Tag Archives: thyroid cancer

Friends

22 Mar

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So here’s a weird fact about me, I’m the girl who always used to say I didn’t have any close girlfriends. That’s right. When I was young not only was I a shy introvert, but I was also not very much of a girly-girl. I didn’t really play with dolls except to cut their hair and draw on their faces. I didn’t have any Barbies. No, I liked to play in the parking lot, jumping the parking blocks, I had a baseball glove and liked to play anncatch with my dad, I liked to play in the mud and build forts with the boys then throw rocks at each other. I think it was because there was no drama involved, just play, and for an introvert, that was easy. My best friend in high school was a boy (who, much to my my ex-husband’s dismay, was part of my wedding party). Some of my closest friends in college and work have been boys. I think the struggle with me and women has always been the time involved along with the drama. I’ve never really been one to want to talk on the phone very much and if you have a teenage daughter like me, you also know that we females can be mean to each other. Add to that growing up an introvert along with some insecurities, making female friends was alot harder than making male friends. photo

franFast forward to becoming a mom, having cancer, going through a divorce. None of those things are/were easy and had I not had the love and support of awesome female friends (along with my faith), I may not have been as strong. People comment all the time about my courage and strength, but truly like the Bible story of Moses, Aaron, and Hur, when I could no longer hold my arms up, I have/had friends on either side holding my arms up for me. We are all stronger if we can rely on each other. jenAnother thing about female friends, they really listen and have a depth of understanding and empathy (usually). I am happy to say I have many close girlfriends who are true blessings in my life, thank you chicas!’Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.’~C. S. Lewis

stacieToday I wear Sephora+Pantone Universe Radiant Rush Matte lipstick. This is a limited edition lipstick with Pantone’s color of the year, orchid (pinkish/purple). Now, it is matte but it is surprisingly not too dry. It’s a gorgeous color that looks pretty great on everyone and is perfect for spring! I chose it because we are all a little more radiant when surrounded by good friends! Cheers!

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Passion vs Paycheck?

18 Mar

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There was an article I read years ago right around the time the Detroit economy took a dive. It basically shot out a statistic that 80% of Americans actually hate their jobs. The question at the end was ‘Do you pick passion over paycheck?’ The article added that without passion, people will be choosing between the lesser of two stresses: stress from being unemployed versus the stress of being in a dead-end job.

Lately I’ve met a few people who are doing things they absolutely love…and getting paid for it. They may or may not be the most lucrative careers but I see the joy and passion in their eyes of doing what they love. There’s my neighbor/hair phenom with her own salon, the make-up artist who views every face as an empty and beautiful canvas, the artist I met last week, the lawyer turned IT genius and loving it; people all around me doing things they love or switching careers to pursue passion. Every interaction I have with one of these people leaves me wondering about myself and what I’ve done to pursue the things I’m most passionate about. We all wonder if we’re doing what we we’re created to do, if we’re living our purpose, or just staying safe. I think there has to be a balance of course, you can be passionate but not gifted (think American Idol, X-factor, etc. they all think they’re great). I’ve been in sales my whole career life, am I passionate about it? No. Do I enjoy it? Sure. I look at it this way, everyday is a chance to talk to a bunch of people I otherwise may never meet, attitude goes a long way. As life continues to press on with all the stressors attached we tend to push our passions aside and maybe even forget what it is that makes our hearts beat faster. For me, it was always music, singing and dance. My heart still beats fast when I hear a great tune, I sometimes see choreography in my head too. I know I was good at one time but cancer has taken part of my voice and age has made me a little less flexible; passion for music will never go away for me. I do believe though that as we ‘do’ life new passions can arise. I now have new passions for being the best mom, for people’s stories, for writing, and of course, for finding or even creating the perfect lipstick! Billy Graham said,’The greatest surprise of my life is the brevity of life.’ So very true, we have one life and it is oh so short. So do we just quit our jobs and pursue our passions? It depends, we have responsibilities mixed in too, but I think we can do a bit of both, living in the now of what we have. And yeah, I still want to be a rockstar, who doesn’t?

Pretending to be a Rockstar

Pretending to be a Rockstar


‘Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.’~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Today I wear Giorgio Armani Rouge Ecstasy Lipstick in 301-Gio. These lipsticks are pretty close to perfect. Longer lasting, great color, and moisturizing. Clearly I didn’t choose the color for it’s name (hate when there’s not a fun name attached to a lipstick), but this color is FUN! Kind of a coral-ly/red…perfect pop of color for summer,ok,spring. LIVE EVERYTHING! Cheers!

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Finding Anna

7 Mar

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Do you ever feel like you’re living in a box…maybe I should say, a portrait? You all know that in general, I’ve spent most of my life as a people pleaser. This is not a bad thing, not at all. Putting others needs before yours? But what happens when you strive to please so much that you start losing yourself? Maybe even forgetting your needs, hopes, dreams? You start living in a box of what you think others want from you but forget about yourself. The past several years with cancer were intense but my focus was on the fight. Lots of things happen in the mind of a cancer patient. Am I going to die? Have I done anything of any significance? Will my kids be ok? In my case, will I be able to speak again, or breathe on my own? Then, if I survive, what things will I change? It has been almost four years now that I’ve technically been cancer free with a few scares along the way and I’ve said before that there are several things I can no longer tolerate; I have a hard time with rudeness, arrogance, judgement, rage, control, entitlement, and massive complaining about things we can’t change. Our time is too short here to waste our breath and energy, and that stuff adds undue stress, I just want peace.

For the past several months, maybe even a year, I have been able to reconnect with many friends from my past. A couple from high school, a couple from college, and a few from my life post college/starting a career era. It has been awesome. During this turbulent time, these ladies have been here to laugh and cry with me, but most of all, help me remember myself; what I loved, what I laughed about, my dreams, and oh…the memories and stories. I don’t believe in coincidence that much. I believe every meeting has a purpose and the timing is always right. Here is what I’ve learned, being a people pleaser is part of my personality, I like making people happy and feel loved and respected, but I can’t forget about me. I used to base decisions on what the other person wanted. Now, I think a little selfishness is ok. I also learned that although I may be on the sensitive side, I am mentally tough, strong, and as one friend put it..a bad ass chick (sorry for the profanity but I liked the description). Because of life experiences, we can never fully be who we once were, but it’s great to come back to your core, remember who you were and incorporate that into who you are now and who you want to be…and yes…I think I might be pretty bad ass.photo(6)

‘To the people who love you, you are beautiful already. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings but because they so clearly see your soul. Your shortcomings then dim by comparison. The people who care about you are willing to let you be imperfect and beautiful, too.’~V. Moran

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolution lipstick in F-bomb. These lipsticks are great in terms of having lots of color AND feeling buttery soft (which is usually a hard combo to find). I chose this color because it is a classic red and also for the name…just getting all the profanity out of the way. Cheers!

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This Girl Is On Fire

21 Feb

Dancing on the streets of Paris with a breakdance crew

Dancing on the streets of Paris with a breakdance crew


I have a friend that I see every now and then. She is the person who always has a book to recommend or an author or a new song; not a fiction book, some type of inspirational or self-help book, but never cheesy. She always has great advice, not too pushy, and the way she comes across, with her added expressions, never ceases to crack me up! She’s actually hysterical and no matter what mood I’m in, I leave laughing. Anyhow, I saw her recently and of course she opens with ‘I just read this great book’ (uh huh, I’m already smiling) ‘It was written by this incredibly strong woman’…’All right’, I say as I take out a piece of paper to write name and author, like always…’Maybe you’ve heard of it, it’s called ‘My Lipstick Journey Through Cancer’ by Anna Warner’. Me…blank stare back. Then she stares at me square in the eyes and says ‘that’s right, she’s in there, bring her back.’ Believe it or not, that small gesture touched me deep in my soul and I started to feel that fire again (cue the theme from Rocky). Who am I? I’m a girl who auditioned for a show 3 times before finally getting on, I fought cancer 3 times also, I pushed through a science degree when all I wanted to do was sing and dance, and when people said I couldn’t, I did all I could to prove them wrong. Heck yeah, I’m a fighter.

There have also been a lot of opportunities recently that have popped up. I was asked by an artist and vocal coach from Atlanta if she could use my story as part of her Vocal Workshop, of course, thank you Heather! A national cancer organization has also asked me to speak and share my story at a national meeting for young physicians. On top of that, coming soon is an event near and dear to my heart, the annual Voice Day celebration that my physician puts together, and I am still fortunate to be able to sing and be a part of that special day. This week I also met up with a couple old co-workers and it was really great. I am so incredibly grateful for all of my experiences, good and bad, but mostly for all the people who God has weaved in and out of my life and journey at exactly the right time. I love you all. ‘She got both feet on the ground, And she’s burning it down. She got her head in the clouds,And she’s not backing down. This girl is on fire…~ Girl on Fire,Alicia Keys

Today I wear an old favorite, Buxom Full On Lip Polish in Brandi. These lipglosses are not sticky at all and make your lips tingle a little. I love the color Brandi because it adds kind of a deep berry shade to my lips while still being a little sheer. Check out the box it comes in…yeah, this girl is on fire…watch out! Cheers!

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Rumors and Lies

9 Feb

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There have been several emotions swirling in my mind over the past few weeks (obviously); joy, sadness, anger, and fear because of various reasons. When I was young, I was shy, painfully shy. My parents are extremely social and we would either be at a party or hosting one. At those parties I was either attached to my parents’ hip or after doing the obligatory hello’s (and playing the piano…I am Filipino), I would try to escape to my room to read, write, or listen to music. I wasn’t sad or lonely, just a shy introvert who would be overwhelmed by crowds and having to socialize. My shyness carried on for pretty much all of my youth until college where I sort of blossomed. In Jr. and Sr. high I became involved in sports, choir, plays, student government. Then I was on a TV show and won a couple beauty pageants my mom encouraged me to join to increase my confidence and break out of my shyness. Despite those things, I was still shy, opening up to few, but kind to all. What happens when you have a few accomplishments and are mostly quiet? People talk about you, rumors, and even lies sometimes. Why? 1. To feel better about themselves, 2. To convince people that they are better than the person they are talking about, or 3. Whatever lies they are pushing, it’s because they are actually the one that’s guilty of said lie(s). Sometimes they repeat it so much, they actually start believing it…scary.

What does this all have to do with me today? Well, I just went through a divorce and am keeping quiet about the details. I have had really incredible support through both the cancer and the divorce from people who have done life with me, worked with me, family, and even people I have had very little interaction with. Why? My parents taught me well…love God, love others; practice patience, kindness, gratefulness. Although I can still get shy sometimes, I try with my actions to be and do these things; not always succeeding but consciously always trying to be a positive force. Today there are lies being told and believed by even a few of those who were close to me. Hurtful? Absolutely, but although my heart hurts at times, I can hold my head high knowing the truth and also feeling confident that the truth eventually comes out. Actions speak louder than words and sometimes your actions show people who you are. “There is beauty in truth, even if it’s painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don’t teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one’s character, one’s mind, one’s heart or one’s soul.”~ José N. Harrisanna2.9.14

Today I wear Nars lipstick in Heatwave. Nars is famous for great lipsticks. This formula is semi-matte so it’s a little drying for me but still great. I chose this color for the simple reason that I WANT SUMMER BACK!! Cheers!

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Real

1 Feb


I’m at a loss for words, no, really. Last week I dropped the ‘divorce’ bombshell and the amount of support from everyone was unbelievable; all of the wonderful messages both public and private were overwhelming. It was my most read blog of all time, almost 1000 people. Crazy. What does that tell me? Either a) people crave authenticity and truth or b) people love good gossip. I’m hoping for ‘a’ because that’s what I crave. We all walk around with amazing facades don’t we? We portray what we think people want to see; put together, nice, happy, perfect…how exhausting. I prefer the raw and uncut version because that’s where I am. It’s easier, but sometimes a risk. We all live imperfect lives and are flawed, thank goodness, perfection is impossible. If we all came to terms with that then maybe we would be more real with each other and not so judgmental. Ask me what I think now and I’ll tell you, no more pretense. For the people in the ‘b’ category, not my style. I’m fairly private despite a book and blog. I write observations on life not dirt about me or anyone else, sorry. Those close to me know some of the details but not all, like I said, I keep things close. I’m more about actions than words anyhow, you get back what you put out into the world and nothing someone says can outweigh what they do.

It’s been an interesting week of mixed emotions but I am still looking forward with great hope for the future. I have heard the ‘strong’ word thrown around a lot and frankly, I’m not feeling it; just living and doing the best I can. This week I got to help a friend going through her own difficult life circumstance. That’s one of life’s privileges, going through struggles, getting stronger, and helping others. Life is beautiful.

‘Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength’~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Today I wear Lancome Rouge In Love lipstick in Fierry Attitude. These lipsticks are feather light and last a long time. They are a tiny bit drying for me but not as bad as some of the other long lasting lipsticks. I chose this color because it’s a deep berry which I love, I also love the name…living life with passion and a fiery attitude! Cheers!

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Picture Perfect

26 Jan


Over the holidays I received lots of family pictures, you know, the new trend of sending the picture postcard? Everyone’s happy, smiling, perfect. I heard the other day that relationships, like these pictures, always look good and pretty on the outside, but sometimes the picture is not always what it seems. What’s easier for people to see? Obviously the pretty, but people’s lives are never truly picture perfect are they? They’re messy and complicated sometimes. Over the past several months to a year, I have been referring to a personal issue in my life that I have been navigating through outside of cancer. I read this quote ‘I know of nothing more valuable when it comes to the all important virtue of authenticity then simply being who you are.’~Charles Swindoll. Last week I wrote about a shift that had occurred in my life, a death and a birth; last week I became a divorced woman and a single mother. I’m sure many of you are surprised and I will not go into details, but it was not something done lightly. If you have been reading my blog for some time, you know me fairly well by now. I am a survivor. I was asked by a couple people this past week who my safety net was, who I was ‘gunning’ for, and my response was quick, no one, there is nobody else. I am finally aiming for me; my safety net is God. Like I said in my blog a few weeks ago, no one knows what happens behind closed doors and I will leave it at that. Now, I move forward with even more strength, courage, and hope for a beautiful future. I hope you stay with me in my complicated journey called life. One more quote,‘We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be’~ Mary Sarton.

So here I am, trying to be authentic and unapologetically me.

No lipstick today, just me 🙂

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Shift

18 Jan

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There are certain events in life, both good and bad, that cause a shift in the way you see the world; your first kiss, the birth of a child, reaching a goal, and even a death of a loved one. These shifts can happen years apart or continually, fast and furious. The past few years for me have been the latter, fast and furious. Between cancer, my book, reaching certain goals, the death of my friend, deepened friendships, and even certain new people that I have met, all of these things have been one after another constantly changing my perspective and even showing me even more how awesome and beautiful this world is and the people in it. This past week I had another major shift happen in my life. Without going into great detail at this time, this shift brought feelings of both a death and a birth; the sadness and grief you experience from death coupled with the warmth, joy, and peace after a birth. My day ended with my view of the world being simple and beautiful despite the freezing temperatures and snowfall. An overriding theme to all these shifts is hope.

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ― C. JoyBell

I love this quote because if you recall from my 25 Things.. post, I love beautiful things that fly (not bugs), butterflies, hawks, eagles…because they look so free. Life never guarantees us an easy road but there’s always hope. Today is exactly the time between what’s already been and what’s yet to come so all we can do is live, learn, then move forward. With every shift I have learned different lessons and I welcome them. All I know for now, is that I will continue to live with breathless anticipation and hope, always open to whatever change comes next.

Today I wear Marc Jacobs Lust for Lacquer Lip Vinyl in No Regrets. These full coverage lipglosses are amazing! They have full on color and they are fairly long lasting. A friend and I sorta went nuts at Sephora trying all of these on. Although I bought Fame, No Regrets (which is red) is next. I chose it today for the name. No matter what choices, or paths we take we can learn from them and move forward, regrets are a waste of time. Cheers!

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Behind the Door

8 Jan

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This has been an interesting week. It started with being buried in the snow and being trapped in my own house. Then, a friend called and told me that she is going through some tough times. I offered my home and listening ear to her so she has been staying here while sorting things through. Sitting and listening to her situation while also considering mine, there is one thing I know for sure…no one knows what happens behind closed doors. Going through all that I have gone through including the cancer, I was surprised, yet, not really. So much happens in people’s lives and unless you are walking in their shoes, you really don’t know. My neighbor who read my book awhile back told me that she didn’t realize all I had gone through with the cancer and said, ‘I had no idea, there’s so much that goes on behind closed doors,’ She’s right. So what should we do? What can we do? We can be present to those who are in our lives. We can listen and be supportive. We can only give advice based on our personal experiences and journeys, but we can’t expect them to feel the same way or to listen to our advice because again, they are walking their own path. Lastly, we can’t judge, it’s not our place, and the last time I checked, the seat at God’s right hand was already taken. I heard this song by Coldplay this morning and thought about my friend. Here is a link to a sweet ukelele cover of Coldplay’s Fix You. As much as I want to help her ‘fix’ her situation, it’s not my place. I will simply open my home, my heart, and listen. I do want to say thank you to all my awesome friends and family who have been there for me throughout my path with homes, hearts, and listening ears. I am forever grateful. I took all these pictures of doors in Europe because not only were they beautiful, but I’m fascinated by people’s stories and the truth behind the doors and within the walls. We’re all so different…it’s pretty cool to sit back and listen.2012-06-25 20.34.44
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Today I wear Kat Von D Painted Love lipstick in Prayer. I really like these lipsticks because they are packed with color and are moisturizing at the same time. Prayer is kind of a mauvey-brown which is a great every day color for me and pretty much everyone else. I chose this color this time because I believe in the power of prayer and that is one thing we can definitely do for hurting people! Cheers!

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Anti-Resolutions

30 Dec

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Christmas 2013 has come and gone and now the countdown to a New Year is upon us. I cannot believe it will be 2014 in a few short days but I am so ready. 2013 has not been a great year for me but at least I end on a healthy note. It started with bad numbers in my blood work from January leading my physicians to believe that my cancer was back but in a different area of my body. From there, the different scenarios; insurance that wouldn’t pay for testing because of my pre-existing condition, then the one unwilling to pay for the expenses of the PET scan, ultrasound, etc., followed by the numerous friends that offered to do fund raisers so I could have answers. Then the passing of my friend, and cancer angel, Bob. The toll of all of those on my brain and body; depression, anxiety, etc. and all that has transpired since then…. For now, I am cancer free and moving forward. Most people set resolutions right about this time, goals they want to achieve, promises they make to themselves about health and life in general. After cancer I reassess those things daily, so annual resolutions are not something I think about,I tend to just ‘go’ with life. Someone I know said to me a short while ago, ‘So just because you had cancer you think you’re strong now?’ Without a doubt. Lesson #1 from 2013: Watch your words, they stem from your heart. Enough of the negative can really damage a person and their soul…blog for another day.

So back to the resolutions…yes, I have the typical thoughts of eating right, exercising, being grateful, etc, but for today I thought I’d set my anti-resolutions; things I don’t want to do in 2014:

1. I will not let any person dictate to me how I should act or feel or who I should hang out with; I already have a God that counsels me on that
2. I do not want to ever forget that God is in control and that He will never love me less despite my mistakes
3. I will not let someone’s opinions, anger, or bitterness affect or change my perceptions and opinions
4. I will not say ‘yes’ when I mean ‘no’
5. I will not feel guilty for eating carbs and sugar. I like them both and when I try to stop or cut back, I want them more anyway
6. I never want to be too busy to help someone or to listen to them
7. I will not feel guilty for missing a day or a week of exercise…although my body, heart, and mind will be mad at me
8. I never want to view life as a glass half empty, it’s too awesome just being alive
9. Although I talk a lot of taking risks and fearing less, I do not want to sky dive…ever
10. I will not stop playing Candy Crush because sometimes we just need a little bit of brainless activity…

I do look back at 2013 with a thankful heart too. I reconnected with some old friends, I started a new job with an old boss that I love, I’ve met some amazing new people, my kids are awesome and never cease to amaze me, going through tough times I have realized I am abundantly blessed with friends and family that support me; it’s really quite overwhelming. You know that saying that what you put out into the world comes back to you ten fold…it’s true, so be kind. I look at 2014 with excitement and eyes wide open for whatever adventure lies ahead but life happens moment by moment and I just want to soak it all in. ‘Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards’~Soren Kierkergaard

Today I wear NYX Extra Creamy Round Lipstick in Snow White.This is a perfect red, exactly what you think Snow White would wear…not too orangey, more of a blue-red. The other plus is that it’s only $4.00. The formula is moisturizing and semi-long lasting. These lispticks can generally be found at Ulta or Target, they are really great! By the way, none of us need true love’s kiss to wake us up! Cheers and Happy New Year!

‘Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find….
No one else can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken,live your life with arms wide open.Today is where your book begins,the rest is still unwritten‘~ Unwritten,Natasha Bedingfield

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