Tag Archives: thyroid cancer

Living

15 Sep

2012-06-26 04.18.22

Well, the first of my cancer checks is in and it’s clean! This past week I had an ultrasound/biopsy looked at for a ‘funny looking’ lymph node under my arm and it was clean! One step closer to a clean bill of health for another 6 months! Next up, blood work and possible ultrasound for my neck…the original sight of my cancer…sigh, one day at a time. This was also a big week for my kids. My oldest got his first job!! I am so proud and happy for him. He worked hard to become a Red Cross certified lifeguard over the summer and just got a lifeguarding job locally. Considering it was his first actual job interview, he was nervous and was asking what kind of questions they may ask, but he did it! I have a working child! After practicing all summer long for a sport she never played, Audrey made the volleyball team. Again, another proud moment. She is my strong-willed and determined child and once she sets her mind on something she goes for it. She knew she wanted to be on the team so she literally carried a volleyball around the house all summer and practiced non-stop. Well, last week, out of the 40+ that tried out, she made it on the team! Let’s see, what was Alex’s big moment? He started as the quarterback for his flag football team, but was cut short because a player grabbed his thumb instead of the ball and…well, he tore his ligament. Fortunately, it was his left hand and not his throwing hand, so after a week of ‘healing’, he was playing again yesterday, splint on one hand but throwing a touchdown pass with the other. They’re all so different and special.

Life continues to move forward no matter how much I want it to stand still at times. Recently a friend asked when exactly a cancer patient feels somewhat free of cancer, that moment when you start forgetting. I thought about it, and I think it’s never. It’s been almost three years for me (not without some scares in between of course), and it’s still on my mind. It may not be as prevalent as it used to be, but every time I get a sore throat, a cough, a weird ache or pain, I wonder. Every check up, ultrasound, PET scan, bloodwork, I still hold my breath; and then there’s the scar I see everytime I look in the mirror. It’s not bad, I just see all those things as reminders of not only what I’ve been through, but also helps me focus on how I want my life to be. Life is fleeting…Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say…, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.~Pope Paul VI We are not invincible, we are all dying. Because of that situation happening personally, I am struggling to find joy and peace. I know they’re there but sometimes relationships or circumstances continue to grate at you and steal it away. Looking at my picture of the Eiffel Tower above, I know that looking up from the bottom is overwhelming, but getting to the top is always achievable. Again, life is short, so I will continue to grab at the small bits of joy, peace, and hope for a better tomorrow, however brief those moments may be until I can breathe again. I continue looking up. Thank you all for your support and for continuing to follow my lipstick journey!lips

Today I wear Rimmel Kate Lasting Finish Lipstick in #111, Kiss Of Life. These lipsticks are matte but not too drying so I don’t mind them with a little bit of lip balm (on this I would use Philosophy, Kiss Me), or gloss. This color is RED and I mean classic, bright, blue red (at least on me). Remember what I said last week about my lips not entering the room before me? Well, when I wear this, I think my lips would be in the room the day before I got there. Sometimes a gal just needs a good red and you gotta love the name, Kiss of Life! Cheers!

Busy Busy

8 Sep

2013-07-05 04.25.31

This week was a long week and I’m exhausted (as usual). You would think it was easy because Monday was a holiday and I had the day off! Well, Tuesday was the first day of school for my three kids. For the first time they are at three different schools; high school, junior high, and elementary. That basically means that one gets up at 5:30 am, one at 6:30, and one at 7:30….which also means, mom is awake by 5:30 making sure things are running smoothly for all of them while also getting ready for work.  Sigh….they grow up so fast. Remember in one of my last blogs I mentioned September was the month of all my check up appointments? Well, this week I saw a breast surgeon (from my breast cancer scare last March). She did the exam and said that everything looked good for now which was a relief. At the end, she rolled in her ultrasound machine and checked my lymph nodes under my arm and found one that looked a little suspicious, similar to what they saw on the PET scan last March so to be safe, I am going to do another ultrasound at the hospital with a possible biopsy…fun times….and I haven’t even gotten my neck checked yet!

kids2013

Fall in Michigan brings a change in seasons, cooler temperatures, and allergies, which for me means a little diffiulty breathing. That’s ok, I’ll survive, it’s just that constant reminder (along with the scar on my neck) on what I’ve been through and how far I’ve come. Life is constantly changing like the seasons and every season brings the unknown. We make different choices that lead us in different directions every moment of every day; some good and some bad; but isn’t that what makes life an adventure? I referenced before that I am going through a difficult personal situation, top that with my tests and a new job, life can be a little overwhelming lately. One awesome thing this week was that I was assigned to be an angel mentor to someone going through a similar cancer journey through an organization called Imerman Angels. If you need support or would like to be a mentor, I suggest you look at their website! I appreciate your constant prayers and encouragement, but I do love living the adventure with no fear because I know God has a plan. I think I used this quote in my book, or maybe just on this blog, but I love it:  Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.~ Corrie Ten Boom.  Life is crazy, fun, exciting, and heartbreaking…..what a great adventure!

Today I wear Lancome L’Absolu Rouge lipstick in my favorite fall/winter color Merlot. This is a warm, wine-red that is my go to red. I love the color because it is not too bright and doesn’t make me feel like my lips are entering the room before me. I also love that this lisptick is moisturizing too. Lastly, I love a good Merlot…Cheers!

Humpty Dumpty

29 Aug

humpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again. (English Rhyme, origin unknown)

This rhyme came to me the other day as I was thinking about where I am today and where I came from, strange I know. Why? Lots of reasons. How many times can you get hurt or ‘break’ before there are too many broken parts to repair? There’s a lot of talk about courage and strength with cancer and cancer recovery, but there’s another side. For as much strength it builds within you, I think there may be an equal amount of ‘weakness’ and vulnerability. The first time cancer came, I felt my pseudo-strong exterior crack a little; with the bad prognosis initially, the crack deepened. When cancer came back a second and third time, more cracks, with each scare in between either from something visible on PET scan, ultrasound, or abnormal blood work, crack, crack, crack. I have to admit that I went through a very dark period earlier this year when the news that instead of cancer coming back in my neck, it may have been in my breast (which is now on watch too). The cracks brought me deeper and I felt irreparable, my normal positive attitude and tough exterior left me.

But this can happen with  more than cancer right? A relationship, a boss, a friend or acquaintance…words and actions can cause these cracks and breaks in your hard shell of an exterior and break your heart. I recently drove by a store called The Self Esteem Shop, no, really. I’m sure the store has many valuable resources, but can you buy self-esteem? I wish. Are you born with self esteem issues? Not that I know of. So where does that come from? Words and actions from others causing those cracks along the way with you believing them. So what does one do when you feel broken? You thank God for how he designed you and you surround yourself with people who love and believe in you because they are your ‘glue’. Am I the same as I was after constantly being ‘glued’ back together? Not really but I actually think I may be stronger (and weaker) than ever. My weak self lets me grieve the things cancer took away from me. My vulnerable self allows me to still let people in. The strength emerging from the cracks is overwhelming. I want to live life. If you’ve been broken, there’s always hope. God made you and loves you; and don’t forget that you also have the power of words and actions that can cause peace or pain…you decide.

“Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.” Jodi Picoult

Today I wear Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in F-Bomb…speaking of words…sorry. Urban Decay has not exactly been known for their lipstick, I have always loved their eyeliners, fun colors and they stay put. They just came out with these highly pigmented and super moisturizing lipsticks and they are pretty nice! I chose this color because it is a classic red (and partly for the name). It’s hard sometimes to find a creamy red vs. a red that dries out your lips. This one’s great!  Cheers!

What’s Your Type?

20 Jul

2013-02-19 05.17.29

Recently after I read about this in another blog I decided to take one of those personality tests. I’ve done a few of these in the past for work and it’s kind of amazing how just answering some situational questions can put you in a personality category. Anyhow, since I didn’t want to pay for the full test I took the free sample; and since I didn’t really like the results I got the first time (because I thought I was a different personality type), I took it two more times on two different days only to get the same result. I am a 2 in this test, A Helper. What does it mean? It’s not bad, caring, warm hearted, unselfish. But on the other hand, ‘The Helper’ is also people pleasing, has a hard time acknowledging their needs, and are non-confrontational…peace loving. I was recently told that I don’t fight back or speak up enough because I am more interested in keeping the peace, which in turn makes me a pushover. I think before cancer I was definitely a ‘yes’ person and maybe a pushover, but after cancer I feel a little differently. There are many things in life we can’t control and those things well, pfffft…let it go, not worth the fight. I also know that kindness and respect go alot farther than yelling and anger. Do I have a problem with confrontation? No, but I usually have a smile on my face which tends to soften the blow.

Do I want peace? I crave it, especially now. Is there sometimes a price to pay for peace? Absolutely. Anytime you compromise any part of yourself; your beliefs, your worth, your ‘voice’, in order to keep the peace to please another, well, that is a hefty price to pay. No, being soft spoken, choosing kindness and respect over angry confrontation, being quiet at times instead of speaking out, being a listener instead of constantly having to hear yourself, I don’t think anything is wrong with that. Do I speak up when I have to? I’d like to think so. However you are wired, whatever label someone has put on you, be proud. Thank goodness the world has variety. We were all made differently and we weave ourselves into each others lives, imperfections and all. Life is fleeting. I say it all the time, love God, love others. Be respectful, love peace, speak softly…there’s too much anger out there already.

Today I wear Josie Maran Argan Love Your Lips Hydrating Lipstick in Spirited Red. At first look, the color of the lipstick is in the middle and it is surrounded with what looks like clear wax in the shape of lipstick (hard to describe)…anyway, it looks kinda funky. What it is is the pigment of the lipstick is surrounded by glossy balm, argan oil. It’s pretty cool and super moisturizing. Since there’s quite a bit of the ‘balm/gloss’ component, the result is a little more sheer but you do get lots of color. I chose Spirited Red because I love red lips and I’m just happy to be me. Cheers!

Treasure

9 Jun

2013-06-08 20.06.52

What a day! This weekend I drove to Chicago to participate in the Esprit de She women’s triathlon and it was both an exciting and breathtaking day. My daughter came with me and I was able to participate with both my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. The day started bright and early and I was asked ahead of time to sing the national anthem on behalf of all of the survivors participating in the race. The emcee shared a little about my story, book, and blog, and I was able to say a few words. I was also told the day before that Glo Minerals donated a lipstick called ‘Treasure’ to all of the survivors on behalf of Team Lipstick Journey! So to start the day, I swiped on Treasure, spoke a little and opened the event with the National Anthem in front of almost 2000 spectators. After the anthem of course, I cried like a baby. It is so overwhelming for me to still be able to sing that I always get emotional now when I actually pull it off. Well, the initially forecasted cold and rainy day turned out to be a sunny beautiful morning filled with fun and gratitude. My last blog spoke of strength and courage, but today I want to speak of hope and freedom. Once again, for me, it is so difficult to breathe so some may think I’m crazy,why even bother? Well, when I try to ‘beat’ my breathing problems caused by cancer it gives me hope and freedom for the future. I can feel my body working and pushing itself to the max and the outdoors and wind on my face gives me a sense of that freedom. Overcoming obstacles; the cancer, the breathing, gives me hope that I am not bound to the things that have happened in my past. We all have the choice and the freedom to always be moving forward. That’s the ‘why’…hope and freedom to move forward. So did Team Lipstick Journey win? Of course not, but we finished strong and smiling!!photo (6)

Today I wear Treasure by Glo Minerals. I have been wearing it all day long and I love it! It looks like a shocking hot pink in the tube but it actually goes on a soft raspberry color on me. I believe it would look great on any skintone! It is mineral based and moisturizing. I’ll close by saying what I said earlier in my speech, treasure today and treasure each moment of breath because you never know what tomorrow brings! Cheers!

Strength and Courage

28 May

photo (5)

Strength and courage. These are two words cancer fighters hear all the time. ‘You are so strong, so much courage to go through what you are going through…’ During ‘the fight’ we have no choice but to be strong and courageous fighting this enemy attacking our bodies. These are good words, and for me a constant encouragement to hear, empowering me to fight and conquer. Again, there was no choice, either be strong, courageous, and fight, or wither away and wallow in self pity…yeah, that sounds fun. Anyhow, I looked up the definitions:

Strength: The state of being strong, the power to resist attack; durability

Courage: The ability to do something that frightens you; strength in the face of pain

Yes to both, cancer/illness fighters need both. What about after the fight? I am finding that having strength and courage after the fight, trying to adjust to a new normal, while also adjusting from some of the side effects psychologically along with treatment side effects, is just as difficult. Cancer opens your eyes and heart to a whole new world and not all of it is ‘rosy’. I see things with a different perspective (obviously), I have a longing to live life to the fullest, to love and understand people and where they come from, for my kids to be just as excited about life as I am despite an ever-changing and not always positive society. What if when your eyes are open, you don’t like everything you see? Well, it takes even more strength and courage to make changes and to be the change; to stand up for what you believe in and move forward despite the constant scare of cancer. I know this sounds like alot of jibberish but my mind and heart have been swirling. We all live with a type of ‘cancer’ don’t we? Something that grates on our nerves, a job, a co-worker, a situation. Open your eyes and heart and live. There is a certain power to being vulnerable with people. It is scary but be strong and courageous, we need that from each other.

Deuteronomy 31:6  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Today I wear Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lipgloss in Stunner. This gloss is a bright magenta color in the tube. It’s a super moist but not sticky lipgloss that has a good amount of shine and color on lips…I LOVE it! This color happens to be enough of a pop of color for me and because I have a bit of a plum tone to my lips already, this looks like a sheer pop of berry on me! Cheers!

Lonely

20 May

photo (4)

Last Saturday I walked once again at the local Relay For Life event. This year my daughter, younger son, and mom were with me. All survivors were given a special shirt which identified them as a survivor and it was emotional (at least for me), making eye contact with other survivors knowing and feeling some of the things they have been through. This year’s survivor lap had at least 50-100 survivors of all ages and colors, male and female. It was overwhelming walking around the track with them and hearing the cheers of the supporters as well as seeing their and each others’ tears. I have to say, for awhile now, I have been struggling with a wide range of emotions. Although I have had several ‘scares’ of cancer being back, my last physical treatment was almost three years ago. Am I done? I don’t know because none of my subsequent tests have been doubt free, but is it ever done? I joked with my mom at the survivor luncheon after the walk that they put annual flowers in pots for us to take home instead of perrenials because who knows where we are year to year; It was a half joke/half truth. My good friend from radiation just found out recently that his cancer is possibly back. I’m sad, but that is truly how it goes. We are both still fighting the side effects and consequences of our multiple treatments but we both live one day at a time.relay

With all of that said, I have to speak about the loneliness of cancer.It may just be me, but there is truly a lonely side. It’s strange to say it because I don’t think any of us lack support from friends and family, but being in it, having it be you, can be lonely. We each feel something indescribable even to those closest to us. For me it’s the anger toward my body, my heart breaking over my voice and breathing, and my intense fight to be there to watch my kids grow; it’s almost like a pin that is constantly pressing on my heart. No one really knows what you’re going through because it’s so hard to describe; and these feelings are both during and after the fight. I am so glad to be able to share some of my feelings with ‘B’ because not only do we have the same cancer, we actually went through treatment at the same time and at the same place, but even then, his walk has been different than mine. For now, I push forward seeking joy and leaning on the positive, but I can’t deny the lonely place in me that cancer created. “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”  ―    Bil Keane     Thankful for my ‘present.’

Today I wear Nars Satin Lip Pencil in Majella which is a garnet red color. These crayon like pencils have ALOT of color which stays on most of the day. These are lots more moisturizing than the matte pencils also by Nars and most of the time, I can swipe the color on in the morning and either use lip balm or a gloss for the rest of the workday because the color is like a stain on your lips. I chose this color because it’s red. Nothing like a red lip to brighten up the day! Cheers!!

Friends

18 Apr

sunrise

Last weekend I spent some time with two friends I hadn’t seen for almost 17 years. We met when they were both young moms and I was just a newlywed. For about 5 years these girls and I met at least once a week sometimes 3-4 times, we shared struggles, vulnerabilities, lots of laughter and life. I was the first to move away (which was extremely difficult at the time), Dawn and her family was next to move, while Leanna stayed in the same area with her family. Thanks to Facebook and email, we have been able to keep in touch here and there and I have been able to watch their families expand and grow in every Christmas card I received. This year we finally took the extra step to coordinate our busy schedules to get together for a weekend in Chicago and I am so glad we did. We looked a little bit older, but our friendship seemed to start exactly where it left off. I still felt the closeness we shared years ago and we were able to talk as mothers and wives sharing laughter and tears. It was so refreshing to be able to let go and be authentic with good friends who share the same faith and whom I trust wholeheartedly. Friends like that are few and far between and I feel blessed.photo

Isn’t that what we lack these days? Life can get so busy and those kind of deep relationships take time. When you throw in the complexities and insecurities of women, it makes it even more difficult. Here’s the disconnect, those are the kinds of relationships people crave, right? I know I do. How do we get there? Time, yes, but also trust. I have met many people these days who require one to earn their trust, what if that never happens because there’s no time? I choose to trust first. It may be the wrong approach and it may leave me heartbroken but I can’t live any other way. How can relationships get deeper if no one wants to hold out their hand and be vulnerable? That’s my challenge to you and to myself also, take a chance on people, we need each other.

Today I wear MAC Sheen Supreme lipstick in Insanely It. These are probably the most moisturizing of the MAC lipsticks; somewhere between a lipstick and a gloss. They have lots of color and yet because of the consistency, it can be worn sheer. When I first saw this color which looks like a bright hot pink I thought there was no way it would look good on me. Surprisingly, I love it and I know it will be a favorite through spring and summer! So yes, the name is accurate, this hot watermelon pink is Insanely It!  Cheers!

Results Part 2

9 Apr

matter

Today is the day. Earlier, I got the call from my doctor with the news I had been waiting for; benign, negative, no cancer detected. After a questionable result in my bloodwork in January, arguing with insurance to get a PET scan then finally getting one in March; finding inflammation on that PET scan which my doctor thought was breast cancer, having a mammogram last week…today was the day I got the call. I am officially cancer free (for now)! I asked about the reason for the abnormal bloodwork…’not sure,’; how about the lymph nodes in my breast area and armpit…’could be a number of different things.’ Oh well, today, like every day, life moves forward and I wait another 6 months for my next round of tests.

Here’s the strange thing, after constantly getting bad news over the years, I had conditioned my mind for the bad. Hearing the good today made me feel a little odd. I was not ecstatic, I felt that ‘hesitant’ happy. I still feel that way now so I guess I need it all to sink in and stew for awhile. Last week I came to the realization that this is my life, my ‘new normal’ is how post cancer patients call it sometimes. I don’t know if there will be a day when simple aches and pains, a cough, a sore throat, a swollen lymph node, etc will not remind me that it could be cancer. I don’t know if there will be a day that passes by without me wondering if I have a cancer cell floating around my body waiting to explode and start growing. But for today, my doctors and my mind tell me I am cancer free so I will continue moving forward seeking the magic.Anna2013

Today I wear YSL Rouge Volupte Shine lipstick in Rouge in Danger which is a deep red. This is not quite a lipstick but has lots more color than the Sheer Candy formulations. I love the YSL lipsticks and glosses. They have full on moisture and feel luxurious on the lips, not to mention the fact that they have beautiful packaging. I chose this color because it’s red and bold, exactly how I want to be! Cheers!

Long Week

6 Apr

2013-02-18 22.20.13

*sigh*   What a long week, emotions can be grating on the psyche. Remember a couple blogs ago I spoke about my friend and her boyfriend with the growth on his neck? Well, it was a rare fast growing cancer and he almost died last weekend…yes, from an unknown lump, to cancer taking over his whole body in one month. He received massive amounts of chemo and miraculously looks like he will be ok. Another friend revealed that her husband’s cancer has progressed and he is now starting treatment after a year of ‘watch and wait’. On Wednesday I did my mammogram which, well, if you’re a woman over forty, you know. I felt a little traumatized by the manipulation of my breasts in a giant panini maker, not to mention the pain. I’ve been a little sad because of everything, but this week was particularly difficult. With all of those things going on with me and around me, I was, and still am, overwhelmed with not just the brevity of life, but also how things can change so quickly. I am trying to be angry (to get over my sadness), but it’s not working yet.

The week still had plenty of magic to lift my spirits of course. Last Sunday was Easter and being a Christian, I am so grateful for what Christ has done and for His love and amazing gift of grace and forgiveness. I also met with some great friends this week, old and new. It’s awesome how God brings different people into our lives at different times. I believe there are no ‘accidents’ or concidence in meeting people and I am so thankful for all of my relationships. In Les Miserables, Victor Hugo wrote, “To love another person is to see the face of God“, a line which is included in the Finale song of the musical by the same name. Thank you to my friends, family, and all of you reading my blog and following my journey; God’s face is all around.

Today I wear Dior Dior Addict Lip Gloss in 643 Diablotine. I LOVE this gloss and color! It is super moisturizing, a little bit sparkly, and has great color for a gloss. This color is not quite hot pink, and not quite orange (which seemsto be the color of the moment)…it’s perfect! I chose it for today because I have been wearing it all week and for me, it is another perfect color for spring and summer! Cheers!