The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me. From my last post you even read about how I thought I was losing my smile. With all the cancer stuff swirling in my head, I ended up extremely sad and I couldn’t seem to snap out of it. Anytime I would talk to someone and they would simply ask how I was doing I would start getting weepy. I didn’t feel like doing anything, it’s hard to describe, just overwhelming sadness. I had a couple friends ask why I wasn’t more angry or maybe even angry at God. Why get angry at God when He is the One carrying me through? I read somewhere that He either brings it or allows it for a greater purpose. Well, I’m waiting to see if that purpose is revealed soon or if I’m already serving my purpose by sharing my story? Who knows, but I can’t get angry because everyone is dealing with something in their lives trying to tear them down, right? I just wanted out of my pity party; my sad, teary, bursting into tears at any given moment mood.
Over the weekend something clicked in my head and I was done. Yes, there are still some underlying waves of sadness, but I feel my strength (or will) to move forward, to fight once again. Part of it was being tired of being sad and tired, another part was truly handing my heart and life to God and trusting His plan, and the last part was listening to some really great music. You know from reading my blog that I LOVE music and that words, tunes, and voices actually affect my heart. Well, over the weekend I played the piano and listened to some great songs that just lifted my spirit enough to push me. Songs like You Are For Me by Kari Jobe, Carry On by Fun, and Girl On Fire but Alicia Keys (I like a wide variety of music). I am a total believer in music therapy and honestly, the music helped me. A friend also reminded me that it was ok to cry, to feel weak. I have always tried to maintain an even mood and a positive attitude over this 5 year struggle, but I was just tired. So, I allowed myself to cry…a lot, and now I’m back…this girl is on fire! If you are feeling troubled or overwhelmed I encourage you to take the risk and tell someone. We are made for community; reach out, listen, make people laugh, and don’t judge. What may not mean much to you may mean the world to someone else. Take the time to be there. I am so thankful to those who reached out and continue to listen, to cry, and make me laugh.
Today I wear Givenchy Le Rouge lipstick in Carmen Escarpin…who could resist that fun name? It is a coral/red which is a hot pop of color for spring. This formula is described as semi-matte which I try to stay away from because of my dry lips, but it actually feels creamy and it is longer lasting. Until next time…Cheers!
Anna's Lipstick Journey 
Just want to remind you that I adore you. I understand you. I admire your strength,your honesty and your faith. What God brings to you,God will take you through.
It is always His plan, His time.
Thank you Jo…love you too!
A friend of mine passed about 3 months before we started radiation. He told me, about the time that I had my tracheostomy and was getting ready for the high beam burn about what he had gone through in chemo upstairs. Here he is, a grown man feeling sorry for himself, until he goes to leave treatment one day and sees the “little chairs” across the hall for the kids. I haven’t worried about my own mortality since I found myself back in my younger days after Vietnam and the other SE Asian days. But when I think that I have such a difficult time with what life is handing me, I have learned to forget aboutmyself and think of what I need to to do to make this a safer, loving place, by whatever means is just, for the kids. I won’t elaborate anymore – you know!
Love ya’
Bob
Thanks Bob! I know you know how it feels. We definite have a different perspective huh? Praying you’re doing well!
Love and Blessings,
Anna
Your words always strike a chord with me, Anna. Though we have never met, I feel we are kindred spirits, walking down similar paths. My recent thyca news has also been unsettling, and I have been feeling sad and afraid of the unknown future. I am so grateful to you for sharing story. Your words always resonate with me. Thank you for reminding me to keep on handing my heart and life to God and to trust His plan. God bless! ❤
I’m glad we can communicate and support each other through social media! I will be praying for you on your journey too!
Love you much, sweet girl. BTW…..Have I told you you’re one of my heroes? Well, you are.
Thank you so much Pat, I’m humbled