Tag Archives: lipgloss

Life is Not Short

22 Jul

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‘It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. When it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. Life is long if you know how to use it.’~Seneca

What a change in mindset. I read this a couple of times…we are forced with the realization of death that life has passed before we knew it was passing, how true is that?

Since my last blog my daughter arrived safely home from serving in Haiti (and shortly after the Haitian government fell), and now she is preparing to say img_3425good bye again and leave for college. Raising kids is basically a life long series of good-byes, oh my heart but a blog for another day. Back to the quote at the top. I don’t think there is any other event in life that opens your eyes to the realization of life passing then facing your mortality. I have been fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have been diagnosed with the ‘c’ word 4 times over the past 10 years so it has been a constant reminder that life is passing by and to live intentionally. I love the last line of the quote which says, ‘life is long if you know how to use it.’ My interpretation of that is instead of saying ‘life is short, do what you want,’ he means if you spend more time doing things you love with people you love, serving others, living with intention, your state of content and well-being will add richness to your life~making whatever time you have on earth worthwhile or in short, a long life well lived.

Last weekend I got to see a couple women I’ve known more than half my life. We met years ago and eventually moved to different areas of the midwest

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Trying to follow directions off our phones..so lost

so last weekend was a reunion for us. We’ve been able to meet up in Chicago a few times over the past few years and we can always pick right up where we left off,  great friendships and time well spent. We talked a lot about life, our current joys and struggles, and just a bit little about my cancer which was perfect. We were lost a lot, we laughed a lot and I cherished every moment.

Over the past several years since my first cancer diagnosis I have learned so much about myself and the biggest lesson has been that I am enough. God made me to be exactly who I am and life is too hard to try to be something else. This has been a hard change since I am a people pleaser by nature but ‘adjusting’ or ignoring your needs to please someone else or make them happy can be detrimental to your spirit and it’s just plain exhausting. Cancer has shown me what I’ve made of; strong, courageous, and smart. I am surrounded and loved by a sprinkling of amazing family and friends (both old and new)  that have given my life that extra sparkle. With eyes wide open to the possibilities I have said ‘yes’ more and ‘no’ more, have done things I haven’t thought of, and have tried to stay away from toxic people. It’s a work in progress but again, it’s about being more intentional. I am hyper aware that life is passing. This past year of having metastatic cancer but stable disease has been a difficult time of crushing heartbreak with the thought of leaving my family sooner than later, but also a strangely beautiful time of completely trusting God with my life, learning more about myself, and truly ‘resting’ in each moment. Yes, life is long if you know how to use it. You are enough.

‘Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.’~ Benjamin Franklin

Today I wear Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer in Fenty Glow which is a beautiful rose gold. I wrote about this before but it truly is an amazing gloss that is great on all skintones. You can wear it on top of lipsdtick or even alone. I chose it because it’s perfect for summer and because everyone needs the reminder that you have that inner glow and you are enough! Cheers

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How We Live?

7 Aug

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I have a super talented brother, he’s a singer/dancer/actor who was on Broadway for years and has been in the cast of shows like Rent, Mamma Mia, and Miss Saigon among other things. Currently he travels the world as a choreographer, teaching master classes in dance and theater, and judging and emceeing national dance competitions across the country.  A couple weeks ago my brother was hired to teach a master class in theater arts at a theater on the east coast. During one of the breaks he had to return phone calls so he left the theater for a short bit and was walking around in the nearby park/neighborhood. He was in a t-shirt and khaki shorts and was not carrying anything except his cell phone which he was on. I say all of this because within that half an hour he was approached by the local police. Apparently someone had seen him and called them about ‘a mysterious brown skinned man walking around the neighborhood.’ For. Real. He said that the minute the policeman came up to him the officer put his hands in his face and said,’oh damn, I’m so embarrassed.’ Yes, even the cop couldn’t believe it. To follow up on the complaint the police had to go to the theater to verify his story about being there to teach and of course it was the truth.

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Does he look scary?

This is now the world in which we live. It’s sad and it’s unfortunate and at a time when America is probably the most diverse, we feel the most segregated. We are scared of each other, scared of who the next president will be, scared of our neighbor, scared to cross the city line. We talk big but talk from our comfortable little squares about how things should change. How will they change? Martin Luther King said, ‘Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend.’ Easier said than done. Are we losing our capacity to love others? The bible talks about faith, hope, and love with the greatest being love. I recently read in another blog that many think that there can be no faith or hope without love but the author believed that there can be no faith and love without hope. I think that is where we stand today. With all the tragedies, terrorism, senseless shootings, etc, we are starting to lose hope in our futures which then creates cynicism and less faith then eventually less ‘love thy neighbor.’ This attitude then moves down to our kids who really haven’t yet experienced the world but now have the same attitudes and opinions we do regarding politics and maybe even race. It’s a vicious cycle. How do we stop it? I don’t know but how about starting with kindness and respect of others and their opinions. We all have our little circles of influence-start there, we don’t all have to win an argument, sometimes it has to end with agree to disagree. ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control’ Gal 5:22-23.

Today I wear Laura Mercier Lip Glace’ in Blush which is a rose brown. I love how these glosses feel and the color is decent for a gloss. I have been using this for years and my absolute favorite color is Brownberry which has been a little hard to find but this comes pretty close. It’s always a great time to just throw on some gloss! Cheers!

 

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Prince and the past

25 Apr

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Last week the musical icon Prince passed away. The minute I heard the news I didn’t believe it at first then as the news was confirmed by numerous sources I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of loss and sadness; the kind that leaves a pit in your stomach. I label it strange because I didn’t know him personally and I don’t generally idolize people but news of his death was utterly shocking to me. As the days passed and the countless hours of Prince music streamed on the radio (and my iPod), I realized the reason for my feelings of such great loss was because Prince’s music was such a huge part of my life in middle school, high school, college, and beyond. Each song I listened to evoked several memories; from the parties in the ‘D’ family’s basement where we had dance-offs, to my college roommate writing one of her first papers on how the movie Purple Rain impacted her life(true story-I had to proof read it for her). Prince’s music reminded me of some of the best times of my youth and also brought back memories of who I was, who I wanted to be, my adventures, my hopes and dreams during that time.

It’s been over 30 years since Purple Rain, since watching the music video of When Doves Cry, from desperately wanting a Raspberry Beret, am I the girl I wanted to be? Life has a way of tossing you around a bit, so no. I had mixed emotions thinking about all that’s transpired between then and now but I told myself it was all ok. I have had a crazy beautiful and blessed life so far with some heartache stuffed in between but that’s what life is. We all have dreams and expectations when we’re young and there are so many choices we have to make that literally takes our life one way or the other. My 15 year old was telling me about her plan for the future, what she wanted to achieve and how she saw her life turning out; when she’d get married, how many kids she’d have, where she would work, live, etc… expectations. She has always been a stubborn, strong willed and determined little being so as I listened to her ‘plan’ of how her life was going to turn out I worried a little. I told her Audreyshe had amazing goals but there was currently no room for space or curve. I told her it was great to have a vision of what her life was supposed to look like in the future but she should absolutely leave room for the unplanned things. The things that make life move and bend, that force you to make decisions, to make hard turns and to maybe change the course you had originally planned but make you who you are truly created to be.

How do we combat the disappointments of some of our own expectations of ourselves and how our life was supposed to be? Gratititude. It’s almost impossible to be grateful for the blessings in your life and be depressed about them at the same time. GK Chesterton says ‘…gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder‘. More wonder, more gratitude, less expectation. Life is short. ‘We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life’~Prince

Today I wear Buxom Lip Polish in Jane which is a deep purple color Sephora describes as huckleberry jam. I’ve always loved these Buxom glosses because they have just enough color to not overwhelm, they’re moisturizing, and they make your lips tingle (and I guess has a plumping effect on lips which clearly I don’t need but if you’re a little older like me it does fill in those lip lines). I chose this color because duh, it’s purple. Prince…thanks for the memories

 

 

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Free

30 Mar

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I can’t remember the time I started loving large birds; mainly hawks and eagles. It hasn’t always been the case but it became noticeable to me some years back. What I loved the most about watching them was how free they were. They could fly without too much bother from other birds, they ruled the sky, they floated, but mostly, they were free. Seeing a hawk or an eagle would stop me in my tracks and give me a longing in my heart and tears in my eyes. A few years ago during a difficult time I wrote a poem that a friend of mine recently turned into a song:

Little bird landed on a branch this morning

singing the songs of yesterday

The night has passed a new day begins

but freedom still seems so far away

 

How do you fly again she really doesn’t know

How do you fly again, staring out the window

She’s seen love, she’s seen pain but will she fly again

 

She’s not anything she used to be

She wants that fire back in her eyes

Scared to open up those scars might bleed

For so long she felt paralyzed.

 

How do you fly again she really doesn’t know

How do you fly again, staring out the window

She’s seen love she’s seen pain but will she fly again

 

Bring her back, why not now. Fly so free, little bird show her how

To sing that song she used to sing, to breathe the air above all the pain. 

 

How do you fly again I think I know

Fly again, open up the window

I’ve seen love, I’ve seen pain but I will fly again

Yes I will fly again cuz now I know

Fly again, open up that window

I see love above the pain

I will fly again.

It’s been a wild ride these past few years in more ways than one but looking up at those birds and their freedom in the sky no longer brings a tear to my eye. My life has changed dramatically and it’s filled with peace and love. Now when I look up and see a beautiful hawk floating above my house I smile with joyful anticipation for what comes next.

“…for to have faith is to have wings.”~ JM Barriebird

 

Today I wear Buxom Lip Polish in Brianna which is a gorgeous orchid color great for spring. I have always loved these glosses. They have color but not too much, they’re not too sticky, and they make your lips tingle. Cheers!

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Undone

27 Feb

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I am participating in an on-line woman’s group study based off a book called Undone by Michele Cushatt. Like myself she had cancer a few times, kids, and divorce and the book talks about her life becoming ‘undone’ and turning around, but not the way you would expect. I love it and resonate with her journey so much. Since all the participants communicate online I think it’s easier for us to immediately be vulnerable. What is striking to me is all the pain and sadness from unexpected life twists, lives that were ‘undone’ because of illness or failed relationships, or whatever it is that each person has not healed from. Everyone’s story is so different but what seems to have caused the greatest pain to these ladies stem from people and relationships; from parents to siblings to spouses to mentors, many of these people’s lives were affected greatly by another life.

I read this quote, ‘To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us’~Timothy Keller

Life is funny. Experiences and people mold and change you. A single person can make you question yourself and your self worth, lead you to a life of fear, make you think you’re not good enough or that your needs don’t matter. Then there’s unforgiveness, usually toward some of those same people. About forgiveness Tim Keller says it’s ‘absorbing the debt…taking the cost of it completely on  yourself instead of taking it out on the other person.’ How hard is that? Your life, your mind, your heart has changed and to forgive we absorb it, find our strength in God, and move on. He compares it to a kind of death. Fully known and truly loved, that’s what we crave but that kind of love only comes from God. While some of us have people in our lives that come close (spouse, parents, kids), we still are influenced/disappointed by many. Our stories lie behind our smiling faces and perfect Facebook updates. There’s a lot of hurt, pain, fear, etc , out there; how can we expect perfection from imperfect people? We do the best we can and hopefully we learn from our own ‘undone’ life stories and move forward with great lessons and more love knowing the Son is always there fully knowing you and fully loving you, behind the clouds, right in front of you, or in the ‘rearview mirror’ behind you lighting your path.

Today I wear Butter London Plush Rush lipgloss in Flirt. I think this company was first known for their nail polish but then created lipgloss to match some of their nail colors. This lipgloss is a little sticky but has great color and stays put for a long time. Flirt is a great berry color for spring as the crazy weather has spring temps flirting and teasing us in this tail end of winter. Cheers!

 

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#thestruggleisreal

15 Nov

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I’ve kind of been feeling like a fake lately. I always write about finding the good in people, inspiration, and people having a story and how that story has shaped and molded them into who they are, their actions, their beliefs, etc. Well, I’ve been struggling and I mean really struggling at times with a couple things for a specific person from my past; hate and unforgiveness. That’s right, this is me being honest. I can find no other way to say it or to feel it. Yes, I know the saying ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ and also the conversation from the Bible where Jesus was asked how many times we need to forgive and He says ‘…not seven times, but seventy times seven.’ Believe me, I get it. I’ve listened to enough sermons that tell me that the one ‘suffering’ is the person who can’t forgive. Here’s the deal with me though, it’s the 70 times 7 thing. This is where it gets difficult because honestly it just gets tiring. It is so emotionally draining to forgive, release, then have another offense where you have to forgive again for essentially the same thing from the same person. Now, the hate comes in because the offenses done over and over are not directly toward me but to my children and I am one protective mama bear. I cannot stand the actions and lies told to them, and from where I stand it has become very difficult to separate sin from sinner. Fortunately my kids are older and wiser. Like all kids, they crave truth in both words and action and when the two don’t match they don’t pay attention and they lose trust. Sometimes there is this shadow of sadness that veils my days because of this situation and I can’t help but feel anger, then back to that hate thing. It’s a work in progress because I’m pretty confident it will never change.

I know this is vague and confusing but relationships, good and bad, are complex. Forgiveness in this case is hard because it is an action that literally for me has to be exercised daily for this specific person and it is mentally draining. It is truly that 70 times 7. How easy it would be to forgive someone for a single offense and be done with it but this has to be a constant, active process for me.  ‘Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.’~Corrie ten Boom  Yes, I will continue to forgive and gain strength from that. ‘Let no man pull you so low as to hate him’~ Martin Luther King Jr. Again, work in progress but I already feel a little better just talking (or writing) through it. Hurting people hurt people because of their own damage and insecurities;love the sinner, hate the sin. Last quote from an unknown author, ‘Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior, forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.’ Done….for now.puppy

It turns out I don’t think I’m allergic to lipstick…I think I just have to stop rubbing my face in my new puppy’s fur. Today I wear Nars Audacious Lipstick in Charlotte which is a deep burgundy and great for this upcoming holiday season. These lipsticks are great because they have TONS of color and feel like nothing on your lips. Until next time…cheers!

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Story

3 Nov

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I’m kind of addicted to the stories posted on Facebook from Humans of New York. If you haven’t heard of this and you’re on Facebook you should take a gander. Every day, or several times a day, they post a picture of someone (old,young, and all in between) along with a piece of their story. All the stories are so different and interesting. They have so many followers that they recently published a book of the many people and stories they have collected which my daughter bought me for my birthday. It brings to light the fact that everyone brings something to the table, everyone has different and unique stories, and also the fact that no one knows what happens behind closed doors. Looking at the beautiful pictures they post of all these different people, you would never know some of the things they have faced or celebrated; I find it so interesting.

Last week a close friend found out her young son was beaten by her ex-husband and more than likely not for the first time. It has been a long and stressful week for her but thankfully he is safe and ok for now. If you truly knew all of her story this would not be a surprise, but since most people don’t, it comes as a shock. What angers me a little is that people assumed the worst of her (or maybe the best of him) until this happened. Why? Partly because we love a great bad guy/good guy/gossipy story (admit it) but also because she stayed mostly silent. He continually spoke poorly of her and her choices while volunteering at church and school and putting his best face forward. He looked like the hero, people felt sorry for him, took care of him, and essentially believed his story without question. He was good at telling it, he was good at showing it, while again, she stayed away, she stayed silent. Is silence better? This has been a struggle for me because I have a whole piece of me that I’ve been silent about. I’m not so sure. What I’m fairly convinced about is this…the person who will not stop talking or accusing is typically the person feeling guilty for the thing they are making accusations for; they are the one’s having difficulty looking at themselves in the mirror and don’t want people looking so closely at them so point the finger elsewhere. Here’s the lesson…don’t assume until you know all sides of a story. Silence? I guess it’s ok for now.IMG_7347

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”~Maurice Switzer (Also see Proverbs 17:27-28)

Today I wear Aquaphor on my lips. Why? The unthinkable happened to me, the lipstick connoisseur…I had an allergic reaction to a lipstick. Which one? I have no idea because I used a couple new ones last week. Oh well. I love Aquaphor because it is one of those multi purpose products. Cheers!

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Good and Bad

13 Oct

Sculpture called 'Changing Woman"

Sculpture called ‘Changing Woman”

There have been a few changes to my body post cancer that have just become part of my everyday. I’ve had 5 years now to get used to them but some days are a little more difficult. First, my breathing. With a paralyzed vocal cord the process of getting air in and out is a little tougher and therefore most cardiovascular activities for me are limited or ‘adjusted’, second, my voice is a bit quieter and gets tired more easily because of said vocal cord. Also, since my last surgery and radiation, I have had numbness and tingling in my left arm and hand. There are other things but these are the most bothersome. About 2 weeks ago my arm took a turn for the worse and I’m not sure if it’s a pinched nerve or what but it is just about completely numb, like dead weight. Throw that into the seasons changing in Michigan and allergy season which is my most difficult breathing time, well, makes for hefty reminders of that cancer past. In fact, it’s actually a little difficult to type so I am mostly using my right hand…I’ll be at the doctor soon.

Have you ever asked why God allows bad things to happen? It’s too big of a question so I try to not ask why and I don’t intend to try to begin figuring out an answer. What I do know is this, there is always a lesson or reason and sometimes you don’t know what it is until much later or maybe not even in this lifetime. Why did I get cancer when no one in my family has cancer? Why did it come back so many times? I’m not sure, but today I am a much stronger person then I was before; a warrior. A lot has transpired since that first diagnosis but I wouldn’t be where I am today had it not happened. I physically lost my voice but I have truly found it again. Cancer allowed me to see life with fresh eyes and consider life’s brevity; yes it’s fallharder to breathe but I have breathed in new life. There is a bible verse which says, ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.’ (James 1:2-3) It’s hard to consider it joy when you’re going through something but it helps to know that there may be a reason or a positive because of it. Here’s the other thing, with trials of faith like cancer or any illness, the person going through it is not the only one learning. Most of the time illness is not solitary; it affects family, friends, even co-workers and acquaintances therefore the lessons in faith and perseverance are multiplied 10-fold to those around you.

Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.~W. Anderson 

Today I wear NYX Butter Gloss in Maple Blondie. I LOVE these glosses because they’re super moisturizing, have good color , and they are inexpensive as well (the lipsticks are pretty awesome too)! I chose this color because it’s great as a light brown/pink neutral and because the name reminded me of fall (Maple). It’s fall in Michigan and all the leaves are turning colors, cheers!

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Too Young

18 May
Senior picture high school

Senior picture high school

Last week I went with my son to two funerals of young people. It was heartbreaking and eye opening for both of us. One of the kids was someone he had played basketball with just before ‘the accident’. It was sad and gut-wrenching to be surrounded by parents, siblings, and friends who lost a loved one who was way too young. When we are young we look at our future with immense possibilities, the world is our oyster but when faced with sudden illness or even death, we begin to realize that there is only a finite amount of time and we don’t know the day or hour when that time is up.

Coincidentally my daughter brought out and started reading my journal from when I was 17 last week. We read certain parts together which made me laugh. I used terms like ‘suck my big left toe’, ‘stuck up’,’grody’,’foxy’…it was fun to read it with her. The overwhelming theme of my journal from my junior/senior year of high school was despite the not so fun parts of high school, I had hope and excitement for the future. I recently started mentoring a new cancer survivor through one of the cancer organizations I work with who is struggling with the emotions of being a ‘survivor’. It’s a place hard to describe and probably similar to surviving a trauma of any kind including a sudden death of someone close. I told him you feel more, hurt more, love more, realize what’s most important, who’s most important, where you want to spend your time and with whom. The toxic things in your life are magnified and that includes people, jobs, habits, and all you want to do is be done with those and live. It’s a lot of stuff and of course you add to that the feeling that life is really fragile.

Are we too future focused? What about today and being grateful with now. When I was really young I wanted to be a teen, then as a teen, I wanted to be 21, and then at 21 I wanted to graduate college and be an adult who had a job that paid for the things I wanted. Well, here I am at 40+ wanting to go backward a little so I can enjoy life a little more in my youth. In my last pages of my high school journal I spoke of fear for the future along with anticipation of what the future holds, but maybe hoping the future would be so much better or more exciting than the present took some of the joy out of the now. Let’s not do that. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow brings. ‘You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.’~Henry David Thoreau

Today I wear Christopher Kane for Nars Lipgloss in Glow Pink because it’s beautiful. Cheers!

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The Dress

1 Feb

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I have this dress in my closet. It’s a deep emerald green so yes, a departure from my daily black and gray. I remember buying it off the clearance rack and wearing it a few times; every time I put it on I get lots of compliments so naturally I love it. Well, I haven’t worn it since 2001 and here it is still hanging in my closet waiting for the possibility of being worn again. I am one of the fortunate people who has been the same size since probably high school (minus the times I was pregnant). NO I am definitely NOT complaining but because of this I have a really hard time getting rid of clothes, especially dresses, work clothes, etc because they’re not worn as often and therefore stay ‘nice’ for a longer amount of time. I’d say 14 years of not wearing something should be enough time to decide I’m not going to wear it again?

Why do we hang on to things for so long? For some of us it’s a piece of clothing, for others a relationship, and for some a life long dream. I 2012-12-24 08.42.14believe there are certain things that we hold on to because maybe the memory of that ‘thing’ is actually greater than the thing or person itself, or maybe it’s a safe choice or a safe path, or maybe there’s just plain fear. There’s the other side of it too. Sometimes we hold on to pain, bitterness, resentment for the exact same reason; because we know it, understand it, it’s safe, there’s fear of what may be on the other side and maybe sometimes we don’t think we deserve anything different. Why the dress? It still fits and I think I may still wear it, but I honestly haven’t put it on in almost 14 years. So maybe some of that stuff is in my head. Today I put that dress along with many other ‘older’ items into a plastic bag to donate. Sometimes we have to let go of what’s past to create space for the future. What are some of the things you are holding on to? Tomorrow’s a new day, start cleaning your ‘closet’.

Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I wear Nars Audacious Lipstick in Audrey. I like just about every Nars lipstick formula but these ‘audacious’ lipsticks have both lots of color coupled with a light texture. I chose this color because it’s like red wine and it has my daughter’s name. Cheers!

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