Tag Archives: My Lipstick Journey Through Cancer

Friendship

24 May

My mom had many friends growing up but the two she spoke about the most were Adele and Rolly.  She shared many of her childhood stories of them with me. They were best friends through thick and thin and maintained their friendships well into adulthood (that’s 50+ years of friendship)!  Rolly’s family ended up in Toronto and Adele’s family in California.  She spoke to them by phone and more recently through e-mail.  Since we were in the Detroit area, we visited with Rolly and his family many times, I grew up knowing him and his kids, we even called each other cousins.  I didn’t see Adele quite as much because she was in California, but every time my mom spoke to her (and still speaks to her), they are laughing, crying, sharing memories, and creating new ones.

On April 17th, Rolly went to see a doctor because his skin was turning yellow.  They determined it was a blocked bile duct so they put in a stent.  On May 10th, he went back in complaining of pain.  Last Friday my mom got a call from Rolly’s wife saying that it was serious and it didn’t look good, Saturday my mom was on the phone with her friend Adele crying and reminiscing about their younger years with Rolly.  Sunday morning my mom took a bus to Toronto to see one of her best friends in his hospital room.  They were able to talk and laugh and cry when she arrived Sunday night and by Monday morning, he was gone.  In one short month, he went from vibrant to gone.

It is so hard to share your life for so long with someone and have only memories left, but is it worth it?  Absolutely!  We are made for relationships; to share our struggles and our joys, our heartaches and happiness.  Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.  Through my struggle with cancer, my friends made sure me and my family were taken care of.  They prayed for us, made meals for us, offered to drive my kids to their activities, drive me to my appointments, etc.  Without them, it would have been a lonely walk; they were God’s hands and feet to me during that difficult time.

Cherish the people God has brought into your life and tell them how much they mean to you.  You may not get that ‘later’ or ‘tomorrow’ or ‘I’ll tell them next time’.  I truly believe there is a purpose to every ‘chance’ meeting you have with someone.  Open yourself up and let people in, it’s hard and I’m bad at it (but I’m working on it too).  I can’t say it enough, we are a rushed and virtual society because it’s easy; but take the time to get to know someone and be a friend, it can only make your life richer.  From the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, “Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends.”

Lipstick today is Angel Skin from Chantecaille.  It is a nude color with a hint of pink.  If you’ve read my book you know I’m not that fond of nude so I top it with a Chantecaille gloss called Charm.  I chose Angel Skin for the name; to honor the death of Rolly but also the friends I have who to me are my angels here on earth.  Thank you for your friendship!

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Contentment

20 May

Earlier this week I went shopping with a friend.  She, like me, is a lipstick fanatic (amongst other things).  We decided to go to a local upscale mall and played for hours at Nordstrom and Neimann’s.  It was so much fun and yes, we walked out with a few things.  It’s funny in a bad economy how everyone wants to help you find the right shade or the right scent.  Just a few years ago when the economy was a little better, no one behind the counters even looked at me while I played.

In sharp contrast, the next day I was at a homeless shelter with another one of my friends.  She heads up the children and youth services there because yes, there are many homeless families.  This particular home housed over 200 people; years ago predominantly men, now, the majority women and children.  They have a three year program that helps people from the inside out.  Not only taking them out of addiction, but bringing them back to health and confidence internally and externally.  My friend Melissa told me that many people come with just the clothes on their backs.  All I know is that the face of homeless has changed.  Some were former ‘suburbanites’, working class, who have either struggled with addiction or who have lost their job and have nothing left.  Many are single moms and some are teenagers who have lost their youth to drugs and alcohol.  The shelter is immaculate and completely supplied by donations, from the food and clothing, to the bedding and toiletries.  I wanted to weep at all that they don’t have and yet these people surrounding me were surviving, thriving, wanting and accepting change.  It made me ponder my trip to the mall and all the people who surrounded me just the day before.

A couple strange headlines this week; first, on CNN there was news that there may be a blood test that can determine how long you will live.  Would you take it?  Does it allow for things like cancer, accidents, or being struck by lightning? And second, apparently the world is going to end.  Both these crazy stories lead to the question, if you knew you were going to die would you live your life differently?  We all know our birthdays but if we knew our death date, what would we change?  Having cancer multiple times brought that question to the forefront of my mind and still does, but we are all survivors.  The people at the mall surviving and coping with the economy, the people at the homeless shelter trying to overcome and survive, and everyone else who is dealing with daily adversities.  Life changes in a minute, no one knows the day or the hour of the end, so celebrate and live your moments intentionally.

Today I’ve got to go with the red lipstick again because living boldly is incredible; but I’m going sheer (because it’s day time and I’ve got nowhere to go). I am going with Lipstick Queen-Medieval.  It is a sheer red that anyone can wear and it feels like a lip balm, how can you go wrong?

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True Beauty

15 May

Aphrodite

A couple strange things happened this week. A few days ago I had an eye exam for new glasses.  After the exam I was working with the tech to find new frames.  After she measured my eyeballs she said, ‘Wow, you’re perfectly symmetrical, that’s a big deal.’  When I asked her why, she said, ‘Well, most people are not symmetrical and there have been studies relating symmetry to attractiveness and beauty’. Hmmm.  I looked it up and yes, there have been studies, but they also say that bilateral symmetry is an important indicator of freedom from disease.  Well, as a child I had scarlet fever, chicken pox, chronic tonsillitis, and as an adult, allergies and of course, cancer.  In terms of attractiveness, I was not asked to too many dances or dates in high school; I was even set up for my senior prom by one of my teachers.  Perfect symmetry has not helped me much.  Another strange thing this week was the story of the 8 year old girl getting Botox from her mom. What?  How have we become so obsessed with outer beauty?

I’ve had the privilege this year of celebrating the life of two 90+ year old women, one for her birthday, and the other in her death.  The birthday party was in a nursing home and it was a celebration.  Ms. Louise wore a tiara and pale pink lipstick.  She gave a speech after blowing out her candles and said she’s had a good life and just wished for a good rest of her life. So simple, the beauty was in her eyes and the life she had lived so far; and of course, Grandma Lucille from my past blog.  In her passing, we reflected on the life she lived.  She was a beautiful woman because she loved people.

What is beauty?  After cancer, every person is beautiful to me. Here are my thoughts:

  • Beauty comes from our history
  • Beauty comes from knowing that we are each a unique creation; in being confident in how we are wired
  • Beauty comes from the depths of our soul, how we treat people and love even our enemy because we know they are also a unique creation and that they also have a story.

True beauty comes from within, and I don’t mean from within tubes of lipstick or jars of anti-aging lotions (although of course, those are fun to play with).  No amount of make up can change who we are on the inside.  True beauty comes from our story,  the pieces we pick up in our journey that continues to mold us into who we will be tomorrow.  Soak it all in; the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Today, I’m wearing YSL Golden Gloss #7.  It’s sheer, warm, sparkly gold, just how God looks at us, like precious gold.

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Just Breathe

10 May

It’s springtime in Michigan (finally).  Grass is starting to look green again, trees, flowers, and bushes are blooming, and for me, spring allergies are starting up.  What that means in my world is that since having cancer, surgeries in my neck, radiation, and vocal chord paralysis, it has become increasingly more difficult to breathe.  I already have a dry throat from the RAI and external beam radiation but since I take allergy meds, it gets even drier.  Sometimes the dryness makes me cough uncontrollably for long periods of time.  Because of my paralysis, my cough sounds more like a bark or a sneeze.  People either say “bless you” or they slowly move as far away from me as possible.  The coughing and drainage make my vocal chords swell which in turn make it more difficult for me to breathe.

  All this to say that breathing is a miracle.  We have five senses; see, hear, taste, touch, smell.  They say that when people are missing even one of these, that their other senses    become heightened.  But breathing on the other hand is life;  without breath, there’s no life and when breathing is difficult, there’s fear.  Last week I visited with part of my voice team (from the book, Dr. Rubin and Dr. Menaldi).  It’s amazing to me how observant they are. They can hear and detect different nuances to my voice and my breathing just when they hear me speak or even while I’m just sitting there.  I have less fear knowing that they’re prepared to aid in my breathing and speaking as necessary and are always there checking on me.

I know for me that my difficulties will happen every spring and fall, or even at random times, but that’s ok.  It’s now a part of me, a reminder of the amazing journey I’ve been through, and a reminder to slow down and listen to my body and to simply breathe in life.  Take a deep breath, smell the new flowers, the freshly mowed lawn, the springtime air, and remember to thank God for life and the miracle of new beginnings. 

This week I am wearing Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips lip gloss in Kanani.  It is a beautiful, sheer peachy pink color.  What’s great about the Buxom glosses is that they make your lips tingle when you put them on.  Since we’re talking spring and new life, I thought this tingle would wake your lips up!  I’ve also been asked about other cosmetics I use.  First off, I buy lipstick all the time, the rest of the stuff, maybe once a year. I’ll start with foundation for today.  For everyday, I use Bare Escentuals Mineral Powder-matte.  It’s just a light powder that melts into your skin.  For the days I feel like I may need more coverage (when I’m tired or for a special event), I’ll wear Armani Luminous Silk foundation.  This is a miracle product because it’s light as air yet covers every flaw, it’s also got buildable coverage.  So that’s it…Happy Spring (and always wear SPF)!

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Thank You Mom

6 May

My mom is an amazing woman.  When I was 2 she traveled 23 hours by herself to the United States from the Philippines (apparently she was wheel chaired out of the airplane). My dad had immigrated 6 months beforehand to find a job and a place to live so we could start ‘The American Dream’. They left everything and everyone they knew to provide a better life for their children.

My mom was a working mom, we did not have much money since we were starting fresh so she took the first job she could get as a social worker for Detroit and stayed there 30+ years, never utilizing her degree in nutrition.  Although she worked 8 hours a day, she never missed a school function or recital and was always there when I was sick, sacrificing vacation time and sometimes even pay, I had no doubt that my mom would always be there when I needed her.  Recognizing my love for music, my parents sacrificed a couple paychecks to buy me a piano and also enrolled me in jazz, ballet, and tap at a very young age. We originally lived in a diverse Detroit community, but when we moved to a predominantly Caucasian suburb when I was 9, life got a little difficult for me.  I was incredibly shy and was teased because I was ‘different’.  By the time I was in Junior High, I wanted to move back to the Philippines.  My mom said, ‘For one year, get involved in everything possible at school and if after one year you still hate it, you can go.”  She was teaching me to persevere and overcome and I didn’t even know it!  Obviously, I stayed.  I was Student Body President, in choir, track, tennis, on yearbook committee, Honor Society, Math Olympics…just everything!  I made many friends and found a sense of belonging.

Her support continued through high school, college, and beyond.  She was there for the birth of my two children (I was in Indiana for the third) and is still there for almost all of their events. When I was diagnosed with cancer the first time, she literally fell to the floor, but rose to the occasion (of course) by being there every single step of the way.  My mom is known to her friends as a kind and generous woman, a giver of her time and resources. Our house was always open to those in need; I can’t even remember how many people lived with us as I grew up.  She taught me many things about being a woman and being a mom.  She taught me to persevere, to be independent, to treat others even better than you treat yourself, and to always be thankful for our blessings.  I always felt loved and important. Thank you mom, I love you.

Yes, mom’s have a big job and incredible influence on their children.  This week my lip color is Le Metier De Beaute’ Lip Crème in Chocolate Cream.  It is a beautiful medium brown with golden undertones (the texture is awesome!).  I chose this color because mothers are as precious as gold (and chocolate)! Happy Mother’s Day!

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Keeping the Faith

30 Apr

Me and Grandma Lucille

This week I’m writing about my faith.  Faith is one of those controversial topics but I make no apologies for my beliefs.  Everyone is entitled to believe what they want.  I am a Christian.  To me, it is not about being ‘religious’ (whatever that means) or being part of a certain denomination, it is simply that I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and I will follow Him.  Going through the last few years of constantly being told bad news, I would not have been able to get through without having the belief that somehow, this was God’s plan and purpose for my life and that in the end no matter the outcome,  it was all for His glory and that my family would be taken care of.  I also believe in the power of prayer.  So many people were praying and I know that their prayers truly gave me a sense of peace.  With people constantly serving my family with meals and encouragement, I felt not just the presence of God at all times but also his heart through all of them.

Many have asked how I was able to stay so positive throughout my journey.  It’s very simple.  I trusted God and I still do and that gives me hope.  Of course I was sad about different aspects of my struggle but again, I trusted He had a plan.  I also was so uplifted by the people in my life.  The command to love others was cemented into my brain.  If you can get beyond the surface and look at people with compassion knowing they are a unique creation, you can love them.  When you pour your love out, it comes back ten fold, and that is what I felt…love overflowing.

My husband’s 94 year old grandmother died Easter Sunday.  She was resurrected on the day of resurrection!  What a testimony of a beautiful Christian woman.  I have known Lucille for the past 20 years.  She loved everyone, she NEVER complained, and she always encouraged and had a smile on her face.  Every birthday we got a card with a personalized letter, she never missed one.  This was a woman who knew that everyone wanted to be loved and remembered and I know that it’s because she believed in a God who made each person unique and special.  Because of my faith, and the hope it gives me, I know I will see her again!

Today I’m wearing Benefit Ultra Shine lip gloss  in Kiss Me (a beautiful mauve) in honor of Lucille because she loved to kiss people, again, making them feel loved and special. God is good, all the time!

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Life Lessons Learned

26 Apr

My Family and Me at the Beach

Cancer is a funny thing. Not funny, just a sudden jolt of mortality. Many things flash through your mind when you’re told, “It doesn’t look good.” After hearing these words I thought of many things. First and foremost were my kids. They were 10, 7, and 5 at the time and all I could think of was I’m not afraid to die, but they need a mom. I get choked up thinking about it. Your perspective on life and truly living it changes in an instant. I was also told I would never sing again which was secondary at the time. I just learned that in the ‘private room’ my family was brought to discuss my surgery and all the complications, that in the end when the doctors finished by saying I would not be able to sing anymore, my mom started crying and said, “But she’s a singer.” It was something tangible and real that slapped her with the reality of the situation.

It’s been a long three years with the cancer coming back again and again and I have learned many things that I promised myself to never forget. Cherish and maximize every moment with your family, friends, and every person you get the chance to meet. We live in a virtual society so be present. People always walk away from your encounters feeling something. My goal is to leave them feeling positive or uplifted in some way. Live passionately and takes risks, life is short and can change in a blink of an eye…have no fear. Everyone has a story so don’t judge too quickly. There were long periods of time when I couldn’t speak because of vocal chord paralysis. It was my chance to truly listen and it was great. We take our health for granted sometimes. Having no voice was hard and frustrating; communication with the general public was difficult. Think about your voice, without it, you can’t go through a drive-thru, order at a restaurant, talk on the phone, etc. Just being alive and loved is a blessing. And of course, trust God and count your blessings; I knew He had a plan which gave me hope. Although it was different than mine I knew I had to trust Him.

 On a lighter note, I sang in front of an audience for the first time since my last surgery and radiation treatment a year ago. Yes, I’m singing again despite having a paralyzed vocal cord! I was extremely nervous most of the day, but when the time came I swiped on some red lipstick (Lancome-Merlot…beautiful deep red, great for evening) looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh Yeah, I can do this.” It went great. I also got a job offer this week (Korres Lip Butter Glaze-Raspberry, perfect for summer)! I was also asked to bring a group of ladies on a lipstick and wine tour through the mall…ummm hello? OF COURSE!  Life is a great adventure…LIVE IT UP!

My Family and Me Four Wheeling


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Finding the Right Shade

18 Apr

I will preface this by saying that I am no expert. I am just an everyday woman who has been searching for the right shade and texture of lipstick for at least 20 years, and believe me, I’ve tried EVERYTHING! Have I found it? Probably, but now the fun is on trying to find something better. Anyhow, I decided to first ask the experts on how they decide what the right shade is for women. I visited Diane from Bobbi Brown at Macy’s and Laura from YSL at Nordstrom. Both women said they look at the overall coloring of the person, dark haired women can usually pull off deeper shades while blondes, brighter shades. Generally, they try to match your lip color and either go lighter or darker from there.

Most women have a plum, pink, or reddish undertone to their lips. Mine is plum and to know yours is a good start.  For evening, I go deeper and for daytime I either go with almost the exact color of my lip in a gloss or go a little lighter for a lipstick. I stay away from matte and long-wearing lipsticks because I have naturally dry lips (which my doctor says is because I don’t drink enough water, FYI) and these tend to be more on the dry side. If you are going to wear a deep shade of lipstick, always exfoliate your lips first and then moisturize with a lip balm, this will help the color go on smoother.

So here’s the deal, for day, wear something close to your natural lips tone. In the evening, you can play with darker shades; of course red is a universal color for an evening out, just choose the right red for you (red-brown, red-blue, red-orange…try them on first!). Beyond all the rules…JUST PLAY WITH THE COLORS! Before I left, Diane from Bobbi put me in a hot pink shade…WOW, did it transform the color on my face! While Laura, put on a brown/peach Golden gloss from YSL, again, WOW! Two totally different looks and both very wearable and beautiful!

My favorite brands in terms of color selection and texture are Bobbi Brown, YSL, Christian Dior. In terms of drugstore, L’Oreal and Revlon, although all the new Covergirl lipsticks are also pretty awesome! Now go play!

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My Journey Through Thyroid Cancer

11 Apr

It all started with a sore throat.  I am a mom, a sales rep, and a singer and for months I struggled with a sore throat.  After a couple rounds of antibiotics, I sat in my car massaging my neck and found a lump. Less than a week later, I had gone to a doctor, done an ultrasound and biopsy, and was told I had thyroid cancer. Treatment was straight forward, remove the thyroid and drink I-131 radiation. After much research I discovered that thyroid cancer is one of the few cancers on the rise but also has a 97% survival rate.  By the end of the same month I was headed for surgery and confident about the results.

My journey took a turn there. Coming out of the surgery, I found out that my cancer was aggressive and that the nerve supplying my right vocal chord had been cut leaving my vocal chord permanently paralyzed. My surgeon told me I would never sing again and speaking and breathing would be strained, I couldn’t speak for months. It was an amazing trek after that. Over the next couple of years I had two more surgeries and endured aggressive external beam radiation which partially paralyzed my remaining left vocal chord.

Today, I am one year cancer free, talking, and miraculously beginning to sing again. I have learned many things:

  • Live passionately because life can change in an instant
  • Use your voice! Tell people you love them; stand up for what you believe in! Your voice and breathing is a MIRACLE!
  • Listen to your body and treat it well
  • Sometimes, God has a plan that is different from yours, just trust Him and go with it

Right now, I am wearing red lipstick, Bobbi Brown Burnt Red.  It’s a rich, creamy red which for me symbolizes my journey and how I want to live from now on, passionate, loving, and full of life!

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Learning to Love My Lips

4 Apr
 

Photo Courtesy of PR Watch

When I was young, I was teased about my big lips (among other things). The last thing I ever wanted to do was to focus on them. I NEVER wore lipstick. In fact, I always had a funny smirk on my face thinking that ‘look’ made my lips thinner. So why did I write a book about lipstick and cancer only to draw more attention to my lips? As I grew older, a couple beautiful things happened.  First, my face finally grew into my lips (my lips are the same size now as they were when I was four), and second, Angelina Jolie became a megastar with her huge lips. All of a sudden, everyone wanted big lips and I finally wanted to show them off.

I have been searching for the perfect shade since college. I think I found mine, but I keep departing from it thinking there must be one better. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my purchases increased and my color choices went wild. I buy lipstick with every change of emotion or weather and with cancer I was an emotional hotbed!  Another hobby of mine is journaling. I have kept a journal since I was eight years old. Writing a book combining my two emotional outlets (lipstick and journaling) along with my faith was an incredible channel for me and I am hoping that it is encouragement for others.

I had a couple more job interviews this week which is, of course, an emotional rollercoaster (CoverGirl Natureluxe lipsticks in Hibiscus and Cabernet)—drugstore, since I’m jobless.  But the best news came with my recent ultrasound…I am CLEAN!  I have been officially cancer free for one year!  I splurged, the new spring colors are out so I purchased Chanel Rose Dentelle along with a gorgeous Chanel gloss called Insolence (a sheer hot pink). Those that have read the book now ask what color they should be wearing, I say whatever makes you feel good. Now, people are constantly looking at my lips to see what color I’m wearing. Believe it or not, I still get freaked out because I still think my lips enter a room before I do, but I know they’re beautiful, just like life is beautiful!

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