Like Father, Like Daughter

17 Jun

Me and my dad

People have always asked me where I got my love for music and my musical ability.  Although I have many musically inclined relatives, I have to say that most of my passion for music came from my dad.  Growing up, we had the turntable stereo with the 4 ft. speakers on each side in our family room.  At least a few times a week my dad would blast a symphony playing classical music and pretend to be the conductor.  I would watch in awe as he conducted Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, and even John Philip Sousa.  He would also continually play singers like Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, Tony Bennett and sing along with them.  My dad was and is always singing; sometimes instead of replying to a question with words, he replies with a tune.  I learned later on that he played the trombone in the college marching band and was also in a band playing the harmonica.

My dad and I are a lot a like.  We are both quiet and laid back and sometimes have difficulty expressing our feelings; I think that’s where the music comes in.  When we find it hard to express ourselves, there’s music that can do it for us.  My dad was stern and strict growing up and I’ve only seen him tear up a few times.  Every Christmas, he would play Filipino carols and tear up because of the family and friends he missed in the Philippines.  That’s what I mean, emotion through music.  Now for me, music runs deep, it affects my heart and I can literally feel each note and word of a song.  I thank my dad for this love and expression.  He has taught me many things and even though he’s a man of few words I understand him.

Happy Father’s Day Dad, I Love You!

For Dad’s day I wear Estee Lauder Pure Color Gloss in Rock Candy.  It’s a gorgeous soft baby pink lipgloss with diamond shimmer throughout, great for any skintone!  I wear it because the pink reminds me of my childhood and the bling reminds me of the musical showman my dad truly is!

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Lost and Found

12 Jun

There are certain things I have lost and that I miss because of my cancer and all the complications associated with it.  I miss running, dancing, swimming, and even riding a bike with my kids without having any breathing difficulty.  I miss some of my taste buds, so now, something has to be very sweet, very spicy, or very sour for me to taste.  I miss being warm on a warm day because my thyroid is no longer there to help control my internal temperature.  I miss having a sore throat and not having to wonder if the cancer is back once again.  I miss coughing without having people try to stay away from me because it’s so loud and uncontrolled or having my kids worry about me from the sound of the cough.  I miss being able to talk all day and sing whatever I want with ease all night and still have a voice with no sore throat.  I miss sleeping on my left side because I am a side sleeper, but now when I sleep on my left I choke and cough because of all the scar tissue on that side.  I miss my right vocal chord which if it were still functioning, I could talk better, sing better, and breathe better.

On the other hand, I have found many beautiful things.  I have found a deeper understanding of me and the world around me.  I have found a new love for people, their histories, and their stories.  I have found people that truly care and deeper friendships.  I have found a greater appreciation of time and a greater passion for life and every moment.  I have found a deeper faith in God and inner strength I never even knew I had.  I have found a new and strong voice in my writing.  In the end, I have found courage.

So no, cancer did not take away from me, it gave my heart more life.  For this I wear Christian Dior #773, Rouge Podium.  It’s a color that’s hard to describe…pink/orange/red?  It’s not as bright as it sounds.  It’s the first lipstick my husband has ever complimented me on (and he hates bright lipstick).  He says it brightens up my face and reminds him of a summer day.  That’s why I wear it, for sunnier days ahead!

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Old and New

5 Jun

A few days ago I met a beautiful woman, Michele, who happens to be a jewelry artisan.  She creates beautiful and unique pieces using natural stone, silver, and buttons!  She is a true artist that puts a lot of love into her pieces.  We actually met through Facebook where she posted some of her pieces on a wall of a friend of mine (gotta love technology).  Anyhow, through her research she discovered the ancient relationship between the healing properties of Lapis and thyroid cancer and she created an incredible choker for me (pictured above).  It fit perfectly, laid exactly over my scar, and she added a songbird atop a heart with wings because she knew I was a singer.  It was an incredible gift which left me speechless, emotional, and most of all grateful.  Michele is a new friend I have met because of cancer.

I have friends who have known me before cancer and now, I have friends who only know me because of the cancer.  I wonder if I am different to these two sets of friends.  I know that I am not the same person I used to be.  It is my ‘new normal’.  I see things differently, I feel things differently, and there are things I’m less tolerant of because life is too short.  I wonder if my old friends can see that because that is the only person my new friends have known. We are all continuously changing into the people God created us to be, but cancer and mortality have opened my eyes a little sooner.  Everyone is unique and is molded by their history.  It’s so fun listening to their stories and as I sat with Michele and listened to her story and how cancer has affected her life I knew that this was no ‘chance’ meeting.  I love all of my friends and I am so thankful that God brought every single person into my life at exactly the right time. 

Today’s lipstick is Iced Amethyst by Revlon!  It’s kind of a purply-silver.  Don’t let the color scare you because it actually goes on soft.  It highlights a natural plum lip color (like mine) and adds a little sheen.  Like my friends, old and new, they highlight my life and are just ‘icing on the cake’!

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I Love Birthdays

31 May

Survivor Lap

Last weekend I was able to walk and sing at my first Relay For Life event and it was an amazing experience.  The survivors were given purple shirts which read ‘Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back.’  What a great mantra because that is what we were all there to do.  There were so many survivors, all different ages, colors, genders, cancer knows no bounds. During my trip around the track in the Survivor Lap, I was overwhelmed with joy at the fact that my fight is currently over and I have won.  I couldn’t keep a smile off my face.  At one point my mom (who walked the lap with me along with my family) turned around and said, ‘I want to cry’.  I was walking with fighters; people given no choice but to stand up and fight for their lives.  We are told we are strong when in fact, we rise up and do what we need to do.  The sign that impacted me the most in that lap was one that read ‘I love birthdays.’  I was overcome with emotion and just couldn’t stop the tears. The thing is, is that I have always loved birthdays.  As a child, even though I didn’t have many birthday parties, my parents made me feel like the most important person on that day.  It was a celebration of me.  After cancer, birthdays are all the more important.  The first surgeon said my diagnosis was poor and wasn’t sure how much time I had left, and with the cancer continually coming back I wasn’t so sure myself.  Every birthday since that diagnosis has been a milestone for me.  I tear up every year at the significance of a birthday.  It has also been a time to reflect on the past year and its events.  After the survivor lap I was asked to sing which was overwhelming.  I made it through ‘Over the Rainbow’ and as the crowd of survivors, walkers, and supporters, all people touched by cancer, applauded, I wept.  I was told I would never sing again and here I was.

Me and Audrey (with her red painted hair)

Me and Audrey (with her red painted hair)

 

singing

singing

Something fun that I did this week was to go on my second lipstick consultation trip.  I shopped with a friend to help her find her perfect shade for this season.  It turned out to be a new Armani long wear lipgloss in Plum.  It’s a light plum gloss with great consistency and not too much shimmer…I bought one too!  That will be my color this week…light plum; highlighting your natural self and adding a little bling, enough said!

I love birthdays!

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Friendship

24 May

My mom had many friends growing up but the two she spoke about the most were Adele and Rolly.  She shared many of her childhood stories of them with me. They were best friends through thick and thin and maintained their friendships well into adulthood (that’s 50+ years of friendship)!  Rolly’s family ended up in Toronto and Adele’s family in California.  She spoke to them by phone and more recently through e-mail.  Since we were in the Detroit area, we visited with Rolly and his family many times, I grew up knowing him and his kids, we even called each other cousins.  I didn’t see Adele quite as much because she was in California, but every time my mom spoke to her (and still speaks to her), they are laughing, crying, sharing memories, and creating new ones.

On April 17th, Rolly went to see a doctor because his skin was turning yellow.  They determined it was a blocked bile duct so they put in a stent.  On May 10th, he went back in complaining of pain.  Last Friday my mom got a call from Rolly’s wife saying that it was serious and it didn’t look good, Saturday my mom was on the phone with her friend Adele crying and reminiscing about their younger years with Rolly.  Sunday morning my mom took a bus to Toronto to see one of her best friends in his hospital room.  They were able to talk and laugh and cry when she arrived Sunday night and by Monday morning, he was gone.  In one short month, he went from vibrant to gone.

It is so hard to share your life for so long with someone and have only memories left, but is it worth it?  Absolutely!  We are made for relationships; to share our struggles and our joys, our heartaches and happiness.  Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.  Through my struggle with cancer, my friends made sure me and my family were taken care of.  They prayed for us, made meals for us, offered to drive my kids to their activities, drive me to my appointments, etc.  Without them, it would have been a lonely walk; they were God’s hands and feet to me during that difficult time.

Cherish the people God has brought into your life and tell them how much they mean to you.  You may not get that ‘later’ or ‘tomorrow’ or ‘I’ll tell them next time’.  I truly believe there is a purpose to every ‘chance’ meeting you have with someone.  Open yourself up and let people in, it’s hard and I’m bad at it (but I’m working on it too).  I can’t say it enough, we are a rushed and virtual society because it’s easy; but take the time to get to know someone and be a friend, it can only make your life richer.  From the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, “Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends.”

Lipstick today is Angel Skin from Chantecaille.  It is a nude color with a hint of pink.  If you’ve read my book you know I’m not that fond of nude so I top it with a Chantecaille gloss called Charm.  I chose Angel Skin for the name; to honor the death of Rolly but also the friends I have who to me are my angels here on earth.  Thank you for your friendship!

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Contentment

20 May

Earlier this week I went shopping with a friend.  She, like me, is a lipstick fanatic (amongst other things).  We decided to go to a local upscale mall and played for hours at Nordstrom and Neimann’s.  It was so much fun and yes, we walked out with a few things.  It’s funny in a bad economy how everyone wants to help you find the right shade or the right scent.  Just a few years ago when the economy was a little better, no one behind the counters even looked at me while I played.

In sharp contrast, the next day I was at a homeless shelter with another one of my friends.  She heads up the children and youth services there because yes, there are many homeless families.  This particular home housed over 200 people; years ago predominantly men, now, the majority women and children.  They have a three year program that helps people from the inside out.  Not only taking them out of addiction, but bringing them back to health and confidence internally and externally.  My friend Melissa told me that many people come with just the clothes on their backs.  All I know is that the face of homeless has changed.  Some were former ‘suburbanites’, working class, who have either struggled with addiction or who have lost their job and have nothing left.  Many are single moms and some are teenagers who have lost their youth to drugs and alcohol.  The shelter is immaculate and completely supplied by donations, from the food and clothing, to the bedding and toiletries.  I wanted to weep at all that they don’t have and yet these people surrounding me were surviving, thriving, wanting and accepting change.  It made me ponder my trip to the mall and all the people who surrounded me just the day before.

A couple strange headlines this week; first, on CNN there was news that there may be a blood test that can determine how long you will live.  Would you take it?  Does it allow for things like cancer, accidents, or being struck by lightning? And second, apparently the world is going to end.  Both these crazy stories lead to the question, if you knew you were going to die would you live your life differently?  We all know our birthdays but if we knew our death date, what would we change?  Having cancer multiple times brought that question to the forefront of my mind and still does, but we are all survivors.  The people at the mall surviving and coping with the economy, the people at the homeless shelter trying to overcome and survive, and everyone else who is dealing with daily adversities.  Life changes in a minute, no one knows the day or the hour of the end, so celebrate and live your moments intentionally.

Today I’ve got to go with the red lipstick again because living boldly is incredible; but I’m going sheer (because it’s day time and I’ve got nowhere to go). I am going with Lipstick Queen-Medieval.  It is a sheer red that anyone can wear and it feels like a lip balm, how can you go wrong?

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True Beauty

15 May

Aphrodite

A couple strange things happened this week. A few days ago I had an eye exam for new glasses.  After the exam I was working with the tech to find new frames.  After she measured my eyeballs she said, ‘Wow, you’re perfectly symmetrical, that’s a big deal.’  When I asked her why, she said, ‘Well, most people are not symmetrical and there have been studies relating symmetry to attractiveness and beauty’. Hmmm.  I looked it up and yes, there have been studies, but they also say that bilateral symmetry is an important indicator of freedom from disease.  Well, as a child I had scarlet fever, chicken pox, chronic tonsillitis, and as an adult, allergies and of course, cancer.  In terms of attractiveness, I was not asked to too many dances or dates in high school; I was even set up for my senior prom by one of my teachers.  Perfect symmetry has not helped me much.  Another strange thing this week was the story of the 8 year old girl getting Botox from her mom. What?  How have we become so obsessed with outer beauty?

I’ve had the privilege this year of celebrating the life of two 90+ year old women, one for her birthday, and the other in her death.  The birthday party was in a nursing home and it was a celebration.  Ms. Louise wore a tiara and pale pink lipstick.  She gave a speech after blowing out her candles and said she’s had a good life and just wished for a good rest of her life. So simple, the beauty was in her eyes and the life she had lived so far; and of course, Grandma Lucille from my past blog.  In her passing, we reflected on the life she lived.  She was a beautiful woman because she loved people.

What is beauty?  After cancer, every person is beautiful to me. Here are my thoughts:

  • Beauty comes from our history
  • Beauty comes from knowing that we are each a unique creation; in being confident in how we are wired
  • Beauty comes from the depths of our soul, how we treat people and love even our enemy because we know they are also a unique creation and that they also have a story.

True beauty comes from within, and I don’t mean from within tubes of lipstick or jars of anti-aging lotions (although of course, those are fun to play with).  No amount of make up can change who we are on the inside.  True beauty comes from our story,  the pieces we pick up in our journey that continues to mold us into who we will be tomorrow.  Soak it all in; the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Today, I’m wearing YSL Golden Gloss #7.  It’s sheer, warm, sparkly gold, just how God looks at us, like precious gold.

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Just Breathe

10 May

It’s springtime in Michigan (finally).  Grass is starting to look green again, trees, flowers, and bushes are blooming, and for me, spring allergies are starting up.  What that means in my world is that since having cancer, surgeries in my neck, radiation, and vocal chord paralysis, it has become increasingly more difficult to breathe.  I already have a dry throat from the RAI and external beam radiation but since I take allergy meds, it gets even drier.  Sometimes the dryness makes me cough uncontrollably for long periods of time.  Because of my paralysis, my cough sounds more like a bark or a sneeze.  People either say “bless you” or they slowly move as far away from me as possible.  The coughing and drainage make my vocal chords swell which in turn make it more difficult for me to breathe.

  All this to say that breathing is a miracle.  We have five senses; see, hear, taste, touch, smell.  They say that when people are missing even one of these, that their other senses    become heightened.  But breathing on the other hand is life;  without breath, there’s no life and when breathing is difficult, there’s fear.  Last week I visited with part of my voice team (from the book, Dr. Rubin and Dr. Menaldi).  It’s amazing to me how observant they are. They can hear and detect different nuances to my voice and my breathing just when they hear me speak or even while I’m just sitting there.  I have less fear knowing that they’re prepared to aid in my breathing and speaking as necessary and are always there checking on me.

I know for me that my difficulties will happen every spring and fall, or even at random times, but that’s ok.  It’s now a part of me, a reminder of the amazing journey I’ve been through, and a reminder to slow down and listen to my body and to simply breathe in life.  Take a deep breath, smell the new flowers, the freshly mowed lawn, the springtime air, and remember to thank God for life and the miracle of new beginnings. 

This week I am wearing Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips lip gloss in Kanani.  It is a beautiful, sheer peachy pink color.  What’s great about the Buxom glosses is that they make your lips tingle when you put them on.  Since we’re talking spring and new life, I thought this tingle would wake your lips up!  I’ve also been asked about other cosmetics I use.  First off, I buy lipstick all the time, the rest of the stuff, maybe once a year. I’ll start with foundation for today.  For everyday, I use Bare Escentuals Mineral Powder-matte.  It’s just a light powder that melts into your skin.  For the days I feel like I may need more coverage (when I’m tired or for a special event), I’ll wear Armani Luminous Silk foundation.  This is a miracle product because it’s light as air yet covers every flaw, it’s also got buildable coverage.  So that’s it…Happy Spring (and always wear SPF)!

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Thank You Mom

6 May

My mom is an amazing woman.  When I was 2 she traveled 23 hours by herself to the United States from the Philippines (apparently she was wheel chaired out of the airplane). My dad had immigrated 6 months beforehand to find a job and a place to live so we could start ‘The American Dream’. They left everything and everyone they knew to provide a better life for their children.

My mom was a working mom, we did not have much money since we were starting fresh so she took the first job she could get as a social worker for Detroit and stayed there 30+ years, never utilizing her degree in nutrition.  Although she worked 8 hours a day, she never missed a school function or recital and was always there when I was sick, sacrificing vacation time and sometimes even pay, I had no doubt that my mom would always be there when I needed her.  Recognizing my love for music, my parents sacrificed a couple paychecks to buy me a piano and also enrolled me in jazz, ballet, and tap at a very young age. We originally lived in a diverse Detroit community, but when we moved to a predominantly Caucasian suburb when I was 9, life got a little difficult for me.  I was incredibly shy and was teased because I was ‘different’.  By the time I was in Junior High, I wanted to move back to the Philippines.  My mom said, ‘For one year, get involved in everything possible at school and if after one year you still hate it, you can go.”  She was teaching me to persevere and overcome and I didn’t even know it!  Obviously, I stayed.  I was Student Body President, in choir, track, tennis, on yearbook committee, Honor Society, Math Olympics…just everything!  I made many friends and found a sense of belonging.

Her support continued through high school, college, and beyond.  She was there for the birth of my two children (I was in Indiana for the third) and is still there for almost all of their events. When I was diagnosed with cancer the first time, she literally fell to the floor, but rose to the occasion (of course) by being there every single step of the way.  My mom is known to her friends as a kind and generous woman, a giver of her time and resources. Our house was always open to those in need; I can’t even remember how many people lived with us as I grew up.  She taught me many things about being a woman and being a mom.  She taught me to persevere, to be independent, to treat others even better than you treat yourself, and to always be thankful for our blessings.  I always felt loved and important. Thank you mom, I love you.

Yes, mom’s have a big job and incredible influence on their children.  This week my lip color is Le Metier De Beaute’ Lip Crème in Chocolate Cream.  It is a beautiful medium brown with golden undertones (the texture is awesome!).  I chose this color because mothers are as precious as gold (and chocolate)! Happy Mother’s Day!

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Keeping the Faith

30 Apr

Me and Grandma Lucille

This week I’m writing about my faith.  Faith is one of those controversial topics but I make no apologies for my beliefs.  Everyone is entitled to believe what they want.  I am a Christian.  To me, it is not about being ‘religious’ (whatever that means) or being part of a certain denomination, it is simply that I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and I will follow Him.  Going through the last few years of constantly being told bad news, I would not have been able to get through without having the belief that somehow, this was God’s plan and purpose for my life and that in the end no matter the outcome,  it was all for His glory and that my family would be taken care of.  I also believe in the power of prayer.  So many people were praying and I know that their prayers truly gave me a sense of peace.  With people constantly serving my family with meals and encouragement, I felt not just the presence of God at all times but also his heart through all of them.

Many have asked how I was able to stay so positive throughout my journey.  It’s very simple.  I trusted God and I still do and that gives me hope.  Of course I was sad about different aspects of my struggle but again, I trusted He had a plan.  I also was so uplifted by the people in my life.  The command to love others was cemented into my brain.  If you can get beyond the surface and look at people with compassion knowing they are a unique creation, you can love them.  When you pour your love out, it comes back ten fold, and that is what I felt…love overflowing.

My husband’s 94 year old grandmother died Easter Sunday.  She was resurrected on the day of resurrection!  What a testimony of a beautiful Christian woman.  I have known Lucille for the past 20 years.  She loved everyone, she NEVER complained, and she always encouraged and had a smile on her face.  Every birthday we got a card with a personalized letter, she never missed one.  This was a woman who knew that everyone wanted to be loved and remembered and I know that it’s because she believed in a God who made each person unique and special.  Because of my faith, and the hope it gives me, I know I will see her again!

Today I’m wearing Benefit Ultra Shine lip gloss  in Kiss Me (a beautiful mauve) in honor of Lucille because she loved to kiss people, again, making them feel loved and special. God is good, all the time!

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