Archive | Blog RSS feed for this section

Passion vs Paycheck?

18 Mar

2013-07-03 04.44.07
There was an article I read years ago right around the time the Detroit economy took a dive. It basically shot out a statistic that 80% of Americans actually hate their jobs. The question at the end was ‘Do you pick passion over paycheck?’ The article added that without passion, people will be choosing between the lesser of two stresses: stress from being unemployed versus the stress of being in a dead-end job.

Lately I’ve met a few people who are doing things they absolutely love…and getting paid for it. They may or may not be the most lucrative careers but I see the joy and passion in their eyes of doing what they love. There’s my neighbor/hair phenom with her own salon, the make-up artist who views every face as an empty and beautiful canvas, the artist I met last week, the lawyer turned IT genius and loving it; people all around me doing things they love or switching careers to pursue passion. Every interaction I have with one of these people leaves me wondering about myself and what I’ve done to pursue the things I’m most passionate about. We all wonder if we’re doing what we we’re created to do, if we’re living our purpose, or just staying safe. I think there has to be a balance of course, you can be passionate but not gifted (think American Idol, X-factor, etc. they all think they’re great). I’ve been in sales my whole career life, am I passionate about it? No. Do I enjoy it? Sure. I look at it this way, everyday is a chance to talk to a bunch of people I otherwise may never meet, attitude goes a long way. As life continues to press on with all the stressors attached we tend to push our passions aside and maybe even forget what it is that makes our hearts beat faster. For me, it was always music, singing and dance. My heart still beats fast when I hear a great tune, I sometimes see choreography in my head too. I know I was good at one time but cancer has taken part of my voice and age has made me a little less flexible; passion for music will never go away for me. I do believe though that as we ‘do’ life new passions can arise. I now have new passions for being the best mom, for people’s stories, for writing, and of course, for finding or even creating the perfect lipstick! Billy Graham said,’The greatest surprise of my life is the brevity of life.’ So very true, we have one life and it is oh so short. So do we just quit our jobs and pursue our passions? It depends, we have responsibilities mixed in too, but I think we can do a bit of both, living in the now of what we have. And yeah, I still want to be a rockstar, who doesn’t?

Pretending to be a Rockstar

Pretending to be a Rockstar


‘Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.’~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Today I wear Giorgio Armani Rouge Ecstasy Lipstick in 301-Gio. These lipsticks are pretty close to perfect. Longer lasting, great color, and moisturizing. Clearly I didn’t choose the color for it’s name (hate when there’s not a fun name attached to a lipstick), but this color is FUN! Kind of a coral-ly/red…perfect pop of color for summer,ok,spring. LIVE EVERYTHING! Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Stories…

13 Mar

nola
Last weekend I had the opportunity to tell my story to a group of young physicians at a national meeting in New Orleans. It’s been awhile since I’ve spoken about my story from beginning to end so as always it was cathartic. I think it may have been the first time I didn’t cry while telling talk14it too. I was with a few other survivors/fighters who shared their stories as well and it was amazing to me how no two stories were alike, or for that matter, similar. Everyone’s cancer, diagnosis, age, treatment, results, etc. were so different, but the emotions were all the same. We were all scared, we all needed support, and we all relied on our doctors and other experts for answers. There is an instantaneous bond between people who have fought the big ‘C’, hard to explain. There is also strength and confidence that I can see in the eyes of those who have fought and won; I’d like to think I have that (remember my bad ass self from my last blog?). Anyway, it was a fantastic opportunity and I met some really amazing people.meandfran

You know how I always say ‘everyone has a story?’ I actually met someone who said the exact same thing to me. Not only was the talk amazing but truly the weekend was a great reminder of how we meet people all the time and behind the eyes there’s an amazing story. I took a friend of mine to New Orleans with me and our first encounter was the guy at security at the airport; I stopped and spoke to him briefly (no, there was no line so it was ok); he was 60+ years old, about to retire, lost his savings, needed a job, so now drives 1.5 hours to work at this airport. He was a gem. Then the kid who sat next to me on the first leg of the trip. We caught each other playing Candy Crush and laughed about it. He was off to Texas to visit his best friend stationed there. He himself decided to go to college but was on ROTC scholarship and he hadn’t seen his friend in over a year. He said he had the chance to do Spring Break in Florida with his other friends but decided this relationship was more important. I wanted to hug him. On the second leg I was in between the grandma/college librarian from Iowa who married her high school sweetheart who was an All State and college wrestler and the artist and dreamer from Arizona who taught me that dreaming big should be the norm and if you think you can do something, what’s stopping you. Thank you Arizona for the reminder! I can’t tell you enough how great it is to hear people’s stories and learn from them, you always leave richer, I know I do. Every time we share a bit of ourselves we have a chance to leave an impact or imprint, will yours be positive or negative?

‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.’~ Maya Angelou

Today I wear Marc Jacobs Lust for Lacquer Lip Vinyl Sheer in Lust for Life. I think I wrote about these before but these glosses are not sticky at all and give just the right amount of color for a gloss…not too sheer. I chose this particular color because it’s like a sheer pop of raspberry (can you tell I need spring to be here ASAP), I also love the name, who doesn’t have a lust for life? Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Finding Anna

7 Mar

2013-07-05 16.21.59
Do you ever feel like you’re living in a box…maybe I should say, a portrait? You all know that in general, I’ve spent most of my life as a people pleaser. This is not a bad thing, not at all. Putting others needs before yours? But what happens when you strive to please so much that you start losing yourself? Maybe even forgetting your needs, hopes, dreams? You start living in a box of what you think others want from you but forget about yourself. The past several years with cancer were intense but my focus was on the fight. Lots of things happen in the mind of a cancer patient. Am I going to die? Have I done anything of any significance? Will my kids be ok? In my case, will I be able to speak again, or breathe on my own? Then, if I survive, what things will I change? It has been almost four years now that I’ve technically been cancer free with a few scares along the way and I’ve said before that there are several things I can no longer tolerate; I have a hard time with rudeness, arrogance, judgement, rage, control, entitlement, and massive complaining about things we can’t change. Our time is too short here to waste our breath and energy, and that stuff adds undue stress, I just want peace.

For the past several months, maybe even a year, I have been able to reconnect with many friends from my past. A couple from high school, a couple from college, and a few from my life post college/starting a career era. It has been awesome. During this turbulent time, these ladies have been here to laugh and cry with me, but most of all, help me remember myself; what I loved, what I laughed about, my dreams, and oh…the memories and stories. I don’t believe in coincidence that much. I believe every meeting has a purpose and the timing is always right. Here is what I’ve learned, being a people pleaser is part of my personality, I like making people happy and feel loved and respected, but I can’t forget about me. I used to base decisions on what the other person wanted. Now, I think a little selfishness is ok. I also learned that although I may be on the sensitive side, I am mentally tough, strong, and as one friend put it..a bad ass chick (sorry for the profanity but I liked the description). Because of life experiences, we can never fully be who we once were, but it’s great to come back to your core, remember who you were and incorporate that into who you are now and who you want to be…and yes…I think I might be pretty bad ass.photo(6)

‘To the people who love you, you are beautiful already. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings but because they so clearly see your soul. Your shortcomings then dim by comparison. The people who care about you are willing to let you be imperfect and beautiful, too.’~V. Moran

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolution lipstick in F-bomb. These lipsticks are great in terms of having lots of color AND feeling buttery soft (which is usually a hard combo to find). I chose this color because it is a classic red and also for the name…just getting all the profanity out of the way. Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Thankful

2 Mar

clouds
It’s been a long week. There have been times during and since having cancer that I get completely overwhelmed with gratitude; an absolute moment when my heart feels like it’s exploding. Well, that happened a couple of times to me this week; once sitting in a parking lot getting ready to go into an office, and the other, while driving to go see a friend. I was flooded with emotion just thinking about my life, the people in it, and just exactly where it is today. In general, it was a week full of chaos (as usual) but I absolutely felt blessed in those brief moments. Almost two weeks ago a friend of mine’s dad had a heart attack. I was able to visit him and his dad in the hospital and I admit, it was tough. Seeing the interaction between the two, a son taking care of his father, it was humbling. Later he said to me, ‘my dad was my Superman, so seeing him like this is hard,’ broke my heart. It’s the circle of life right? My strong friend taking care of his Superman. Another friend of mine was in the emergency room last week not exactly knowing what was wrong. She had absolute fear in her eyes when she told me all about it the next day when I saw her. Fortunately in both instances, things seem to be getting better.

The first time I had cancer the doctor walked in my room when I was by myself and told me I was going to die, and it was 4 years ago this month that I had my third (and last, hopefully) surgery for cancer. There have been several moments in between where I have gotten completely overwhelmed with life and just living. My life has been in constant transition, especially lately, and not always smooth, but I am so thankful. There have been people, friends, that have really stepped up, and new people who I have met for exactly this time. I said this in my last blog but it’s awesome how different people weave themselves in and out of your story. Some meetings are brief but they all leave an impact and memory, and many times those people weave back in. Life is fleeting but beautiful if you can just stop and open your eyes…To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.~ Oscar Wilde

To everything – turn, turn, turn. There is a season – turn, turn, turn. And a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap; A time to kill, a time to heal; A time to laugh, a time to weep~Turn Turn Turn~The Byrds

Today I wear NYX Cosmetics Butter Gloss in Sugar Cookie. These glosses are AWESOME and inexpensive!. They are not sticky at all, slightly pigmented, and super moisturizing. I chose this color for two reasons. First, it’s a great pop of color that won’t scare people away (looks natural), and second, because of the name, my daughter made some amazing cookies this week! Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This Girl Is On Fire

21 Feb

Dancing on the streets of Paris with a breakdance crew

Dancing on the streets of Paris with a breakdance crew


I have a friend that I see every now and then. She is the person who always has a book to recommend or an author or a new song; not a fiction book, some type of inspirational or self-help book, but never cheesy. She always has great advice, not too pushy, and the way she comes across, with her added expressions, never ceases to crack me up! She’s actually hysterical and no matter what mood I’m in, I leave laughing. Anyhow, I saw her recently and of course she opens with ‘I just read this great book’ (uh huh, I’m already smiling) ‘It was written by this incredibly strong woman’…’All right’, I say as I take out a piece of paper to write name and author, like always…’Maybe you’ve heard of it, it’s called ‘My Lipstick Journey Through Cancer’ by Anna Warner’. Me…blank stare back. Then she stares at me square in the eyes and says ‘that’s right, she’s in there, bring her back.’ Believe it or not, that small gesture touched me deep in my soul and I started to feel that fire again (cue the theme from Rocky). Who am I? I’m a girl who auditioned for a show 3 times before finally getting on, I fought cancer 3 times also, I pushed through a science degree when all I wanted to do was sing and dance, and when people said I couldn’t, I did all I could to prove them wrong. Heck yeah, I’m a fighter.

There have also been a lot of opportunities recently that have popped up. I was asked by an artist and vocal coach from Atlanta if she could use my story as part of her Vocal Workshop, of course, thank you Heather! A national cancer organization has also asked me to speak and share my story at a national meeting for young physicians. On top of that, coming soon is an event near and dear to my heart, the annual Voice Day celebration that my physician puts together, and I am still fortunate to be able to sing and be a part of that special day. This week I also met up with a couple old co-workers and it was really great. I am so incredibly grateful for all of my experiences, good and bad, but mostly for all the people who God has weaved in and out of my life and journey at exactly the right time. I love you all. ‘She got both feet on the ground, And she’s burning it down. She got her head in the clouds,And she’s not backing down. This girl is on fire…~ Girl on Fire,Alicia Keys

Today I wear an old favorite, Buxom Full On Lip Polish in Brandi. These lipglosses are not sticky at all and make your lips tingle a little. I love the color Brandi because it adds kind of a deep berry shade to my lips while still being a little sheer. Check out the box it comes in…yeah, this girl is on fire…watch out! Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Rumors and Lies

9 Feb

cold
There have been several emotions swirling in my mind over the past few weeks (obviously); joy, sadness, anger, and fear because of various reasons. When I was young, I was shy, painfully shy. My parents are extremely social and we would either be at a party or hosting one. At those parties I was either attached to my parents’ hip or after doing the obligatory hello’s (and playing the piano…I am Filipino), I would try to escape to my room to read, write, or listen to music. I wasn’t sad or lonely, just a shy introvert who would be overwhelmed by crowds and having to socialize. My shyness carried on for pretty much all of my youth until college where I sort of blossomed. In Jr. and Sr. high I became involved in sports, choir, plays, student government. Then I was on a TV show and won a couple beauty pageants my mom encouraged me to join to increase my confidence and break out of my shyness. Despite those things, I was still shy, opening up to few, but kind to all. What happens when you have a few accomplishments and are mostly quiet? People talk about you, rumors, and even lies sometimes. Why? 1. To feel better about themselves, 2. To convince people that they are better than the person they are talking about, or 3. Whatever lies they are pushing, it’s because they are actually the one that’s guilty of said lie(s). Sometimes they repeat it so much, they actually start believing it…scary.

What does this all have to do with me today? Well, I just went through a divorce and am keeping quiet about the details. I have had really incredible support through both the cancer and the divorce from people who have done life with me, worked with me, family, and even people I have had very little interaction with. Why? My parents taught me well…love God, love others; practice patience, kindness, gratefulness. Although I can still get shy sometimes, I try with my actions to be and do these things; not always succeeding but consciously always trying to be a positive force. Today there are lies being told and believed by even a few of those who were close to me. Hurtful? Absolutely, but although my heart hurts at times, I can hold my head high knowing the truth and also feeling confident that the truth eventually comes out. Actions speak louder than words and sometimes your actions show people who you are. “There is beauty in truth, even if it’s painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one’s character, one’s mind, one’s heart or one’s soul.”~ José N. Harrisanna2.9.14

Today I wear Nars lipstick in Heatwave. Nars is famous for great lipsticks. This formula is semi-matte so it’s a little drying for me but still great. I chose this color for the simple reason that I WANT SUMMER BACK!! Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Magic

4 Feb

survivor
Today is World Cancer Day, a day that the World Health Organization (WHO), and everyone else uses to recognize, unite, and fight against the disease that will kill an estimated 84 million people from 2005-2015. It’s also about survivors. Most of the time I don’t dwell on the fact that I had cancer but today, seeing all the cancer posts and all the purple profiles for the American Cancer Society and Chevy, I get a little nostalgic.I don’t even know if nostalgic is the right word, but I guess my heart feels a little heavy today; both sad and grateful. It’s strange, there are the constant reminders, my scar, my difficulty breathing sometimes, the numbness/weakness in my left arm from all the surgeries and radiation on the left side of my neck, these things are daily but are fully integrated into my life, it’s just how it is. What changed the most for me is what happened inside my heart and mind. There are people who have told me, ‘thyroid cancer?’ ‘the easy cancer?’. Really makes me sick, cancer is cancer, cells trying to kill you, nothing easy about that. Who would even imagine someone having to defend their cancer? No one asks for it, no one wants it, and everyone walks away different. My particular journey was tough, but isn’t every person’s?

It’s hard to describe what has changed on the inside because sometimes it’s overwhelming. I know that I tolerate less crap, I crave peace and kindness, but most of all I look at people, circumstances, and plain daily living a whole lot differently. I take my time now to notice. Most of the time we’re so busy trying to do something or get somewhere, we don’t notice who or what is even in our surroundings; is someone hurting, laughing, talking to you even…I know I’m not making sense but life is not so serious. If we look for the magic, we see it. I have had many people come into my life over the past few years at exactly the time I needed them, it’s been awesome. Understanding their stories, who they are, spoken from their eyes…magic. Cancer has made me more sad, more angry, more willing, but most of all more grateful for the simplest of things. See? I can’t even articulate! I recently watched a movie where Meryl Streep’s character has cancer and she jumps out of a car and starts running…really random, going nowhere. She was crazed and upset and yes, sometimes it’s like that; but sometimes we(me) run to nowhere just because we can. The simple act of running with arms open, face in the wind, breathing in life…magic. I used this quote before but I love it so much I’m going to use it again as a reminder. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ~Steve Jobs

Today I wear Strawberry Lip Smacker. Cheap, yummy, the stuff I had in high school, a simpler time. Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Real

1 Feb


I’m at a loss for words, no, really. Last week I dropped the ‘divorce’ bombshell and the amount of support from everyone was unbelievable; all of the wonderful messages both public and private were overwhelming. It was my most read blog of all time, almost 1000 people. Crazy. What does that tell me? Either a) people crave authenticity and truth or b) people love good gossip. I’m hoping for ‘a’ because that’s what I crave. We all walk around with amazing facades don’t we? We portray what we think people want to see; put together, nice, happy, perfect…how exhausting. I prefer the raw and uncut version because that’s where I am. It’s easier, but sometimes a risk. We all live imperfect lives and are flawed, thank goodness, perfection is impossible. If we all came to terms with that then maybe we would be more real with each other and not so judgmental. Ask me what I think now and I’ll tell you, no more pretense. For the people in the ‘b’ category, not my style. I’m fairly private despite a book and blog. I write observations on life not dirt about me or anyone else, sorry. Those close to me know some of the details but not all, like I said, I keep things close. I’m more about actions than words anyhow, you get back what you put out into the world and nothing someone says can outweigh what they do.

It’s been an interesting week of mixed emotions but I am still looking forward with great hope for the future. I have heard the ‘strong’ word thrown around a lot and frankly, I’m not feeling it; just living and doing the best I can. This week I got to help a friend going through her own difficult life circumstance. That’s one of life’s privileges, going through struggles, getting stronger, and helping others. Life is beautiful.

‘Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength’~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Today I wear Lancome Rouge In Love lipstick in Fierry Attitude. These lipsticks are feather light and last a long time. They are a tiny bit drying for me but not as bad as some of the other long lasting lipsticks. I chose this color because it’s a deep berry which I love, I also love the name…living life with passion and a fiery attitude! Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Picture Perfect

26 Jan


Over the holidays I received lots of family pictures, you know, the new trend of sending the picture postcard? Everyone’s happy, smiling, perfect. I heard the other day that relationships, like these pictures, always look good and pretty on the outside, but sometimes the picture is not always what it seems. What’s easier for people to see? Obviously the pretty, but people’s lives are never truly picture perfect are they? They’re messy and complicated sometimes. Over the past several months to a year, I have been referring to a personal issue in my life that I have been navigating through outside of cancer. I read this quote ‘I know of nothing more valuable when it comes to the all important virtue of authenticity then simply being who you are.’~Charles Swindoll. Last week I wrote about a shift that had occurred in my life, a death and a birth; last week I became a divorced woman and a single mother. I’m sure many of you are surprised and I will not go into details, but it was not something done lightly. If you have been reading my blog for some time, you know me fairly well by now. I am a survivor. I was asked by a couple people this past week who my safety net was, who I was ‘gunning’ for, and my response was quick, no one, there is nobody else. I am finally aiming for me; my safety net is God. Like I said in my blog a few weeks ago, no one knows what happens behind closed doors and I will leave it at that. Now, I move forward with even more strength, courage, and hope for a beautiful future. I hope you stay with me in my complicated journey called life. One more quote,‘We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be’~ Mary Sarton.

So here I am, trying to be authentic and unapologetically me.

No lipstick today, just me 🙂

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Shift

18 Jan

photo(5)
There are certain events in life, both good and bad, that cause a shift in the way you see the world; your first kiss, the birth of a child, reaching a goal, and even a death of a loved one. These shifts can happen years apart or continually, fast and furious. The past few years for me have been the latter, fast and furious. Between cancer, my book, reaching certain goals, the death of my friend, deepened friendships, and even certain new people that I have met, all of these things have been one after another constantly changing my perspective and even showing me even more how awesome and beautiful this world is and the people in it. This past week I had another major shift happen in my life. Without going into great detail at this time, this shift brought feelings of both a death and a birth; the sadness and grief you experience from death coupled with the warmth, joy, and peace after a birth. My day ended with my view of the world being simple and beautiful despite the freezing temperatures and snowfall. An overriding theme to all these shifts is hope.

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ― C. JoyBell

I love this quote because if you recall from my 25 Things.. post, I love beautiful things that fly (not bugs), butterflies, hawks, eagles…because they look so free. Life never guarantees us an easy road but there’s always hope. Today is exactly the time between what’s already been and what’s yet to come so all we can do is live, learn, then move forward. With every shift I have learned different lessons and I welcome them. All I know for now, is that I will continue to live with breathless anticipation and hope, always open to whatever change comes next.

Today I wear Marc Jacobs Lust for Lacquer Lip Vinyl in No Regrets. These full coverage lipglosses are amazing! They have full on color and they are fairly long lasting. A friend and I sorta went nuts at Sephora trying all of these on. Although I bought Fame, No Regrets (which is red) is next. I chose it today for the name. No matter what choices, or paths we take we can learn from them and move forward, regrets are a waste of time. Cheers!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →