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Angry

15 Aug

 

I recently read a post on cancer anger and loneliness written by someone who recently found out she was cancer free. I would reference her but I can’t seem to find the exact post I read. Anyhow, after reading about her current feelings it helped me sort out mine. Ever since the news from my ultrasound last week I have been trying to figure out how I feel (not to mention the fact that people close to me keep asking), and I haven’t been able to articulate exactly what I was feeling. I don’t think the news was terrible but I don’t think they were perfect either (perfect would’ve been ‘all clean, see you next year’). After reading her post, I knew what I felt. I am angry right now. Not crazy with anger, just resting in it. I’m angry about the news, the fact that I cannot seem to move forward, away from the cancer path of my life journey, the fact that I am always trying to overcome the changes in my body. If you’ve seen the movie Enchanted there is a scene where Giselle is trying to articulate to Robert how she is feeling,she gets all flustered and blurts out, ‘Angry…I feel so angry!’ but then she starts laughing. I believe she laughed because it was so freeing for her to feel it and say it. Well, here I am. I’m angry…so angry. It’s ok, I’m dealing with it and still functioning like a normal person, all with a smile on my face; and I know I will get over it. However this turns out, I know I will  go through a plethora of feelings but this seems new to me. I don’t think I allowed myself to get mad before, or maybe I just didn’t have the time between the surgeries, treatment, and the cancer coming back. For now, I rest easy in ‘angry’ mode and I know it’s probably normal…just don’t make me mad..just kidding.

Today I wear Tarte Glamazon Pure Performance Lipstick in Fierce. Remember, Tarte lipsticks are all natural so this contains amazonian clay and shea butter which help keeps this long lasting lipstick moist on your lips. I chose Fierce because it’s red and I’m feeling the name right now…watch out!

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6 Responses to “Angry”

  1. Kat August 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    Anna, you have every right to be angry…furious even. Just know you have a lot of us angry for you and praying for you. ((Hugs))

    • Anna August 15, 2012 at 8:39 pm #

      Thanks Kat!

  2. Jo August 17, 2012 at 1:09 am #

    All I can say is if anyone ever had a ‘right’ to feel anger, well, baby you do. I think it is true sometimes we are too busy to get to anger. This time, you were looking for, expecting even, the all clear sign and to not get it after all you have been through…that sure does create anger and the fact that you always have to wait for this and wait for that…I know I would be screaming, “I’m not waiting! Something is in there? Get it out! Make me well and I’m NOT waiting!” But ya know, that’s me. Slightly impatient.

    Big hugs, lots of prayers and good thoughts and whatever else ya need, just ask. ♥

    • Anna August 17, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

      Thank you Jo. I am REALLY impatient these days. In fact, I kinda lost it at the CVS pharmacy this morning. I hate when they say they have something and give you a pick up time, then later when you pick it up they say, ‘oops, we didn’t have it but we ordered it for tomorrow!’ Remember at the end of my blog I said, watch out, don’t make me mad? Well, they did.

  3. Leigh Young. August 18, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    I’m glad to see there is “fight” in you. It’s a good thing. Keeps us moving forward even if we have to “hit the ball, drag the people around us – hit the ball, drag the people around us”. Nice job.

    • Anna August 21, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

      Thanks Leigh

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