Tag Archives: motherhood

Moments

31 Dec

new year
I recently watched a short motivational video someone posted on Facebook. The 4 minute video had quite a few impactful statements but the one that stuck with me was at the end when the speaker said that his life is now measured in moments instead of time (or something like that). Essentially life is fleeting and instead of looking at minutes, hours, dates, he looks at his history as cherished moments and his future as the opportunity to create more memorable moments; well, that was my interpretation. 2014 was filled with so many incredible memories for me, good and bad, and as I reflect on the last year I am incredibly grateful for everything. Pain, heartache, fear, joy, happiness, excitement, love, all emotions I got to experience. Literally it was a year of extremes but everything, every event, every emotion has continued to shape me and mold me into the Anna of 2015 and I’m excited. I reconnected with some old friends and met some incredible new ones, and wow, all you guys are awesome! Every person you have in your life adds a little something to it, whether it’s a lesson or a confirmation, someone that helps you grow or someone who reminds you and brings out who you really are; and honestly,even the toxic people in our lives are there to make you stronger, and to help you learn something about yourself before you have to turn away.2014

So, after all the challenges and difficulty of the past few years I want more for 2015:

More joy
More love
More strength
More peace
More hope
More stories
More people
More moments
More magic

And less…

Less fear
Less toxic
Less turmoil
Less drama
Less things

In the end, logically, life cannot help but be measured by time. There are truly only 24 hours in a day. Today though, if you read Facebook posts and talk to people, they reminisce about moments over the past year so maybe we do measure our life in moments. Time is fleeting but it seems that moments and memories last, let’s make some good ones! Happy New Year!

‘What day is it?”It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet. ‘My favorite day,’ said Pooh.’~A.A. Milne

Today I wear Lovemarc Lip Gel in Showstopper. This lipstick has a bit of a different feel. It’s fairly moisturizing and since it’s a gel, it doesn’t feel like lipstick or lipgloss, hard to describe. I chose it because it’s red and I love the name, Showstopper, duh. Cheers!

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Dear Santa

24 Dec

yellowdog
Last night I stayed awake wrapping all the presents I had for my kids, parents, and others I had bought presents for this Christmas. I am one of those very last minute shoppers because I really don’t like shopping that much, especially this time of year, so in addition to wrapping presents last night, yesterday was also when I purchased most of the presents as well. A couple things always happen to me when I wrap Christmas presents. First, I second guess what I bought because I like to try to purchase things that not only people like but also may have some type of meaning. Second, I start getting a little irritated that I bought so much junk to make sure my kids are happy. Generally speaking I buy each kids one big present, Santa gets them a present, then their stockings are filled with things like socks and candy. It’s not too bad but as they get older, their one or two presents become more and more expensive.

When I was young we didn’t have tons of money to spare, both my parents worked and sometimes my dad worked two jobs just to make sure his family had everything they needed. I never remember a time when we were without. My letters to Santa always included a request to also bring my parents something whether it was a watch, a jacket, a shirt, extra money, just anything to help them or really just to thank them for all the sacrifices they made for me. I think I wrote about this before but there was a year when I had asked for a few things like usual hoping to get one thing off my list (I liked giving Santa choices). I believe I was 9 or 10 and had asked for a red jacket, a bike, probably some toys, then something for both of my parents. I dollsremember walking downstairs Christmas morning in anticipation and seeing a large stuffed animal, a big stuffed yellow dog sitting in front of the fireplace. This was not on my list. It was the only present I got that year and you know what happened? I loved it, and even as a child, I knew it was the best my parents could do that year and I was super grateful. I named him ‘Yellow Dog’ (I know, creative) and I kept that stuffed animal for years. As I wrapped the presents last night I wondered if I was spoiling my kids and if they would be grateful if they only got one present?’Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.’~Charles Dickens,

Dear Santa,

Well, here’s my list this year:

Joy through the holidays…and forever
Peace in my home (and around my home…you know what I’m talking about); World peace would be good too by the way since you’re making your way around the world
For my kids to all get along for longer periods of time and for them to do their chores without complaining at least once a month
For my office to magically become organized
A personal chef
And of course, the perfect shade of lipstick 🙂

Thank You in advance, Anna

Merry Christmas Everyone!

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Love Letter

2 Dec

eastervid
This past weekend I did something that I never thought I would ever be able to do again…I was back on stage singing at all 4 services for my church. It wasn’t just in the choir, or singing back up for someone, it was a solo, a big one. From the moment I was asked to the second I walked on the stage with my one vocal cord and a bit of breathing difficulty, it was surreal, cathartic, and I cried every single time. It was such a miracle to me and a huge reminder of my journey, how far I’ve come, but most of all, God’s amazing grace and love for every single detail of our paths. Many people came back with tears, and I received texts and emails from those who knew my story. One of my very good friends sent me a link to the video that was shown at the church when I very first had cancer and it made me cry but praise God at how far He had brought me. The link to that video played on Easter 2008 is here…

Many things have changed for me since the video; my cancer came back twice after that becoming more serious both times, and of course, divorce, but wow, has God been faithful. I have spoken of my faith in bits and pieces here and there on this blog, today I’m thanking God.

Dear God,

Thank you
I have been blessed beyond measure through every aspect of my life.
Thank you for the constant reminder that I need to trust you in all things.
You have been with me throughout this incredible life, holding my hand, carrying me, strengthening me.
I see evidence of you everywhere; in the eyes of my kids, family, and in the love and eyes of my friends.
Thank you for a life that I don’t deserve and the miracles I see everyday big and small (even on the not so fun days)

‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’ — Charles Dickens

Isn’t that life?
Thank you God for an amazing life.
Thank you for an epic story!

Love,
Your Daughter

This past weekend I sang Carrie Underwood’s Something In The Water and these particular lyrics made my heart swell:
And now I’m singing along to amazing grace
Can’t nobody wipe this smile off my face
Got joy in my heart, angels on my side
Thank God almighty, I saw the light
Gonna look ahead, no turning back
Live every day, give it all that I have
Trust in someone bigger than me
Ever since the day that I believed I am changed
And now I’m stronger

Amen and Amen!! Life hasn’t been easy and definitely not at all what I expected but what an adventure! Today’s lipstick? Dior Glow. What else? A lipbalm that brings out your own natural glow, yes to that!

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Content vs Happy

28 Nov

cmaslaugh
Day after Thanksgiving, eating a full Thanksgiving meal for breakfast…sigh, who cares! This Thanksgiving was really great for me. As my kids and parents sat around my table I was so overwhelmed with gratefulness that my heart felt like it was exploding at times; not only did I feel so much joy and contentment, I was happy. I saw this quote…The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.~Doug Larson
So what’s the difference? I looked up the definition of both; happy-feeling of pleasure or contentment, content-satisfied state of peaceful happiness. Did you catch it? Happy=feeling, contentment=state (state of mind). The past few years have been the most challenging in my life but I have always looked for the blessings or the lessons, I had to or I would’ve gone crazy. Here’s the deal, when you look, you find and I can honestly say that despite the struggles before and maybe some in the future, I’ve been content (but not always happy).

People often ask or comment on my strength, where did that come from? Well, as I looked at my parents yesterday, I know exactly where. My dad grew up in the Philippines. He is the oldest of 7 kids and was their protector. He lived in Bataan where some of the major events of WWII took place. He told my son of the times he had to run with family and carry some siblings to fox holes for protection (he was only 6), and of seeing the death march as a young boy. At 35 years of age he brought me and my mom to America (Detroit to be exact) to help provide a better life. Think about it, at 35, he left everything he knew, his family, his country, to start again. My mom was the youngest of 4. As a teen her father passed away suddenly after an accident. With her 2 older sisters gone and working, she took care of her brother with muscular dystrophy while getting a college degree and working to help provide. At the age of 28, she agreed to come to America with my dad. Two people, one 2 year old, looking for jobs, new country, new life. It wasn’t without struggle and sacrifice. I remember living in an apartment in downtown Detroit, no furniture except a mattress for awhile, but I never remember not being provided for. It was a simple life and a great one raised by two of the strongest people I know.

Holidays have always brought a little sadness to me because I can still see my dad’s face remembering and missing the family he left. Not to mention I was told I had cancer for the third time on Christmas Eve 2009. In the past 40+ years my dad has only been back twice with all of us then 3 times after by himself; for his younger brother’s funeral, then his dad’s, then his mom’s. I can’t imagine. This year has been different. No sadness or nostalgia, just joy. Looking around my table I got the true sense of peace, joy, and contentment and all I could do was thank God. Ephesians 3:18 says, ‘may you have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ’. Yes, I totally get it, I’m overwhelmed and grateful.

Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.~Pearl S. Buck

No need for lipstick today since I’ll be eating non-stop all day long, maybe Dr. Pepper LipSmacker. Happy Holidays! Cheers!

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Scars

16 Nov

scar
I was sitting in a lunch room speaking to some of my customers when one of the staff members asked what the scar on my neck was from. She made some assumptions and I told her my story while she ate. Like most people, after hearing my story, she didn’t know what to say but I’m ok with that. Usually I start asking questions about them to divert attention away from me. I asked about her job, what her responsibilities were in the office, her plans for Thanksgiving, etc. What’s great is that typically when you actively listen to someone, they will continue to speak and open up (at least that’s been my experience). She ended up telling me all kinds of things from her job woes to her food allergies but ended up talking about her strained relationship with her kids. She had been a single mom for a very long time and now that her sons were grown and out of the house they were no longer speaking to each other. She teared up talking about some events that led to the situation and how hurt she was, but pride on both sides prevented them from speaking and she wasn’t going to be the first to apologize,hmmmm…sad. She said she has grieved the relationship with her sons like a death in the family and she will always have a broken heart because of it; sounds like ‘sorry’ would be easier.

I have a few scars, one on my neck from cancer, one on my shin from banging my leg into a car door, and probably a few that I don’t remember. Every scar tells a story, either a funny one or maybe a difficult one, but either way, it’s a wound that’s been healed while also leaving it’s mark.’Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.’~ Cormac McCarthy. What about the scars you don’t see? The ones left by hurt, words, anger, discouragement, do those heal? I think it takes a really long time and maybe, without the ‘sorry’ and forgiveness, will never heal. My daughter recently showed me a picture that her friend drew of herself. I was shocked and saddened to see this self portrait because it showed a girl, sad and scarred pulling a mask away from her face; the mask was of a beautiful smiling girl. Being a woman and a mom of a teenage girl, I know how hurtful girls and other women can be to each other and because of my past I am fully aware of how damaging words and actions can be. When scars heal they change the texture of your skin, what about the damage of scars on your heart and soul? The hurt always alters something. ‘It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.’~Rose Kennedy

We are all damaged and scarred to some degree and we should remember that when speaking to each other. How do scars of the heart heal? Kindness, peace, patience, love, sound familiar? (Galatians 5:22-23). Some scars run deep and are easily injured again, be patient, continue moving forward. Maybe your heart won’t be the same, but like the scars on your skin, you’ll be a little bit tougher.

Today I’m wearing Cherry Chapstick, it’s a throwback kinda day! Cheers!

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Before I Die…

8 Nov

church

I know it’s been a while since my last blog but sometimes whether you like it or not, busy takes over. Between work, kids’ activities, other hobbies, etc…life takes over. A couple weeks ago my daughter’s good friend’s dad passed away suddenly in an accident. He was our neighbor, 49 years old, and a father of three. It reminded me how precious and tender life really is. With cancer or other illness, albeit difficult, people have time to prepare and say goodbye. Here one second, gone the next, is completely different and unimaginable.

There is an artist based out of New Orleans named Candy Chang and with the sudden death of someone she was close to she decided to paint the side of an abandoned home with chalkboard paint and asked the question ,’Before I die I want to….’. Not only did hundreds from this community fill in the blanks, with things like ‘sing for millions’,’hold her one more time’, and ‘straddle the international dateline’, but it has become an international phenomenon with ‘chalkboard walls’ around the world asking the same question. Her motivation? We live in a disconnected society where people don’t take time to share struggles, hopes, and dreams, and at least if you can see that people want the same things as you, it can open up connection. The morning after my surgery from having cancer the first time, the doctor came in and told me that my prognosis was bad and to make preparations. Essentially he said, my time was going to be cut short because the cancer was ‘all over the place’. After he left my hospital room I sat alone contemplating this very question (and crying my eyes out of course), before I die, what? I thought about my kids first, what do I want for them, how do I want their life to be, who will surround them with love, how will they navigate through adulthood? Then came the, ‘but I haven’t done _______ yet’ and ‘I haven’t seen________yet’. My list in my head included things like perfect another language, write a book, learn another instrument, see The Great Wall of China, etc, but what impacted me the most was the time factor. All I wanted was more time with people and family; time to sit, to talk, to laugh, to cry, to just be. I wanted to free myself from the cage of an image and I wanted to be real, to be myself, because in the end, we only have our time and our relationships.side

It’s easy to get busy and get caught up in day to day junk while forgetting what’s truly important to us and what matters most. Death always brings clarity to what those things are but because of how quickly time passes and the ‘stuff’ of life, it’s sometimes difficult to maintain that perspective. I never want to forget how I felt and how I thought for those long moments alone in my hospital room. What is it you want to do before you die? I’m curious. ‘Life is brief and tender….thinking about death clarifies your life.’~ Candy Chang

Today I wear Nars Lip Gloss in Wonder. Nars reformulated their lip gloss a short time ago and what I liked before, I like even more. They have a little more color and are a little heavier but not sticky. Don’t let this color scare you, it looks orange but is still sheer and pretty. I chose it mainly for the name because I always want to look at life with childlike wonder. Life is beautiful, cheers!

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Symphony

29 Oct

fall
When I was growing up my house was always filled with music. We had a record player (those of you under 30?, ask your parents what that is) and I think for many years we played music much more than we watched television…probably why I love music so much. My dad would sing constantly; Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, Perry Como, etc. and when he wasn’t singing, he would be playing classical music and pretending to conduct an orchestra playing Beethoven, Chopin, Bach (usually in his robe and pajamas). I have very fond memories of sitting on our stairs watching my dad and sometimes even joining him.

This past week was an amazing week for me. I randomly ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in awhile and the reunion was beautiful (and tearful). She shared with me some of the things going on in her life and told me that I had come to her mind just the night before, so she prayed for me. That simple prayer led to her releasing some of her stress and then seeing me the next morning, after at least three years, confirmed to her that God cared for even the little things. Over the weekend I visited my alma mater and had another reunion with an old friend whom I’ve kept in contact with. It was surreal as we visited where we lived on and off campus and some of the places we used to hang out over 20 years ago. What was even better (to me), was sharing some of the memories we had from those college days. I realized how much she played a part in my life for that period of time.wmu

I am always in awe of the different people that I’ve gotten to meet and do life with; those that have weaved in and out of my story. Some who have consistently been a part of my ongoing journey and some who are there for just brief moments of time. I don’t believe in accidental meetings because I do believe in a much grander plan by a big God who never ceases to amaze me over and over. Life is like that beautiful symphony. The treble clef carries the melody; interactions, work, nature, beauty. The bass clef is the foundation; solid, consistent, feet on the ground. There are times when we have some sharps; exciting, thrilling, or just changing peaks and moments. Then there are flats; maybe setbacks or maybe just calm. God is the conductor and the different movements in a piece are the different movements of an ever changing life. People, events, job, day to day, those are the instruments; some loud, some soft, but all working together to form a beautiful piece of art called life. There are no mistakes.
Life, he realized, was much like a song. In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation, but it’s in the middle where all the emotion resides to make the whole thing worthwhile~Nicholas Sparks

Today I wear Nars Audacious Lipstick in Anna. These are long lasting but surprisingly creamy and smooth and feels weightless on the lips. This color is a smokey rose color, easy to wear for anyone. I mainly chose it for the name because of course I love that name 🙂 Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata….Cheers!

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Que Sera Sera

20 Oct

Annababy

Doing what I love-West Side Story

Doing what I love-West Side Story

ag
Once upon a time there was a shy little girl who had big huge dreams. She dreamed of being Little Orphan Annie, of having powers like Wonder Woman or at least ‘adjusted’ to have powers like Bionic Woman, she wanted a love story like Joanie and Chachi, style like Charlie’s Angels, she wanted to be in the Olympics or at least get hair like Dorothy Hamill, then Farrah Fawcett, then the Go Go’s, then style like Cyndi Lauper and Madonna (in the 80’s not later). She wanted to be a musician, a dancer, an astronaut, Miss America. By the way, if you know all my references then I can guess what age range you’re in! She loved the world and everything was possible.
lissabday50spartysonggirlsmeandfranDLA2

Years later just days before her 45th birthday she believes once again that anything is possible. Life is full of adversity that can take you off your path, distract you, and maybe deter some of your dreams. She learned that adversity doesn’t really change people, it just exposes their character and brings them closer to who they really are. So, through cancer and a broken relationship, she stands strong and looks back at the many miracles God has brought. The healing of her body and her heart, the closeness of old friends and the beauty of new ones, the realization that life can change in a moment of time, and the gratefulness for each breath. Her senses are hyper-aware of all the little things, the stars, the sky, the rain, but most of all the people that surround her. Life is beautiful.
fam

My dad used to sing this song around the house when I was young (along with a bunch of other songs, of course), I just thought it was fitting for this post. Que Sera Sera (great version), whatever will be will be…I’m overwhelmed looking back at all that has transpired and all the people God has put in my path (sorry I can’t put everyones pictures up but you know who you are). You have all inspired me, thank you and I love you…best birthday ever. Oh yeah, Marc Jacobs Lust For Lacquer lipgloss in Magic because of the name, duh!

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3 Words

15 Oct

AW3.22
There are three words that have become synonymous with cancer fighters/survivors or really anyone who has or is fighting some type of battle externally or internally…COURAGE, BRAVERY, HOPE. I have been called courageous for fighting something I didn’t choose, but also had no choice but to fight back. What truly do these words mean?

Bravery and courage are sometimes used interchangeably but actually have very different origins and meanings. Today’s definition of brave means possessing or exhibiting courage, or courageous endurance. From Middle French it means splendid, valiant. It’s also an American Indian noun for North American Indian Warrior. Courage is interesting. ‘Cor’ is the Latin word for heart, and originally courage meant to speak one’s mind by telling one’s heart. Today it means acting heroic. Social researcher Brene’ Brown says “Heroics are often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line.” WOW. Hope is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. In old English it is wish, expect, look forward to possibly connecting; root word ‘hop’-leaping in expectation.

Interesting. Can you have any one of these three words without the other? Can you have hope without bravery? Can you have bravery without courage (vulnerability)? See what I’m getting at? We need all three. If you go back to the definition of bravery and consider courageous endurance it takes on new meaning. Being brave requires ongoing vulnerability, enduring the road or path you are on valiantly.

All of us face battles every single day. Some internal, like illness, depression, cancer…battles with our bodies. Other battles are external;jobs, relationships, conflict. The only aspects in our control we really have with both are our attitudes and our actions. I have had a tough week but because of my faith I always have hope, and since the three words go together… I guess I am brave and courageous too. We can’t control others’ actions, just ours. I love my life. Pressing on…

Today I wear Dior Glow…my standby, constant. It’s a lip balm that somehow brings out the natural color of your lips. It’s simply awesome, get your inner glow on! Cheers!

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Fly

28 Sep

hawk in yard
I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I’m going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that as long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.~C. JoyBell

I love this quote for several reasons. Partly because I think it explains to me why I’ve always loved watching large birds fly; they remain suspended in air for so long just letting the wind carry them and it’s always been amazing to me. I love the beauty and mostly the freedom of it. I love the sentence that says the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings because it rings so true. There are many things in life that can keep us on the ground so to speak, fear’s a big one; fear of making the wrong decision, fear of looking stupid, fear of what others may think, or simply fear of the unknown. On the other side of fear is trust. Trust in yourself and your gut, and trust in God who has a bigger plan than you can fathom.

photo 5This week has been busy and sometimes in the busy-ness of it all we can miss the small miracles. Here are a few from my week: Speaking to another cancer survivor back in the fight and being able to encourage her on her path, one of my customers showing vulnerability and tearing up from a memory while telling me a story of someone who impacted him, the valet at one of my offices (who knows me by name and can already tell if it’s been a stressful day) grabbing my hand and telling me ‘to put that smile back on my face because he missed it, and whatever it is, there’s always tomorrow’…thanks Chris. Add to that the changing colors of the leaves…a beautiful miracle. Notice many of my miracles revolve around people? We are all we’ve got!image

Anyhow, it’s been a tumultuous few years for me and who really knows where life will lead but I continue to force my wings to unfold, trusting without fear, and ready to soar. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.~Steve Jobs

Today I wear the always classic Lip Smacker lip balm in Strawberry...just because I feel like it! Cheers!

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