Some of you already know the results of my latest PET scan (my last blog entry), for those who don’t, yes, there was cancer detected. I found out last Friday afternoon and for the past few days I’ve been trying to process how I feel. I cried a lot mainly because my mind wanted to hear the words “All clear, see you next year.” Instead I heard, “There’s something there that’s not big enough to be detected by ultrasound so we will look again in 2-3 months to see if it’s grown.” This has been one long and difficult road but I think I’m done crying. I’m not angry, my heart is mostly sad; sad for my family (which by the way, my daughter and younger son were standing right next to me when I got the news and when I got off the phone my daughter said, “all clean right?” When I said “not exactly”, her face and demeanor changed immediately…sad); sad for my parents who also have been waiting for good news for almost four years now, just sad in general.
On the other hand, I am done crying because I am 100% confident that God has a plan that’s perfect for my family and me whether it’s the plan I want or not. I have to move forward in faith because that is the only sure thing. I am broken right now. I don’t feel courageous or strong so I’m thankful for all the support and prayers, but I know I’ll get that back. For now, I move forward on this journey that God has me on, confident that He will take care of me.
Today I wear Smashbox Photofinish Lipstick in Marvelous. On me, it is a beautiful sheer red. I wear it because life is a marvelous adventure, and of course red to continue living life boldly.
Fear not, Anna, for God loves you. I’ll continue to pray for you.