Tag Archives: motherhood

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21 Sep

OK, I admit it, I’ve been neglecting the rest of my body (from the neck down, that is).  For the past four years I have been back and forth to the hospital because of the cancer that keeps coming back to my neck, add in all the mood swings and craziness, well, my neck has been my sole focus for a long time.  What’s worse is that when cancer cells were found again last June, I got mad at the rest of my body.  I stopped exercising, I ate more junk food and candy, I drank a little more, etc…I thought to myself that if my body wasn’t going to cooperate, well, I’ll do what I want.

Since my recent ultrasound showed no tumors and now that my body is totally out of shape and feels like jello, I’m done.  I will be nicer to my body while I reacquaint myself with everything outside of my neck.  I am starting with a mammogram.  I am officially two years late on getting my baseline reading so today, my ‘girls’ will get special treatment and recognition.  I pray that they have no special ‘friends’ that have been hanging around with them.  I am also going to start exercising again, not just my body, but also my vocal cords.  I have allowed my cords to get tight and now, I definitely cannot sing and after a full day of talking, I end my days with a sore throat.

As fall in Michigan starts and the leaves begin changing colors, I will make peace with the rest of me.  We are given one life and one body and there are very few things we can control.  Despite the invasion of my neck, I can and should continue giving the rest of me my best (and you should too).  Treat your body well and once again, since it is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month and thyroid cancer is one of the top cancer’s on the rise, check your neck!

Today I wear Nars-Fire Down Below (a matte blood red), because my body below my neck is screaming for attention!

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Blessings

15 Aug

I sat down and played the piano and sang tonight for the first time since starting my new job last June.  I picked the song Blessings by Laura Story and I almost could not make it through.  The words struck a chord with me and it made me cry.  The chorus goes like this….”What if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?…What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are Your mercies in disguise?”

Think about it. Why do bad things happen to good people?  That of course, is the question of the century and I don’t know the answer.  For me, I stand on my faith which tells me that yes, God knows what He is doing and that His plan (although not mine) is perfect.  Looking back on my journey with all the twists and turns, I have had blessings beyond belief and all on His time frame.  I have met and am still meeting incredible people.  I have seen kindness and compassion and love from people I have only known for a short period of time.  I am talking and even singing with one vocal cord.  Despite the constant attack on my neck by the cancer cells that won’t go away, I am not defeated, I am alive.  I am amazed at how blessed I am.  Like the words of the song say,  what if our blessings come through raindrops?  Through my tears I have seen rainbows.  I still have hope and I know that God’s plan for me (and you) is an amazing one.

Today I wear Mally lip gloss in Life is Fuscia.  It is a sheer hot pink lip gloss which is perfect for August.

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Lost and Found

12 Jun

There are certain things I have lost and that I miss because of my cancer and all the complications associated with it.  I miss running, dancing, swimming, and even riding a bike with my kids without having any breathing difficulty.  I miss some of my taste buds, so now, something has to be very sweet, very spicy, or very sour for me to taste.  I miss being warm on a warm day because my thyroid is no longer there to help control my internal temperature.  I miss having a sore throat and not having to wonder if the cancer is back once again.  I miss coughing without having people try to stay away from me because it’s so loud and uncontrolled or having my kids worry about me from the sound of the cough.  I miss being able to talk all day and sing whatever I want with ease all night and still have a voice with no sore throat.  I miss sleeping on my left side because I am a side sleeper, but now when I sleep on my left I choke and cough because of all the scar tissue on that side.  I miss my right vocal chord which if it were still functioning, I could talk better, sing better, and breathe better.

On the other hand, I have found many beautiful things.  I have found a deeper understanding of me and the world around me.  I have found a new love for people, their histories, and their stories.  I have found people that truly care and deeper friendships.  I have found a greater appreciation of time and a greater passion for life and every moment.  I have found a deeper faith in God and inner strength I never even knew I had.  I have found a new and strong voice in my writing.  In the end, I have found courage.

So no, cancer did not take away from me, it gave my heart more life.  For this I wear Christian Dior #773, Rouge Podium.  It’s a color that’s hard to describe…pink/orange/red?  It’s not as bright as it sounds.  It’s the first lipstick my husband has ever complimented me on (and he hates bright lipstick).  He says it brightens up my face and reminds him of a summer day.  That’s why I wear it, for sunnier days ahead!

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I Love Birthdays

31 May

Survivor Lap

Last weekend I was able to walk and sing at my first Relay For Life event and it was an amazing experience.  The survivors were given purple shirts which read ‘Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back.’  What a great mantra because that is what we were all there to do.  There were so many survivors, all different ages, colors, genders, cancer knows no bounds. During my trip around the track in the Survivor Lap, I was overwhelmed with joy at the fact that my fight is currently over and I have won.  I couldn’t keep a smile off my face.  At one point my mom (who walked the lap with me along with my family) turned around and said, ‘I want to cry’.  I was walking with fighters; people given no choice but to stand up and fight for their lives.  We are told we are strong when in fact, we rise up and do what we need to do.  The sign that impacted me the most in that lap was one that read ‘I love birthdays.’  I was overcome with emotion and just couldn’t stop the tears. The thing is, is that I have always loved birthdays.  As a child, even though I didn’t have many birthday parties, my parents made me feel like the most important person on that day.  It was a celebration of me.  After cancer, birthdays are all the more important.  The first surgeon said my diagnosis was poor and wasn’t sure how much time I had left, and with the cancer continually coming back I wasn’t so sure myself.  Every birthday since that diagnosis has been a milestone for me.  I tear up every year at the significance of a birthday.  It has also been a time to reflect on the past year and its events.  After the survivor lap I was asked to sing which was overwhelming.  I made it through ‘Over the Rainbow’ and as the crowd of survivors, walkers, and supporters, all people touched by cancer, applauded, I wept.  I was told I would never sing again and here I was.

Me and Audrey (with her red painted hair)

Me and Audrey (with her red painted hair)

 

singing

singing

Something fun that I did this week was to go on my second lipstick consultation trip.  I shopped with a friend to help her find her perfect shade for this season.  It turned out to be a new Armani long wear lipgloss in Plum.  It’s a light plum gloss with great consistency and not too much shimmer…I bought one too!  That will be my color this week…light plum; highlighting your natural self and adding a little bling, enough said!

I love birthdays!

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Thank You Mom

6 May

My mom is an amazing woman.  When I was 2 she traveled 23 hours by herself to the United States from the Philippines (apparently she was wheel chaired out of the airplane). My dad had immigrated 6 months beforehand to find a job and a place to live so we could start ‘The American Dream’. They left everything and everyone they knew to provide a better life for their children.

My mom was a working mom, we did not have much money since we were starting fresh so she took the first job she could get as a social worker for Detroit and stayed there 30+ years, never utilizing her degree in nutrition.  Although she worked 8 hours a day, she never missed a school function or recital and was always there when I was sick, sacrificing vacation time and sometimes even pay, I had no doubt that my mom would always be there when I needed her.  Recognizing my love for music, my parents sacrificed a couple paychecks to buy me a piano and also enrolled me in jazz, ballet, and tap at a very young age. We originally lived in a diverse Detroit community, but when we moved to a predominantly Caucasian suburb when I was 9, life got a little difficult for me.  I was incredibly shy and was teased because I was ‘different’.  By the time I was in Junior High, I wanted to move back to the Philippines.  My mom said, ‘For one year, get involved in everything possible at school and if after one year you still hate it, you can go.”  She was teaching me to persevere and overcome and I didn’t even know it!  Obviously, I stayed.  I was Student Body President, in choir, track, tennis, on yearbook committee, Honor Society, Math Olympics…just everything!  I made many friends and found a sense of belonging.

Her support continued through high school, college, and beyond.  She was there for the birth of my two children (I was in Indiana for the third) and is still there for almost all of their events. When I was diagnosed with cancer the first time, she literally fell to the floor, but rose to the occasion (of course) by being there every single step of the way.  My mom is known to her friends as a kind and generous woman, a giver of her time and resources. Our house was always open to those in need; I can’t even remember how many people lived with us as I grew up.  She taught me many things about being a woman and being a mom.  She taught me to persevere, to be independent, to treat others even better than you treat yourself, and to always be thankful for our blessings.  I always felt loved and important. Thank you mom, I love you.

Yes, mom’s have a big job and incredible influence on their children.  This week my lip color is Le Metier De Beaute’ Lip Crème in Chocolate Cream.  It is a beautiful medium brown with golden undertones (the texture is awesome!).  I chose this color because mothers are as precious as gold (and chocolate)! Happy Mother’s Day!

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