Tag Archives: motherhood

It’s That Time Again…

9 Jan

bloodwork

Oh no, not again. Yup, it’s that time of year. Time for the blood-work and all the check-ups to see if the cancer is back. Since this is the 2 year mark I only have to get the tests done every six months or until they see something different. Remember last August they did see a little something but nothing substantial enough for action. Well, today they took four vials of blood to see if there are any changes. Two of the vials are going to California for that ‘unique’ test to see if I have tumor markers signifying cancer. Unfortunately since its a test given to rare cases like me, I have to wait 3-4 weeks for the results…ahhh fun times. Otherwise, my doctor said all seemed ok. While at the doctors office I got in a conversation with a gentleman in the small waiting area amidst the patient rooms while I was waiting for the phlebotomist to collect my blood. He asked what I was getting blood-work for and then he asked,’ Well, thyroid cancer is the best cancer to get right?” As you know, most thyroid cancer survivors don’t appreciate that statement, no cancer is good cancer. Anyhow, I replied, ‘ For some,’ then I asked if he was being seen for something. He proceeded to tell me with teary eyes that 35 years ago his wife had lymphoma (cancer of lymph nodes) followed 10 years later with pancreatic cancer, then 5 years ago, colon cancer, and now they think thyroid cancer. So, I repeated the very phrase that I dislike to him, ‘Well, thyroid cancer is the best cancer to get, easily treated for sure.’ I couldn’t believe what this couple has been through and I was so grateful that I was hopefully on the tail end of my cancer journey.

So here I am today, if the results are good then I will be over two years cancer free. For me, a mile marker easing my mind that quite possibly it’s over and maybe I can finally adjust to my new normal. What’s bad about today and all the tests,  is that it brought back those feelings of anxiety and insecurity; it was a reminder that yes, I had cancer, it’s come back a few times and no, I have no control over it. It’s so crazy and sad and depressing, but of course I was blessed with a quote on a radio talk show about the future at exactly the time I got into my car and turned on the radio after the appointment. The host was talking about the future and quoted Abe Lincoln, “The best part about the future is that it happens one day at a time.” How awesome is that? I just finished my appt and bloodwork from one arm and was headed to another lab for bloodwork on the other arm and heard that on the radio! God is good, that’s the truth, one day at a time, no control. I don’t know what the results will be one month from now but there is nothing I can do until then. Life moves on so I must continue seeking that magic. The blessing now is that once again I am reminded of the brevity of life and I can’t wait to continue living it.

Today I wear Buxom Full Bodied Lip Gloss in Hot Mama. First of all, I love the Buxom glosses. They are moisturizing and have beautiful color…these are some of my favorites. Hot mama is red of course and I love it both for the color and the name; hot mama, I wish! Cheers!

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The Same?

5 Jan

snow

The first week of 2013 has come and gone. It’s funny, we were at a friends house New Years Eve and we were all excited about a new year ahead, thinking about the possibilities, things we would change, places we want to see, goals, etc. Well, January 2nd dawned and it was back to work for me, and back to school for my kids. So after all the anticipation and excitement for the new year, life is still the same…or is it? One of the things I consciously wanted to change or do every single day was to find the magic,or the blessing, whether it be with another person, the weather, a flower, whatever, because in the rush of our daily lives I believe that we miss a lot. Yes it’s fun to look forward to the next vacation or there’s of course the thought process of ,’when ____happens, then it’ll be great or my life will be better.’ But what about right now? What are you missing? This year my eyes are wide open and it’s much more exciting to start the day anticipating something magical or even the purposeful thought of being on a ‘quest’ for blessings or magic.

Here’s the magic from this first week of 2013:

January 1, sleep. That’s right, it was a blessing to be in pajamas most of the day, not having to do one thing…truly magical

January 2, met with a friend and had a great time talking about all kinds of stuff. Investing in relationships are a must!

January 3, talking with one of my kids about the dangers of social media..the magic? They listened and we had a good heart to heart

January 4, watching my son play a high school basketball game against a large rival school in a packed gym. Felt blessed, proud, and sadly,…old

Today, ran into my husbands office to take care of some things for him and another lady was waiting in the hall for her boss(a dentist) to show up so she could start work. We exchanged ‘hellos’ and I told her to have a great day. She said, ‘Everyday I get to work is a great day.’ That statement actually stopped me in my tracks so I turned and asked, ‘Really?’ She replied, “Absolutely. I feel so blessed and thankful to have a job when so many are without. It’s true, every time I get called in to work I’m ecstatic and it’s a great day.” Wow, what great perspective.

These are just little things but life isn’t filled with grandiose moments, it’s filled with minutia…small moments of impact that if we don’t look for them, many times we miss them. Don’t miss those moments of magic because life is beautiful.

Today I wear MAC lipstick in Captive which is a pinky plum. There are a ton of great MAC colors and formulations of lipsticks. I admit I don’t love them all, but I do love their satins and sheers. I chose Captive because it is an easy everyday color for me to wear and also for the name. Be captive in the moment, don’t rush through life. Happy New Year!

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2013

27 Dec

snow

Four more days until the new year…2013. It’s hard to believe how fast time goes by. I ran into a friend today and asked her how Christmas was for her and her family this year and she said, ‘uneventful, thank goodness’. She said it was the first time in a few years that there wasn’t crying. Last year her mom passed away, the year before, her sister. She told me that she and her family were able to do ‘normal’ Christmas things without tears…church, family dinner, presents…she said it was very peaceful and loved seeing everyone smiling again. I can relate in a small way. Remember from a past post that December has been a hard month in my cancer journey, either I was diagnosed with cancer, recovering, or preparing for a surgery. This year I declared a moratorium on anything health related; no doctors appointments, blood work, etc. and I guess you could say this December was also peaceful for me. I am also fortunate enough to have the holidays off of work so I don’t return until January 2. With all this downtime I’ve been reflecting on the events of the past year. Highlights include me still being able to sing at my fourth Voice Day concert after three surgeries, a paralyzed vocal cord and major radiation(twice), a trip to Europe with my family, the kids all playing basketball (the face of my daughter when she came home and said she made the team…priceless), good 20120629-204705.jpggrades, dance recital, good health, running in 3 races, and NO CANCER year 2! Yup, the highlights were awesome, but some of the best memories were just every day things. I am so thankful for so much it’s quite overwhelming. My daughter today asked what my New Year’s resolutions are, well, I don’t really have any. It’s kinda bad but I’ve always been the one to literally live day to day. Yes, I have really large, no, monumental goals and aspirations, but since I’m quite the dreamer some may be unattainable…I don’t care, you never know, I mean, who knew I would write and a publish a book? Anyhow, there are things I would like to improve or just keep doing in the new year:

Cover

* Respect every person and invest in their story *Speak the truth * Be intentional *Live boldly *Keep dreaming big * As Eleanor Roosevelt says, ‘Do one thing everyday that scares you’… ‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face.’

As I look toward 2013 I know big things are in store. I have that restless feeling that I get so often, so much so that I have strange energy brewing from my fingertips to my toes. I’m not sure what the future holds and I also know that life is short and time goes so fast. What are you thankful for? What are you looking forward to? Don’t hold back…SEIZE THE DAY!

Today I wear my go to red lipstick for the holidays Lancome L’Absolu Rouge in Merlot. It is a deep red/burgundy which I have loved for a few years. It’s surprisingly moisturizing (most reds are not) and for me, its the perfect evening red. Happy 2013…CHEERS!

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Not Easy

17 Dec

photo (2)

This past weekend has been extremely emotional. Last Friday I was sitting in a Chicago airport coming home from a work meeting when I heard the news of the Connecticut school shooting which killed 20 young children and 6 adults. I sat there crying along with the other adults hearing and seeing the news for the first time. All eyes were on the television screen and as I looked around I saw people crying, shaking their head, calling home. All I could think of was my family and coming home. It was horrific. Saturday, all teams at my son’s high school from Freshman boys, to JV and Varsity boys and girls played basketball against a rival high school to raise funds for the American Cancer Society. All team members on both teams had a special jersey and the name on the back was the name of someone who lost, is fighting, or has beaten cancer. My son’s jersey said ‘mom’ on the back. I couldn’t be more proud as he made an early and lasting impact on his game which they won by over 30 points. Sunday morning I ran in another 5K with some friends. I have been struggling with my breathing for the last month or so (because of the constant change of weather I think) so I knew the run would be a challenge; I wasn’t wrong. I knew within the first 30 seconds that this race would be the most difficult so far. I reconsidered doing it just the day before as I struggled with my breathing that night, but I went anyway. Why? Because I had breath in my lungs and because I could. I thought about those kids from the shooting, their families, the holidays, the presents waiting for them; I thought about the cancer game and the names on everyone’s jerseys including mine, and I had to run. run3Life is fleeting and you just never know the time or the place. Sunday afternoon my family went to see The Hobbit at the movie theater. As I sat in the crowded theater I had a fleeting thought of a gunman opening fire that I had to quickly dismiss. FAITH OVER FEAR. We cannot live in fear, I refuse!

There has been a call to action in social media to do 26 Random Acts of Kindness for the 26 lives that were cut short last Friday. Why just 26?  This is what I’ve been talking about, this is what my blog is about, this is what I am passionate about. EVERYBODY MATTERS! Why can’t there be an act of kindness daily, hourly, every minute??  We are not hobbits and life is not easy. Everyday we are with people, people with stories, people with heartache, people who we may need ourselves. Make each moment count…love God and love others! Don’t stop reaching out, open yourselves up. We need each other.

Today I wear Philosophy lip gloss in Thank You. It is a sheer raspberry color that only comes in a set. I chose it because Philosophy lipglosses are yummy and this is no exception. I mainly chose it for the name…thank you all for being a part of  my life!

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Too Busy

28 Nov

Wow, does life ever just ‘coast’? For those who live in America, I pray all of you had a Happy Thanksgiving. A few things have happened the past couple of weeks that have dramatically changed my schedule, all while starting and adjusting to a new job!  First, my oldest son (who broke his hand last month and had to have surgery and pins) got his stitches taken out on a Friday and was trying out for the high school freshman basketball team the following Tuesday. Was I a nervous wreck? Of course. Well, he made the team and is so excited. That act alone added daily practices (including weekends and school breaks) and games from now until March. My daughter was in the school musical last month which was awesome. She did a great job and was happy to be a part. When we asked what she planned on trying next she said maybe some after school clubs because she didn’t really enjoy sports…ok. Well, out of the blue she decided to try out for the 7th grade basketball team and by surprise, she made it! She came home shocked herself and said, “I don’t know what happened.” So, tack on another practice every day plus games through February (on top of dance class). Then of course my youngest, yes, he is playing basketball too, practice twice a week plus two games a week. Never has my schedule been more packed. Today I am writing on the importance of rest. Besides feeling like a taxicab at night and weekends, I am working full time and am now trying to get ready for Christmas…it can be too much. What are some of the top side effects of stress and not enough rest?  Weight gain, sleeplessness, and mood swings…yes, yes, and yes. We have now entered the highest ‘stressful’ seasons by itself and without enough rest and relaxation, it could be very bad for your health. Take the time to sit still (which is hard for me to do too), breathe and be thankful, it helps the attitude.

On another note, I was thinking about those who might be struggling right now, like one of my old customers who lost his son this past summer from cancer. Life is hard. People have asked me how I hold on to hope through all the ups and downs of cancer. My answer is simple, sometimes it’s impossible but others have been there to fill me with hope or fill up my tank so to speak. Since the beginning of my cancer journey I have received numerous phone calls, cards and e-mails, some even from strangers, and I have saved them all. When I am feeling down all I have to do is read a few emails or cards and I start feeling that hope again. I also 100% believe that God has a plan and my hope is in Him. Sometimes we just need a word of encouragement to remind us how loved we are or how much we matter and when we feel that hope ourselves, we can share it with others who may need it. Can you think of anyone who may need a card or a text for a little encouragement? Why wait?

 

Today I wear Lancome L’Absolu Rouge in Bordeaux. This is my favorite formulation of Lancome lipstick because it’s moisturizing and smooth. My fave red, Merlot, comes from this formula , but today I chose Bordeaux which is a soft burgundy color with lots of shimmer…perfect for the holiday season. I love it!

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Stained Glass

12 Nov

 

I read this great quote today (thank you to I Had Cancer), ‘People are like stained glass windows-they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in their beauty is revealed if there is a light from within.’

Last week I was at a meeting getting to know my new co-workers from across the country. Since the company is quite small, it was easy to meet and get to know the other 40 sales reps in the room. Reading the quote above reminded me of the week. We were all ‘stained glass windows’; we all had our ‘good’ clothes on, were on our best behavior, and for the most part, always had a smile on our faces. It was great meeting new people and learning a little about their backgrounds. As I was getting ready to leave my hotel room and meet everyone I realized how far I had come since walking into my first meeting 21 years ago. I was a shy introvert who struggled with a bit of social anxiety. On a personality test at a management meeting, the evaluator said I was a natural introvert, but forced extrovert (maybe that’s why I love acting?). In the past, I was perfectly comfortable with small talk and keeping people (especially those I work with) at a safe distance, but this time was different. I believe God has you where you need to be and I don’t believe you meet people by accident; I believe it now more than ever post cancer. So here I was, an open book, pressing in. It doesn’t take much these days to open someone up, people want to share, they want to be hugged, they want someone who can look them in their eyes, we just don’t do it enough anymore…fear of hurt? Anyhow, the stories I heard from different people, wow. Families hurt by divorce, a mom with cancer, a mother-in-law in her last days, others starting over and afraid of the unfamiliar. It was overwhelming, heartbreaking, and encouraging. On the last day I was speaking to one of my new co-workers (and new friend), and he asked how I found out so much about people. It was simple, I asked then I listened. It’s the same thing I want, someone to ask and listen, truly someone who cares. So what about you? Where has God placed you? Who are in your sphere of influence? We can’t all be Mother Theresa or Billy Graham, but we do have people right in front of us that want to know that they matter. I know because I’m one of them. Reach out, you may be the only one.

Today I wear an old standby Dior Addict Lip Glow. I LOVE this stuff. This is the only product that hits the bottom of the tube and I re-purchase. It is an incredible lip balm that brings out the natural pink ‘glow’ of your lips. I chose it for today because of the quote “…but when darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed if there is a light from within.” Cheers!

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Common Thread

6 Nov

“You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words…” CS Lewis

I’ve been in a little funk lately, just feeling kind of ‘gray’. I guess it is a normal thing for cancer/former cancer patients to feel when on a downswing wondering which direction life is leading them (I think it’s normal for everyone). Anyhow, over the past few years I have run into many people affected by cancer; cancer survivors/fighters and those that support them. As I thought about the quote by CS Lewis, I believe you can find a common thread in people who you are attracted to, or close friends; but speaking to ‘cancer’ people, there are definitely commonalities. Here are some to think about:

*Fighter.Survivor.Strong.Courageous. All great labels, but sometimes we either don’t want the name (figher/survivor) or don’t feel like we’ve done anything to deserve the name (strong/courageous). We simply did what we had to do and rose to the occasion.

*For those of us who have survived, we wonder what our greater purpose is.

*We don’t stress too much about small stuff or really very much of anything.

*We expect the best from people, honesty, love, no games

*Sometimes we want to just spend the money, we wonder why we’re saving

*We are more fearless and take more risks

*We are more emotional because we have been broken

*We like peace

*We get nervous with every little change in our body, even if its allergies or a cold. We are very aware of EVERY change and wonder if it’s the cancer or a side effect of the treatment

*We realize that while the world around us has generally stayed the same, we are forever changed

*Time is everything and checking items off that bucket list is now a priority

It’s a tough journey and I would have rather not been part of it, but we don’t get to choose. Looking at the list it seems everyone, cancer or not, would have those common threads. Why must a life-changing illness remind is to keep life simple?

Today I wear Bobbi Brown lipstick in Raisin. I love Bobbi lipsticks for both their moisturizing, color, texture…really, they are just great lipsticks.  It’s a medium brown/plum shade that I love. Raisin has been my go-to color for at least 10 years, keeping it simple today. Cheers!

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Twilight Zone

12 Oct

 

I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Today was my last day at my current company. I accepted a position with another company and gave my two weeks notice, well, two weeks ago. This week and the end of last week I have been saying good-bye to some of my current customers and co-workers while juggling incoming mail and phone calls from my new company and co-workers. I was in the Twilight Zone all week…one foot in the old company and one foot in the new; feelings of sadness from leaving the familiar,mixed with feelings of anticipation and maybe a little bit of fear venturing into new, unknown territory. Wow, didn’t I just talk about change? Why the switch? There are many factors. Was it the right thing to do, the right timing? Only God knows, but here I am, TOTALLY freaking out that at 40 something years old, I am still leaving the comfortable and venturing into another new adventure. New people, new boss, new new. I’m too old for this, someday soon my stomach will fail me and I will probably get an ulcer. Change is exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, nothing like keeping things interesting. So, as this week ends, I take a deep cleansing breath (as they say in yoga) and exhale into a new adventure.

When I was in Europe this summer I took a bunch of pictures of doors. Yup that’s right doors, and there were some real beauties. Lots of things happen behind closed doors that we don’t even know or think about. My neighbor across the street recently read my book. Although we say ‘hello’ and have even had them over our house for parties, she said she cried while reading my book because she didn’t realize all that was happening behind our doors. Isn’t that true of everyone? Look around at your neighbors homes, your friends, everyone has a story and when they exit those doors they bring what’s behind into the world. Behind my doors right now is crazy. I have my old work computer next to my new one next to my home computer. I have incoming reports and outgoing, final reports and mixed in with all of that, my kids’ schedules are crazy with sports, school play, and of course, that broken hand. Doors also symbolize for me closing what’s behind and opening what’s ahead. Monday when I leave the house I bring my crazy into the world but I also get to breathe in a new day, a new job, and a new adventure.

Today I wear Sephora Rouge Cream Lipstick in Hot Tango. This is the first time I am trying Sephora brand lipstick because I confess, I am a lipstick snob and prefer mainstream brands. I REALLY liked the color and consistency of these lipsticks and you can even try them on in store. This formula is very moisturizing and has a lot of color. Hot Tango is a BRIGHT pink/red. I probably should have gone with Passion Red which is deeper but sometimes you need the WOW factor. Anyhow, I also chose it for the name because sometimes that’s what life is like right…a HOT TANGO?

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Change

7 Oct

This week my oldest son had to have hand surgery. His hand was in an awkward position grabbing the ball at his basketball game and it wasn’t until a couple days later when the swelling came down that we found out there was an actual spiral fracture in his hand. As I sat in the hospital room watching the staff put an IV in his arm and hook him up to the machines to monitor his heart rate and blood pressure prior to the surgery, I decided that I like it much better on the other side. As a parent it is VERY difficult watching your child go through something bad, even if it’s just a small fracture in his hand. A few months ago my youngest had a seizure and had to go through an MRI to rule out a possible brain tumor. Yes, I would rather it have been me. Despite the fact that I have been in the hospital more than I would have liked over the past few years because of cancer, I would gladly take the place of any of my children. Thankfully there was no brain tumor and although my older son is sad he could not finish out this fall basketball season with his team, he will be able to play again. I am constantly reminded how quickly things can change. One minute we’re packing for vacation, the next, my youngest is getting an MRI for a possible brain tumor. One minute my son is having the best game so far this season, the next, his hand is broken and is now out for the rest of the season.

As we approach fall in Michigan the air has dramatically cooled down and the leaves are changing colors. It’s a beautiful season here and probably my most favorite. The evening sky has taken on some beautiful hues of orange and red and the ‘cold’ sky is beautiful as well, sometimes it overwhelms me, God is so good. One thing’s for sure, change is inevitable. The leaves will fall, the plants will die and in the spring, they will bloom again. Life is like that, right? Always changing…a new job, a new baby, illness, etc. We can never get too comfortable but why would we want to? Shouldn’t life be an adventure with both good and bad to shape us? Change allows us to experience and grow in all our emotions but most of all change gives us a chance to test our courage and grow

“And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.” -Libba Bray

Today I wear Nars Larger Than Life lip gloss in Viva which is a rose color. Nars is traditionally awesome for lipsticks and lipgloss and this is a newer formulation. These glosses have lots of color and lots of shine. Viva is an easy neutral that I think anyone can wear.These glosses are a little sticky but beautiful. I chose this one for the name..Viva…LIVE!!

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Free Coffee

25 Sep

The other day I was in the Starbuck’s drive thru. There were a few people in front of me, but I thought I’d wait. When I got to the window I was told that the man in the car in front of me paid for my drink. Believe it or not, tears started welling up in my eyes, thank goodness I had sunglasses on. I had been having one of those days. You know the ones, nothing seems to be going right, it was cold which meant summer was coming to an end, did not get enough sleep the night before, struggling with work, the kids’ schedules seemed too full, allergy attack, whatever else; I was feeling overwhelmed and was looking for something positive to focus on so I turned to Starbuck’s for the Pumpkin Spice Soy Latte both as comfort and as an afternoon pick-me-up .Well, when the kind stranger paid and drove off, unbeknownst to him, he completely changed my day and my outlook.

We always wonder (at least I do) how we can help change a life for the positive, how to make an impact. For me, that day, it was getting a $4.00+ cup of coffee for free, paid for by a total stranger. It is not always the grandiose ‘Oprah starting a school in Africa’ thing or the ‘sell everything you have and give it to charity’ thing. No, sometimes it’s as small as a smile or a compliment, or even a cup of coffee that could change someone’s moment, day, and life. How crazy is that? I immediately wanted to pay it forward, pay for the next person’s drink, but no one was behind me in the drive thru.

How do we change the world? It may just take that one moment, or be that one small act of kindness.  Show people you care and that they matter, take them by surprise!

Today I wear an old standard for me, Revlon lipstick in Coffee Bean. This is a great shimmery brown with a little bit of a plum undertone. This is a great every day color for most skin tones although it does have a little shimmer. Obviously today I chose it for the name in honor of that cup of coffee. Cheers!

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