Tag Archives: life lessons

Just Say It…

27 Jan

A few days ago my husband got an e-mail from a friend regarding an acquaintance of theirs. This person was a healthy 36 year old former college and pro basketball player who was also a newlywed of 6 months. About three weeks ago he wentto the hospital for an elective, outpatient surgery…just something simple, or so he thought. A few days later a fever ensued and he was admitted into the hospital. For the past three weeks he fought a massive infection overtaking his healthy body and a few days ago, he passed away. He fought for his life with his new bride at his side and three days before he passed, the physicians told him there was nothing left to do. What made this story more incredible was that he was given just an unknown number of days to live after the doctors stopped treatment. He and his wife decided to make phone calls to family and friends; the people he wanted to say good bye to. It was gutwrenching and as his wife put it in the e-mail update we received, ‘he was able to speak to those he was closest to and when I finally let go of his hand he was able to cross the gates to Heaven’.

Most of us are not given our ‘death date’ or even an estimate of when our last day of life may be. After so many bouts with cancer, it’s on my mind and may be sooner than later, but I don’t even truly know for sure. This man was given the chance to say good-bye, to make peace with people, to ask forgiveness from some, or whatever he needed to speak to them about, he got the chance.  We don’t know when our time may be, why wait to tell people how much we love them? Why wait for the ‘right moment’ to say you care or how much people mean to you? Why harbor resentment which gnaws at you…why not forgive today and free yourself from the burden of bitterness? Most of us will not be given a few days at the end to make phone calls and say good-bye. What are you waiting for? Say what you need to say (great song)…

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Rich Color Gloss in Angel Pink, a beautiful soft pink which can be worn alone. I also dedicate this to the new saint who was brought up to heaven this week!

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Cancer Free?

21 Jan

Recently I spoke with a co worker about his young son who had just been declared ‘in remission’. His son had been fighting a rare brain tumor for the past three years and is now officially done. What does it mean to be cancer free , in remission, etc.?  2011 was my first year since 2008 that I wasn’t in some sort of cancer ‘thing’; surgery, treatment, etc. In June of 2011 though, I was told that cancer cells were seen on PET scan, but in September the ultrasound showed no tumors. I had an appointment with one of my physicians this week and asked him if that meant I was done and there were not really cancer tumors, he said he didn’t know for sure…hmmm. When my co worker asked how I felt about the constant cancer scare, I said, ‘I’m here today and all we really have is today.’

So what does it mean to be cancer free. I think this statement means different things to different people depending on the type of cancer, how long the battle has gone on, how long they’ve been declared ‘cancer free’. For me, I still struggle, maybe because those words are still fresh and I’ve hardly been told that. I’ve been told, ‘this should be it,’ or ‘so far we think this has worked,’ but mostly what stays in my mind are the statements, ‘it’s back’, ‘there’s something suspicious on the scan’, or ‘I’m not sure, here’s the plan.’ I think in time as I hear it more, the term ‘cancer free’ will be a more joyous one. For now, I let friends and family celebrate while I look forward with apprehension.

This week I had bloodwork done to see if there were any changes or tumor markers detected. So for today, while I’m ‘cancer free’, I’m happy and nervous at the same time (it’s kinda a daily thing). I look at each and every day as a new day, a new opportunity to do something, to try something different, to make a positive impact on the world. I have been exhausted this week. My mind won’t stop thinking about the different things I’d like to do or accomplish. Being a cancer survivor I want to LIVE each day strong. Now I finally understand the whole LIVESTRONG thing. The thoughts and goals that have plagued my mind (and my sleep) have led me to this conclusion: because I’m a cancer survivor and because those cells always seem to be lurking around, I don’t want to miss anything. Do you know what I’m talking about? I don’t want to miss life. Sure I still have many responsibilities, job, family, etc, but I just don’t want to miss it and I feel myself running ragged to soak up every bit of life I can get. I’ve started exercising again, trying to sing again, learning spanish and french (nothing big, through a program on my new ipad), taking classes to become a life coach, but I still want to learn guitar, maybe write another book, the list goes on. It’s crazy, but it’s reality. How many of you hear those stories about people waiting to do _________until after they retire and end up dying before they even get the chance to try. We don’t have that kind of time. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.” Live now, start something. If you have a small spark brewing, jump on it. Dream big and go for it…and teach your children the same thing.

Today I wear, YSL Golden Gloss #17, Golden Cherry. It is a sheer red gloss with specks of real gold. I have to tell you it’s a little pricey, but holy cow, it’s probably the best gloss out there (I own four colors). It’s not sticky, it’s sheer, but also has beautiful ‘just enough’ color. I chose it because red lips is my thing, throw in some gold and what else can I say? Live

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Pet Peeves

17 Jan

This weeks blog topic in my blogging group GBE2 is pet peeves. Initially I didn’t want to take part this week because I thought I was easy going and really didn’t have many pet peeves. As the week has progressed, while pondering this topic and thinking about what my pet peeves may be, I realized that after cancer I actually have more things that bother me than I thought…uh oh. Anyhow, I thought I’d list some of them out.

1 I can’t stand when people not only think they are better than you, but act like they’re better than you.

2 I don’t like it when people make assumptions about you based on hearsay, looks, gender, race, etc, without really knowing you or your story

3 I don’t like having to repeat myself to my kids when they’re asked to do something (especially when I know they hear me)

4 I don’t like it when I’m asked to take care of something that that person could do…”these leftovers are going to rot in the fridge, you should really throw them out”…My reply, “’You’re looking at it, can’t you throw it out?”

5 I don’t like it when people are nice to your face but will talk negatively about you if given the chance (really dislike disingenuous people)

6 I’m bothered by consistent complaining about dumb things…life is too short. Either someone is worst off or generally it’s not that bad

7 Last thing for now, I cant stand it when I purchase something and I get home, open the box and it’s the wrong item, the wrong size, the wrong color (referring to lipstick of course)

I’m sure there are many more, but it’s a small snapshot of what I thought about with pet peeves as my topic in mind this week. Obviously most of my pet peeves are related to people and their treatment or mistreatment. Once again, love God , love others. Look people in the eyes, find out their stories. Don’t be too quick to judge. Also, gossip is the quickest way to dissolve a trusting relationship, be careful, it could be poison. All it takes is one person to start a fire.

This week I choose Smashbox Be Legendary lipstick in Legendary. First off, it’s red, second, who doesn’t want their life to be legendary? As a side note, this is a new Smashbox formulation which is more creamy and the colors are beautiful! Enjoy!

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History

9 Jan

 

 

Recently Facebook added a feature called Timeline. I haven’t really checked into it but for those who have changed over, it looks really cool.  I wish I was more computer savvy because I don’t even know how to turn my profile into the ‘timeline’ (among other things), but the feature basically chronicles in order your pictures and posts for I don’t know how far back (maybe you all can help me with this). I’ve heard some comments from some of my friends saying they did not like this feature because they were forced to look at old pictures and older comments which some have regretted putting out there. Facebook made our days public and now it’s in chronological order for all to see. Are there things in your past you wish you could take back or change? I read a quote which said, “People are trapped in history, and history is trapped in them.” ~James Baldwin, Notes of a Native Son.

If you’ve read my book or my blog (well, obviously you’re here), you know that I love hearing people’s stories. We are all shaped by people, events, and decisions from our past. The quote I mentioned says that people are trapped in history, well, to some extent we are. I decided to pursue science over music and here I am, trapped? Not really, just a different path. I have a friend who grew up in a home of alcoholics, his siblings are now both alcoholics, but him….no. He decided to change the pattern of history and create a new legacy for him and his family. The second part of the quote says that history is trapped in them. Absolutely, we are who we are because of where we came from. My cancer is part of my history, my story, but I will not let it trap me. We have the chance every day to learn lessons from our past, some things we controlled and some we did not (cancer). Everyone has a story but the hope is that we are not trapped in the story of our past. Move forward and create new moments to add to your history. As Natasha Bedingfield sings, “staring at the blank page before you…..the rest is still unwritten”

Today I wear Mally lipgloss in Life’s a Beach, a soft caramel with a hint of gold. It’s a beautiful color anyone can wear. This particular gloss is from her ‘Life, Love and A Really Great Gloss’ lipgloss collection…HOW CLEVER, also, life’s a beach…who can argue with that name?

 

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Back to Work

2 Jan

Well, it’s a new year and I finally start back to work tomorrow. I have been off since December 16th so it’s been a L-O-N-G break (I saved my vacation days til the end). I think I’ll do it differently next year because being off so long makes me not want to go back tomorrow. I spent a ton of time with the kids, I was able to read alot and write alot, and of course, dive into an exercise regimen which will have to change tomorrow. I have worked most of my life. I was fourteen when I started working at Burger King (back in the early 80’s you could work 8 hours a week if you were at least 14 and 6 months) and I have not stopped since. I worked through high school and college, sometimes two jobs, and finally stopped to stay home with my kids after the third was born for 4 years (that was a special treat)!

Tomorrow I go back to a job, a career, which I actually fell into over 20 years ago. In college, I started as a music major and dance minor. Music is my love and passion and I loved every minute of it. I was in college productions and choirs and spent extra time in the dance studio or piano rehearsal rooms. Being the oldest child and first generation raised in America, I also wanted a ‘stable’ career so eventually I switched my major to Biomedical Science and Chemistry which obvoiusly led me into a different direction entirely. I thought I wanted to go to medical school but after anatomy and physiology I decided that was not for me. My junior year of college I landed an internship in a chemistry lab with a pharmaceutical company and I thought research was for me. Think about it, a musical theater actress, singer, dancer in a white lab coat looking in a microscope all day…NOT! The search was on but I did not want to waste the hard work I spent on my science degree. My mentor at the pharma company asked one day, ‘How about sales?’…The rest is history, sales is a great paid acting gig. I never thought I would be at it still, I only thought it was the job that was going to carry me through until I got my dream job whatever that would be, but 20+ years later, here I am. I never found my dream job, but I’m content. I heard a statistic once that said that only 2% of Americans TRULY love their jobs and more than half hate it. I must be in the middle, the people that like their job. Do I love it? no, but it has provided many opportunities and blessings along the way. Travel, insurance, a company car, and those are just the basics.  I have met many great people and some of my closest friends. We all are faced with different decisions throughout our life which leads us onto different paths, I sometimes still wonder what I’ll be when I grow up and I wonder how I got to where I am today. We can’t look back so we need to own up to our decisions with no regret and move forward in wisdom.

Happy Monday, Happy New Year again, and for those of us fortunate enough to have a job in this economy, congratulations, don’t let the job swallow you up. It’s just a job.

Tomorrow I will be wearing Kat Von D Painted Love Lipstick in Prayer which is a mauvey brown. It’s great for work because it’s a very conservative color. These lipticks in particular are both creamy and long lasting (I have a few colors). Also, I always start my work day with a prayer for a good day…I know it helps!

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Happy New Year!

31 Dec

One year ago today, I left a job that wasn’t for me. I took the job because I had gotten laid off from a previous job and this one sounded like something I could do which would expand my horizon ; I had been in the same job since college and this was a little bit of a departure into a different industry. Within a month I knew it was not the job for me.  There were additional duties that were not part of the job description I applied for, and, well, many other things. I lasted 6 stressful months knowing I wouldn’t be there that long. I have never quit a job before so it was very difficult for me, not to mention I did not have another job waiting. When I quit, I left the family with one less income and no health benefits, quite the leap of faith from a cancer patient, but I have never regretted the decision. It took another six months to find a job, but prayerfully, the right one came at just the right time. After everything I had been through over the past few years with cancer back and forth, I did not want to waste another minute doing something I didn’t care for and I also trusted that God would open other doors. Trusting God sometimes is a difficult thing. What I’ve learned is that it is easy to trust Him with what we think the plan should be, but alot more difficult trusting Him when it is apparent He has a different plan. How often do we force our plan to work? How we want things to turn out, what we want to do…tuning out advice and wisdom and forging ahead in our selfishness?  OK, too deep.  Anyhow looking back at this year, it was a wise decision and I feel blessed.

It’s a good thing looking back at the blessings because it is so easy to forget about things. Who talks about the major tsunami in Japan that killed thousands of people this year? How about the tornadoes in the South that killed hundreds? I started the year jobless, but it gave me time to write and publish a book. I started a blog which has helped me process feelings and feel support from you. In March I was told I was finally cancer free only to be told in June that there were still cancer cells; in September, no tumors (talk about a rollercoaster). I got a new job back in my old industry with a boss I love. My family is healthy, happy, and intact, and it seems the kids don’t even remember I had cancer. It’s hard for me to move into the new year because I feel somewhat unfinished with 2011 but we all have to forge ahead. I’m not a big believer in resolutions because it seems when we (at least me) verbalize a ‘resolution’, my brain automatically answers back , ‘yeah, right’  then my body follows suit. When there is something I think or want to do or try, I just go for it. Guitar, exercise, learn a foreign language…just start! Take the time to look back at 2011 and be thankful for life. I know there were probably several disapointments but I’m sure there were many blessings. Remember, learn, and forge ahead into the new year grateful for each day because life is short.  Happy 2012!

Today I wear Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil (cross between lipstick and lip pencil) in Dragon Girl which is siren red. I chose it cuz I’m feelin’ it! CHEERS!!

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What Now?

26 Dec

I belong to a wonderful blogging community called GEB2. The administrator selects a topic and the members decide to write about that topic or not. This week’s topic is ‘free write.’ For 15 minutes we are supposed to write whatever comes to mind. This could be dangerous of course, but here goes.

This morning a friend of mine on Facebook posted ‘What Now?’ as her status. This morning I was thinking the exact same thing. It’s December 26th and for the past three months, we have been on a fast paced ride of stress and celebration. My mother-in-law who lives in Florida half the year decided she wanted to celebrate Christmas before leaving last November so we had our first Christmas celebration on October 29th. Yes, Christmas trees on tables as centerpieces, lights, presents, the works. Two days afterward I was still adding finishing touches to Halloween costumes as my kids walked out the door for their schools’ parties and trick or treating that night. Then of course, I hosted Thanksgiving, then my father-in-law had his Christmas on December 17, and finally, shopping, wrapping, and preparing for our Christmas. After Thanksgiving and as December rolled in, my husband and I were so tired it was like pulling teeth to put up the Christmas trees (we have two) along with the lights. So today, presents unwrapped, trash taken out, leftovers almost gone, and returns stacked…now what?

Saturday night we will ring in the New Year and I’m not ready…I’m still trying to catch up to 2011! Well, time never stops, and we can never go back. Recently I read an article by a fellow columnist in Dear Thyroid, Joanna Isbill. She is a young person living with cancer and her column was titled “Looking Back at Greiving Forward” referring to a past article called ‘Greiving Forward.’ What I loved about it was that the lesson applies to everyone, not only cancer fighters and survivors. At this time of year we all look back at where we’ve been and what we’ve done and we greive the things we wish we had accomplished or the relationships we lost. A new year brings us hope and aspirations to things we want to do or change as we move forward, greiving what was lost, grieiving the time that was wasted, but also taking our ‘new normal’ based on our experiences and moving forward. Deep, I know, but again, we can’t go back.

Anyway, my 15 minutes is up. Today I wear Bare Escentuals Pretty Amazing Lipcolor in Fearless. It’s a beautiful mauve color which is easy to wear and great for everyday. It’s also super moisturizing which is great for cold weather when our lips are all dry. And the name? That’s how I want to bring in the New Year…FEARLESS!

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A Wonderful Life

19 Dec

Every year during this time my family has watched the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” and every year I tear up at the end when all the people come in to help. I know you’re familiar with the premis of the stoy but as a reminder, George wonders what it would be like had he never been born.  Do you ever wonder that same question? I think being a wife and mom, we sometimes feel unappreciated; we care for the husband and kids, we taxi them around, we make them meals, and some of us even throw a job outside the home into the mix. It is in those moments that I sometimes wonder, what if I couldn’t do any of it. In the hospital after my first surgery for my cancer, my doctor told me that my prognosis was bad and he was not confident in my future. In the moments alone, I wondered what my family’s life would be like without me.  Believe it or not I started getting angry at my husband just thinking about what he wasn’t going to do for the kids, no driving, no lunch making, no dance class, etc…can you believe it? I was thinking that? I also wondered what my kids’ life  (who were 5,7, and 10 at the time) would be like without a mother. It was so sad and overwhelming I had to stop my thoughts in their tracks and turn them around for the positive immediately. From then, the cancer has come back a few times and every single time I fight those same thoughts. During this same time and even now, I have had my own ‘Wonderful Life’ moments. So many people from my past and present sent cards and made meals, one old friend who I hadn’t seen in at least ten years even offered to fly here to just sit with me. I was again overwhelmed.

So, like in the movie, our lives matter. As a mom to younger kids they’re need for us is apparent; but as they grow and get more independent, they’re need seems to lessen, but they still need us (trust me, I’m 40+ and I may not say it all the time but I still need my mom and I’m fortunate to have her close by). On the other side, I was stunned by the people who reached out to me during those difficult times. We may not know who or when we impact someone’s life, but we get a new chance with every interaction. I’ve said this before, but every single interaction we have daily leaves some type of impact or impression, wouldn’t it be great if it was a positive one? You never know, so watch your words and actions because they are powerful and people remember.

~ Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?~

Clarence Oddbody (From “It’s A Wonderful Life”)
 
Today I’m still wearing red because of the holidays so I choose Ultraflesh lipstick in Spark. It is a matte cherry red lipstick with an amazing name…be the spark that lights someone’s life.  Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!!

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Family Time

16 Dec

This weekend we are headed to my father-in-law’s annual family Christmas gathering. It is a time when my husband’s extended family on his dad’s side gathers for an afternoon of ‘catching up’ and enjoying each other’s company. This year marks the first year without the family matriarch ‘Grandma Lucille’. She died this past year at 92 years of age and many of us thought this gathering may no longer happen because she was gone.  A little background on me, my family immigrated to the US from the Philippines in 1972 and left my extended family behind. Every holiday growing up was mainly my parents, my brother, and myself. The whole idea of large family gatherings was foreign to me until I got married.

Anyhow back to this weekend. It always starts with hugs and laughter and the usual conversation about how the kids have grown, what we’re up to, etc, but after a full afternoon, little pods pop up and the comparing starts. We usually end up talking about other people and relatives, what they’ve done, what they should’ve done, and then there’s the little comments said under someone’s breath. Why do we do this to the people we supposedly care the most about in this world? We spend a whole lot of time trying to please other people, secretly hoping they think we’re awesome, but many of those same people  don’t really care about us at all. I know we all have different family dynamics and because we love them most, they can hurt us the most. Why not try to be the ‘light’ this year, be the peacemaker. I’m not saying fix anything, I’m simply saying stop yourself from the bad talk , bite your tongue, or simply walk away from it, maybe others will follow suit. Try excessive complimenting (that should really throw people off), or simply smile.

Family dynamics are funny. They know us, they’re like us, they know what buttons to push, but they are all people. Simply put, no one is perfect, we are all flawed. Our history and experiences mold us into who we are today; we may share the same history, but not the same experiences. If you get irritated, consider what they’ve been through, it will allow you to understand them better and love them more.

Today I’m back to my reds because it’s holiday season.  I LOVE Lancome L’Absolu Rouge lipstick in Merlot. It has the perfect texture and on me it is a deep bold red, perfect for evening (and daytime if I’m feeling daring). Here’s to you, I raise my glass of Merlot and toast! Enjoy!

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Why Stop?

11 Dec

I’ve been feeling kinda funky lately. A few weeks ago I had breakfast with my vocal coach Marie.  I hadn’t seen her in at least a year, in fact the last time we saw each other was 2 months after my last radiation treatment.  Sure, we kept up with email and Facebook, but this was our first face to face.  It was emotional because she was an integral part of recovering my singing voice after my first couple of surgeries. We were able to catch up on life and everything which had transpired. At the end of our meeting she asked when I would start voice lessons again.  Later the same week I had an appointment with my speech pathologist, again someone integral to my voice recovery. Dr Menaldi has always been there after each surgery helping me not only regain control of my breathing, but also strengthening the voice I was left with. At this particular appointment I told her I had seen Marie and she was excited that I would try to sing again. I told her I wasn’t sure that’s what I wanted and she said, “Of course that’s what you want, doesn’t singing still bring you joy?” Fast forward a few days later when I ran into a former music director. He asked how I was feeling and asked if I could still sing, I replied that I may be able to but am not sure I want to.  He asked the same thing, “Does it still bring you joy?” Most of you know that singing and music has always been a lifelong passion for me, it has always come easy and I have been fortunate to be able to sing at differnet venues throughout my life. When my nerve was cut during the first surgery leaving my vocal cord paralyzed, I grieved the singing, but it came back.  Cancer came back a second time and I grieved that part of me again, but my singing voice fought back. Cancer attacked yet a third time and it took a little more; not only the trauma from the surgeries, but also the massive doses of radiation have wreaked havoc on my voice and breathing. My voice has not been the same and yes I can still sing, but it requires so much thought, control and effort.  When I was told that there were cancer cells yet again last June, I gave up on the singing.  I was tired of grieving over my voice and trying to hang on to it, that I let it go. With these questions the past couple of weeks singing has been brought back to my mind…does it still bring me joy? Do I still want to try?

Tonight I went to my dad’s Christmas choir concert and watching him sing almost brought me to tears. I saw the excitement of the people singing together and just hearing the live music and watching the joy on my dad’s face just being a part, well, it was overwhelming. My dad is 70+ years old and here he was, still doing something he loved and was passionate about. I love music and I love to sing. I miss it and yes, it does bring me joy. I believe God gives us gifts and talents and passions and He gave me my music. I am tired of grieving over what I still currently have. Do we all do that? Give up before trying? Grieve over something or someone before it’s even gone? Is it fear of the unknown?

What are you passionate about? What lies in your heart that you are curious about and have not taken that step toward? What is holding you back?  My lesson was this again…life is short, too short to grieve what I still have. I miraculously still have my voice and my voice teacher and speech pathologist (along with my laryngologist, Dr Rubin) all tell me that there is nothing that can stop me from singing, so why did I stop trying? Despite a parlayzed vocal cord and some damage from radiation to the other, I can still sing and it’s a miracle. The only thing that was stopping me was me. Press on in your journey, don’t let yourself be the stumbling block.

Today I wear Smashbox True Color lipgloss in Fame. It is a beautiful rosy plum sheen with a lot of moisture (great for this time of year). I chose it not only for the color, but for the name. ‘Fame’ of course was one of the many shows I watched when I was younger that fed my love of music and the arts!

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