and hate feeling like that. I stopped calling her and she hasn’t tried to call me either. Audreys bday is next Saturday and sad to say I didn’t invite them.
    Time to move on! God will put the right friends in our path!!
    *hugs* in your struggle!

    • Anna June 8, 2012 at 10:53 pm #

      Thanks Jill! I feel much better that I’m not the only one!

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