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Tag Archives: india

Fragile

28 Feb

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A week ago I was in India for a mission trip. I am still jet lagged, feeling blessed and grateful, while broken-hearted, but I had to get back on a plane and travel for a work meeting for my company and am here now, corporate America, the polar opposite of where I just came from. I am still processing last week while trying to get through this week and all I can say is I feel extremely fragile, like the thinnest piece of glass that could  break with just the slightest touch. My emotions are riding so close to the surface it’s crazy.

Let me start by saying that my journey back to India started a few weeks beforehand when I sent out letters for monetary and prayer support. The money trickled in for both me and my daughter but quickly came to a dead end so I decided a private Facebook post would be a last ditch effort to raise money. Backing up some more I was praying for a stable scan (or even healing) so I would be able to go in the first place which thank God, my scan was stable. One week before the trip I img_1502got an evening text from an old coworker and friend which opened with,’You will go to India…’. What followed was an incredible monetary contribution which brought me to me knees in gratitude and I couldn’t stop the tears (thank you BAS). Within the next couple days the donations were enough to cover me and most of Audrey and where they came from stunned me and filled my heart with love and gratitude.

What can I say about being in India? It’s difficult to articulate; almost 200 kids filled with joy. They have no cell phones, no television, no video games, and basically none of the luxuries the kids in suburban America have but they were all smiles, all laughter. Then there was the Agape Home for the elderly. This one was/is hard for me. These people have been through life, worked hard for their family, yet they find themselves here. Many abandoned by their family because they could no longer provide or work and they were just another mouth to feed in a country filled with poverty. Looking in their eyes was heartbreaking yet they were being loved and cared for and they had each other; simple joy. We played, prayed, and loved them and the kids for a week and they gave us joy, longing, and love back. The goodbye was tough and when they raised their hands to pray for us I broke. They have so little but they still have faith, joy, and love and as they prayed I looked at their faces and wondered why we complicate life so much.img_1677img_1587

On the plane ride home I watched a beautiful documentary called Human which can be found on YouTube. I recommend it to everyone. After watching I cried more and was overwhelmed with the beauty of people and their stories. The filmmaker asks the same questions to people from around the world from a remote African tribe to the US and he ‘confronts the realities and diversity of human conditions.’ Once again my heart broke and I came home desperate to figure out a way to somehow help the world.

So here I am. In my room after a day long meeting in a nice hotel still processing my trip; the poverty, the simplicity, and wanting to save the world but add to all of this…I have cancer. I can barely take it. Did I mention my daughter who is graduating high school soon was able to come with me to India? Oh my heart and for the who-knows-how-many-times since I found out my cancer is back, I am mad and sad and frustrated that right this minute, I. Have. Cancer. Life is fragile and fleeting. My emotions will adjust themselves and I’ll be ok. How can we love the world more? How can I make a change? How can we BE the change? Love God, love others with however much time you have.

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.’~Mother Teresa

’We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop’~Mother Teresa

No lipstick today, don’t feel like it…cheers 🙂

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India

4 Mar

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India. I wasn’t really sure what to expect but what I found was love and joy. The universal language of love, touch, of being held, and the simple pleasures like skipping rope, playing catch, and red nail polish kept smiles on all the beautiful faces. How do you reconcile your life when you come back? The simplicity of living with only your basic needs being met and of a life trusting God to provide. What is this kind of trust; a faith that releases you from fear and brings you freedom to live with joy in the simple?

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How do you process a return to your ‘normal’? A life made complicated by financial responsibility, being over scheduled, mortgage. How do you return to simplicity? We all have the same basic needs right? Food, shelter, and also the need to feel like we matter, the need to feel loved unconditionally, to be touched and held; add the very human longing for a life of joy and peace. The conflict in today’s ‘first world’ society tosses between wanting to save the world by service and agenda and also trying to ‘have it your way.’ It can’t be both. We must first lose ourselves before giving ourselves away. Serving others, meaning even just the basics of loving them, hugging them, looking in their eyes, washing their feet…their joy and gratefulness, brings you joy and gratefulness and hope. It’s a start. india-feet

 

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