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I’m No Popeye

18 Aug

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Does everyone know who Popeye the sailor man is, or am I that old already?  Anyhow, the gist is this, he was a small statured sailor who, when strength was necessary, would eat a can of spinach then BOOM, killer biceps and all the strength he needed to conquer his obstacle. Favorite phrase, ‘I am what I am.’ If it were only that easy. When I was battling cancer over and over people were commenting on how strong and how brave I was, especially when it kept coming back. Like I’ve said before, what were my other choices? Hide under the covers in bed? No thank you. Right now, to be completely transparent, I am currently going through a difficult personal situation which I’ve shared with only a few people and again, I am hearing the word strength being thrown around. Here’s the thing, being strong is exhausting and I don’t have a magical can of spinach to help me get through, wish I did. So here I am, tired. Tired of continually moving forward, tired of being strong, just worn out. There’s a song that I keep listening to and I feel the words (since I’m such a music lover, I can always find a song). It’s called Worn by Tenth Ave North, Here’s the other thing, remember that triathlon I was a part of in June? True confessions…I just recently got my sneakers back out and I have to say, it felt pretty good to be active again. Another thing weighing on my mind is next month I will be going through all my testing again. I don’t want to. I always have a little anxiety when it’s time for cancer check up because on average the news has been more bad than good. This is my first time going 6 months in between checks and it was a nice break. So, because of everything else going on, I don’t want to know, like I said, I’m already exhausted. So what’s left….the things I do know. Although I don’t have magic spinach, I have friends and family that love me and continue to support and encourage me, and I have a loving God who is bigger than any trouble or trial; that is more than enough. For today, I am going to stay in ‘suspend’, not focused on my testing, or moving forward, just staying still (except for when I put my sneakers back on later to work out again). Sorry for being a downer. Be still, and know that I am God-Ps 46:10

Today I wear Chantecaille Lip Chic lipstick in Heirloom. I LOVE LOVE LOVE these lipsticks. They have great color and are super moisturizing. The texture is fantastic! I am slowly transtioning from the summer glosses and shades to yes, fall. I chose Heirloom mainly because of the color. It is a berry/plum color which is right on target for fall, an even deeper shade that I love is Calla Lilly. Generally, you can’t go wrong with these. Try them out, Cheers!

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5 Responses to “I’m No Popeye”

  1. Grace August 18, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

    THANK YOU for that amazing song! How beautifully honest – and I’m not just talking about Tenth Ave North! 🙂 While strength often connotes “doing”, we are human BEINGS. May you find rest in the knowledge that “being” still brings. “… and having done everything, to stand (or sit) firm.” Eph.6:15 Love and prayers, dear friend.

    • Anna August 18, 2013 at 11:23 pm #

      Thank you Grace!

  2. Bob Janke August 19, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    Still is good. Actually, it is great. When it gets tough (and this week was a bad one health-wise) I go out to the gazebo, turn on some chants to help me meditate, slow up my breathing and guess what – pain and worries start to leave. Courage is actually fighting to keep from suffering or dying. Judy says that I spent way too much time in SE Asia in my younger days and am going toward total Buddhism. But she also sees it as a good thing (maybe not going native Hmong). So take it from an old hand who was a scared young man, but knew what he had to do to stay with the living – the term is used way too loosely, and most of those who use it have never had to face the things that we have. You do what you have to not because you are brave, but rather because it is the only reasonable way out. Love Ya’

    • Anna August 21, 2013 at 11:35 am #

      Thank you Bob. You are always on my heart and mind and I pray you are doing well. Hopefully this week is better for you. I, like you, crave peace…must be a cancer thing. I think instead of calling us survivors, we should be called surviving. Gonna send you an email soon cuz I have a question for you. Luv ya!

  3. diana August 19, 2013 at 8:56 pm #

    It is ok to say I’m exhausted, because we have a God that says. “Come unto me and I will give you rest” it is ok to say I’m tired and I don’t Want to be strong because I have a God that says “when you are weak then I am strong for you”. You said “be still and know that I am God”. How true sometimes we are to just listen. As much as you are loved God loves You more. It will be ok rest dear one.

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