30 Aug

I’m tired. I’m just going to ramble on about different things that have been bothering me so please bear with me. First, I still have not done any bloodwork to confirm or deny tumors…it’s been three weeks but my doctor is finally back from vacation so I will see him soon. Since my ultrasound a few weeks ago, I have had that underlying anger issue, remember (refer to ‘Angry’)?. I am a sales rep, have been for over 20 years. Sure it’s a fine career, but generally speaking, the customer is always first. So…when you are in a bad mood or an ‘angry’ mood, or if you have a bunch of personal issues going on…well, you still have to smile and be on your ‘A’ game…talk about a great paying acting gig, it’s exhausting. I thought I was done acting since switching my degree to science in college. What else…you know those relationships that you think may be solid then all of a sudden you feel a little pushback just when you think you may really need their friendship? yeah. Hmm, I am so busy with the three kids and the school year ramping up again it’s not even funny. One in elementary and one in Jr High and one technically starting high school, throw in there the beginnings of football for the youngest, travel basketball for the oldest, and dance for the middle, etc.., it’s hard to catch my breath. Oh yeah, that’s another thing, with allergy season and of course, all the issues with my neck, it’s hard to breathe. I saw my speech pathologist recently who told me that because of everything I have gone through, including the hemorrhage on my vocal cord which happened on our vacation last month, my remaining vocal cord is weak which explains my breathing and also my weaker voice. She gave me a couple different contraptions I can use in the car to help exercise and strenghthen that area…it’s exhausting.

Can I just sleep for awhile? The other thing is this, I want to still be active but my body does not match up to what my mind thinks it can do. Most of my life there has been at least one person telling me I couldn’t do something. You can’t do this or do that, you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, fast enough, tall enough…whatever. I have always looked at that as the ultimate challenge..PROOVE.THEM.WRONG. Well, surprise, I can’t run like the wind anymore, bike fast, dance like crazy, kickbox because my breathing will not let me and it’s irritating!! I am starting back up in ballet soon because it is the one type of dance I think I can control my breath in. I have also decided to try a few more 5K runs not because I’m stupid or crazy, but because I need to. I want to at least feel like I’m the boss of my body if even just a little bit, plus the wind on my face makes me feel free. Strange, huh? Hard to explain. That’s enough, I’m done. Now to focus on the peace that passes all understanding…Ahhh

Today’s lipstick is Lancome Rouge in Love lipstick in Fiery Attitude. Can you guess why I picked it? anyhow, it’s a beatiful wine color which would be great for fall. These lipsticks have ALOT of pigment and are fairly long lasting. The texture is super light on the lips but again since it’s longer lasting it’s a bit drying for me. Pretty anyway!

17 Responses to “Tired”

  1. Lisa@ParentsDesk (@Parentsdesk) August 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    There’s something about your headline and post that really resonates with me. Actually, it’s simple. I’m tired as well. The kind of tired that comes from having a 42nd birthday and wondering what it all means and the kind that comes with juggling too much between work and family. But I just wanted to respond to you- I hear you. I relate. I want to say I hope things get better and you have a little bit of rest.

    • Anna August 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

      Thank you Lisa, good to know I’m not the only one feeling slightly crazy. Maybe it’s the age (I’m turning 43) added to family and being a working mom?

  2. Jo Heroux August 30, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

    I empathize with your weariness. Being a working mom at back to school time and wondering about your health is a plate full with leftovers. Too much for one beautiful little mind and body to do.

    Anyone would be tired and angry and DONE by now.

    God isn’t too tired to help, but you know that. In my prayers as always.

    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

      Thank you Jo. Yes, working mom, back to school, etc…I know it will calm down soon. I’m almost too tired to even be angry anymore…sigh

  3. Jessie Williams August 30, 2012 at 6:02 pm #

    I’m sorry you are having a hard time with things. I just wanted to reply to you to let you know that you are not alone! I was recently diagnosed with Leukemia and a rare genetic blood disorder called “Atransferrinemia” So I can relate. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there.. Stay Strong!!

    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm #

      So sorry to hear Jessie! I hate being that rare case, I know you do too. I’ll be praying for you…you are not alone! Same to you…STAY STRONG!

  4. liz zarbaugh August 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

    So glad I read this post….I am praying for you right now. That’s a lot to deal with – and still be super mom and wife. I am thinking you can give yourself the right to be “tired”. Be ok with it – get all the rest you need – and then go do all those amazing things you want to do! I know for me a good night sleep (or many of them) makes a big difference. Give your stresses and anxiety to Him. He stays up all night. : )

    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

      Thank you so much Liz! I do need a good night’s sleep! Thanks for the prayers!

  5. Linda Bays Justice August 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    Honey, I’m tired too. But a different kind. Tired of fighting disability & being home. I’m not an at home type. Never have been. Tired of pain.
    But you need to vent & it is good for you. We’re going to make it.

    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

      Praying for you too Linda…it does get tiring doesn’t it? We are going to make it!

  6. Kathy August 31, 2012 at 5:18 am #

    It is no wonder you are tired and drained. Bless your heart. Peace will come.


    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

      Thanks Kathy, I know peace is just around the corner!

  7. drchoneydew August 31, 2012 at 7:41 am #

    I read one of our bloggers earlier…and wow i say this prayer now for YOU (the second stanza of the serenity prayer
    Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time;
    accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
    trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
    that I may be reasonably happy in this life
    and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
    and of course wearing a fiery attitude!!! 🙂 adore you sweet Anna…we’re all gonna MAKE IT!

    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

      Thank you Brenda for your support and for the prayer too! Trust!

  8. phoenixritu September 1, 2012 at 5:41 am #

    There is immense pressure on us to remain positive all the time, which is such a burden. It is okay to be tired, angry depressed and all that … it is really okay, its the way we cope with huge burdens.

    • Anna September 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm #

      Thank you and yes, it is hard to remain positive all the time. I think that’s why I’m so tired, but, all is well.

  9. Brenda Moguez (@BrendaMoguez) September 3, 2012 at 12:04 pm #

    Sometimes life just thunders down on us and for no particular reason we collapse under the weight. I was always one for kicking back, using every ounce of energy I had to fight it, but recently I’ve given into to letting my body have the downtime. If I am tired (and I get there) I read a book, write in a journal, watch a movie, sip a glass of wine, take a walk. I strive to respect what my mind and body are telling me ( but you know us gals, we’re not wired that way). Hang in there, Anna, give yourself time and space to catch up to your head.

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