Tag Archives: friendship

People

8 Dec

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Ok, I have a little writer’s block right now. Maybe because my week was ordinary? Or maybe my eyes were too focused on me and not seeking the extraordinary moments of every day? Nevertheless, a few significant things did happen this week in the world. There were two highly reported deaths in the news. The first was Paul Walker from The Fast and Furious franchise. People viewed him as too young, too handsome, too kind. He was one of those extremely private movie stars but as you listen to the stories, he was truly a nice guy; genuine, kind, authentic. There are stories of his charitable foundation and of his random, anonymous acts of kindness. On the other end of the spectrum, Nelson Mandela. He changed the world. He stood for democracy,freedom, harmony, and peace. The contributions he made to his people and society in general are far reaching. Then in my little world, my friend ‘B’-Bob was buried this week. I will never forget his impact on me and my life, let alone his family and friends. Although these three men come from all walks of life and had different ‘positions’ in the world, they all had significant contributions on people’s lives. Paul Walker, besides being an actor, he was a father and died on his way to an event of his organization to help the victims of the typhoon in the Philippines. Nelson Mandela, his impact on people’s lives are too long to list. Bob, his love and support for me during a tough time will always be remembered and cherished. What do the three have in common, what will they be most remembered for? Their treatment of people. I found a really long quote from Maya Angelou. I was thinking of a way to take pieces from it, but I can’t. The whole thing sums it up perfectly, especially the last sentence:

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.― Maya Angelou

Today I wear Ulta Tinted Lip Balm in Toast. I LOVE these! They are inexpensive, moisturize, and add color! Toast is a deep wine/red which provides enough color not to be crazy. I chose it for both the color and the name…toasting these three gentlemen and life! Cheers!

The Future

3 Dec

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I have had a lot on my mind lately and it’s been hard to sort and filter through all of it. On the one hand, there are lots of cool and exciting things happening and I feel stronger than I’ve felt in a long time both physically and mentally. On the other hand, there’s a lot of change with a mix of fear and sadness. It’s quite the conundrum. It’s like ice skating (which I don’t do very well by the way) on thin ice. You feel your face in the wind and you see an awesome goal that you’re skating toward, yet, the ice is so thin that at any moment it could crack and suck you under; being on the verge of crazy laughter and tears at the same time. I can’t really explain but maybe you’ve been there….the crazy place between now and then, here or there, yesterday and tomorrow. Sheesh I’m getting deep….I don’t even understand myself. So what happens now? I guess it’s like I always say, something I remind myself and try to do every moment of every day…..live life. It starts getting crazy when you start thinking of the who, what, where, when, because I think that is when we try to control the circumstances. One thing I know, there are some things we can control but there are many, many things we can’t. So where does that leave me? I can’t change the past so I must look forward. I’m excited about what the future brings, but until then, I live and love one day at a time. Appreciating each day for what it is, because every tomorrow is the future.

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Naked. I’m pretty sure I’ve written about these lipsticks before but they’re awesome! They have lots of color and staying power and they are moisturizing on top of that! I chose this color because it is the perfect nudey-pink, not too brown, and not too blah. Plus the name…naked, just me moving forward one day at a time. Cheers!

Happiness

30 Nov

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“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.”   ~Lucius Seneca

Thanksgiving has come and gone. This year was a quiet one for me and it was also the first year I haven’t cooked (remember a couple blogs ago how I felt about cooking?), so it was good. I was able to spend time with family and also a few friends over the past few days and actually laughed more than I have in awhile. I read the quote above and I find it to be so true. Happiness is one thing, but contentment is so much more. Enjoying the present and resting in the satisfaction of what we already have; just being grateful. There are many millionaires in this world who continue wanting more…are they happy? Contrast that with the poor, the people in impoverished countries, those who know nothing about turkey, pumpkin pie, or even simply clean water…are they content? I venture to say that at times maybe they are more content. This Thanksgiving I have so much to be grateful for and despite the many obstacles and stresses that life continues to bring, I’m content.  If you look in the dictionary the definitions for contentment and happiness are very similar if not the same in some, but I believe a little differently. Happiness comes and goes based on the situation whereas contentment brings in the grateful factor. What’s the definition of gratefulness? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is being thankful for a helpful act; appreciation of benefits received. Gratefulness is appreciating the gifts we have, the things in life that are free. Friendship, kindness, laughter, sunshine, snow, running water, etc. Open your eyes, every moment is a gift and we are never assured of the next moment. Do you have to be happy to be grateful? Just the opposite, you have to be grateful to be happy. I am outrageously grateful for what I have and the people that are in my life. I rest in the fact that there are many things I cannot control but I have a God that does.

Christmas is coming up and the hype of shopping and presents and things has officially arrived. It’s a great and beautiful time of year but it can also be a stressful time for some. The hunt for the perfect parking space, the hunt for the perfect present, combined with the stress of being with family, or having none. It’s a good time to stop and rest in the moment. Be that person to show kindness, compassion, patience; give the recipient a reason to be grateful whether they accept it or not.

Today it’s Rimmel Lasting Finish lipstick in Kiss of Life. On the web it looks like a deep plum…it’s red. These are matte so a little dry for me. I mainly chose this for the name. We could all use a Kiss of Life right? Cheers!

Inspirations

24 Nov

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This week’s topic for my blogging group GBE2 is inspirations; movies, music, people, whatever or whomever is inspiring us lately. Well, this list could go on and on for me but not with famous musicians, athletes, movie stars, and not even Oprah. Really, just the people around me. My friends Dawn, Leanna, Frances, overcoming some difficult youth situations and using those experiences to help others (me in particular). Your incredible support astounds me. My friends Callie and Grace, supermoms for different reasons, your strength and courage in your daily situations blow me away. Thank you for your friendship always. Stacie who juggles work, family, and volunteerism but still has time to listen and support my family.  Lissa, despite her circumstances, continues to push to be a better mom; whose friendship goes above and beyond. Bev who adopted a beautiful little girl just as her son was leaving for college. Jill, inspiring me to bring ‘Anna’ back. Lori and Donna whose work in the communities never cease, amazing what one person can do. Michelle and Melissa, two fiercely strong women who stood by their men while juggling work and family, through all of the ups and downs of their cancer treatments. Steve and Paula, two mentors I look up to, all love, no judgment. Dr. Rubin, Dr. Menaldi, and Marie, whose belief in my voice and spirit to overcome never wavered. To my beautiful radiation partner and friend ‘B’ who despite being in severe pain and sitting in a hospital all week, still sends me notes of encouragement. ‘B’, you are one of the kindest and strongest men I know, so glad you’ve been a part of my life. Jen(Chapstick), who checks in consistently, always positive, always encouraging, always making me laugh. To my crazy friend who quotes movie lines and song lyrics, you inspire me to ‘stay gold’ (The Outsiders), and laugh. To my awesome kids who make me want to be a better mom and a better person all the time. My incredibly talented brother who continues to follow his dreams. Although there are many ups and downs, you always land on your feet (and always land a gig too). You are incredible and those times you may stop believing in yourself (nature of your industry), I will always believe in you. My parents, who left everything and everyone they knew for a better life for their kids. It wasn’t always easy but we were never in want or need of anything…plus look at how good we turned out (haha).

Like I said, I am surrounded by inspiring people, too many to mention. All different, all from different backgrounds, all with a story. There are many famous people we could look to for inspiration but I think it’s just as easy to look at the pool of people surrounding you. Everyone brings something to the world and I believe those around us, if even for a season, are there for a reason. ‘People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anyone.’ ~Audrey Hepburn. Thank you all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I am not going to name a lipstick color but recommend you go to Sephora.com.  This is the best time of year for lipstick sets. Since the holidays are upon us many cosmetic companies put gift sets together of their most popular products in the most popular colors. Some are small versions but some are full sized, but all of the sets are specially priced and a lot less expensive than normal. NOW is the time to try something new! Cheers!

Thankful

20 Nov

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I saw a quote the other day ‘I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles…so are the families and friends who have stood by them.’~ Christopher Reeve

Thanksgiving is coming up and I have so much to be thankful for. But today, I want to thank all the people who are and have been a part of my cancer journey. It’s really difficult to express my feelings of gratitude to those pre-, post, and during my cancer journey because thank you doesn’t seem enough. Maybe because thank you is used too much? More than thank you, I have a deep love for all those in my life. When I got cancer, not only was I surrounded by friends locally, but people from my past that I had lost touch with, sent cards, e-mails, and even care packages. I even had a good friend offer to fly here to just sit with me. It’s really overwhelming. I want to thank my doctors and entire medical team who went above and beyond what they needed to do; who called on their off hours to see how I was doing, who made calls to their connections to make sure I had the best treatment. Thank you to all those who brought meals to my family….little did you know it was some of the best food they have ever eaten and we were all depressed when the meals stopped (refer to #19 on my last blog). Thanks also to all of you who follow me on my blog, twitter, Facebook fan page…your continuing support, comments, and private messages inspire me. Thank you to my family, especially my parents, too much to say. Every single interaction you have with someone, even if just for a moment leaves them with something. If you choose to be kind and respectful in those moments, it comes back to you ten-fold.

It’s been a long road and the journey continues on with different obstacles so where does that leave me today? Grateful and looking forward to the future. I’m not the hero, I was forced to be strong. You are all my heroes. To the new people in my life, welcome, hope you hang around awhile. Cat Stevens sings that it’s a wild world and yes it is, but truly living in it is worth it.2013-07-03 04.44.07

Today I wear Chantecaille Brilliant lip gloss in Lucky. These glosses are moisturizing and a little plumping (which my lips obviously don’t need). The colors are soft and pretty. Lucky is just a soft pink which is easy to wear. I chose it mainly for the name. I don’t really believe in luck, but I feel so lucky and blessed to have all of you. Cheers!

Friends

6 Nov

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It’s November and I haven’t written in a while. You know when you’re so busy that you feel like if you stop running for just a moment, life will run you over? Sometimes that’s how I feel. Well, today that picture above was the scene on my street. Just last week those trees were full of different brightly colored fall leaves and today, they’re almost bare which only means one thing here in Michigan….winter. While during challenging or difficult times, certain areas of life seem to move in slow motion (I can almost hear the clock ticking second by second ever so slowly like water dripping), generally I think time moves so fast, I can’t believe 2013 is almost over. Tonight I got to spend some time with some of my sorority sisters from jen2college. It’s been awhile since I had seen many of them but even after 20 years I still think we look the same, again, where did those 20 years go? Two of my most favorite people were there and it was great. One I get to see fairly regularly and the other, not enough. One thing I know for sure is that great friendships last a lifetime. I could go months or even years without seeing them but the minute we start talking it’s like we never left. “We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet. Even longer,’ Pooh answered.”   ~ AA Milne, Winnie the Poohanne and jen

Life has been a wild ride for what seems to me, a long time. Through cancer and life post cancer, friends have really stepped it up. Some of the things they did and have done for me jenhave been extraordinary and I know I will never be able to repay their kindness and support. Isn’t that what friendship’s about? Giving without expecting?  I am so grateful for all of the friends who have and continue to stand by me and support me, and to all my new friends too. I don’t believe we meet people by accident, so welcome to my world. Life would not be fun without you, you’re my heroes.

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolutionary Lipstick in Venom which is a really bright plum. These lipsticks are pretty awesome, full of color and moisturizing at the same time. My friend Jen in the pictures was one of my lipstick inspirations. Back in college, she wore hot pink lipstick everyday while I wore my Chapstick trying to hide my big lips. Since then, I have learned to love my lips and whenever I buy something bright (like today’s color), I still think of her. Thanks Jen! Cheers!

Weak

29 Oct

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Seriously, last week was one of the most crazy emotional weeks of the year. From getting the goodbye letter from ‘B’, to having to work the next day at not only the place we met,  but where I was the most sick, to hearing the good news about my cancer journey ending for awhile, to celebrating my birthday. Add to that a few other personal obstacles, and now I’m exhausted. I have no desire to repeat the plethora of events and emotions…ever. Do you ever feel your weakest when you’re supposed to feel your strongest? After running through my week with a friend, she commented on how she thought I was ‘amazingly strong,’ It’s funny to me to hear that because at the same moment, I feel incredibly weak. I think we all need to put that armor up because life is a lot like that arcade game where you hold a cushioned hammer and the gophers or moles continually pop up and you have to be ready to bop them back in to get points. The better you are at the game, the faster they come out. That’s life. You never quite handle it because things keep popping up. The minute you think you have the hang of it, things come at you faster. Part of me wants to just shelter myself with armor and walk away from the game. Keep that hard shell on and not get affected by people, events, emotions; it almost sounds easier. Instead, I keep playing. I keep being vulnerable, I keep taking one step at a time, I keep loving, leaving my heart open for either hurt or even better, getting love back. Yeah, I feel weak. I don’t think it’s only strength that we need anyway, sometimes life is simply about endurance to get us through the tough times. So that’s where I want to be, weak with an open heart to love, courage to face obstacles head on, and the endurance to work through all the yuck without giving up or wrapping myself back in armor; rolled together, that’s strength. One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength  which can overcome adversity.~Albert  Schweitzer

Today’s lipstick is Nars Fire Down Below. It is a semi-matte blood red lipstick. You can always count on Nars for great colors and great lipstick names. Since it’s a semi-matte, it is a bit drying to me but wow, talk about red! I chose this color because it’s red hot! Also, the name makes me blush. Which by the way, if you’re going to be wearing this lipstick or any bright red lipstick, keep the rest of your face simple.  Cheers to a new day!

 

My Birthday

25 Oct

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Today is my birthday. It is bittersweet for me because I am still thinking about my friend ‘B’ from my last blog. Yesterday, for my job, I had to go to the place I met ‘B’ and it brought tears to my eyes thinking about all that transpired there. I walked in with a heavy heart thinking I was walking in healthy this time, while he walked out just days before with his news. It’s really a lot of emotions. One thing I know about ‘B’ is he really knew how to live. Cancer was not the only obstacle he faced in life. He was in the Vietnam War, he was a POW, he had a stroke prior to his cancer diagnosis…so much, and he constantly told me to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ and to hold my kids close. It’s so simple yet we ask for so much, don’t we?

hospitalGrowing up my family was always big on celebrating birthdays. Not necessarily with huge parties, but always recognizing the day and making you feel special. Part of that I think, is when we came from the Philippines when I was two, we didn’t have any other family here. Anytime we could celebrate each other, we did. Birthdays for me post cancer have taken even more meaning; every time I do a Relay for Life Walk, I see T-shirts and signs saying Happy Birthday and they always make me cry. The American Cancer Society’s saying is ‘Creating More Birthdays.’ Yes, it is just a day, but to me, it’s now a day to remember the past and to look forward with hope for the future. It’s also a day I get to re-evaluate my bucket list. When I was younger I had some outrageous dreams and goals many of which I have been able to achieve. Today, I still of course have some crazy dreams that I pray will happen, but my focus is more on the simple. Taking my cue from ‘B’:

  • Don’t sweat the small stuffphoto courtesy of Leanna Vite Photography
  • Open your heart and love people. Yes it hurts more when you hurt, but it’s worth it
  • Don’t take things too seriously, laugh more (even if it’s at yourself)
  • Take more risks
  • Do what you can do, and let go of the rest
  • Listen to people’s stories before judging
  • Be kind, smile often
  • Be a hero
  • Party like it’s 1999 (just kidding…not really)

I also finally have some good news to share…my blood work that I have been waiting for for the first time is CLEAN!! My doctor who’s usually even keeled and calm shouted, ‘I have good news!’ the minute I said ‘hello’. He said my levels are undetectable and then said, see you in a year. A YEAR!! I have been checked every three to six months for the past 5 years and now he says, ‘it’s over, see you next year.’  I’m ecstatic and finally kind of able to take a step back and breathe. So today, I wear one of my favorite red/burgundy lipsticks of all time, Lancôme L’Absolu’ Rouge lipstick in Merlot. I love it because the formula is creamy and not drying, second, the color is a deeper red so my lips are not shouting ‘I’M HERE!’, and third, it’s my birthday and I love a good Merlot. Let’s celebrate life, CHEERS!

Broken Heart

23 Oct

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I am heartbroken today. In April 2010, after my third surgery for cancer in my neck, I went through seven weeks of head and neck radiation. If you are not familiar with the process, based on your cancer, the radiation oncologist determines how much and how long your treatment will be; then  you are scheduled to receive that treatment at generally the same time everyday so that the amount of radiation running through your system stays consistent. So, every single day for seven weeks I was bolted to a table from my shoulders up, for a half an hour using the device made for me pictured below…it was not fun. The first week I was there I met ‘B’. We were two out of the 3-5 patients in the patient waiting room receiving radiation during our time frame. Since we saw each other every day around the same time, we got to know each other. Turns out, we had the same type of cancer, we both had a paralyzed vocal cord from the surgery, we both had the same radiation oncologist, and we had the same duration of therapy. Every day, we would talk about our struggles, our families, and our hopes and dreams for when we were finally cancer free. When the treatments got difficult, we would talk about it and I could always count on ‘B’ being there to encourage me to press on. Toward the end of treatment, we were both struggling, but we were able to do the daily countdown until the last day or ‘radiation graduation’. By the time the 7 weeks was over, I had a friend for life.radiation

For the past few years since then, we have kept in touch. We emailed each other our triumphs and struggles, he spoke of his wife and grandkids and the plans they had. We kept each other posted on cancer scares, tests, etc. We never lost touch. Over the past few months ‘B’ was struggling with various things and all I could do was pray and encourage him. Today, I got an email from him telling me ‘good-bye.’ His cancer has spread, and some to an inoperable area, he has just a few months left. I cried (and am still crying) from some of the words he wrote to me today. “Keep the faith , my sweet Anna, and I will remember that genuine smile of yours over your shoulder in the hallway in radiation oncology. Goodbye my friend, never give up. See you on the other side.” I am so sad. We went through a lot in that 7 weeks and ‘B’ was my guardian angel.  Despite the pain, he also had an encouraging smile on his face every day in that little waiting room. I know we are all only given a short amount of time on this earth, I am blessed to have known ‘B’. Thank you ‘B’, I love you…see you on the other side.

No lipstick today, just me, plain and simple.

Fall

5 Oct

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It’s October, the beginning of fall in Michigan, my favorite time of year. I love the cooler temperatures, but most of all, I love all the colors. The leaves are changing and falling and it reminds me that life is never stagnant. Life is ever changing and just when you get a little bored, it switches gears again, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. In a few weeks I will be celebrating my birthday. If you look up life expectancy for a female in my area, it is 81 years old. So, considering my age, my life is half over….depressing. Since I am an optimist…wow, I still have almost half my life yet to live (sounds better don’t you think?). This past week has been pretty big for me. Last Wednesday I attended the TEDxDetroit conference and it was awesome. For those unfamiliar with TED, it is a gathering of leaders, creators, entrepeneurs, artists who meet and share their passions and positive ideas for change. I have to admit I felt a little out of place, it seemed too big for me to be there, but I’m so glad I went. Afterward, I thought, why not me? each person there was exactly that…one person desiring change and trying to make a difference…so, why not me…why not you? Some of the great quotes I heard ,‘Take care of your fears or they will own you,’~ John U. Bacon; ‘Experience life changes….allow them to affect you, change you, guide you,’ ~Nathan Hughes; ‘The job of a leader is to define reality,’~ Jackie Victor. There was so much energy and inspiration there and it was there to push each of us to be catalysts, I’m ready, how about you?

Attendees at TEDxDetroit

Attendees at TEDxDetroit

Also this week it was test time for me again, yes, that small reminder that I had cancer. It’s not bad, a couple weeks ago the breast cancer stuff was clean, and now was a general neck test. I did the regular exam in which my doc said, ‘You look healthy, but then again, you always look healthy, cancer or no cancer.’ OK, kinda comforting. Anyhow, after 3 vials of blood, I wait. One of the tests, if you have been reading my blog for some time, is a test that’s only done on very few people because not only was my cancer rare, but I also carry an antibody which messes up the regular blood test that would be able to detect my cancer. In fact, this test was only approved by the FDA last year. Because of that, this blood test is only run once every few weeks so I should be getting the results in 3-4 weeks…or somewhere near my birthday, excellent. Can’t worry about nothing right now! To be completely transparent, my mind’s been all over the place lately…still struggling with the personal issue I referenced awhile back along with new-ish job, cancer check ups, etc; but as always life moves forward. In one of the most watched talks on TED titled ‘How To Live Before You Die’, Steve Jobs says, ‘Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be  trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most  important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.’  Ask any cancer patient and boy do we know our time is limited! I look back at my 40+ (whoops, almost revealed my age), and I’ve made some mistakes, some bad choices, some good; the great thing is, is I can look forward with lessons and experiences from my past, knowing full well that my time is limited and continue on with courage in my ‘second half’.

Today I wear Dior Addict Gloss in Princess. I LOVE all the Dior lipsticks and glosses. The lipsticks are extremely moisturizing and the colors are beautiful. The glosses are not heavy or sticky yet they have pretty good staying power. The color Princess is light pink with a little bit of sparkle, something you would picture Cinderella wearing. I chose this color because it’s simple. I’ve been wearing alot of red lately, but today I chose simple because that’s how I want to be today, simply at peace. Cheers!