Tag Archives: beauty

Rumors and Lies

9 Feb

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There have been several emotions swirling in my mind over the past few weeks (obviously); joy, sadness, anger, and fear because of various reasons. When I was young, I was shy, painfully shy. My parents are extremely social and we would either be at a party or hosting one. At those parties I was either attached to my parents’ hip or after doing the obligatory hello’s (and playing the piano…I am Filipino), I would try to escape to my room to read, write, or listen to music. I wasn’t sad or lonely, just a shy introvert who would be overwhelmed by crowds and having to socialize. My shyness carried on for pretty much all of my youth until college where I sort of blossomed. In Jr. and Sr. high I became involved in sports, choir, plays, student government. Then I was on a TV show and won a couple beauty pageants my mom encouraged me to join to increase my confidence and break out of my shyness. Despite those things, I was still shy, opening up to few, but kind to all. What happens when you have a few accomplishments and are mostly quiet? People talk about you, rumors, and even lies sometimes. Why? 1. To feel better about themselves, 2. To convince people that they are better than the person they are talking about, or 3. Whatever lies they are pushing, it’s because they are actually the one that’s guilty of said lie(s). Sometimes they repeat it so much, they actually start believing it…scary.

What does this all have to do with me today? Well, I just went through a divorce and am keeping quiet about the details. I have had really incredible support through both the cancer and the divorce from people who have done life with me, worked with me, family, and even people I have had very little interaction with. Why? My parents taught me well…love God, love others; practice patience, kindness, gratefulness. Although I can still get shy sometimes, I try with my actions to be and do these things; not always succeeding but consciously always trying to be a positive force. Today there are lies being told and believed by even a few of those who were close to me. Hurtful? Absolutely, but although my heart hurts at times, I can hold my head high knowing the truth and also feeling confident that the truth eventually comes out. Actions speak louder than words and sometimes your actions show people who you are. “There is beauty in truth, even if it’s painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one’s character, one’s mind, one’s heart or one’s soul.”~ José N. Harrisanna2.9.14

Today I wear Nars lipstick in Heatwave. Nars is famous for great lipsticks. This formula is semi-matte so it’s a little drying for me but still great. I chose this color for the simple reason that I WANT SUMMER BACK!! Cheers!

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Magic

4 Feb

survivor
Today is World Cancer Day, a day that the World Health Organization (WHO), and everyone else uses to recognize, unite, and fight against the disease that will kill an estimated 84 million people from 2005-2015. It’s also about survivors. Most of the time I don’t dwell on the fact that I had cancer but today, seeing all the cancer posts and all the purple profiles for the American Cancer Society and Chevy, I get a little nostalgic.I don’t even know if nostalgic is the right word, but I guess my heart feels a little heavy today; both sad and grateful. It’s strange, there are the constant reminders, my scar, my difficulty breathing sometimes, the numbness/weakness in my left arm from all the surgeries and radiation on the left side of my neck, these things are daily but are fully integrated into my life, it’s just how it is. What changed the most for me is what happened inside my heart and mind. There are people who have told me, ‘thyroid cancer?’ ‘the easy cancer?’. Really makes me sick, cancer is cancer, cells trying to kill you, nothing easy about that. Who would even imagine someone having to defend their cancer? No one asks for it, no one wants it, and everyone walks away different. My particular journey was tough, but isn’t every person’s?

It’s hard to describe what has changed on the inside because sometimes it’s overwhelming. I know that I tolerate less crap, I crave peace and kindness, but most of all I look at people, circumstances, and plain daily living a whole lot differently. I take my time now to notice. Most of the time we’re so busy trying to do something or get somewhere, we don’t notice who or what is even in our surroundings; is someone hurting, laughing, talking to you even…I know I’m not making sense but life is not so serious. If we look for the magic, we see it. I have had many people come into my life over the past few years at exactly the time I needed them, it’s been awesome. Understanding their stories, who they are, spoken from their eyes…magic. Cancer has made me more sad, more angry, more willing, but most of all more grateful for the simplest of things. See? I can’t even articulate! I recently watched a movie where Meryl Streep’s character has cancer and she jumps out of a car and starts running…really random, going nowhere. She was crazed and upset and yes, sometimes it’s like that; but sometimes we(me) run to nowhere just because we can. The simple act of running with arms open, face in the wind, breathing in life…magic. I used this quote before but I love it so much I’m going to use it again as a reminder. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ~Steve Jobs

Today I wear Strawberry Lip Smacker. Cheap, yummy, the stuff I had in high school, a simpler time. Cheers!

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Real

1 Feb


I’m at a loss for words, no, really. Last week I dropped the ‘divorce’ bombshell and the amount of support from everyone was unbelievable; all of the wonderful messages both public and private were overwhelming. It was my most read blog of all time, almost 1000 people. Crazy. What does that tell me? Either a) people crave authenticity and truth or b) people love good gossip. I’m hoping for ‘a’ because that’s what I crave. We all walk around with amazing facades don’t we? We portray what we think people want to see; put together, nice, happy, perfect…how exhausting. I prefer the raw and uncut version because that’s where I am. It’s easier, but sometimes a risk. We all live imperfect lives and are flawed, thank goodness, perfection is impossible. If we all came to terms with that then maybe we would be more real with each other and not so judgmental. Ask me what I think now and I’ll tell you, no more pretense. For the people in the ‘b’ category, not my style. I’m fairly private despite a book and blog. I write observations on life not dirt about me or anyone else, sorry. Those close to me know some of the details but not all, like I said, I keep things close. I’m more about actions than words anyhow, you get back what you put out into the world and nothing someone says can outweigh what they do.

It’s been an interesting week of mixed emotions but I am still looking forward with great hope for the future. I have heard the ‘strong’ word thrown around a lot and frankly, I’m not feeling it; just living and doing the best I can. This week I got to help a friend going through her own difficult life circumstance. That’s one of life’s privileges, going through struggles, getting stronger, and helping others. Life is beautiful.

‘Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength’~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Today I wear Lancome Rouge In Love lipstick in Fierry Attitude. These lipsticks are feather light and last a long time. They are a tiny bit drying for me but not as bad as some of the other long lasting lipsticks. I chose this color because it’s a deep berry which I love, I also love the name…living life with passion and a fiery attitude! Cheers!

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Shift

18 Jan

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There are certain events in life, both good and bad, that cause a shift in the way you see the world; your first kiss, the birth of a child, reaching a goal, and even a death of a loved one. These shifts can happen years apart or continually, fast and furious. The past few years for me have been the latter, fast and furious. Between cancer, my book, reaching certain goals, the death of my friend, deepened friendships, and even certain new people that I have met, all of these things have been one after another constantly changing my perspective and even showing me even more how awesome and beautiful this world is and the people in it. This past week I had another major shift happen in my life. Without going into great detail at this time, this shift brought feelings of both a death and a birth; the sadness and grief you experience from death coupled with the warmth, joy, and peace after a birth. My day ended with my view of the world being simple and beautiful despite the freezing temperatures and snowfall. An overriding theme to all these shifts is hope.

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ― C. JoyBell

I love this quote because if you recall from my 25 Things.. post, I love beautiful things that fly (not bugs), butterflies, hawks, eagles…because they look so free. Life never guarantees us an easy road but there’s always hope. Today is exactly the time between what’s already been and what’s yet to come so all we can do is live, learn, then move forward. With every shift I have learned different lessons and I welcome them. All I know for now, is that I will continue to live with breathless anticipation and hope, always open to whatever change comes next.

Today I wear Marc Jacobs Lust for Lacquer Lip Vinyl in No Regrets. These full coverage lipglosses are amazing! They have full on color and they are fairly long lasting. A friend and I sorta went nuts at Sephora trying all of these on. Although I bought Fame, No Regrets (which is red) is next. I chose it today for the name. No matter what choices, or paths we take we can learn from them and move forward, regrets are a waste of time. Cheers!

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People

8 Dec

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Ok, I have a little writer’s block right now. Maybe because my week was ordinary? Or maybe my eyes were too focused on me and not seeking the extraordinary moments of every day? Nevertheless, a few significant things did happen this week in the world. There were two highly reported deaths in the news. The first was Paul Walker from The Fast and Furious franchise. People viewed him as too young, too handsome, too kind. He was one of those extremely private movie stars but as you listen to the stories, he was truly a nice guy; genuine, kind, authentic. There are stories of his charitable foundation and of his random, anonymous acts of kindness. On the other end of the spectrum, Nelson Mandela. He changed the world. He stood for democracy,freedom, harmony, and peace. The contributions he made to his people and society in general are far reaching. Then in my little world, my friend ‘B’-Bob was buried this week. I will never forget his impact on me and my life, let alone his family and friends. Although these three men come from all walks of life and had different ‘positions’ in the world, they all had significant contributions on people’s lives. Paul Walker, besides being an actor, he was a father and died on his way to an event of his organization to help the victims of the typhoon in the Philippines. Nelson Mandela, his impact on people’s lives are too long to list. Bob, his love and support for me during a tough time will always be remembered and cherished. What do the three have in common, what will they be most remembered for? Their treatment of people. I found a really long quote from Maya Angelou. I was thinking of a way to take pieces from it, but I can’t. The whole thing sums it up perfectly, especially the last sentence:

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

Today I wear Ulta Tinted Lip Balm in Toast. I LOVE these! They are inexpensive, moisturize, and add color! Toast is a deep wine/red which provides enough color not to be crazy. I chose it for both the color and the name…toasting these three gentlemen and life! Cheers!

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Honesty

22 Nov
Photo courtesy of Leanna Vite Photography. Thanks Leanna!

Photo courtesy of Leanna Vite Photography.
Thanks Leanna!

The other day I was at the grocery store. When I hit the bath soap section, I grabbed what I needed and a woman stopped me. She looked ok, dressed casually, honest eyes, smile….she asked which soap I thought was better and why I picked up the one I did. She went on to explain to me her skin type and told me the different soaps she’d already tried. Mind you, I had just gone to a 2 hour hot yoga class, therefore I was in yoga pants, sweatshirt, no make up…you get the idea, not my finest moment, but clearly I was not an employee of the store. I basically shared with her, I’m not picky about soap, I had a coupon. Well, she grabbed the same stuff. I told her I hoped she liked it and started walking away until she said, ‘Your face is so pretty and your skin is beautiful. What face wash do you use?’ Now it was getting weird. I told her the face wash and she asked me if I could walk her over to that section and show her exactly which one. At this point, I casually looked down at my purse to make sure it was zipped and really stared at her and her person to try to memorize it in case I had to fill out a police report later. I walked her over to the face wash and she started asking about skin type, why I use this, what about makeup remover, etc…eventually I cut her off and told her I really had to go. Strangely enough, the Dove Moisturizing Body Wash and the Aveeno Positively Radiant face wash was all she left with.

Walking to the parking lot (this was morning), I kept my eyes peeled for her, and when I got home I turned on my computer to check my credit card balance. Yes, that was a super strange interaction but thinking about it more big picture…we have become a society that doesn’t trust that easily. What happened to simply people talking and the kindness of strangers? On the news you see the stories of people who didn’t stop for the guy getting beaten up and on the other side though, the good Samaritan gone bad. It makes me sad that I was so ‘suspect’ of the friendly woman with the soap questions, but that has become our society. I know many people who have told me I’m too trusting and that they need people to earn their trust. I choose to trust first then get hurt later by dishonesty, maybe that’s the wrong way to do it, but I’d rather live open hearted. I think in the process of earning trust, you can close yourself off to possibly great relationships during that ‘test’ of trust. Conversely, trusting first can lead to bad heartache, especially when you believe in someone. Oh well, there’s no right or wrong I guess. I wish the times were different but I can’t change that, all I can change is me. Although I love social media, texting, cell phone, etc…I want to be that kind stranger, the one who is able to freely converse with whoever without expectation. Billy Joel sings, ‘Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue…‘ Sad, makes my heart hurt. We’ve lost human interaction, eye contact, and the vulnerability of being honest…let’s get it back!

Today I wear Flower Kiss Stick Velvet Lip Color in Tender Tuberose. Yes, I bought this from the store that day…This lipstick is moisturizing and inexpensive. I chose this color because it’s an easy, every day color and also for the name. Let’s be tender with each other. Cheers!

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Bruno Mars

13 Nov

Bruno-Mars-900-600B

This post is really random but I love Bruno Mars. Some things you already know about me…I love music, in college I started off as a music major with a dance minor, music is a huge part of my life. Maybe some things you don’t know about me…I’m usually not star struck, I don’t idolize people, and I’ve never been real crazy about a singular musician (minus the time I was president of the Harry Connick Jr fanclub). Ok, ok so I’m writing about Bruno because I have a slight chance to meet him in the near future (ahem, you know who you are, make it happen). So what is it about Bruno? It’s probably not what you think. So here’s my top reasons:

  1. He’s half Filipino (had to get that out of the way)
  2. He’s crazy talented; singer, songwriter, and plays a million instruments
  3. He looks like he’s having fun and loves what he’s doing (his moves aren’t bad either)
  4. He’s adorable (in a ‘he could be my son’ kind of way)
  5. He’s funny (anyone catch Saturday Night Live when he was on it)?
  6. He’s the ultimate entertainer
  7. He performs with such joy on his face I can’t help but smile
  8. He just seems so easy going and laid back

Now, I don’t know him at all, and I’m not attracted to him in a weird creepy way, I’m simply talking about his stage persona; I like what I see. How does that translate to real life? Those qualities are the same qualities in people I love being around; laid back, fun loving, and generally people who make me smile, or even better, laugh. I’m blessed to have lots of friends like this but more than that, I want to have those qualities too. Nothing better than bringing a smile to someone’s face.

Today I wear Tom Ford Lip Color in Crimson, a gorgeous deep red. Now, this is probably the most expensive lipstick I’ve ever bought, not to mention, I bought it in Paris a while back. Needless to say, I use it sparingly. Color’s great, texture’s great and if I do get to meet Bruno Mars, this will be in my bag!  Cheers!

 

 

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Weak

29 Oct

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Seriously, last week was one of the most crazy emotional weeks of the year. From getting the goodbye letter from ‘B’, to having to work the next day at not only the place we met,  but where I was the most sick, to hearing the good news about my cancer journey ending for awhile, to celebrating my birthday. Add to that a few other personal obstacles, and now I’m exhausted. I have no desire to repeat the plethora of events and emotions…ever. Do you ever feel your weakest when you’re supposed to feel your strongest? After running through my week with a friend, she commented on how she thought I was ‘amazingly strong,’ It’s funny to me to hear that because at the same moment, I feel incredibly weak. I think we all need to put that armor up because life is a lot like that arcade game where you hold a cushioned hammer and the gophers or moles continually pop up and you have to be ready to bop them back in to get points. The better you are at the game, the faster they come out. That’s life. You never quite handle it because things keep popping up. The minute you think you have the hang of it, things come at you faster. Part of me wants to just shelter myself with armor and walk away from the game. Keep that hard shell on and not get affected by people, events, emotions; it almost sounds easier. Instead, I keep playing. I keep being vulnerable, I keep taking one step at a time, I keep loving, leaving my heart open for either hurt or even better, getting love back. Yeah, I feel weak. I don’t think it’s only strength that we need anyway, sometimes life is simply about endurance to get us through the tough times. So that’s where I want to be, weak with an open heart to love, courage to face obstacles head on, and the endurance to work through all the yuck without giving up or wrapping myself back in armor; rolled together, that’s strength. One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength  which can overcome adversity.~Albert  Schweitzer

Today’s lipstick is Nars Fire Down Below. It is a semi-matte blood red lipstick. You can always count on Nars for great colors and great lipstick names. Since it’s a semi-matte, it is a bit drying to me but wow, talk about red! I chose this color because it’s red hot! Also, the name makes me blush. Which by the way, if you’re going to be wearing this lipstick or any bright red lipstick, keep the rest of your face simple.  Cheers to a new day!

 

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My Birthday

25 Oct

Annababy

Today is my birthday. It is bittersweet for me because I am still thinking about my friend ‘B’ from my last blog. Yesterday, for my job, I had to go to the place I met ‘B’ and it brought tears to my eyes thinking about all that transpired there. I walked in with a heavy heart thinking I was walking in healthy this time, while he walked out just days before with his news. It’s really a lot of emotions. One thing I know about ‘B’ is he really knew how to live. Cancer was not the only obstacle he faced in life. He was in the Vietnam War, he was a POW, he had a stroke prior to his cancer diagnosis…so much, and he constantly told me to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ and to hold my kids close. It’s so simple yet we ask for so much, don’t we?

hospitalGrowing up my family was always big on celebrating birthdays. Not necessarily with huge parties, but always recognizing the day and making you feel special. Part of that I think, is when we came from the Philippines when I was two, we didn’t have any other family here. Anytime we could celebrate each other, we did. Birthdays for me post cancer have taken even more meaning; every time I do a Relay for Life Walk, I see T-shirts and signs saying Happy Birthday and they always make me cry. The American Cancer Society’s saying is ‘Creating More Birthdays.’ Yes, it is just a day, but to me, it’s now a day to remember the past and to look forward with hope for the future. It’s also a day I get to re-evaluate my bucket list. When I was younger I had some outrageous dreams and goals many of which I have been able to achieve. Today, I still of course have some crazy dreams that I pray will happen, but my focus is more on the simple. Taking my cue from ‘B’:

  • Don’t sweat the small stuffphoto courtesy of Leanna Vite Photography
  • Open your heart and love people. Yes it hurts more when you hurt, but it’s worth it
  • Don’t take things too seriously, laugh more (even if it’s at yourself)
  • Take more risks
  • Do what you can do, and let go of the rest
  • Listen to people’s stories before judging
  • Be kind, smile often
  • Be a hero
  • Party like it’s 1999 (just kidding…not really)

I also finally have some good news to share…my blood work that I have been waiting for for the first time is CLEAN!! My doctor who’s usually even keeled and calm shouted, ‘I have good news!’ the minute I said ‘hello’. He said my levels are undetectable and then said, see you in a year. A YEAR!! I have been checked every three to six months for the past 5 years and now he says, ‘it’s over, see you next year.’  I’m ecstatic and finally kind of able to take a step back and breathe. So today, I wear one of my favorite red/burgundy lipsticks of all time, Lancôme L’Absolu’ Rouge lipstick in Merlot. I love it because the formula is creamy and not drying, second, the color is a deeper red so my lips are not shouting ‘I’M HERE!’, and third, it’s my birthday and I love a good Merlot. Let’s celebrate life, CHEERS!

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Fall

5 Oct

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It’s October, the beginning of fall in Michigan, my favorite time of year. I love the cooler temperatures, but most of all, I love all the colors. The leaves are changing and falling and it reminds me that life is never stagnant. Life is ever changing and just when you get a little bored, it switches gears again, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. In a few weeks I will be celebrating my birthday. If you look up life expectancy for a female in my area, it is 81 years old. So, considering my age, my life is half over….depressing. Since I am an optimist…wow, I still have almost half my life yet to live (sounds better don’t you think?). This past week has been pretty big for me. Last Wednesday I attended the TEDxDetroit conference and it was awesome. For those unfamiliar with TED, it is a gathering of leaders, creators, entrepeneurs, artists who meet and share their passions and positive ideas for change. I have to admit I felt a little out of place, it seemed too big for me to be there, but I’m so glad I went. Afterward, I thought, why not me? each person there was exactly that…one person desiring change and trying to make a difference…so, why not me…why not you? Some of the great quotes I heard ,‘Take care of your fears or they will own you,’~ John U. Bacon; ‘Experience life changes….allow them to affect you, change you, guide you,’ ~Nathan Hughes; ‘The job of a leader is to define reality,’~ Jackie Victor. There was so much energy and inspiration there and it was there to push each of us to be catalysts, I’m ready, how about you?

Attendees at TEDxDetroit

Attendees at TEDxDetroit

Also this week it was test time for me again, yes, that small reminder that I had cancer. It’s not bad, a couple weeks ago the breast cancer stuff was clean, and now was a general neck test. I did the regular exam in which my doc said, ‘You look healthy, but then again, you always look healthy, cancer or no cancer.’ OK, kinda comforting. Anyhow, after 3 vials of blood, I wait. One of the tests, if you have been reading my blog for some time, is a test that’s only done on very few people because not only was my cancer rare, but I also carry an antibody which messes up the regular blood test that would be able to detect my cancer. In fact, this test was only approved by the FDA last year. Because of that, this blood test is only run once every few weeks so I should be getting the results in 3-4 weeks…or somewhere near my birthday, excellent. Can’t worry about nothing right now! To be completely transparent, my mind’s been all over the place lately…still struggling with the personal issue I referenced awhile back along with new-ish job, cancer check ups, etc; but as always life moves forward. In one of the most watched talks on TED titled ‘How To Live Before You Die’, Steve Jobs says, ‘Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be  trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most  important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.’  Ask any cancer patient and boy do we know our time is limited! I look back at my 40+ (whoops, almost revealed my age), and I’ve made some mistakes, some bad choices, some good; the great thing is, is I can look forward with lessons and experiences from my past, knowing full well that my time is limited and continue on with courage in my ‘second half’.

Today I wear Dior Addict Gloss in Princess. I LOVE all the Dior lipsticks and glosses. The lipsticks are extremely moisturizing and the colors are beautiful. The glosses are not heavy or sticky yet they have pretty good staying power. The color Princess is light pink with a little bit of sparkle, something you would picture Cinderella wearing. I chose this color because it’s simple. I’ve been wearing alot of red lately, but today I chose simple because that’s how I want to be today, simply at peace. Cheers!

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