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My Heavy Heart

2 Feb

survivor

What a week! This past week I was out of town for an important meeting with my new company. It was both exciting, because of some new things we are doing, and stressful, because we were also being tested on new information. All in all, it was fun because the company is small and I was able to spend time with some great people from across the country. This week I also found out that one of my former colleagues was tragically killed in a car accident leaving a wife and four young children. I was not close to him but remember having a few conversations at corporate functions. Just the thought of him leaving for work in the morning and not coming home puts a knot in my stomach and it is once again the reminder of the brevity of life.

Anyhow, this week I got the news I was waiting for. On Tuesday while I was sitting in one of the general sessions of my meeting I received a call from my doctor, the results of my blood-work were in. So here is what I was thinking leading up to this, it’s been over two years, a few scares along the way, but if this blood-work was clean I was going to be able to finally start breathing a little easier about the cancer coming back. It would be the longest time between cancer ever coming back and in my head I would’ve been ‘semi’ home free. Unfortunately the news was not what I wanted to hear. My number was outside or above normal which indicates cancer somewhere in my body. Not exactly the news I was expecting. There are many questions and unfortunately no answers. My doctor said that since the test is so new and the patients that need it are so rare, he is not aware of any possible variables in the number. So what’s next?  PET scan and ultrasound to determine if, what, and where. Another obstacle to getting more answers, since changing jobs, I have new insurance and right now my new insurance may not cover those tests until May because of a pre-existing clause. So, all of this during a very important company meeting…it was too much. Fortunately, because I am an actor, I kept my game on and did extremely well at the meeting and the testing despite the fact that since receiving the news on Tuesday I slept very little and was trying to keep tears at bay, talk about extreme emotions.

For today my heart feels a little heavier and my head is swimming but I am still trusting in God’s plan. Today I wear Laura Mercier Lip Glacé in Brownberry. I love these glosses because they are not too sheer, moisturizing, and feel great on the lips; they also have a vanilla smell. I chose this color because it gives me a perfect natural color for everyday. It’s got a hint of berry but is still natural. For now my journey continues, not yet fully confident but still with that hint of hope. To be continued…..

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16 Responses to “My Heavy Heart”

  1. Jo Heroux February 2, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

    Prayers and hugs my friend. If there was more I could offer, know that I would. You’ll be on my mind and in my heart and prayers. Waiting to hear your news.

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

      Thanks for all your prayers and support Jo! One day at a time…

  2. Bob Janke February 2, 2013 at 5:30 pm #

    I understand the heavy heart. CT & PET scans show that my cancer is gone, but my bloodwork shows increasingly higher levels (Thyrogen) indicating cancer. So I we just go day by day and be thankful for every day we wake up and can function somewhat normally. Still trying to pinpoint what is causing the swelling/infection that has me back in the trach tube/feeding tube situation again. May have a better handle on that. Hang in there and keep the faith.

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

      Bob, isn’t it crazy? Could the swelling be scar tissue? That’s what they keep telling me? Anyhow, I’ll be praying for you too, thankful for everyday!

  3. angie February 2, 2013 at 8:41 pm #

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, i know that god will be with you every step of the way no matter the results. much love and hugs

  4. Kim DiCamillo February 2, 2013 at 8:50 pm #

    I know we just met a few months ago, but you are now part of the Chicago 7 (LOL), and a friend for life. I so wanted your news to be positive on Tuesday as we sat at the general session. I wanted to text you from across the room and tell you the tests results would be fine. But unfortunately, with cancer, things are often uncertain. You are an amazing actor and I know you had your game face on the rest of the week. Cancer unfortunately is way to familiar to me, my family and friends. It is a tough road for all those it touches. The one thing cancer does is prove the strength and beauty of the people it unfortunately comes and touches. You, my new friend, are beyond amazing. You made me laugh in Chicago and did the same in Virginia. The others from our group, feel exactly the same. You have touched us all with your strength, laughter, and amazing personality. You don’t always have to be strong. Know that you have many people who want to help lighten your way on this journey you are on. I am here for you whenever you need to just be you. Even the stongest person, needs to rest and lean on others at times. And by the way, the lipstick I am wearing today is Plum-tastic by Maybelline. It was something I bought at Target one day and is usually at the bottom of my purse. It is a perfect fix for the mom on the run with no time for herself. It is great because if you loose it, you don’t mind, because it was cheap. Joking aside, my thoughts and prayers are with you always. Thank you for sharing your laughter and humor with me. You have brightened my life and I am grateful for that.

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

      Kim, you’re the best! Love the Chicago 7, glad that you were all there with me last week!

  5. angeg2003 February 2, 2013 at 9:04 pm #

    Anna , my prayers are with you as always, I pray that the lord will follow you and hold you no matter what my come to pass with this next round of tests. I am here for you if you ever need another ear Peace be with you . much love and hugs

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 9:59 pm #

      Thank you so much!

  6. Leslie February 2, 2013 at 10:24 pm #

    Anna……I am so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your former colleague and also sorry to hear about the results of your tests. I do that know that if anybody can pull through this, it is you! You are such a brave, strong woman! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! I am also praying that your new insurance covers your testing! LITB.

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

      Thank you Leslie! Sounds like you’ve been through quite a bit lately too, praying for you as well!

  7. Carole Pryzby February 3, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

    Dear Anna, I was really sad to read your last post. Though we’ve never met, I feel a bond with you, not only because of the thyca, but because we both have Gwynne as a mutual, supportive friend. I was also a winner of your book and lipstick set, both of which I love. I will not say I understand what you are going through, no one can, but I will tell you that I am dealing with a similar situation. I had a PET scan last week that showed a “hot” lymph node and labs with rising TG. All this after my ultrasound and WBS had appeared “clear” just the week before. Let’s be prayer partners! May God bless you with good treatment and good news!

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

      Hi Carole! Will definitely be praying for you too! Glad you were a winner of the book and lipstick!

  8. Brigid February 4, 2013 at 10:36 pm #

    Anna, my heart & prayers go out to you. I think of you so often as I take my synthroid in the morning I think of how lucky I am. As so often is said about you, your strength and beauty shine through your posts and brighten the lives of all who know you.

    • Anna February 5, 2013 at 9:57 pm #

      Thank you Brigid! Miss you!

  9. Gwynne Bambach February 7, 2013 at 2:21 pm #

    Hi Anna, I’m very sorry to hear that your test results showed signs of cancer somewhere and that your fight must continue. I’m praying for God to answer all of our prayers and heal your physical body while comforting your generous beautiful spirit.
    P.S I know you have access to a lot of great resources, but just FYI the Thyca.org site now has links to webinars on various topics.

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