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See ya! Wait, don’t leave!

12 Dec

meandaj

I think the most difficult time in raising children is the teen years.When they’re young they need you. They eat what you prepare, they do what you tell them (for the most part), they are like sponges constantly learning and they have that childhood joy. Slowly (or rather quickly), they get AJbabesolder, start to get more self-sufficient, start to become more influenced by friends and media, then of course, start to talk back. Why is it that the most difficult time for raising a child happens at the exact time they are about to leave home?

I have an 18 year old senior boy. I specify boy because I think there is a huge difference between raising boys and girls. Anyhow, I am trying to navigate through a multitude of feelings and every day brings something different. There are times I count the days until he leaves for college and AJgoofthere are others when I want to never let him go. He pretends to be fiercely independent but then will ask for something simple or say something which points to the fact that he is still young, a child. I think it’s more difficult with boys because somewhere around the age of 12/13 they start talking with one word answers while girls get more emotional but don’t really stop talking/yelling/whining and still communicating with you. I was told a long time ago that when boys leave home conversations become scarce until they find a wife or serious girlfriend who then becomes the central communicator between mom and son again.

AJ 3.5My son’s been receiving college acceptance letters. When he got his first acceptance letter I was so happy for him but my heart dropped because reality showed itself. He is a young adult. He can vote, check into a hotel, maybe rent a car, he’s had a job for a couple years now, etc. yet in this last year he is home I want to hug him more, have him around me more, and kind of spoil him because it has gone way too fast. My first baby who was born 5 weeks early with giant eyes and the longest eyelashes is going to be my first to go. How can I be joyful and heartbroken at the same time?

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.~K.Gibran

I know my children are a gift from God and they belong to Him who created them. I am grateful.

Today I wear Bite Beauty Mix and Mingle lipstick in Holly/Tannin. I got one of these for Christmas last year as a gift and they are great. LOTS of color! I chose this because it’s double ended, two different colors for my two different moods; Holly, bright red for joy and Tannin, a deeper red for sadness. I know, I know, millions of parents have been through this, it’ll all be fine. Give your kids extra hugs and make good memories! Cheers!!

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4 Responses to “See ya! Wait, don’t leave!”

  1. Jo Heroux December 12, 2015 at 4:26 pm #

    Amen. Gleeful and simultaneously grief stricken. My babies are mid-forties and I still long for their closeness. I miss them in my everyday life. I miss the daily sound of their voices in my house, which I once wished could be silenced for a while. It’s been far too long now.
    However, let me remind you that this breaking away will create new treasures in your life and in his. You will each long for each other and celebrate the change. Seeing your child live as an adult reinforces all those years of parenting. It really does. With an empty house comes a full life, eventually. Deep breath, let him go, know you’ve done well.

    • Anna December 12, 2015 at 4:40 pm #

      Thanks Jo! And you’re right, we have a noisy house yet I know I’ll miss it when there’s silence. When exactly do you know when you’ve done a good job?

  2. Dawn Bird December 12, 2015 at 4:28 pm #

    Anna, thanks for sharing this. I keep telling myself that people do get through this but secretly still wonder if “I” will. Uugghh….feeling all of this more intensely this week in particular as you are. Sending love to you and a hug from one mother’s heart to another:)

    • Anna December 12, 2015 at 4:38 pm #

      Thank you Dawn! I know we all go through it and it’s sooo hard! Love and hugs to you…and you’re on number 3! I guess it doesn’t get easier

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