Tag Archives: friendship

Looking Ahead

11 Jun

This weeks topic for my blog group GBE2 is, ‘if I had my life to live over…’. Well,this one’s tough for me because I generally don’t like to look back, I like to move forward with no regrets. Every day we are faced with decisions to make from the simple things like what to have for breakfast to the major things like, should I take that job. Sometimes we make quick decisions without thinking through all the consequences. From my examples, if I eat brownies for breakfast (which I have done before), it could be a downward spiral to terrible eating for weeks or at least a high sugar day leading to a serious crash at night. In terms of career,well, sometimes something sounds great but we don’t weigh how a certain job may affect our quality of life, insurance, etc. There are so many decisions to make on a constant basis.

In terms of the original question, I can’t really answer. I feel I am accountable for my decisions whether I feel I’ve made a mistake or not, and I have to follow through without looking back. I don’t believe in entertaining ‘what ifs’ because that would make me crazy. I choose to look forward, cancer was a wake up call to live today and not look back. Looking forward I want to love more (even though it makes me more vulnerable), I want to stress less, I want to laugh…ALOT, and I want to wake up each morning with a grateful heart and the breathless anticipation that something awesome can happen that day, even if I have to initiate it.

Today I wear Buxom Big and HealthyLip Cream in Berry Blast. First of all, I LOVE all the Buxom lipglosses. The colors are beautiful and they add a slight tingle to your lips when you put them on. These Lip Creams have a sheer wash of color and are not sticky at all, also, the creams have no sparkles or shimmer, they just hve that ‘glossy’ look. Berry Blast looks like a hot ping fuschia in the tube but it is a perfect color for summer; It adds a sheer pop of pink to your lips. I chose Berry Blast because that’s how I want everyday to be…a blast!

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Laughing still…

7 Jun

As a college freshman my roomate asked me to color and highlight her hair. Here’s the deal, I am TERRIBLE at any type of hairstyling. I couldn’t pull off my hair curled under when the ‘Dorothy Hamill’ was in, I couldn’t do the ‘Farrah Faucett’ feathered look, I couldn’t even get my bangs to stand up when that was in. I was so thankful when perms were in in the late 80’s because I of course was in line to get one. I finally had big hair that I didn’t have to mess with. Anyhow, I told her to ask someone else. I distinctly remember her saying, “It’s easy…I don’t care if it’s a little uneven because highlights should be scattered anyhow.” OK. I put the gloves on and got to work. About an hour later when her hair was dry and styled, the front looked awesome if I have to say so myself, but when she turned around…oops. The back of her hair was blond and highlighted to about the middle of her head, the rest, well, a bit darker with no highlights. When she grabbed the mirror and looked, she laughed and said, ‘cool.’ I was off the hook.

Now that I’m older and have a few strands of gray, I have started coloring my hair but only once or twice a year by a professional. I have long hair which is black/brown and pretty simple. Well, something possessed me as I was at Target and I thought to myself, ‘How hard can it be?’ Why pay $50 when I can buy a box for $6, it’s not like I get highlights or anything complicated, just one color. Now, I know millions of women do this all the time, but take into account my hair history. So, I bought what I thought was a black/brown (what happened to the fake hair pieces they used to have hanging as samples?) and last night at about 10:30, I started. It was a comedy of errors. Remember, I have long hair, so when I was done with the top and sides I couldn’t see the back so I just reached. It was a TOTAL mess. I reached for a clip to keep my top hair out of the way and got dye on my sink and toothbrush, the color container fell into the sink after jugglng it with the plastic gloves and slipping, color was dripping down my forehead as I bent forward trying to get to the bottom of the back of my head. Then, when I went to rinse in my kids’ bathtub (they have a removable shower head), I sprayed myself in the face when I was trying to rinse the front. After I was done rinsing I stood up and looked at the mirror behind me and had to laugh. Apparently the water I sprayed in my face went past me and sprayed their mirror, counter, sinks, etc…water was everywhere and I looked ridiculous. I was by myself, wet from head to toe, hair, towels, and water everywhere. Thank goodness my husband was not home and the kids were asleep. I assessed the damage and could not stop laughing. Oh yeah, and the color I got was too dark,for those familiar with Elvira…yup.

Oh well, here’s the lesson, don’t take yourself too seriously. I laughed for a good 15 minutes at myself and it felt great. Sometimes we are not able to laugh at little mishaps and let things go. Those things not only drag you down for the moment but if you dwell, they will always drag you down. Laugh and learn, then move on.

Today I wear Chanel Rouge Allure Extrait De Gloss in Exces. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that right now for me, this is close to perfection. This gloss is shiny, moist, and long wearing. The colors are beautiful and although it’s a gloss, it has the perfect amount of color. The color I chose today is a sheer cherry red on my lips, I love it. Cheers!

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High School

5 Jun

My awesome son about to enter his high school years

Next week my oldest child finishes eighth grade, since our school district has junior high instead of middle school, his first year, or freshman year, of high school will be in the same building…7th-9th grade. I’m thankful because there’s a huge difference in my mind between 14 and 18 years of age. I can’t believe I am a parent of a high schooler because I feel like I was just there, sad thinking that we are on our last leg with him before he officially becomes an adult. I went to a huge high school graduating in a class of 700+ students in my grade alone. When I started high school I was super shy, smart, skinny and pimply. It’s funny because thinking back, one of my goals was to be asked to go to the Homecoming dances and prom, and one of my main focuses was hoping not only to make new friends, but to possibly have my first real boyfriend…scary yes,obviously my focus was on boys. I wonder what may be on my son’s mind, I’m sure it all academics and sports, not girls at all….

Anyhow, high school, my teachers, and the changes and challenges that happened there have helped mold me into the person I am today. I sang and played the piano in a talent show in 10th grade and that is when I met Mrs Christy who asked me to join the choir (I think to my mother’s dismay). My mom was purely focused on education and college and thought that music would distract me….well it did, but I still went on to college, career, etc… My decision to join the choir led me to some awesome friendships, to musicals, and helped me truly enjoy my high school experience. My science teacher Mrs Smith introduced me to the beauty of chemistry and physics which I still love too. I had my first true love during high school and my first heartbreak. I learned leadership skills as Vice President of Student Senate and got a varsity letter from playing on the tennis team. I was never the most popular or the most beautiful, but me and my big hair had a blast. I recently found my journal from my senior year (I’ve kept a journal since 4th grade). It was filled with stories and emotions, most of which I had forgotten. It made me laugh and cry and it also gave me more memories and insights into what my kids are about to experience. The world is a different place now so boy will I be praying! All I know is that I had great friends, not too many worries, and parents and teachers who believed in me and encouraged me; and yes, I had a prom date (even though my teacher set us up two weeks beforehand…long story for another day).

What more could we ask for, even today? We’re still the same right? We all need great friends who support us (refer to last posting), and bosses and managers who believe in us and encourage us. I will do my best for my kids as well as the people I encounter. There is enough negative in the world, have you watched the news lately? Let’s try to be the positive.

Today I choose Covergirl Continuous Color Lipstick in Iced Mauve. I chose Covergirl because it’s probably what I could afford in high school with my mall job salary(although I was not really allowed to wear make up except for shows). This color is a light pinky mauve with a little shimmer. I found a picture of my senior year spring break in San Diego with three of my friends. We were not really allowed to go to Daytona Beach where all the crazy high schoolers went, but we were able to stay with my cousin in SD for a week…ummm, we still had fun. Anyhow, this shade of lipstick reminded me of that because it looks to be the color we are all wearing in one of my pics (remember that time Melissa? Crazy). I do like Covergirl lipstick and this formula is very moisturizing. My only issue is that I  can’t really try before I buy so it ends up being a waste of money. To all the parents with future high schoolers…cheers and good luck!

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The Break Up

2 Jun

How do you break up with a friend? Sorry to start off as a downer, but it’s something I’ve been struggling with for awhile. There are several things that I have a difficult time tolerating post cancer. Things such as stressing over things you can’t change, complaining about things that cannot be changed (if there’s something you don’t like either walk away from it or try to be the change factor), people who’s glass is always half empty (pessimism really brings me down), judgement without knowledge,etc. Anyhow, I have been friends with someone for awhile now and for whatever reason our relationship has changed. I know relationships go through changes, but I can’t put a finger on when or how this one changed, but it is no longer something I want to be a part of. After years of get togethers we cannot seem to get past the surface level of conversation and our friendsip has become stressful. I feel as if it’s a competition and our meetings make me feel like she’s trying to somehow ‘one-up’ me, her tone a little condescending. I am to the point that I only ask her questions about herself and I barely share information about me (she doesn’t seem to notice). Well, life is short and I don’t want friendships to be stressful, it’s not a competition. Can you tell I’m struggling with this?

The other side of the story is this, she was a great friend, supported me through all of the cancer stuff, but now that I’m healthy again, well, things have changed. When I try to share something I’m struggling with or even something I’m excited about, she seems to blow it off and turn it into a conversation about how awesome she’s doing…what’s the point? Well, another thing on my mind is this, it is very difficult for a woman in her 40’s to make new friends because many women in this age group already have their core friendships. Not that I don’t have any other friends but it seems silly to drop one and look for another. I’m not looking for a replacement really, I’m just struggling with her. It’s too hard to be her friend…did I mention everything in her life is always perfect? Oh yes, never a problem with her, her kids, her marriage, etc,  in all the years I’ve known her…always 99.9% awesome, maybe that’s why it’s been hard getting under surface level.

Oh well, I just wanted to vent and ask for advice today. Obviously this weighs heavy on my heart. Do I just ignore the invitations, text messages, etc? There are complicating factors to that but I can’t get into it. No worries, she doesn’t read my blog, too busy.

For today I use Dior Addict Lip Glow. This is by far one of my most favorite lip balms. It moisturizes and brings out the natural color of your lips, it’s awesome. I chose it because I believe that friendship should be similar,sheer enough to reveal the real you, but a good friend brings out your natural ‘colors’ and make them shine.

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Impact

30 May

“Moments of impact…these moments of impact define who we are. Each one of us is the sum total of every moment we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known and it’s these moments that become our history. Our own personal greatist hits of memories that we play and replay in our lives over and over again.” From the movie The Vow

I watched the movie The Vow the other day, total chick flick by the way, and this was one of the quotes. After the main character said it (which is pretty much in the beginning of the movie), it made me think of all the people in my life and all those moments of impact, good and bad. It is a greatest hits list because it has somewhat made me who I am today. There was the high school teacher who made me love chemistry, the other high school teacher that told me I was a great singer and supported and encouraged me throughout high school and even beyond. My first boss out of college who not only told me I was smart but also said I was classy and that was why he hired me (I was 21 for goodness sakes but then I had to continually live up to that). More recently with cancer over the years, my last surgeon at U of M who said ,’We’re going to take care of this once and for all.’ My voice team who never stopped believing in me, who never stopped calling me a singer and who pushed me and gave me confidence to even try to continue singing, and of course all the people praying and supporting me through the most difficult of times. All the stories I was told and e-mailed from others, so many moments of impact in my life, so many greatest hits.

I think we often wonder who we really are, who our true self is. What is at our core? Are we the same person on the outside as we think we are on the inside? I have always been secretly stubborn. If someone told me I probably couldn’t do something, my mission was to prove them wrong, now I know my limitations. To some extent we are molded by what people think of us, say to us, expect from us. We are also molded by all of those experiences and how we react to them. What I know is that no one can write our book for us, every day is a blank page ready to be written. I want to be myself in and out, authentic. I want more moments of impact but I also want to provide moments of impact for others. Dont you? How? Be encouraging, be loving, be honest and say what’s in your heart, live open-handedly….it comes back ten fold.

Today I wear YSL Rouge Pur in #9, Rouge Laque. First, I have to say that I hate lipsticks that have a number as it’s primary name. Part of the fun for me is the lipstick color names, oh well. These particular YSL formulations are quite revolutionary. They’ve been written up in all the magazines so of course I had to try. They are a stain that shines like a gloss. Most long lasting stains dry out my lips, this is not much different. What I love is the color and shine which are both extremely intense but since it’s generally drying on me, I found that if I put balm on first, the color still lasts, or, if I wear it over a lipstick, that works too. Overall, it’s GORGEOUS. I chose #9 because it of course is red. Live life, make an impact!

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Dreams

22 May

‘Sometimes the life God dreams for us take a lifetime to come to pass. Great lives that are born out of great dreams often come through great sacrifice and great suffering. Our dreams, the ones God places inside us, are a foretaste of our destiny. ‘ from the book Wide Awake by Erwin McManus

I’ve been reading this book a little at a time and this phrase is pretty much in the beginning. When I first read it it made me both happy and sad. For as long as I can remember, my dream has always been to sing on a stage. Not for fame and fortune in the pop world like Whitney or Madonna, but more just because I love it. I love the stage and ever since watching Annie back in 1978, that has been my dream and my passion. Fortunately for many years I was able to do this, in high school, college, church, radio, and even once on a Broadway stage…singing for me was like breathing, it came so easy.

I have always loved music. Unfortunately, cancer has tried to take my voice away. After my first surgery my right vocal cord was paralyzed and I lost my voice completely for a period of time. I had a good friend come over after I came home from the hospital. She was crying when she asked, “Why would God who gave you the gift of song, allow cancer to take it away?” Back then I didn’t think of it that way, I was just concentrating on living (since I was given a bad prognosis at the time). As months passed though, I definitely did grieve but I knew there had to be a better and bigger plan for my life. Since then it’s been a challenging four and a half years, and my dreams have adjusted a little. Miraculously I am still able to sing (minus one vocal cord) and funny,  it’s still like breathing, because now, both are a little more difficult. I still dream about the stage but I also have new dreams. I dream that I can someday speak to many and tell them my story, I dream that I will have my own lipstick line to go with the book (it may happen soon, I’ll keep you posted), I dream I can run more, and finally I dream of having a long healthy life of impact and seeing my kids grown with families of their own. It’s funny how God places new dreams in our hearts along the way. Like the author says, ‘great lives are born out of great dreams’.

Today I wear Jane Iredale PureGloss in Cherry Sparkle. I actually purchased this at a spa on our mini-vacation this past weekend (couldn’t come home without a new lipstick)! Anyhow, Jane Iredale cosmetics are all natural so I had to try…I have to say this gloss is not sticky and pretty long lasting. Cherry Sparkle is sheer red with a small amount of sparkle. I chose it for today because, well, it’s red and who couldn’t use a little sparkle? Write down your dreams, what’s stopping you?

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Guilty Pleasure

14 May

Howdy! This week’s prompt for my blogging goup GBE2 is ‘Guilty Pleasure’.  When I saw that I thought…just one?  I have so many. Let’s start with the obvious, lipstick. Yes, this blog is called lipstick journey for a reason.  I have loved lipstick for so long, well since college, and now that I am in my 40’s, that makes it 20+ years.  I buy and wear lipstick based on my mood. Those closest to me (mainly my women friends) can tell what kind of mood I’m in based solely on the color of lipstick I’m wearing when they see me. I probably buy on average a lipstick a week, so this is guilty pleasure #1.

For Mother’s Day my kids got me a chocolate bouquet. That’s right, not flowers, a bouquet made of chocolate bars…they know me so well. Chocolate is guilty pleasure #2. I have to have some type of chocolate every day, even if it’s dessert after breakfast. I’ve tried to cut back but why? More and more research says that a little chocolate (like wine) is good for you! While we’re on the sweets…junk food in general is guilty pleasure #3. I absolutely love french fries, potato chips (mainly plain and BBQ), walking tacos (chili over Fritos…so good), well, you get the idea…a little sugar (chocolate) needs a little salt.

I have a few other guilty pleasures but I’ll leave it at that, the list could get dangerous. Looking at the list I just posted I decided that they are just pleasures, I have no guilt. HA! Today I wear Nars lipstick in Jungle Red. It is a semi-matte bright red (a little drying, wear lipbalm underneath and a clear gloss or lipbalm on top). Yup, feeling a little feisty!

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Dear Mom

12 May
Mom with two of my kids

Mom with two of my kids

Dear Mom,

I would not be the woman and mother today if I had not had you as an example and encourager. You and dad changed your whole life and left everything and everyone you knew by coming to America so that your children could have a better life. Instead of using your degree in nutrition, you were offered a job as a social worker which you took in order to help support the family, then you stayed until retirement. When I was young you were there. Although you worked full-time you never missed a dance or piano recital, parent teacher conference, or any other activity in which a child would wish to have a parent there. You taught me perseverance. In Junior High, when I was shy and didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere, I asked you to send me to the Philippines to live because at least I knew we were all the same. You were wise and told me to get involved in everything I thought I would like and if after a year I still wanted to go, you would send me. After a year of Student Council, Yearbook Committee, Basketball, and track among other things, I didn’t want to leave…thank you for pushing me. When I didn’t feel pretty, you sent me to etiquette school and entered me into a beauty contest hoping the judges saw what you saw, beauty inside that radiated out; they did, but when I won and different mothers were protesting, you told me to stand proud and confident. You were there to help me with my first heartbreak in high school, to put my hair up for prom, to attempt to teach me how to cook, etc. When I got cancer, although I know you were devastated, you were strong for my family.

Today I am a mom and I thank you for all the lessons and most of all the love. I love you!

Mom and Mom-in Law with AJ

Dear Diana,

One of the best parts of being married to Tony is that I inherited you as a mother-in-law. When Tony announced we were engaged, you threw a surprise engagement party and welcomed me with open arms. Despite the fact we’ve never lived closer than three hours, you have always been available. With the birth of each child, you were there. When cancer hit, you practically moved in to help with anything and everything. You have shown me a servant’s heart and have been a shining example of a woman of faith. You have helped me understand Tony more through the different stories from his youth. You have encouraged me and prayed for me and I am forever grateful and proud to be a part of your family. I love you!

“Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.” – Stevie Wonder

Today I wear Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lip gloss in Sparkplug. These lipglosses are sheer with high shine and high moisture. Sparkplug is a sheer mauvey pink easily worn alone or to add a little pink to any color. I chose it for the name because both my mom and mom in law are energetic and ‘sparkplugs’ which blazed the trail for me! Happy Mother’s Day!!

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Insomnia

8 May

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time in the day?  I read a quote last week which said, “Sky Above, Earth Below, Fire Within.” That statement really impacted me because that’s how I feel after cancer. I have a fire within to make some type of difference. With my voice still intact despite all the surgeries, radiation treatments, and the loss of one vocal cord, I feel like I might have something to say. With my new found passion for writing, my book, my blog, etc, I feel I may have lots more I need to write. With the people my job allows me to meet and those currently in my life, I feel the need to hear people’s stories because there are so many, and do what, write them down? All the stories, all the backgrounds help me appreciate my own and make me a richer more loving person. With my new found health and passion for life I feel I might be preparing for something to do…I just don’t know what.  All I know is that I’m awake and at times, overcommitted, and add to that all the lipstick…it’s just crazy.

What do you do when you have a burning passion to do something and don’t know which direction to take because you’re not exactly sure what that passion is? ‘To make a difference’ sounds too broad right? I’m curious, really, what do you do? Yes I know I spoke about purpose in my last blog and I still believe that people are the purpose for where we are. For me though, after all this cancer junk, at the end of the day it’s hard for me to sleep because it’s another day, another 24 hours, gone and I’m just wishing I could have done more with that time…. another risk, another phone call, another letter, whatever, just more. I guess for now, I will pray and go about my days with eyes and arms wide open. Eyes open for whatever may lie ahead. Arms wide open to people.  Notice anything with the picture above? There are two rainbows…don’t miss the moments.

Today I wear Dior Addict Ultra lipgloss in Flash which I’m sad to say was a limited color a few months ago ( a close relative would be Outrageous Fuscia or Sari Pink). What I love about the Dior lipglosses is they are so moist and not sticky. They add a hint of color and are beautiful.  Right now, they are my favorite lipglosses. I chose the color Flash because the name reminds me that life goes by so quickly!

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Purpose

4 May

I have had a crazy but amazing week. I’ve actually felt a little overwhelmed since completing that race I spoke about in my last blog. One of the most universal questions is “What is my purpose?”  In other words, “Why am I here?”  I ask myself that all the time. Of course, since I am a Christian I believe God put each of us here for a purpose beyond ourselves and He equipped us with specific gifts and talents to fulfill that purpose. In our own human-ness we, at least I, end up equating that with career vs calling. Am I called to be a sales rep or am I just passing time before I find my true purpose?

Well, this week some amazing things happened that helped me understand the answer. Again, this is my viewpoint. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be for now. Yesterday I visited an office I hadn’t been to for a couple of years. I went with a friend just to say ‘hello’ to my old customers. I had only called on them a little over a year before getting laid off so I wasn’t really sure if they would even remember me or how they felt about me. When they saw me, I was overwhelmed by the welcome or I should say, welcome back. One of the customers even led me to a back hallway where there was a whiteboard which said, “Anna Warner, My Lipstick Journey Through Cancer.” He said it had been up there for over a year and he tells everyone to read my book. All this from people I didn’t think would really remember me.

So here’s my thing, purpose is about the people. Yes, I will probably always struggle with the days of wondering about my job, but no matter what I’m doing or where, it’s about relationships. I got cancer which obviously was not part of my plan, but I have met so many people who have impacted my life in so many ways; some really deep and everlasting relationships. I only hope I have done the same for them. Former strangers, now friends. I believe there are no accidents and people come in and out of our lives for a reason; whether it’s to teach us to love more, to be more compassionate, or even to break our hearts and make us stronger. In the end, my heart overflows and I can barely contain it. It’s ok, I don’t want to. I think sometimes when we are searching and questioning where we should be or what we should be doing, we miss where we are. I am sitting smack dab in my ‘purpose.’ Sit for 5 minutes and think about where you are, think about all the people in your life. We all make decisions good and bad that lead us in different directions. I try not to have regrets. This is life.

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Creamy Lip Color in Pink Ballet. First of all, I love Bobbi Brown lipsticks. This formula is extra creamy because it has shea butter in it. The color is a soft pink which is appropriate for spring and summer and Bobbi colors are pretty much universal. I chose it because I love music and I am also a dancer. I danced through my youth and even through college. We live our purpose daily but if we can infuse our passion too, well, the skies the limit!

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