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Waiting

7 Feb

It’s been an emotional week for me so far. Superbowl Sunday brought a mix of emotions because it was four years ago when the Giants played the Patriots in the Superbowl. How do I know that you may ask, well, four years ago is when this cancer journey began. I remember finding out I had cancer in the beginning of January and scheduling my surgery as soon as possible, January 31, 2008. I remember that year, my husband’s fantasy football quarterback was Tom Brady. I also remember the argument we had two weeks before the Superbowl because one of his good friends called and said he had an extra ticket for the game and was asking my husband to go. Yes, of course he wanted to go, but I reminded him that my surgery was the same weekend. Hubby says, ‘once in a lifetime’, I reply, yes, hopefully for me too (I was a little upset he was even thinking about going). Well, he didn’t go and the Giants won then too. Superbowl Sunday 2008 I was in a hospital room. Just the day before, my doctor told me my singing was over and my prognosis was bad because my nerve was cut leaving my vocal cord paralyzed and the cancer was everywhere. Lots to think about.

This year, again, Giants vs Patriots, Giants win…deja vu. Today, I’m waiting. I have had very few clean scans and tests since then and now I am waiting for the results of the latest test. It’s an experimental blood test which my doctor says may be able to detect cancer instead of another PET scan for me (I’m maxed out on radiation, so the less I get the better). Unfortunately since it’s not a test usually done, the results take a little longer (he told me 2-3 weeks). I have been patiently waiting now for 2 and a half weeks but my patience is wearing thin. Sometimes I feel as if the past few years have been a waiting game; waiting for treatment, waiting for the next test, waiting for the results. Crazy, upsetting, unsettling, depressing, you name it. The bottom line is this, I am not in control of the situation. I have to release my fears and anxieties and just live…a message I have to tell myself DAILY, EVERY MINUTE. It’s hard, but we have to live right? Live your life

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.- Corrie Ten Boom

Today I wear Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter in Red Velvet (no link, you can get it at the drugstore). It’s amazingly moisturizing and has lots of color. RED-LIVE LIFE NOW

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22 Responses to “Waiting”

  1. Jo February 7, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

    First you know my prayers are with you during this waiting game. Second, I love that quote about worry. Third, ♥ and (((hugs))) to you who always have so much support for others. Here is mine for you now. Praying for negatives all the way around on the tests.

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 7:25 am #

      Thank you for your support and prayers Jo! Unexpected friends through GBE2. How awesome is that!

  2. americanwoman February 8, 2012 at 6:53 am #

    Psalm 29:11 – The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.
    Praying with you and your family. Thanks for sharing.

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 7:25 am #

      Thank you Bev!

  3. Maria (Merty) February 8, 2012 at 9:43 am #

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Great post – honest and open. Thank you.

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 10:32 am #

      Thank you Merty! Prayers definitely appreciated!

  4. Beth February 8, 2012 at 10:45 am #

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. And I’ll never think of the Superbowl in the same way again.

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

      Thank you Beth. Isn’t it funny that sometimes we mark events by using current events? Yup, the Superbowl is a landmark for me!

  5. Cyndy February 8, 2012 at 10:57 am #

    I am sorry that you have to play this “waiting” game AGAIN! So not fair….. I guess life is more like two paths running along side each other instead of the hills and valleys we usually compare it too….. this one path is ugly and scary… the other, beautiful and full… full of family, support, love ,friends, joys of your children… my prayer is that for a time you will enjoy both paths converging into one peaceful one… and most hopefully… for a lifetime.xoxoxox

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

      Yes Cyndy, same song and dance. You are like a poet, hopefully the paths do converge SOON!

  6. Callie February 8, 2012 at 6:26 pm #

    I love you, Anna. Think and pray for you often.

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 8:57 pm #

      Thank you Callie! Love and prayers to you too. I know your hands are full, so happy you got to go on a mini-vaca!

  7. Brenda February 8, 2012 at 10:08 pm #

    I have never been much of a praying sort, but I am sending out positive thoughts to the universe and thinking only good things for you.

    • Anna February 8, 2012 at 10:42 pm #

      Thank you Brenda…I’ll take it!

  8. danneromero February 10, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    so true you have to tell yourself to just live, yet so hard to actually do. i hope every day has special moments for you.. moments that make you smile, and laugh. or make you sigh at something discovered. something beautiful.

    • Anna February 10, 2012 at 3:27 pm #

      Thank you! Always seeking out the magic!

  9. Kathy February 11, 2012 at 10:35 am #

    It is something how we attach memories to certain things and events. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope they will give you strength and some form of comfort. You have every reason to be upset! Cancer is upsetting for anyone. May God bless you through all this.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

    • Anna February 11, 2012 at 11:02 am #

      Thank you Kathy!

  10. drchoneydew February 11, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    you know..we are all on this journey and all are terminal…and yet..not all can wear the lipstick with a smile

    Amazing Grace ((hugs))

    • Anna February 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm #

      So true! No one beats death. Might as well wear the red lipstick! Thanks Brenda

  11. Joyce February 11, 2012 at 10:29 pm #

    I hope your wait brings good news.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2012/02/silly-sunday-school-answering-machine.html

    • Anna February 12, 2012 at 8:43 am #

      Thank you Joyce, me too!

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