Tag Archives: motherhood

Alone

12 Dec

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When I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital to help wherever they needed. I was assigned to the pediatric unit to basically ‘socialize’ with the kids that were there for long periods of time. It was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do and many days I would leave in tears. I remember many of the kids not actually looking sick, but then starting to cough things up without ceasing, or seeing the IV lines attached to them, there was even a child with HIV who they had in a back corner room because in the late 80’s/early 90’s, there was still a lot we didn’t understand about HIV. I basically was there a few days a week to read to them, play games, and even Atari. If you don’t know Atari, it was the original home video gaming system…black and white, totally fun. Anyhow, parents and relatives did come to visit on occasion but most of the time these kids were alone. Fast forward to my cancer journey and I remember after the first surgery I was given a very bad prognosis…essentially told I didn’t have much longer because my cancer was aggressive and it was all over the place. After staying in the ICU for a couple days I was brought to a regular patient room for several more days to recover. I had a few visitors, but for the most part I was alone…and scared. From then, my heart has had a burden for those stuck in their hospital rooms without any support. Granted, many people may have support who cannot stay with them 24/7 but it’s the in-between times that silence, fear, uncertainty, and sadness take over. I had a job a few years back which brought me to various floors in the hospital and when I would pass rooms with patients who were alone, my heart would break because I remember how it felt.

So where does that lead me? The other day I spoke to someone at a local hospital about the holidays and how hard it must be for patients who have to be there. I shared a little of my story and my passion for making sure people had less alone time and asked if there was something, even something small that I could do. We talked about my singing and how my voice was affected but still able, and then he asked…’would you like to come and sing Christmas carols to people in their hospital rooms?’ I got emotional immediately. First, it’s kind of a miracle that I can still sing, but to be able to share that with people to help them feel less alone over the holiday season? Of course. He asked if I would start in the cancer unit then move to other parts of the hospital….duh, yes. SO here’s the big picture, do we have to go to a hospital to find people who feel alone? I don’t think so, I think they’re all around us. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Lovelight which is a peachy pink shimmer. Yes I love these lipsticks; highly moisturizing, great colors, and fairly long lasting. Lovelight on me just adds shimmer to my natural lip color so it’s easy to wear. I chose it today mainly for the name…show a little love. Cheers!

People

8 Dec

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Ok, I have a little writer’s block right now. Maybe because my week was ordinary? Or maybe my eyes were too focused on me and not seeking the extraordinary moments of every day? Nevertheless, a few significant things did happen this week in the world. There were two highly reported deaths in the news. The first was Paul Walker from The Fast and Furious franchise. People viewed him as too young, too handsome, too kind. He was one of those extremely private movie stars but as you listen to the stories, he was truly a nice guy; genuine, kind, authentic. There are stories of his charitable foundation and of his random, anonymous acts of kindness. On the other end of the spectrum, Nelson Mandela. He changed the world. He stood for democracy,freedom, harmony, and peace. The contributions he made to his people and society in general are far reaching. Then in my little world, my friend ‘B’-Bob was buried this week. I will never forget his impact on me and my life, let alone his family and friends. Although these three men come from all walks of life and had different ‘positions’ in the world, they all had significant contributions on people’s lives. Paul Walker, besides being an actor, he was a father and died on his way to an event of his organization to help the victims of the typhoon in the Philippines. Nelson Mandela, his impact on people’s lives are too long to list. Bob, his love and support for me during a tough time will always be remembered and cherished. What do the three have in common, what will they be most remembered for? Their treatment of people. I found a really long quote from Maya Angelou. I was thinking of a way to take pieces from it, but I can’t. The whole thing sums it up perfectly, especially the last sentence:

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.― Maya Angelou

Today I wear Ulta Tinted Lip Balm in Toast. I LOVE these! They are inexpensive, moisturize, and add color! Toast is a deep wine/red which provides enough color not to be crazy. I chose it for both the color and the name…toasting these three gentlemen and life! Cheers!

The Future

3 Dec

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I have had a lot on my mind lately and it’s been hard to sort and filter through all of it. On the one hand, there are lots of cool and exciting things happening and I feel stronger than I’ve felt in a long time both physically and mentally. On the other hand, there’s a lot of change with a mix of fear and sadness. It’s quite the conundrum. It’s like ice skating (which I don’t do very well by the way) on thin ice. You feel your face in the wind and you see an awesome goal that you’re skating toward, yet, the ice is so thin that at any moment it could crack and suck you under; being on the verge of crazy laughter and tears at the same time. I can’t really explain but maybe you’ve been there….the crazy place between now and then, here or there, yesterday and tomorrow. Sheesh I’m getting deep….I don’t even understand myself. So what happens now? I guess it’s like I always say, something I remind myself and try to do every moment of every day…..live life. It starts getting crazy when you start thinking of the who, what, where, when, because I think that is when we try to control the circumstances. One thing I know, there are some things we can control but there are many, many things we can’t. So where does that leave me? I can’t change the past so I must look forward. I’m excited about what the future brings, but until then, I live and love one day at a time. Appreciating each day for what it is, because every tomorrow is the future.

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Naked. I’m pretty sure I’ve written about these lipsticks before but they’re awesome! They have lots of color and staying power and they are moisturizing on top of that! I chose this color because it is the perfect nudey-pink, not too brown, and not too blah. Plus the name…naked, just me moving forward one day at a time. Cheers!

Happiness

30 Nov

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“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.”   ~Lucius Seneca

Thanksgiving has come and gone. This year was a quiet one for me and it was also the first year I haven’t cooked (remember a couple blogs ago how I felt about cooking?), so it was good. I was able to spend time with family and also a few friends over the past few days and actually laughed more than I have in awhile. I read the quote above and I find it to be so true. Happiness is one thing, but contentment is so much more. Enjoying the present and resting in the satisfaction of what we already have; just being grateful. There are many millionaires in this world who continue wanting more…are they happy? Contrast that with the poor, the people in impoverished countries, those who know nothing about turkey, pumpkin pie, or even simply clean water…are they content? I venture to say that at times maybe they are more content. This Thanksgiving I have so much to be grateful for and despite the many obstacles and stresses that life continues to bring, I’m content.  If you look in the dictionary the definitions for contentment and happiness are very similar if not the same in some, but I believe a little differently. Happiness comes and goes based on the situation whereas contentment brings in the grateful factor. What’s the definition of gratefulness? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is being thankful for a helpful act; appreciation of benefits received. Gratefulness is appreciating the gifts we have, the things in life that are free. Friendship, kindness, laughter, sunshine, snow, running water, etc. Open your eyes, every moment is a gift and we are never assured of the next moment. Do you have to be happy to be grateful? Just the opposite, you have to be grateful to be happy. I am outrageously grateful for what I have and the people that are in my life. I rest in the fact that there are many things I cannot control but I have a God that does.

Christmas is coming up and the hype of shopping and presents and things has officially arrived. It’s a great and beautiful time of year but it can also be a stressful time for some. The hunt for the perfect parking space, the hunt for the perfect present, combined with the stress of being with family, or having none. It’s a good time to stop and rest in the moment. Be that person to show kindness, compassion, patience; give the recipient a reason to be grateful whether they accept it or not.

Today it’s Rimmel Lasting Finish lipstick in Kiss of Life. On the web it looks like a deep plum…it’s red. These are matte so a little dry for me. I mainly chose this for the name. We could all use a Kiss of Life right? Cheers!

Inspirations

24 Nov

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This week’s topic for my blogging group GBE2 is inspirations; movies, music, people, whatever or whomever is inspiring us lately. Well, this list could go on and on for me but not with famous musicians, athletes, movie stars, and not even Oprah. Really, just the people around me. My friends Dawn, Leanna, Frances, overcoming some difficult youth situations and using those experiences to help others (me in particular). Your incredible support astounds me. My friends Callie and Grace, supermoms for different reasons, your strength and courage in your daily situations blow me away. Thank you for your friendship always. Stacie who juggles work, family, and volunteerism but still has time to listen and support my family.  Lissa, despite her circumstances, continues to push to be a better mom; whose friendship goes above and beyond. Bev who adopted a beautiful little girl just as her son was leaving for college. Jill, inspiring me to bring ‘Anna’ back. Lori and Donna whose work in the communities never cease, amazing what one person can do. Michelle and Melissa, two fiercely strong women who stood by their men while juggling work and family, through all of the ups and downs of their cancer treatments. Steve and Paula, two mentors I look up to, all love, no judgment. Dr. Rubin, Dr. Menaldi, and Marie, whose belief in my voice and spirit to overcome never wavered. To my beautiful radiation partner and friend ‘B’ who despite being in severe pain and sitting in a hospital all week, still sends me notes of encouragement. ‘B’, you are one of the kindest and strongest men I know, so glad you’ve been a part of my life. Jen(Chapstick), who checks in consistently, always positive, always encouraging, always making me laugh. To my crazy friend who quotes movie lines and song lyrics, you inspire me to ‘stay gold’ (The Outsiders), and laugh. To my awesome kids who make me want to be a better mom and a better person all the time. My incredibly talented brother who continues to follow his dreams. Although there are many ups and downs, you always land on your feet (and always land a gig too). You are incredible and those times you may stop believing in yourself (nature of your industry), I will always believe in you. My parents, who left everything and everyone they knew for a better life for their kids. It wasn’t always easy but we were never in want or need of anything…plus look at how good we turned out (haha).

Like I said, I am surrounded by inspiring people, too many to mention. All different, all from different backgrounds, all with a story. There are many famous people we could look to for inspiration but I think it’s just as easy to look at the pool of people surrounding you. Everyone brings something to the world and I believe those around us, if even for a season, are there for a reason. ‘People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anyone.’ ~Audrey Hepburn. Thank you all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I am not going to name a lipstick color but recommend you go to Sephora.com.  This is the best time of year for lipstick sets. Since the holidays are upon us many cosmetic companies put gift sets together of their most popular products in the most popular colors. Some are small versions but some are full sized, but all of the sets are specially priced and a lot less expensive than normal. NOW is the time to try something new! Cheers!

Thankful

20 Nov

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I saw a quote the other day ‘I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles…so are the families and friends who have stood by them.’~ Christopher Reeve

Thanksgiving is coming up and I have so much to be thankful for. But today, I want to thank all the people who are and have been a part of my cancer journey. It’s really difficult to express my feelings of gratitude to those pre-, post, and during my cancer journey because thank you doesn’t seem enough. Maybe because thank you is used too much? More than thank you, I have a deep love for all those in my life. When I got cancer, not only was I surrounded by friends locally, but people from my past that I had lost touch with, sent cards, e-mails, and even care packages. I even had a good friend offer to fly here to just sit with me. It’s really overwhelming. I want to thank my doctors and entire medical team who went above and beyond what they needed to do; who called on their off hours to see how I was doing, who made calls to their connections to make sure I had the best treatment. Thank you to all those who brought meals to my family….little did you know it was some of the best food they have ever eaten and we were all depressed when the meals stopped (refer to #19 on my last blog). Thanks also to all of you who follow me on my blog, twitter, Facebook fan page…your continuing support, comments, and private messages inspire me. Thank you to my family, especially my parents, too much to say. Every single interaction you have with someone, even if just for a moment leaves them with something. If you choose to be kind and respectful in those moments, it comes back to you ten-fold.

It’s been a long road and the journey continues on with different obstacles so where does that leave me today? Grateful and looking forward to the future. I’m not the hero, I was forced to be strong. You are all my heroes. To the new people in my life, welcome, hope you hang around awhile. Cat Stevens sings that it’s a wild world and yes it is, but truly living in it is worth it.2013-07-03 04.44.07

Today I wear Chantecaille Brilliant lip gloss in Lucky. These glosses are moisturizing and a little plumping (which my lips obviously don’t need). The colors are soft and pretty. Lucky is just a soft pink which is easy to wear. I chose it mainly for the name. I don’t really believe in luck, but I feel so lucky and blessed to have all of you. Cheers!

25 Things You Don’t Know About Me

17 Nov

This past week on Facebook there has been a little game going on where you are assigned a number and you have to write the same number of facts about yourself that maybe most people don’t know. I think People magazine does the same thing called ’25 Things You Don’t Know About Me’. I thought today I’d try to do that for you guys about me. If you have been following my blog for some time you know the basics; I’m more of an introvert, I am a cancer survivor, I love lipstick, I love chocolate, I love music, and obviously from my last blog, I love Bruno Mars.  So here’s 25 things you may not know about me:

  1. I will never be a vegetarian, I am a carnivore…I love meat
  2. I am afraid of lightning
  3. I am allergic to cats, plus they freak me out a little because I feel like they know what I’m thinking when they look at me
  4. I’m claustrophobic
  5. I don’t like bananas (texture thing), but I do like them in smoothies or fried, Filipino style
  6. I have never felt comfortable in my own skin until now, I’m a dork
  7. I changed my major three times in college but still graduated in four years-going spring and summer too (music/dance, then business, aeronautical engineering, finally biomedical science/chemistry)
  8. Took the MCAT and the GRE thinking med school or PhD in Pharmacology. Ended up starting an MBA after GMAT and hating it (sorry for the expense mom and dad)
  9. I have a dream of opening a small boutique somewhere. I’m sure you can guess at least one item that would be in it. I even already have the concept and name…
  10. I’ve been in two beauty pageants to help me overcome my shyness, I won them both
  11. I delivered all three kids with no drugs
  12. I have kept a journal since 3rd or 4th grade
  13. Christmas is my favorite holiday but it makes me a little sad because I have memories of my dad listening to Christmas music and tearing up from missing his family in the Philippines (My parents left family and friends for the American Dream)
  14. I stole something in 2nd grade…guess what it was? A Chunky chocolate bar. Can’t really hide that in your pocket. My mom made me apologize to the store owner and I’ve never ‘shoplifted’ again
  15. I get carsick in the back of buses, vans, cars, etc
  16. I love seeing hawks, eagles, butterflies…beautiful things that fly; they just amaze me and look so free
  17. My parents bought me a car for college but never told me I needed an oil change. The transmission failed at 30,000 miles…oops
  18. I love peanut butter
  19. I don’t enjoy cooking but I love washing dishes
  20. I wrote fan mail when I was young to Joan Jett because I thought she was soooo cool (this was early 80’s, give me a break)
  21. I secretly love my dog
  22. I hate cold weather because I’m always cold
  23. I rarely buy anything full price
  24. I hate walking into a crowded room by myself
  25. I love to read and used to read maybe 2-3 books/week. I have not read an entire book since I started playing Candy Crush…sad, I know

Do we have anything in common? Today I wear something I buy repeatedly (which is rare when it comes to lip products); Dior Addict Lip Glow. It feels like a lip balm and when you put it on it basically enhances your natural lipcolor. I love it! It’s me, just better. Cheers!

Friends

6 Nov

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It’s November and I haven’t written in a while. You know when you’re so busy that you feel like if you stop running for just a moment, life will run you over? Sometimes that’s how I feel. Well, today that picture above was the scene on my street. Just last week those trees were full of different brightly colored fall leaves and today, they’re almost bare which only means one thing here in Michigan….winter. While during challenging or difficult times, certain areas of life seem to move in slow motion (I can almost hear the clock ticking second by second ever so slowly like water dripping), generally I think time moves so fast, I can’t believe 2013 is almost over. Tonight I got to spend some time with some of my sorority sisters from jen2college. It’s been awhile since I had seen many of them but even after 20 years I still think we look the same, again, where did those 20 years go? Two of my most favorite people were there and it was great. One I get to see fairly regularly and the other, not enough. One thing I know for sure is that great friendships last a lifetime. I could go months or even years without seeing them but the minute we start talking it’s like we never left. “We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet. Even longer,’ Pooh answered.”   ~ AA Milne, Winnie the Poohanne and jen

Life has been a wild ride for what seems to me, a long time. Through cancer and life post cancer, friends have really stepped it up. Some of the things they did and have done for me jenhave been extraordinary and I know I will never be able to repay their kindness and support. Isn’t that what friendship’s about? Giving without expecting?  I am so grateful for all of the friends who have and continue to stand by me and support me, and to all my new friends too. I don’t believe we meet people by accident, so welcome to my world. Life would not be fun without you, you’re my heroes.

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolutionary Lipstick in Venom which is a really bright plum. These lipsticks are pretty awesome, full of color and moisturizing at the same time. My friend Jen in the pictures was one of my lipstick inspirations. Back in college, she wore hot pink lipstick everyday while I wore my Chapstick trying to hide my big lips. Since then, I have learned to love my lips and whenever I buy something bright (like today’s color), I still think of her. Thanks Jen! Cheers!

My Birthday

25 Oct

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Today is my birthday. It is bittersweet for me because I am still thinking about my friend ‘B’ from my last blog. Yesterday, for my job, I had to go to the place I met ‘B’ and it brought tears to my eyes thinking about all that transpired there. I walked in with a heavy heart thinking I was walking in healthy this time, while he walked out just days before with his news. It’s really a lot of emotions. One thing I know about ‘B’ is he really knew how to live. Cancer was not the only obstacle he faced in life. He was in the Vietnam War, he was a POW, he had a stroke prior to his cancer diagnosis…so much, and he constantly told me to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ and to hold my kids close. It’s so simple yet we ask for so much, don’t we?

hospitalGrowing up my family was always big on celebrating birthdays. Not necessarily with huge parties, but always recognizing the day and making you feel special. Part of that I think, is when we came from the Philippines when I was two, we didn’t have any other family here. Anytime we could celebrate each other, we did. Birthdays for me post cancer have taken even more meaning; every time I do a Relay for Life Walk, I see T-shirts and signs saying Happy Birthday and they always make me cry. The American Cancer Society’s saying is ‘Creating More Birthdays.’ Yes, it is just a day, but to me, it’s now a day to remember the past and to look forward with hope for the future. It’s also a day I get to re-evaluate my bucket list. When I was younger I had some outrageous dreams and goals many of which I have been able to achieve. Today, I still of course have some crazy dreams that I pray will happen, but my focus is more on the simple. Taking my cue from ‘B’:

  • Don’t sweat the small stuffphoto courtesy of Leanna Vite Photography
  • Open your heart and love people. Yes it hurts more when you hurt, but it’s worth it
  • Don’t take things too seriously, laugh more (even if it’s at yourself)
  • Take more risks
  • Do what you can do, and let go of the rest
  • Listen to people’s stories before judging
  • Be kind, smile often
  • Be a hero
  • Party like it’s 1999 (just kidding…not really)

I also finally have some good news to share…my blood work that I have been waiting for for the first time is CLEAN!! My doctor who’s usually even keeled and calm shouted, ‘I have good news!’ the minute I said ‘hello’. He said my levels are undetectable and then said, see you in a year. A YEAR!! I have been checked every three to six months for the past 5 years and now he says, ‘it’s over, see you next year.’  I’m ecstatic and finally kind of able to take a step back and breathe. So today, I wear one of my favorite red/burgundy lipsticks of all time, Lancôme L’Absolu’ Rouge lipstick in Merlot. I love it because the formula is creamy and not drying, second, the color is a deeper red so my lips are not shouting ‘I’M HERE!’, and third, it’s my birthday and I love a good Merlot. Let’s celebrate life, CHEERS!

Cheerleader

20 Oct

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This week I went to a national meeting for my company for a few days. It was a lot of work but a lot of fun too. It was the first chance for me to meet the rest of my team along with the rest of the sales force from across the country. I have to say, everyone’s different but that’s what makes it great. Anyhow, the first day we were there it was Boss’s Day and we got our manager a card. It hit me as I thanked him that I was working for this man for the third time in my 20+ year career. I won’t name him but we first met while training together out of college over 20 years ago. I was about 2 weeks ahead of his small training class of three people and we interacted briefly over a two week period and went our merry ways. 10 years later during a downsize of my company at the time, I was interviewing with another company and he walked in on a second interview and was introduced as the new manager taking over. He hired me and although he wasn’t always easy, he was a great manager. Well, that company got bought after a few years and we separated again. Three years later he called about a job with another company…worked for him again. He left about a year later for a better opportunity and four years after that, I was downsized again. Last summer, he had an opening with his current company and called, and the rest is history. We have kept in touch on and off over the years but one thing I know for sure, he believes in me. When cancer hit me a third time I had not been working for him in awhile yet he showed up at the hospital to tell me that he and his family were there for me and praying for me.

How does it feel when someone believes in you? Amazing. My boss ‘D’ knew about my cancer history and he still hired me (I have to say, I am pretty good at my job). He also knows about the difficult situation that I am in currently and his belief in me hasn’t wavered one bit. I get choked up thinking about it because my life is crazy right now. Something else happens when someone believes in you so much, you don’t want to disappoint. I actually work even harder because I don’t want to disappoint him. It’s a great sign of good leadership; all we need is one cheerleader to help us believe we can accomplish great things. Thanks ‘D’ for being my career cheerleader, and friend, all these years.

It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that  belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen. ~ Muhammad Ali

Today I wear Smashbox Be Legendary Lipstick in Legendary. These lipsticks are creamy and long lasting. They are not as moisturizing as some of the others but they do have pretty good staying power. I chose this color because it’s red (yup, back to red lips), and because of the name. Who doesn’t want to be legendary? Be someone’s cheerleader and help them get a good start! Cheers!