Tag Archives: motherhood

Bottom

19 Sep

Remember that ice cream treat you would get from the ice cream truck with the bubble gum at the bottom? I would eat that ice cream so fast just to get to the bubblegum (which would lose it’s flavor within 10 seconds); or when you opened that box of Cracker Jacks you couldn’t wait to eat it all so you could get to the prize at the bottom of the box (by the way, the prize is now at the top of the box to conform to our instant gratification world)? Then there are those phrases, ‘save the best for last’, ‘the pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow, ‘can’t wait til retirement to do all the things I want to do.’ Why do we rush through things to get to the bottom, the end, retirement?

This week one of the kids I grew up with found out that his wife’s cancer is back. She had breast cancer the year before my cancer and they just found out it is now in her bones. My son came home a couple days ago and said that one of his friends’ dad had a massive heart attack while jogging and passed away that day, he was only 50 years old. Two of my mom’s frends were diagnosed with cancer, one breast, the other prostate. It has been a wild and sad week, which brings me back to what I was talking about in the beginning. Why are we rushing through the days in hopes of the prize at the bottom? Why are we waiting for retirement to enjoy life? Why are we making bucket lists but waiting for the right time? Now is the time. Life is so short and can change in a blink of an eye. When we rush through hoping for the prize at the end, we miss what’s in front of us. Even if the only positive thing in the day is the sun shining…stick your face out there and soak it in. We work and work toward retirement in hopes that that is when we will enjoy our days, well, what if those days never come or what if you’re incapable of doing the things you thought you wanted to do? Again, now is the time. Tackle your bucket list now. Enjoy life now. Tell people you love them now. Hold them close now. 

Today I wear Nars lipgloss in Wonder which is a peachy pink color. Nars lipglosses are not too sticky and depending on the color, fairly sheer. This color looks really peachy, but if your lips have a plum undertone it cancels out the orange and the color shows up as a sheer pop of pale pink, just the right neutral for every day. I chose this color because I like it but I also like the name, shouldn’t we live life in sheer wonder and gratitude for every day we get? Cheers!

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Impulse

12 Sep

Coming home from work today I saw one of those giant flocks of small birds flying in different formations over a field. You know the ones I’m talking about? I think they are sparrows, but literally there are hundreds flying and weaving, landing, turning, it’s quite the sight to see. Against the backdrop of the clear blue sky, it was beautiful. While watching (and driving), I noticed that as they flew in formation, it seemed that one bird would fly on impulse another way; then one, two, a hundred would follow. It occured several times within seconds.

School started last week for my kids and there has been quite a bit of discussion on popularity in my house..with a pre-teen and a teenager, well of course. “Why is so and so popular?”, “what makes people popular?”…oh yeah, I forgot about all of that pressure. I was never the popular one but I was always nice to everyone which made me ‘well known’ in many different groups of my large school. Today when I watched the birds I was able to talk about that to my kids in terms of popularity. I told them that the birds all flew in a cluster but there was always a leader, in a matter of seconds though, another bird would impulsively go a different direction then the cluster would follow. Do you want to be part of the pack following the popular kid (or lead bird) or the one that breaks off and does your own thing, maybe some come along beside you, maybe not, or maybe new people show up? It’s much more fun to do your own thing and not just be a follower, plus, (as evidenced by the birds) the leader lost his status within seconds. Popularity is fleeting and comes and goes like the wind. I told them to stand firm in who they are, follow their passions, and love people. Everyone has a story and a reason, take time to listen and invest in people. It’s hard to be a parent, I’m sure we’ll have this discussion again, maybe I’ll see something else that I can use as an analogy.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
― Apple Inc.

Speaking of impulsiveness, I have purchased three lipsticks in two days ,one’s going back and another is a refill on my fall favorite. My color for today and the fall favorite I’m talking about is Lancome L’Absolu Rouge lipstick in Merlot. This happens to be the perfect deep red shade for me. Also the consistency is VERY moisturizing which I love. This is a lipstick I buy every year for fall and winter and is perfect if you have tan skin. Incidentally a perfect bright red for more of a porcelain to medium skin tone is Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Red Square. It’s an awesome color but unfortunately for me it makes me look like a crazy woman…too bright, sigh, I’ll still wear it.

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It Is What It Is

5 Sep

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I hate that phrase by the way, ‘it is what it is’. My arm hairs bristle every time someone says it. I think because I view it as a cop out, or an excuse, like things can’t change or be changed. I guess sometimes that’s true.

I had my doctor appointment last Friday to finally discuss the ultrasound and MRI findings from a few weeks ago. If you recall, he was on vacation immediately after my ultrasound so I haven’t spoken to him about the results and possible next steps. Well…here’s how it went….Doc: I think you’re good for now, see you in a few months. Me: What about the growth the radiologist saw? Doc: Well, you can do a PET scan but it will say the same thing, abnormal tissue, it’s up to you. Me: What do you think I should do? Doc: Check if it’s grown in 3-6 months…if it has,it’s probably cancer, if not, it’s probably just scar tissue. Besides, no surgeon is going to want to go back in there right now. Me: It’s been 2 and a half years since surgery and radiation, when does scar tissue stop growing. Doc: Now. Just live life as normal and I’ll see you in a few months.

That’s it. Life goes on. Isn’t that true though about anything? Illness, you get fired or laid off from a job, your child leaves for college, you miss an appointment….life ALWAYS moves forward. How do we handle that? There’s only two choices, positively or negatively. I have to choose positive, even if I’m kicking and screaming, because I trust God has a plan. It may not be the same plan I’m thinking, but His wheels are in motion and I’m there for the ride.

Today I wear Bite Beauty Honey Lip Lacquer in Aurora which is of course, red. These are interesting, I saw them on display at Sephora last weekend and had to try. They are all natural and long lasting, actually made from 100% honey. These are high shine glosses and for me, a little sticky but beautiful nonetheless. I chose red because, well, it’s a bold color always reminding me to live out loud with no fear. By the way, I’m done being angry…it gets tiring after awhile (remember my last blog called ‘Tired?’). So here I am, living the dream (another phrase I hate). Cheers!

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Growing up

26 Aug

There once was a girl whose favorite outfit was a pink and white checked bikini, who loved to sing and dance, who sang Tiny Bubbles and Pearly Shells on a 20 hour flight from the Philippines to the United States just when she was 3 years old. She was shy but her parents brought her to see the Detroit Symphony Orchestra and to the theater. They gave her dance lessons and piano lessons and instilled in her a love for music and theater which became her passion and helped her come out of her shell. She wondered what she would look like at 16, at 18, at 20; if boys would like her and think she was pretty. She dreamed of being on the stage, New York City, of even being a princess; and although life has changed and she has gotten older, she still dreams…almost even more than she did as a child. This little girl is me and being in my 40’s now means that if I’m lucky, I still have more than half my life to live, but also means almost half of it is over. I want to keep dreaming and discovering, is that wrong? I have shared some of the things I want to do with some people and they look at me like I’m a little crazy…so what? I refuse to settle. Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~Attributed to Carl Bard

This week my oldest son turned 15 which means in three years he will be a legal adult. He finished driver’s ed on his birthday and got his driver’s permit last Friday. Time has flown and I can’t help feeling sad but excited about his future and his great adventure. He is my child that has always had that ‘old’ spirit. He is very practicle and safe. What are his hopes and dreams for the future? We’ve talked about a few. I wonder what he thinks when he looks in the mirror at himself (which is often, usually flexing his muscles, which I call skin over bones). I pray he has some big dreams and when he tells people about them they also look at him like he’s slightly crazy. I pray he faces life head on and accepts stumbling blocks as challenges. I pray he is kind, that he loves God and others, and that he is fearless. Most of all, I just continue to pray for him and my other children as well, because I know we as parents can’t always be there. Life is funny and fast and crazy.

Today I wear Too Faced La Creme lipstick in Spice Spice Baby which is a pinky brown. I love these lipsticks because they are SUPER moisturizing. This color is an easy color to wear but on me, it does not have enough pink so I add a gloss. I love the name…make life spicy! Also, just to keep you updated…I have not yet done the blood test to check for tumor markers, my doctor has been on vacation but is back this week!  I’ll keep you posted!!

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Unexpected

30 Jul

 

Just goofing off

Last week was a good week. If you recall, I had some different tests done the week before, last week was all about results. I really hate the cancer roller coaster of emotions. I wonder if there will ever be a day when whatever I’m feeling (a cold, a sore throat, or for that matter whatever lump or bump appears or disappears) will not be about cancer. Oh well, such is the life of a survivor or fighter, whatever. Anyhow, last Monday the tissue they saw on my optic nerve turned out to be just an extra bundle of nerves and tissue and was not abnormal. Wednesday, the MRI results showed I had a bulging disc in my neck explaining the numbness and tingling in my left arm; not related to the multiple surgeries in my neck or the radiation. Friday my laryngologist did a follow up check of my vocal cords and the hemorrhage on my right paralyzed cord is healing and my left vocal cord is starting to move again. Whew, now I wait for my ultrasound and those results in two weeks. From the extreme emotions and weaning off the high steroids, by Saturday, I was exhausted so I think I slept half the day. Life comes fast and furious sometimes. Cancer has introduced me to a whole new set of emotions and there always seems to be something unexpected that comes up, but it’s not all bad, each day is new and I choose to trust God….not fear.

Yesterday we dropped off all three kids at camp for the week. It was the first time for our youngest to go so I was sad to let him go yet excited for him and his new adventure. What was unexpected for me was how I felt saying good-bye to my oldest. I was proud and sad at the same time. He will be 15 in a few weeks and will be starting driver’s ed when he gets back from camp. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming but as I watched him walk away I was saddened at the fact that he is edging closer to legal adulthood. Have I done enough as a mom? Have we taught him well so far? Our time as parents molding and shaping our kids into adults is so short. I have great kids and I feel truly blessed.

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Creamy Lipcolor in Blue Raspberry. I LOVE Bobbi Brown lipsticks. Most of the colors have a brown base so they work for most skin tones. The Creamy Lipcolor is so moisturizing it feels like a balm but these have lots of shine and color. If you love lipgloss but need more color, these are for you. I chose Blue Raspberry because it’s a great berry tone for summer, and who doesn’t love blue raspberries?

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Dancing in the Rain

19 Jul

Don’t worry…from a candy store in Spain

Life is a crazy series of events triggering a response leading to, of course, another event. Some things you can control, most things you cannot. Being a woman of faith, God is the master conductor and we are the instruments; sometimes playing the wrong notes, taking the wrong turn, and sometimes playing it right. Together with God though, our story is a symphony even more beautiful than Beethoven’s 5th. If you’re familiar with the song (I’ve attached a link), my life has felt like the first movement for awhile. The past few days, no scratch that, the past month has been a little stressful. From a couple posts ago you know it started with my son having a seizure which led to 3 doctor appointments right up until literally 2 hours before leaving for the aiport on our long European vacation. As an update, at the first appointment the doctor said that there was something wrong on the EEG (brain wave test) so he wanted to do an MRI immediately to rule out a brain tumor before we left for vacation…uh huh. MRI was the next day, then Monday morning we found out it was fine but he was diagnosed with a seizure disorder that he will supposedly grow out of when he hits puberty. OK, I can deal with that, we left with a medication that would help prevent seizures. Later that afternoon, we left for vacation and you know some of the mishaps that happened from my last post. Also, being a mom trying to keep her eye on three kids in large crowds in foreign countries, it was a little stressful.

When we got home I had a few doctor appointments with various results which I will talk about next time. All I can say right now is that at my last doctor appointment yesterday when my laryngologist told me that my left vocal cord was looking a little paralyzed, I broke down (not to worry, I got a cold in Europe and lost my voice, consequently, traveling and having to talk for my job has taken its toll. Now it’s steroids and as much vocal rest as possible while working). Well, in attempt to be totally transparent, I confess, I was trying to take care of everything myself, trying to control every little situation which I really had and have no control over. I was tired and I forgot for a split second that God was on my side. What woke me up you ask? Well, after yesterday’s appointment I was driving back to work and it was pouring rain. I decided to drive up to my first account and pull a ‘Gene Kelly.’ You know, great singer-dancer-actor from the 1950’s…Singing in the Rain, An American in Paris, etc. Yup, I blasted the music, cracked my window and danced in the rain in the parking lot (remember I’m a dancer who studied dance from youth through college). I loved it! First off, you know I love music, but it got my heart pumping and my adrenaline going and that simple act of craziness for less than a minute made me laugh and realize the joy of living…God is with me through the mountains and the valleys. So as I enter my season of testing again (ultrasound, PET scan, MRI…), I go with a smile.

Dancing on the streets of Paris with a breakdance crew

Every day is a new day, try something crazy. Today I wear Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Gloss Stain in Cherish. These new gloss stains are pretty awesome. They go on smooth, have great color and unlike most lipstains I’ve tried, they are very moisturizing. I chose this color because it’s pretty for summer and works for all skintones (in my opinion). Also, I love the name, cherish every moment!

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Perspective

12 Jul

Alex peeking at the Eiffel Tower around the corner

I just got back from the vacation of a lifetime, almost a week in Paris, then a Mediterranean Cruise through France, Italy, and Spain. It was a memorable trip that we had saved for for awhile. My whole family went along with my mother-in-law. When we arrived in the Barcelona airport after 14 days of travel to finally return home, we were informed that our flight was cancelled and we would have to stay another day. My oldest son immediately replied, ‘of course it’s cancelled, everything that could go wrong, has.’ Funny enough, for a split second I had no idea why he said that, then I remembered the fine details which my mind had already blocked out.
First, our flight out was delayed an hour because as the pilot inspected our plane, some type of fluid went into his eye and he couldn’t fly so we had to wait for another pilot. When the new pilot arrived we were delayed another half an hour because an overhead bin got stuck and we had to wait for maintenance to fix it. After flying all night, we arrived in Paris at 7am were dropped off at an apartment complex with no instructions. At 8, we were able to reach the rental company who told us that we were at a different apartment than they had originally assigned (which they hadn’t informed the driver of) and our new one would not be ready until 4pm. With map in hand we had to find their office to leave our luggage until our place was ready; so, after flying all night we walked all day through downtown Paris. On the third day in Paris the water in our place shut down, yup, six people, no running water…no showers, flushing toilets, drinking water, etc; it didn’t start again for about a day and a half. In the meantime we decided to pay for a hotel room a block away just to take showers and brush our teeth (and it wasn’t cheap). Our last day in Paris I was robbed, this event I do remember. Fortunately, I had emptied my wallet and only had my drivers license, two credit cards and some cash…it was still traumatic. Leaving Paris for Barcelona we flew on a small European airline. Unexpectedly we had to pay for each of our bags and had no assigned seats. Anyhow, I’m sure there were other things that happened on our trip but they are now a distant memory. Literally, when my son said that statement, all I could remember that was bad was my wallet being stolen.

What I do remember is how beautiful and different everyplace was, all the history and the people. I remember our bike tour of Paris and was thankful that as we sped around the crowded city for three hours none of us got hit by a car and that none of us hit a pedestrian. I remember trying on lipstick (how could I resist) at a large Parisian department store and dancing in the streets with a group of breakdancers in front of a whole group of people. I remember being amazed by all the artwork in the Louvre, seeing Mona Lisa, and an original Monet. I remember being in awe of all the churches and the Roman ruins, the beauty of Gaudi architecture. It was incredible,  I also met some awesome people with great stories.
It’s perspective right? As we were funneled to different hotels because of the flight cancellation we met a couple who said everything went wrong on their vacation, lost luggage, cancelled flight, etc. the husband even said he wouldn’t leave the US again. How sad, no good memories? It’s all how you look at it. What could have been changed? What were you in control of? My vacation was awesome. We spent quality family time, we saw artwork and touched buildings we had only read about. The things that happened were only minor and we all walked away unscathed and richer for the experience. Life is a series of circumstances that we have to make the best of, so why not?

Today I wear Buxom Big and Healthy Lipstick in Barcelona. First, I LOVE this lipstick. It’s like a fat crayon but unlike some of the others, it’s MOISTURIZING and stays put!!  I chose Barcelona because it was one of the cities we went to that I loved but also because this color is candy red!  To Life!!

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Strength

29 Jun

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I’ve been thinking about this topic for awhile. I had cancer and tried to stay positive throughout the battle against the disease, my body,and my attitude. I admit it got tougher each time the cancer came back. People called me strong, courageous, etc., but in my mind I did what I had to do because I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. What is real strength? To me, it takes strength to keep your mouth shut when what you say could be hurtful, it takes strength to tell people you’re sorry, to swallow your pride and forgive, and even more strength and courage to tell someone you love them. All of these are instances where you lay your heart on the line whether the feelings are reciprocated or not, all can be overwhelming for the recipient and all can be life changing for both. This is the human condition. We are made for relationships. Words are powerful and this kind of strength can take some practice. Life is short, start now.

Today I wear Tom Ford lipstick in Casablanca. These lipsticks are ultra luxurious (expensive too). This is a gorgeous pinky brown color that’s both moisturizing and full of color. I chose it because I bought it in Paris and the movie was full of words unspoken….today’s the day. Here’s looking at you kid…..

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Laughing still…

7 Jun

As a college freshman my roomate asked me to color and highlight her hair. Here’s the deal, I am TERRIBLE at any type of hairstyling. I couldn’t pull off my hair curled under when the ‘Dorothy Hamill’ was in, I couldn’t do the ‘Farrah Faucett’ feathered look, I couldn’t even get my bangs to stand up when that was in. I was so thankful when perms were in in the late 80’s because I of course was in line to get one. I finally had big hair that I didn’t have to mess with. Anyhow, I told her to ask someone else. I distinctly remember her saying, “It’s easy…I don’t care if it’s a little uneven because highlights should be scattered anyhow.” OK. I put the gloves on and got to work. About an hour later when her hair was dry and styled, the front looked awesome if I have to say so myself, but when she turned around…oops. The back of her hair was blond and highlighted to about the middle of her head, the rest, well, a bit darker with no highlights. When she grabbed the mirror and looked, she laughed and said, ‘cool.’ I was off the hook.

Now that I’m older and have a few strands of gray, I have started coloring my hair but only once or twice a year by a professional. I have long hair which is black/brown and pretty simple. Well, something possessed me as I was at Target and I thought to myself, ‘How hard can it be?’ Why pay $50 when I can buy a box for $6, it’s not like I get highlights or anything complicated, just one color. Now, I know millions of women do this all the time, but take into account my hair history. So, I bought what I thought was a black/brown (what happened to the fake hair pieces they used to have hanging as samples?) and last night at about 10:30, I started. It was a comedy of errors. Remember, I have long hair, so when I was done with the top and sides I couldn’t see the back so I just reached. It was a TOTAL mess. I reached for a clip to keep my top hair out of the way and got dye on my sink and toothbrush, the color container fell into the sink after jugglng it with the plastic gloves and slipping, color was dripping down my forehead as I bent forward trying to get to the bottom of the back of my head. Then, when I went to rinse in my kids’ bathtub (they have a removable shower head), I sprayed myself in the face when I was trying to rinse the front. After I was done rinsing I stood up and looked at the mirror behind me and had to laugh. Apparently the water I sprayed in my face went past me and sprayed their mirror, counter, sinks, etc…water was everywhere and I looked ridiculous. I was by myself, wet from head to toe, hair, towels, and water everywhere. Thank goodness my husband was not home and the kids were asleep. I assessed the damage and could not stop laughing. Oh yeah, and the color I got was too dark,for those familiar with Elvira…yup.

Oh well, here’s the lesson, don’t take yourself too seriously. I laughed for a good 15 minutes at myself and it felt great. Sometimes we are not able to laugh at little mishaps and let things go. Those things not only drag you down for the moment but if you dwell, they will always drag you down. Laugh and learn, then move on.

Today I wear Chanel Rouge Allure Extrait De Gloss in Exces. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that right now for me, this is close to perfection. This gloss is shiny, moist, and long wearing. The colors are beautiful and although it’s a gloss, it has the perfect amount of color. The color I chose today is a sheer cherry red on my lips, I love it. Cheers!

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Dear Mom

12 May
Mom with two of my kids

Mom with two of my kids

Dear Mom,

I would not be the woman and mother today if I had not had you as an example and encourager. You and dad changed your whole life and left everything and everyone you knew by coming to America so that your children could have a better life. Instead of using your degree in nutrition, you were offered a job as a social worker which you took in order to help support the family, then you stayed until retirement. When I was young you were there. Although you worked full-time you never missed a dance or piano recital, parent teacher conference, or any other activity in which a child would wish to have a parent there. You taught me perseverance. In Junior High, when I was shy and didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere, I asked you to send me to the Philippines to live because at least I knew we were all the same. You were wise and told me to get involved in everything I thought I would like and if after a year I still wanted to go, you would send me. After a year of Student Council, Yearbook Committee, Basketball, and track among other things, I didn’t want to leave…thank you for pushing me. When I didn’t feel pretty, you sent me to etiquette school and entered me into a beauty contest hoping the judges saw what you saw, beauty inside that radiated out; they did, but when I won and different mothers were protesting, you told me to stand proud and confident. You were there to help me with my first heartbreak in high school, to put my hair up for prom, to attempt to teach me how to cook, etc. When I got cancer, although I know you were devastated, you were strong for my family.

Today I am a mom and I thank you for all the lessons and most of all the love. I love you!

Mom and Mom-in Law with AJ

Dear Diana,

One of the best parts of being married to Tony is that I inherited you as a mother-in-law. When Tony announced we were engaged, you threw a surprise engagement party and welcomed me with open arms. Despite the fact we’ve never lived closer than three hours, you have always been available. With the birth of each child, you were there. When cancer hit, you practically moved in to help with anything and everything. You have shown me a servant’s heart and have been a shining example of a woman of faith. You have helped me understand Tony more through the different stories from his youth. You have encouraged me and prayed for me and I am forever grateful and proud to be a part of your family. I love you!

“Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.” – Stevie Wonder

Today I wear Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lip gloss in Sparkplug. These lipglosses are sheer with high shine and high moisture. Sparkplug is a sheer mauvey pink easily worn alone or to add a little pink to any color. I chose it for the name because both my mom and mom in law are energetic and ‘sparkplugs’ which blazed the trail for me! Happy Mother’s Day!!

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