Tag Archives: inspiration

Trials

14 Mar

This morning I spoke to a friend of mine who has been struggling with some major family issues for awhile. As she told me everything she was going through my heart hurt for her and her trials brought me to tears. She said she didn’t want to burden me with her stuff because of everything I was going through with my cancer tests. Why does God allow pain? This is the question many people struggle with and I certainly have no answers. I know for me, during all of the trials and tribulations of my repeated cancer diagnosis and treatments, I would not have been able to stay calm and at peace without having faith that God had a perfect plan and that I was not in control. People always asked how I could maintain my faith throughout everything and all I have to say is that I could not have ‘maintained’ without it.

I believe trials in life (and everyone I know has been through at least one) can either harden your heart or soften it. For me, my heart is softer, and listening to my friend’s hurt made me feel her pain. We go through trials to be able to help others, so we need to open our eyes to see and our hearts to listen and feel because no matter how hard we think we have it, someone is doing worst and needs you. Be there. Life is about people, what will our legacy be?

Today’s lipstick is Lancôme L’absolu Rouge in Berry Noir. It’s a beautiful berry color which would be great for spring and summer and this particular formula has great consistency, lots of color, and is moisturizing too. I wear it because spring is a time of new beginnings, and when life throws you a detour it’s great to get a fresh start.

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Reunion

10 Mar

This past week I was in Nashville for my National Meeting. Besides the actual meeting part, it was great seeing people from across the country that I haven’t seen since last June. Remember, last June was an emotional time for me because I had just gotten the news that my doctor thought my cancer was back. These were my new friends who carried me through a crazy time during three weeks of training for a new job. Anyhow, it was a happy reunion because of my recent ‘non’ cancer diagnosis. It has taken a couple weeks for the cancer free news to soak in. My immediate reaction was joy of course followed by doubt ( I’m pretty sure that’s normal), but for the first time since the news, I feel great about it. I think the more I talk about it and the more I tell people I am now cancer free, the more I believe it and become confident. I think that may be true for all people in different circumstances. If you can talk abut it, there are people out there willing to listen and help, and maybe just to give you a hug; and sometimes, we just need to hear ourselves outloud to believe what we say in our heads. I will be singing in a couple weeks and I’m deathly nervous but I’m challenging myself. If we don’t try, we don’t know.

Funny mom story from the week away because I think moms always wonder how dads do with kids while we’re gone. I got a text from my youngest boy who’s 9 saying dad’s not doing that good of a job because he let the dog sleep with him, so he asked if I would do the laundry when I got home. Later in the day I spoke to my husband and he tells me my 9 year old got out of the shower, got ready for bed, then told my husband he shaved his mustache. “What?” “Yup, I used Audrey’s razor and her shaving cream called Satan” Yes, he said Satan, Audrey’s shaving cream is called Satin Gel….

This week I was a little stressed because of all the meeting prep, plus a presentation to give. Consequently I developed a cold sore so my lipstick of the week was limited to Carmex and Abreva although near the end of the week I finally was able to switch to Buxom Big andHealthy Lip Cream in Purple Haze. That’s what it felt like all week with 2000 people in the giant Opryland Hotel…a haze. This lip gloss is awesome. For me it was a slight deep berry color which is just a hint deeper than my lipcolor. I love the consistency of this particular gloss and it is free of parabens and sulfates. It also gives a little tingle when applied to lips!

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As Simple As A Breath

27 Feb

 

I took a yoga class the other day and the instructor opened with “Take a deep breath and breathe in the simplicity of life. Each breath is a new start, breathing lets  you know you’re alive.” OK, call me hormonal but I laughed at first because life seems anything but simple, but then I got all emotional thinking about breathing. In my cancer journey, more than anything I was told I was going to lose (besides my life, of course), breathing on my own was the one I was most scared to be without. I’ve talked about my singing and speaking, but as much as I would miss my voice, I knew that those were simple compromises. After my first surgery which paralyzed one of my vocal cords, I was in the ICU for a few days to make sure I would be able to breathe on my own. The fear was that the other vocal cord would snap and close off my breathing tube (trachea) and I would need an emergency tracheotomy (tube in my neck). Fortunately, that didn’t happen. Each time cancer came back, the threat to my voice and breathing was much worse. The last surgery was the most difficult because the threat was imminent considering the cancer was invading the area around my remaining vocal cord along with my trachea. Despite hours of careful surgery and multiple radiation treatments aimed at my neck, I am still speaking, singing, and breathing on my own.

In fact, my breathing and the scar on my neck are my special reminders that I fought cancer and won. Breathing is still difficult for me sometimes. I can’t ‘run like the wind’ or do too much aerobic exercise because my vocal cords sit very close together and I simply can’t get much air in. If I talk too much too fast (which I’m known to do), I run out of air quickly and have to stop and take deep breaths. If I have allergies or get sick and cough too much or even yell too much at my kids’ sporting events, my vocal cords swell up and it gets a little difficult to breathe (nothing a little steroids can’t help). Essentially for me, breathing is a miracle and the simple act of taking a breath has become a reminder that I’m alive.

Is life that simple? Probably. I think we are the ones that complicate things a bit.  But she was right, breathing does let us know we’re alive and each breath we take is a new beginning with new possibilities. Take a minute and take a deep breath, imagine your life without it, there is no life without it. Thank God for today and the air you breathe.

Today I wear Nars Lipstick in Fire Down Below, a matte blood red. Yes, I know, the name….I do love Nars lipsticks because their colors are long lasting and creamy and of course this one’s red and you know how I feel about red lips…I’M ALIVE!! Wear it like you mean it!

 

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Vacation

25 Feb

Audrey's Rainbow

This week my family spent the week on vacation in the Dominican Republic. We started our vacation last Saturday in the wee hours of the morning literally running to our airplane because we waited 10 minutes for the parking shuttle, then the lines were outrageous, then of course after security, we found out our terminal was at the very end of the airport. Thankfully the direct flight went without a hitch. Upon our arrival, we were greeted with beautiful weather and friendly people, what we weren’t expecting was the mass confusion and chaos at their very small airport. Our flight arrived almost an hour early, exactly the same time 4 other flights arrived leading thousands of people pushing and shoving their way to three customs agents. After two and a half hours, we finally hopped on a bus to our hotel which was filled to capacity. So much so, they overbooked the family suites and separated my husband and I from the kids by four rooms plus an elevator hallway. No, I didn’t sleep that night and immediately requested a change the next day. Fortunately, many were checking out leaving us two adjoining rooms…all was well. We spent all day at the beach and in the pool and at the end of our first full day, my husband came down with a severe sinus infection leaving him stuck in the room the next day and a half with fever and chills. The rest of the time went well, besides the one incident with my son eating something with nuts (he’s allergic), and my other son having to be pulled in as he drifted out to sea by a strong riptide, oh, and at night the mosquito hunts in our rooms….our time overall was awesome. We spent time as a family in beautiful 80 degree weather, body surfing the waves, and relaxing in the pool. All of the ‘minor’ incidents on this vacation will be funny memories.

Pretending to be a Rockstar

Isn’t that true of life in general? We all sit around waiting for the ‘big’ stuff to happen; getting to the hotel for the vacation to finally start, the dream job, the big break, the lottery win, etc, but truly it’s all the little or ‘minor’ things that make a life. In fact, sometimes when we look back, the things we thought were little were actually the big things we missed while waiting. Our vacation started Friday night after school and work, not Saturday night when we finally got to the hotel. Don’t miss out, don’t dwell on the little stumbling blocks or mishaps, it could ruin your vacation, or day, or life. Soak up life and laugh about it, it’s funny sometimes!

Today I wear Korres Lip Butter in Plum. It’s kind of a sheer berry which would look great on anyone. Korres is an all natural brand which is a plus and this particular lip butter is super moisturizing with just enough color. I would say that it was the only lipstick I brought with me, but you all know me better than that; but, it is the only thing I wore, the others just took up space!

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Answers!

16 Feb

The wait is over…almost 4 weeks ago blood was taken from me and shipped to California for an experimental blood test that could detect cancer cells. If you have followed my story you know that I not only have a strangely aggressive thyroid cancer which has kept coming back, but I also have thyroglobulin antibody. In the majority of thyroid cancer patients, thyroglobulin level changes in blood is used to detect cancer, but for me, I am in the select few whose body has an antibody against that. Because of that, I have had to have alternating PET scans and ultrasounds every three months to detect my cancer. Add that to the radiation drink (which I later found out my body is resistant to) and seven weeks of external beam radiation and I should be glowing. Fortunately for me, a couple things happened, some physician/scientist discovered this test that would work for people like me, and my personal doctor happened to be at a conference when he talked about it in December. The test is not yet available to the public (it will be very soon) but since the two of them met and personally talked about my case, they agreed to check my blood.

Today I got the call that I am cancer free. If you have had cancer multiple times you beam with excitement for about 30 seconds and then hesitate and say ,”Are you sure?” which is what I said to my doctor, followed by, “How accurate is this test?”  He told me that he was fully confident in this test to the point that he said ,”I’m going to say we repeat all tests in a year.”  A YEAR? I’m used to seeing him every 3 months followed with bloodwork and some type of scan. I told him a year was too long for me and he said his door would always be open. He said if I needed to see him every week he would not say no. My doctors have become my friends and comfort. I have had to lean on them so much over the past four years and when I don’t see them, I miss them. A year seems so long.

For now I feel great. My last post was about do overs with my day starting awesome and ending, well, not so awesome. Today my day started not so awesome (been battling flu like symptoms all week passed along from one family member to another), but is ending on a high note. I still have that hesitant joy, but I’ll let loose for now because I know God is in control.  Thank you all for your continued support and for joining me in this crazy lipstick journey!

Today, actually right this minute, I’m swiping Lancome Le Absolu Rouge in Merlot on my lips. It is an impossibly GORGEOUS deep red which is great for going out. Yes, I know it’s late, I don’t care…maybe I’ll walk in the kitchen after this and end the day with an actual glass of Merlot…cheers.

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Do-over

14 Feb

Ever have one of those days? You know what I’m talking about. I haven’t been sleeping well for the past few weeks because I can’t seem to shut my brain off. Yes, I’m still waiting for my test results (refer to last weeks’ post), I’ve been thinking about the kids, my job, vacation, blog posts, anything and everything. I feel relaxed until about 10pm, then, I don’t know what happens, my brain just clicks on and it takes a LONG time for it to shut off.

Well, Sunday night I had one night of sleep ‘bliss’. It was fantastic, I think it was one of those pure exhaustion-can’t possibly do one more thing-heavy eyelids kind of sleep. The next morning I felt like I could conquer the world. I had that extra spring in my step, a wider smile on my face, the sun was out and BAM just like that I felt like a new woman! As I got ready for work I just couldn’t get over how great it felt to truly sleep, I even had extra time left after getting all the kids ready and off to school. Driving to my first account, as the sun was beaming on my face on this strangely ‘warm’ Michigan winter morning a squirrel decided to cross my path, thus started the decline of the day. I couldn’t slam my brakes because there was a car behind me. After hearing the ‘thunk’ I glanced at my rear-view mirror and yup, all I saw was the tail waving in the wind. 25 feet later at a traffic light I look back and the driver of the car behind me (which had also run over the squirrel) is CRYING! I hoped it wasn’t about the squirrel, but I know it was because she was also looking in her rearview mirror. I hated the thought of the pain I caused the squirrel and the other driver, but it just happened. Walking into my first account I say to the receptionist, “Wow, you’re busy today, but hey it’s Monday,right?” She replies, “Is it?” Confusion hits and she says, “Anna, it’s Tuesday.” Wow, I missed a day, duh. On to the next office… surprise, I locked my keys in my car. All of this before 10 am.

Oh how easy it is for little things to ruin our mood. Here’s the best part,( something I told myself over and over), tomorrow’s a new day. We don’t get many, if any, do-overs in life, but we do get experience and a fresh start every morning so there’s always something to look forward to—life.

Today I wear Laura Mercier Sheer Lip Color in Sexy Lips. It’s a sheer red, great for any skintone. I love the texture and chose it just because.

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Waiting

7 Feb

It’s been an emotional week for me so far. Superbowl Sunday brought a mix of emotions because it was four years ago when the Giants played the Patriots in the Superbowl. How do I know that you may ask, well, four years ago is when this cancer journey began. I remember finding out I had cancer in the beginning of January and scheduling my surgery as soon as possible, January 31, 2008. I remember that year, my husband’s fantasy football quarterback was Tom Brady. I also remember the argument we had two weeks before the Superbowl because one of his good friends called and said he had an extra ticket for the game and was asking my husband to go. Yes, of course he wanted to go, but I reminded him that my surgery was the same weekend. Hubby says, ‘once in a lifetime’, I reply, yes, hopefully for me too (I was a little upset he was even thinking about going). Well, he didn’t go and the Giants won then too. Superbowl Sunday 2008 I was in a hospital room. Just the day before, my doctor told me my singing was over and my prognosis was bad because my nerve was cut leaving my vocal cord paralyzed and the cancer was everywhere. Lots to think about.

This year, again, Giants vs Patriots, Giants win…deja vu. Today, I’m waiting. I have had very few clean scans and tests since then and now I am waiting for the results of the latest test. It’s an experimental blood test which my doctor says may be able to detect cancer instead of another PET scan for me (I’m maxed out on radiation, so the less I get the better). Unfortunately since it’s not a test usually done, the results take a little longer (he told me 2-3 weeks). I have been patiently waiting now for 2 and a half weeks but my patience is wearing thin. Sometimes I feel as if the past few years have been a waiting game; waiting for treatment, waiting for the next test, waiting for the results. Crazy, upsetting, unsettling, depressing, you name it. The bottom line is this, I am not in control of the situation. I have to release my fears and anxieties and just live…a message I have to tell myself DAILY, EVERY MINUTE. It’s hard, but we have to live right? Live your life

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.- Corrie Ten Boom

Today I wear Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter in Red Velvet (no link, you can get it at the drugstore). It’s amazingly moisturizing and has lots of color. RED-LIVE LIFE NOW

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