I’ve been feeling a little crunchy lately, not just lately, weeks I think; irritable, stressed, maybe sometimes a little depressed. I thought it may be work related or because since school has started, the schedule has been in hyper drive with work, super early mornings, and school sports. All I know is everyday I’ve been going through the motions of getting things done and at the end of the day I’m completely worn out, not to mention if just one little thing throws off the equilibrium of my ‘flow’ I’m wrecked. I’ve been trying to process this and honestly pray about this for awhile now. Since I’m awake pretty early I sit and pray in the quiet hoping for peace and some sort of ‘light-ness’ to my day. Well yesterday I think I finally figured it out. I am a total introvert, feeler, and people pleaser living in chaos almost 24/7.
My brother is almost 11 years younger than me. What that means is for almost 11 years I was an only child which totally works for an introvert. My mom however is a total extrovert and therefore had people at our house all the time. My usual MO (modus operandi-method of operation) was to greet people as they came, eat the food, then hide out in my room until everyone was gone. An article I read recently about my specific personality type according to Myers-Briggs testing (I’m an INFP) said that ‘When under stress the INFP gets lost in internal turmoil”…caught between pleasing others and maintaining their own integrity and taking care of their well-being.’ Some of the causes of stress are cited as ‘not enough time alone, small talk, too many demands on their time, and of course, too much extraverting.’
Here’s the deal: I’m the mom of teens which are super involved in school and sports and I have a career as a sales rep. That about covers all the stress factors for INFP type personalities. How do you ‘mom’ and constantly give to your kids, your spouse, your friends, etc.. and how do you do sales for a living without small talk all while being a people-pleaser without getting stressed because you’re an introvert? I’m open for suggestions because I don’t think it’s possible. What are the solutions? The article says ‘give them space, forgive them for being overly critical, let them get away by themselves, let them do projects they’re interested in’…all good stuff, not surprising. What if you’re a mom with lots of responsibility, a demanding job, a mom that doesn’t want to miss a thing with her kids? Is it ok or easy to just simply get away? No. As much as I’d love to there are seasons when it’s not possible. What’s the solution then? I don’t know but I will continue trying to find those pockets of silence, I will force myself to rest in peace and quiet and to have some dead space even if it’s for 5 minutes every few hours while trying not to start the dishwasher or do laundry or run another errand or get on the phone. In this season of life I can’t hide in my room until everyone leaves so I have to recharge in those pockets (while planning a short vacation getaway). I’ve missed writing this blog so here I am in my solitude pocket being vulnerable. Susan Cain writes ‘Solitude matters, and for some it’s the air they breathe.’ Here I am, breathing.
Today I wear BareMinerals Gen Nude Radiant Lipstick in Mantra which they describe as a dirty mauve. I really love these lipsticks because of the texture and the colors because as titled they are Gen(erally) Nude. All the colors are easy to wear for every day. I love this color, it’s my MLBB (my lips but but better) shade. My mantra for now will be ‘stop and breathe.’ Cheers!
I won’t see for longer and longer gaps of time. I will no longer be able to peek in your room to make sure you’re sleeping well, I won’t be able to give you that mamma bear hug when you’ve had a bad day. This year has been filled with so many ‘lasts’ but also many firsts like not being with you on your birthday for the first time 😦 Now, washing sheets, college shopping, packing, all these things bring floods of memories; watching you play t-ball, learning how to ride a bike, your daring 7 year old self riding a motorcycle, you helping with your brother and sister when I had 
cancer, all these years that I’ve had the privilege of being your mom and watching you grow have been amazing. I’ve always heard people say that our kids are a gift from God and that they are not really ours, well here it is, every year older has been practice of letting you fly away. I saw this quote,’There is more to a boy than what his mother sees. There is more to a boy then what his father dreams. Inside every boy lies a heart that beats. And sometimes it screams, refusing to take defeat. And sometimes his father’s dreams aren’t big enough, and sometimes his mother’s vision isn’t long enough. And sometimes the boy has to dream his own dreams and break through the clouds with his own sunbeams.’ ~B Behunin 
Thank you for being a great son. From the book I read to you every night when you were young…’I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.’~R. Munsch
Are there only 2 sides? Is there really only fear and love? One or the other? Does perfect love cast out all fear?
does the same for my kids. He tries to be at most of the games and he drives them around too. Yes, a man of few words, but his actions speak volumes of his love and support.
are the struggles with our kids, the days when no amount of hair products or make up can camouflage a bad night’s sleep, the arguments with a boss or spouse, you know, real life. So on this Mother’s Day, I choose to let go of the constant struggle to keep up with the perfection I see on social media because the daily struggles of life, a job, and keeping up with teens is hard enough. The flowers, the candy, breakfast…all beautiful but for me the kids are a special gift from God and what I want most of all this mother’s day and really every day is for them to know without a doubt that they are loved from the depths of my heart and that I will always love them through~through pain, through struggles, through the good stuff and the bad. How can we expect to have perfect kids when we ourselves are imperfect?
she had amazing goals but there was currently no room for space or curve. I told her it was great to have a vision of what her life was supposed to look like in the future but she should absolutely leave room for the unplanned things. The things that make life move and bend, that force you to make decisions, to make hard turns and to maybe change the course you had originally planned but make you who you are truly created to be.
asthma I would lie awake in his room on the floor listening to him struggle to breathe and set my alarm every 4 hours for his breathing treatment. He will probably never know that when he would get hit as a quarterback in 7th and 8th grade I would physically feel sick to my stomach, or the time he cried because he couldn’t understand math and wanted to give up that I cried too. He won’t know that when he didn’t make the varsity basketball team and he sat in his room and cried that I was sitting in my room crying harder because when your child’s dream dies a part of you dies with it. He may never know that when my cancer diagnosis was bad I would lie awake in my hospital bed crying thinking about him and his siblings and willing myself to fight just for them.
Anna's Lipstick Journey 