Tag Archives: red lipstick

Family Time

16 Dec

This weekend we are headed to my father-in-law’s annual family Christmas gathering. It is a time when my husband’s extended family on his dad’s side gathers for an afternoon of ‘catching up’ and enjoying each other’s company. This year marks the first year without the family matriarch ‘Grandma Lucille’. She died this past year at 92 years of age and many of us thought this gathering may no longer happen because she was gone.  A little background on me, my family immigrated to the US from the Philippines in 1972 and left my extended family behind. Every holiday growing up was mainly my parents, my brother, and myself. The whole idea of large family gatherings was foreign to me until I got married.

Anyhow back to this weekend. It always starts with hugs and laughter and the usual conversation about how the kids have grown, what we’re up to, etc, but after a full afternoon, little pods pop up and the comparing starts. We usually end up talking about other people and relatives, what they’ve done, what they should’ve done, and then there’s the little comments said under someone’s breath. Why do we do this to the people we supposedly care the most about in this world? We spend a whole lot of time trying to please other people, secretly hoping they think we’re awesome, but many of those same people  don’t really care about us at all. I know we all have different family dynamics and because we love them most, they can hurt us the most. Why not try to be the ‘light’ this year, be the peacemaker. I’m not saying fix anything, I’m simply saying stop yourself from the bad talk , bite your tongue, or simply walk away from it, maybe others will follow suit. Try excessive complimenting (that should really throw people off), or simply smile.

Family dynamics are funny. They know us, they’re like us, they know what buttons to push, but they are all people. Simply put, no one is perfect, we are all flawed. Our history and experiences mold us into who we are today; we may share the same history, but not the same experiences. If you get irritated, consider what they’ve been through, it will allow you to understand them better and love them more.

Today I’m back to my reds because it’s holiday season.  I LOVE Lancome L’Absolu Rouge lipstick in Merlot. It has the perfect texture and on me it is a deep bold red, perfect for evening (and daytime if I’m feeling daring). Here’s to you, I raise my glass of Merlot and toast! Enjoy!

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Nature vs. Nurture

8 Nov

I have had a crazy, stressful week this past week.  I eluded to a certain situation in my last blog and this week everything exploded and I was caught in the firestorm.  Everything revolved around a single person and their actions which finally caught up to them.  I’ve always wondered if bad choices really ever caught up to some people (because some seem to get away with a lot more than others), well now I know, sooner or later they do.  It was interesting watching everything unfold and because I’m always curious about people’s stories, I wondered what this person’s story was that made him who he was today.  It raises the question. ‘nature or nurture’?  Did God make us this way or did our environment create us into who we are today.  I say both.  One of my husband’s favorite phrases when he’s on a stubborn streak is, ” That’s how God made me and no one can change that.”  I believe that to an extent but I also believe that environment can soften and mold us.  I can only imagine the type of person he would’ve been had his parents not reigned him in. I believe we are all created with unique personalities and temperaments but I think our families, friends, and the environment we are raised in mold us too; and then of course, the different choices we make throughout our lifetime direct us one way or another.

People are funny and interesting and knowing people’s stories not only help you understand them more, but accept them and love them too.  I’m not saying that you have to accept their decisions or how they treat you, but it gives you a better handle on things in terms of ‘being the change’ for people (even if it means walking away).  I’m hoping this event may precipitate a change for the better but who knows.  I read a quote which says, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced”-J. Baldwin.  I understand we need to face our challenges or challenging people head on whether change happens or not.  Maybe it’s just to plant the seed or to be a part of that ‘nurture’. We all have a voice and I’m so thankful after cancer that I still have mine.  We need to use it not only to spark change but to be a blessing to others.

This week I wear Bobbi Brown Rich Lip Color in Crimson.  It’s a rich, deep, wine-red, color and the newest to my ever expanding collection.  It’s great for the holidays and red is always that reminder to for me to live life to the fullest…wear it like you mean it!

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Ownership

27 Oct

This week I celebrated my birthday.  You all know how much I love birthdays.  This was my first birthday since 2008 that I did not have cancer, was preparing for treatment for cancer, or recovering from cancer surgery or radiation.  It was a little bittersweet for me because I had to be in Philadelphia for a work meeting.  Although I hated being away from my family, I had fun with people I had trained with before, but I also met a new lovely woman who I know I will continue to stay in touch with.  For this meeting, my roomate was a beautiful girl who was almost 20 years younger than me.  It was great and interesting to get to know her as well as my new friend who is almost 20 years older than me.  I loved listening to their stories and perpectives on life, work , family, etc., and what led them to make the decision which led them here. 

For this birthday, like every birthday, I looked back at my life and everything I’ve been through and also looked ahead with apprehension.  I am comfortable with the decisions I’ve made and the path I’ve taken.  There are many things we cannot control, you know, “life is 10% of  what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it” (Stephen Covey). We all decide which path we take in each situation, whether it’s which peanut butter to buy, which doctor to choose, which job, etc…what most people don’t want to do many times is take ownership on those decisions.  Sometimes we  blame the situation or end product of our own decision if it is not what we thought or planned.  Looking back, I have made many decisions that I thought I may have regretted but I look at where I am today and I’m content and feel very blessed.  I would not have chosen to have cancer, but I did choose to fight it and believe in a  positive outcome. Let’s own up to the decisions we’ve made and change our perspective a little, there’s no going back.

Today I wear Bobbi Brown lipstick in Chocolate.  It’s actually a soft , creamy medium brown which on me has a hint of a plummy undertone (probably my lips).  It’s great for fall and not as dark as it sounds or looks.  I chose it because it was my birthday and I love Chocolate (as well as the color).

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Safe Haven

19 Oct

Today I had an appointment with my brilliant speech pathologist.  She has a PhD in speech pathology and also a love for music.  She has worked with opera singers and world renown choirs  so I trust her immensely with my fragile vocal cords.  If you’ve been following my story, you know that I am a singer and it is a deep passion for me.  You also know that the first surgery for my cancer permanently paralyzed my right vocal cord.  Eventually, cancer continued to spread handicapping my left vocal cord.  I have worked with Dr. Menaldi (and voice specialist Dr Rubin, MD) each and every time to restore my voice constantly giving me hope that I will speak well and I will sing again.  Through hard work and their constant encouragement I have been able to sing again (miraculously). Last June when the doctors saw cancer cells once again on PET scan, I gave up trying to rehab because I didn’t see the point.  Of course,  in September when ultrasound showed no tumors, I decided to resume and now I am back to ground zero.  Back in June I gave up on the singing, I grieved and I finally let it go. Today Dr. Menaldi said ‘no’.  My neck has taken a beating, but she will work with me until I am singing fully once again.  I never thought a doctor’s office would be a safe haven for me.  Since I have been diligently coming to this office for almost four years now, I have become friends with not just the doctors, but the staff.  They know my story, they have cried with me and encouraged me.  They have seen me at my worst and have followed my cancer journey every step of the way (not by choice of course).

It hasn’t always been easy for me to open up and be vulnerable, but illness left me with no choice.  I feel very fortunate to have quite a few ‘safe havens’; places where I can be myself, free from the worry of what others may think.  I count my friends and family, my home, and now my doctor’s office as safe havens for me (in my case, I also have to include the lipstick counters).  We all need at least one place because if you’re anything like me, it would be so easy to withdraw and have the only safe haven in the confines of your own brain…totally not safe!  So wherever it may be, a doctor’s office, a lipstick counter, or the comfort of your own room, find a place where you can be you to take the pressure off having to answer “everything’s fine”  all the time!

Today I wear Tarte Lipsurgence Liptint in Moody.  It is sheer deep berry colored stain which I love. I also love the name because sometimes I am moody (especially if my thyroid meds are off), and the people associated with my safe havens let me be that way!

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Worth It

27 Sep

Recently a close friend of mine went through a terrible break-up.  If you knew her you would know that she is a beautiful, strong and intelligent  woman.  As I listened to her weep on the phone from a broken heart, I wondered if it was worth it.  Three years of ups and downs, being completely vulnerable only to be left with a broken, scarred, insecure self.  Was it worth it?  Is it worth it to lay your soul bare?  I venture to say ‘yes’. I asked her this same question just a few days after the break up and she agreed without hesitation that yes, it was completely worth it.  She was able to open her heart and feel several degrees of emotion and is now a richer person because of it.  She opened herself up to love and to feel love, but when she did that, she also opened herself up to feel the hurt.

With all that’s transpired in my life over the past few years with cancer constantly coming back and reminding me that life is short, I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  I used to be much more guarded and protective of my feelings, but I can’t do that anymore.  When I’m angry I express it, when I’m hurt or sad, I cry, and when I love, I can’t hold back and my heart overflows.  I feel extreme emotions, am I an emotional wreck?  Hardly.  Cancer has made me stronger mentally, but it has also made me a person who craves realness; real, raw emotions, real feelings, real people, no more games…not enough time.

My friend will recover and she’ll be stronger from the experience.  The danger happens when the scars build up and we don’t allow ourselves to heal.  Each time I have surgery on my neck there are new and additional scars, each surgeon has had to cut through the old layer of scars to get to the cancer.  It’s true of relationships too, the hurtful ones add to the old scars and it’s difficult cutting through those to open up.  But, I look at my scar on my neck and it’s a reminder that I am strong and I persevered, and I know myself better.  We are all creatures that crave love but , pardon the cliche’, we need to give love to get love.  Open yourself up and be real, take those risks.  You may get to know yourself a little better along the way too… it is worth it.

For today I chose Fresh Sugar Tinted Lip Treatment in Passion, a sheer crimson red lip balm that feels GREAT on your lips.  I chose it because it’s sheer enough to let your true colors shine through, but it’s red and called ‘passion’ so it’s a reminder to live and love passionately!

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Next…

21 Sep

OK, I admit it, I’ve been neglecting the rest of my body (from the neck down, that is).  For the past four years I have been back and forth to the hospital because of the cancer that keeps coming back to my neck, add in all the mood swings and craziness, well, my neck has been my sole focus for a long time.  What’s worse is that when cancer cells were found again last June, I got mad at the rest of my body.  I stopped exercising, I ate more junk food and candy, I drank a little more, etc…I thought to myself that if my body wasn’t going to cooperate, well, I’ll do what I want.

Since my recent ultrasound showed no tumors and now that my body is totally out of shape and feels like jello, I’m done.  I will be nicer to my body while I reacquaint myself with everything outside of my neck.  I am starting with a mammogram.  I am officially two years late on getting my baseline reading so today, my ‘girls’ will get special treatment and recognition.  I pray that they have no special ‘friends’ that have been hanging around with them.  I am also going to start exercising again, not just my body, but also my vocal cords.  I have allowed my cords to get tight and now, I definitely cannot sing and after a full day of talking, I end my days with a sore throat.

As fall in Michigan starts and the leaves begin changing colors, I will make peace with the rest of me.  We are given one life and one body and there are very few things we can control.  Despite the invasion of my neck, I can and should continue giving the rest of me my best (and you should too).  Treat your body well and once again, since it is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month and thyroid cancer is one of the top cancer’s on the rise, check your neck!

Today I wear Nars-Fire Down Below (a matte blood red), because my body below my neck is screaming for attention!

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Remember

16 Sep

This past week we remembered the tragedy of 9/11. The events of that day were played and replayed on the television and radio. There were numerous memorials and gatherings where people recalled where they were and how it affected their lives.  It was an event that we hopefully will never forget, but how soon we do forget.  Just a generation ago they were saying the same thing about Pearl Harbor, can you name the date of that tragedy which killed thousands?  After those events, we were more united as a country.  People were more united, friendlier, happier to be alive.  More people went to church, more people had hope for something better, do we still?  Anyway, it’s all sad.  All of our lives are marked with some sort of tragedy and most of the time only the closest will remember.

It’s like being diagnosed with cancer.  I remember each of the three times I got the call.  I remember the emotions, where I was, who I called, etc.  Now, with my temporary clean bill of health, it’s easy to forget I had cancer cells on my PET scan just a few months ago.  I move forward but I never forget.  When I cough or have a hard time breathing or swallowing because of my paralyzed vocal cord, I remember.  When my throat hurts in the morning and it feels tight, I remember; and when I look in the mirror and see the scar at the base of my neck, it is always a reminder of everything I’ve been through.  When the people I know and love look at me I wonder if they remember or if they’d rather forget.  It’s ok to move forward.  I love the resiliency of kids and I’m happy to say that when I act normal, I hope the kids forget for awhile that I was sick.  The only signs they remember is when I can’t control my cough; they look at me with concern.  Also, when planning for future events like a vacation, now they ask, “If you don’t have cancer this summer can we go on vacation?”.  Yes, we all change through tragedy, but some things we push down because it’s too hard to remember those feelings.  My memories always linger near the surface but it helps me be stronger and that is the hope after any tragedy, an extra dose of wisdom and strength for the future.

This month is Thyroid Cancer Awareness month (along with a few other cancers that have not yet claimed a month).  Those who know a little of my story know that I found the lump on my neck myself.  My voice was hoarse and my throat was sore so I massaged my neck and found a lump.  Take a few minutes and check your neck, you never know.

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Lipgloss in Bare Sparkle-a champagne colored gloss with a pearl sheen, gorgeous alone or on top of lipstick.  Memories are a beautiful, sparkly thing!

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Encouragement

8 Sep

Have you ever been on the corkscrew roller coaster?  Well, that’s me, my emotions; not just easy twists and turns but jerky-whiplash-causing sudden turns.  I know I used the roller coaster analogy already, but this time I’m not talking just about the extreme up and down, I’m talking about the uncontrollable twists and turns…the corkscrew.  I do love a good roller coaster.  I finally had my follow up ultrasound this week to check if any of the cancer cells found on my PET scan last June had developed into visible tumors in my neck.  After the radiation techs did the initial test, they left to call the physician in.  As I laid there I thought about every possible case scenario (of course the worst is what I thought of first).  I thought of things like, what if there is tumor, a fourth surgery is extremely risky, radiation is out of the question, who do I call first, what should I tell my new boss, what if I cry in front of my doctor (which I hate doing), what if I’m not strong enough to hear the results?…I had to stop myself, my thoughts alone were making me cry.  I took a deep breath and tried to empty my mind.  When the doctor came in, he said ‘hello’ and said he’s always happy and sad to see me.  He said he loves seeing me because I’m a good patient, but he’s always sad because most of the time he’s the one that tells me there’s tumors in my neck again. Anyhow, he looked at my results and said, there’s nothing there, NOTHING!  For a moment I felt blank, not happy, not sad, but blank.  I think I didn’t believe him so I asked what he meant and he just said, there are no tumors and hopefully we won’t need to meet again for awhile.  WOW, big sharp turn.  I left there not completely believing it, it was and still is that hesitant joy that cancer patients feel.  My endocrinologist called me shortly afterward and said “Congratulations,”  followed by…”We’re still going to watch closely, let’s wait 4 months until the next scan.”  OK, so I buy another 4 months…I’ll take it.

I have to say, what is so awesome about this journey is the outpouring of support.  Now with the book, this blog, and my book’s fan page on Facebook, I not only get support from friends and family, but I receive encouraging words from complete strangers.  It overwhelms me that in our supposedly uncaring, selfish society there are so many rays of light!  I have made my journey public, but think about those who suffer in private.  We all want love and support.  Think about the people God has placed around you every single day and the power of an encouraging word.  I went through the McDonald’s drive thru and the girl’s voice was so pleasant that when I pulled up, I told her she had one of the nicest voices in a drive-thru I ever heard and that she was doing a great job.  I drove off with her beaming.  Thank you to all those who reached out to me but also consider those around you.  One word of encouragement can change a person’s face, demeanor, day, and even outlook.  For me, I will try to be more consistent about it because I know I need it and everyone has something going on.  Give it a shot and of course, wear that red lipstick!

My lipstick for this week is Kat Von D Lipstick in Hellbent, a rich red with a more blue base.  I chose it for the name because I am hellbent on kicking cancer!

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Follow Your Heart

30 Aug

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked….follow your heart…Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”-Steve Jobs

What a brilliant man. Think about it, why don’t more of us follow what’s truly in our hearts on a daily basis. Now I’m not saying quit your jobs and run away to do something crazy, because we all have responsibilities, but if we know our heart’s desires and dreams, why not take steps to go in that direction or somehow reinforce that desire daily or weekly? I still love singing, dancing, and music in general, they bring me joy, so now I play the piano longer, I sing in my car louder, I dance when I hear a fun tune and those things put a smile on my face; even hearing good music can stir my heart. We are all destined to die. For me, cancer gave me a warning and reminder that it may be sooner than later.

My son had a birthday party recently, 25 teenage boys and girls and talk about trying to live up to external expectations, yikes. The pressure teens face to look good, be smart, be popular, get into the right crowd, is tough, but it doesn’t change much as adults (especially as a woman). We all fear embarrassment or failure but what do we have to lose? What would happen if we did fail? So what? I would hope to teach my children to pick themselves up and push forward, not looking back. Life is too short and knowing that we all die no matter what should be freeing. For me, it lifts the burden of ‘what would they think…’ because when we die, does their opinion really matter? Be your own person; follow what’s in your heart because God put it there, and love people knowing that they are all unique and they all have hopes and dreams too.

RED LIPSTICK CHALLENGE: This past week I had an appointment with my radiation oncologist and wore bright red lipstick. (Tarte LipSurgence Natural Lip Luster lipstain in Fever—fun red, be brave). When the PA whom I’ve never met before walked in the room he looked at me and said, ‘Wow, where are you going after this appointment because you look great,’…all that before he introduced himself! Me and my red lips felt pretty satisfied. If you know some of my story you know that I used to want to hide my lips, now, red lipstick…hello, I’m here to live! Keep sharing your stories and challenges, I love hearing them! Talk with you soon….

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Challenge

22 Aug

This morning I was driving an hour to my first appointment and I started feeling sorry for myself.  The sun was out, I was off to work, my kids were being taken care of by my visiting in-laws today, and we had just come off a great weekend of visiting a themepark (always fun people watching at those places) and just overall relaxing.  I got mad.  I was mad because without the cancer, life is really great.  I asked myself why I still had to be here, year after year, scan after scan, still showing cancer????  I was mad that my family and my friends had to go through this again and I hate being the downer of the group.  The one who has to say, ‘yes, it’s still there,’ or ‘yup, got cancer again.’  I really want to be normal and worry about normal things like what I should wear tomorrow or if my shoes match.  Is this my new normal?  I guess it is, and I’m not happy about it.  Being sick sucks.  I don’t look sick, I don’t feel sick and yet some small cell in my body is trying to take over.  I truly am ok with whatever may happen to me, I’m not ok with the fact that my family and friends have to worry about me again.  I’m sad for them, I’m mad for them.  I’m mad that my kids have to wonder how it’s all going to turn out, I’m mad that my parents,  friends, and the rest of the family have to ask how I’m doing and be afraid of the answer.

I read a quote today, “Life challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”-Bernice Johnson Reagan (thanks Jennifer).  Well, I thought I had me figured out the first, second, and third time, but now I’m getting a little confused.  It’s that roller coaster again and today, yes, I’m mad about it.  Sorry to vent, it’s frustrating.  Is this challenge paralyzing me?  Of course not and I continue discovering new aspects of myself.  In fact, I hope I am becoming a better version of myself daily.  We should all strive to do that, cancer or not.

Today I wore Sue Devitt lipstick in Australian Bight.  On me it’s RED (I probably looked like a Geisha, oh well).  I know it gave me the fighting spirit to forge ahead.  In the next few weeks I will be seeing my radiation oncologist and getting another ultrasound to see if the tumor is growing so I am putting out a challenge.

I would like to put out a ‘RED LIPSTICK CHALLENGE’ for those of you who love life and have the fighting spirit.  Wear red lipstick daily for three weeks and e-mail me how you felt and any stories you would like to share.  With your permission, I will share a few anonymously.  For the men reading my blog, carry something red in your car or pocket as a reminder to live life and e-mail me too.  You can send all e-mails to lipstickjourney@att.net.

I can’t wait to read your stories!  Here are some suggestions for reds:  Bobbi Brown Burnt Red, Smashbox Marvelous, Lancome Merlot, Bare Escentuals Buxom gloss in Brandi, Covergirl Natureluxe Cabernet, Burt’s Bees Red Dahlia tinted lipbalm.  Have fun!

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