Tag Archives: beauty

Free Coffee

25 Sep

The other day I was in the Starbuck’s drive thru. There were a few people in front of me, but I thought I’d wait. When I got to the window I was told that the man in the car in front of me paid for my drink. Believe it or not, tears started welling up in my eyes, thank goodness I had sunglasses on. I had been having one of those days. You know the ones, nothing seems to be going right, it was cold which meant summer was coming to an end, did not get enough sleep the night before, struggling with work, the kids’ schedules seemed too full, allergy attack, whatever else; I was feeling overwhelmed and was looking for something positive to focus on so I turned to Starbuck’s for the Pumpkin Spice Soy Latte both as comfort and as an afternoon pick-me-up .Well, when the kind stranger paid and drove off, unbeknownst to him, he completely changed my day and my outlook.

We always wonder (at least I do) how we can help change a life for the positive, how to make an impact. For me, that day, it was getting a $4.00+ cup of coffee for free, paid for by a total stranger. It is not always the grandiose ‘Oprah starting a school in Africa’ thing or the ‘sell everything you have and give it to charity’ thing. No, sometimes it’s as small as a smile or a compliment, or even a cup of coffee that could change someone’s moment, day, and life. How crazy is that? I immediately wanted to pay it forward, pay for the next person’s drink, but no one was behind me in the drive thru.

How do we change the world? It may just take that one moment, or be that one small act of kindness.  Show people you care and that they matter, take them by surprise!

Today I wear an old standard for me, Revlon lipstick in Coffee Bean. This is a great shimmery brown with a little bit of a plum undertone. This is a great every day color for most skin tones although it does have a little shimmer. Obviously today I chose it for the name in honor of that cup of coffee. Cheers!

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It Is What It Is

5 Sep

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I hate that phrase by the way, ‘it is what it is’. My arm hairs bristle every time someone says it. I think because I view it as a cop out, or an excuse, like things can’t change or be changed. I guess sometimes that’s true.

I had my doctor appointment last Friday to finally discuss the ultrasound and MRI findings from a few weeks ago. If you recall, he was on vacation immediately after my ultrasound so I haven’t spoken to him about the results and possible next steps. Well…here’s how it went….Doc: I think you’re good for now, see you in a few months. Me: What about the growth the radiologist saw? Doc: Well, you can do a PET scan but it will say the same thing, abnormal tissue, it’s up to you. Me: What do you think I should do? Doc: Check if it’s grown in 3-6 months…if it has,it’s probably cancer, if not, it’s probably just scar tissue. Besides, no surgeon is going to want to go back in there right now. Me: It’s been 2 and a half years since surgery and radiation, when does scar tissue stop growing. Doc: Now. Just live life as normal and I’ll see you in a few months.

That’s it. Life goes on. Isn’t that true though about anything? Illness, you get fired or laid off from a job, your child leaves for college, you miss an appointment….life ALWAYS moves forward. How do we handle that? There’s only two choices, positively or negatively. I have to choose positive, even if I’m kicking and screaming, because I trust God has a plan. It may not be the same plan I’m thinking, but His wheels are in motion and I’m there for the ride.

Today I wear Bite Beauty Honey Lip Lacquer in Aurora which is of course, red. These are interesting, I saw them on display at Sephora last weekend and had to try. They are all natural and long lasting, actually made from 100% honey. These are high shine glosses and for me, a little sticky but beautiful nonetheless. I chose red because, well, it’s a bold color always reminding me to live out loud with no fear. By the way, I’m done being angry…it gets tiring after awhile (remember my last blog called ‘Tired?’). So here I am, living the dream (another phrase I hate). Cheers!

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Tired

30 Aug

I’m tired. I’m just going to ramble on about different things that have been bothering me so please bear with me. First, I still have not done any bloodwork to confirm or deny tumors…it’s been three weeks but my doctor is finally back from vacation so I will see him soon. Since my ultrasound a few weeks ago, I have had that underlying anger issue, remember (refer to ‘Angry’)?. I am a sales rep, have been for over 20 years. Sure it’s a fine career, but generally speaking, the customer is always first. So…when you are in a bad mood or an ‘angry’ mood, or if you have a bunch of personal issues going on…well, you still have to smile and be on your ‘A’ game…talk about a great paying acting gig, it’s exhausting. I thought I was done acting since switching my degree to science in college. What else…you know those relationships that you think may be solid then all of a sudden you feel a little pushback just when you think you may really need their friendship? yeah. Hmm, I am so busy with the three kids and the school year ramping up again it’s not even funny. One in elementary and one in Jr High and one technically starting high school, throw in there the beginnings of football for the youngest, travel basketball for the oldest, and dance for the middle, etc.., it’s hard to catch my breath. Oh yeah, that’s another thing, with allergy season and of course, all the issues with my neck, it’s hard to breathe. I saw my speech pathologist recently who told me that because of everything I have gone through, including the hemorrhage on my vocal cord which happened on our vacation last month, my remaining vocal cord is weak which explains my breathing and also my weaker voice. She gave me a couple different contraptions I can use in the car to help exercise and strenghthen that area…it’s exhausting.

Can I just sleep for awhile? The other thing is this, I want to still be active but my body does not match up to what my mind thinks it can do. Most of my life there has been at least one person telling me I couldn’t do something. You can’t do this or do that, you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, fast enough, tall enough…whatever. I have always looked at that as the ultimate challenge..PROOVE.THEM.WRONG. Well, surprise, I can’t run like the wind anymore, bike fast, dance like crazy, kickbox because my breathing will not let me and it’s irritating!! I am starting back up in ballet soon because it is the one type of dance I think I can control my breath in. I have also decided to try a few more 5K runs not because I’m stupid or crazy, but because I need to. I want to at least feel like I’m the boss of my body if even just a little bit, plus the wind on my face makes me feel free. Strange, huh? Hard to explain. That’s enough, I’m done. Now to focus on the peace that passes all understanding…Ahhh

Today’s lipstick is Lancome Rouge in Love lipstick in Fiery Attitude. Can you guess why I picked it? anyhow, it’s a beatiful wine color which would be great for fall. These lipsticks have ALOT of pigment and are fairly long lasting. The texture is super light on the lips but again since it’s longer lasting it’s a bit drying for me. Pretty anyway!

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Growing up

26 Aug

There once was a girl whose favorite outfit was a pink and white checked bikini, who loved to sing and dance, who sang Tiny Bubbles and Pearly Shells on a 20 hour flight from the Philippines to the United States just when she was 3 years old. She was shy but her parents brought her to see the Detroit Symphony Orchestra and to the theater. They gave her dance lessons and piano lessons and instilled in her a love for music and theater which became her passion and helped her come out of her shell. She wondered what she would look like at 16, at 18, at 20; if boys would like her and think she was pretty. She dreamed of being on the stage, New York City, of even being a princess; and although life has changed and she has gotten older, she still dreams…almost even more than she did as a child. This little girl is me and being in my 40’s now means that if I’m lucky, I still have more than half my life to live, but also means almost half of it is over. I want to keep dreaming and discovering, is that wrong? I have shared some of the things I want to do with some people and they look at me like I’m a little crazy…so what? I refuse to settle. Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~Attributed to Carl Bard

This week my oldest son turned 15 which means in three years he will be a legal adult. He finished driver’s ed on his birthday and got his driver’s permit last Friday. Time has flown and I can’t help feeling sad but excited about his future and his great adventure. He is my child that has always had that ‘old’ spirit. He is very practicle and safe. What are his hopes and dreams for the future? We’ve talked about a few. I wonder what he thinks when he looks in the mirror at himself (which is often, usually flexing his muscles, which I call skin over bones). I pray he has some big dreams and when he tells people about them they also look at him like he’s slightly crazy. I pray he faces life head on and accepts stumbling blocks as challenges. I pray he is kind, that he loves God and others, and that he is fearless. Most of all, I just continue to pray for him and my other children as well, because I know we as parents can’t always be there. Life is funny and fast and crazy.

Today I wear Too Faced La Creme lipstick in Spice Spice Baby which is a pinky brown. I love these lipsticks because they are SUPER moisturizing. This color is an easy color to wear but on me, it does not have enough pink so I add a gloss. I love the name…make life spicy! Also, just to keep you updated…I have not yet done the blood test to check for tumor markers, my doctor has been on vacation but is back this week!  I’ll keep you posted!!

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Angry

15 Aug

 

I recently read a post on cancer anger and loneliness written by someone who recently found out she was cancer free. I would reference her but I can’t seem to find the exact post I read. Anyhow, after reading about her current feelings it helped me sort out mine. Ever since the news from my ultrasound last week I have been trying to figure out how I feel (not to mention the fact that people close to me keep asking), and I haven’t been able to articulate exactly what I was feeling. I don’t think the news was terrible but I don’t think they were perfect either (perfect would’ve been ‘all clean, see you next year’). After reading her post, I knew what I felt. I am angry right now. Not crazy with anger, just resting in it. I’m angry about the news, the fact that I cannot seem to move forward, away from the cancer path of my life journey, the fact that I am always trying to overcome the changes in my body. If you’ve seen the movie Enchanted there is a scene where Giselle is trying to articulate to Robert how she is feeling,she gets all flustered and blurts out, ‘Angry…I feel so angry!’ but then she starts laughing. I believe she laughed because it was so freeing for her to feel it and say it. Well, here I am. I’m angry…so angry. It’s ok, I’m dealing with it and still functioning like a normal person, all with a smile on my face; and I know I will get over it. However this turns out, I know I will  go through a plethora of feelings but this seems new to me. I don’t think I allowed myself to get mad before, or maybe I just didn’t have the time between the surgeries, treatment, and the cancer coming back. For now, I rest easy in ‘angry’ mode and I know it’s probably normal…just don’t make me mad..just kidding.

Today I wear Tarte Glamazon Pure Performance Lipstick in Fierce. Remember, Tarte lipsticks are all natural so this contains amazonian clay and shea butter which help keeps this long lasting lipstick moist on your lips. I chose Fierce because it’s red and I’m feeling the name right now…watch out!

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Enough Already!

8 Aug

Cheers for a new day!

Today was an interesting day. I started off the day early with an ultrasound to my neck. Because of the experimental blood test I took 6 months ago showing I had no cancer cells, I was able to wait a full year before doing my ultrasound and PET scan. Last night I told myself that if he didn’t see anything today, to me, my cancer journey would officially be over and life would just be moving forward in my new ‘normal’. It has been a full year since my last ultrasound and already two years since my last surgery and external beam radiation, so again, a clean ultrasound today for me meant…officially over. Well, it wasn’t exactly the news I wanted. Keep in mind, I know this doctor. He has been the radiologist who has looked in my neck every 3-6 months for four years now. I have heard him say ‘there’s something there’ , ‘it’s back’, ‘you’re clean’, ‘see you next year’, etc…I have seen my doctors so many times that I understand their mannerisms and expressions. So today when he said, ‘hmmm, there’s some tissue there and it’s thick.’ What does that mean? ‘I’m not sure, but that’s exactly what I’m going to write on my notes. It’s thicker than last time, a year ago, when’s your PET scan?’ Not scheduled yet. ‘Oh, ok, you should probably schedule that.’ Is it good or bad? ‘I’m not sure, it’s just…more’. More what? ‘Do the PET scan.’

Needless to say, I left not knowing how to respond. Let’s just say I wasn’t overwhelmed with joy, but I wasn’t totally devastated either. I just felt nothing, so I went to work. I spoke to one of my friends a little while after and he said, ‘How do you do it?’ What? ‘Continue on normally with life, work, etc when you’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for four years.’ You just do. As I thought about his question throughout the day I started getting a little angry. Yes, I’ve been on this rollercoaster for awhile and well, I want off. I have remained positive and strong thanks to my faith, family and friends, but sometimes it feels like I’m walking on thin ice and at anytime it could crack and I will drown. So here are my hidden feelings, things that I don’t usually share except with a select few. I hate this. I hate asking for prayers and help over and over again because I feel like a drainer of people. I hate that I have a harder time swallowing and breathing. I hate that my kids never quite know how to react or what to ask after every test. I’m sick of fighting with my body…fighter, survivor?  No, just always fighting. I hate sore throats and necks. Sometimes I don’t want to be positive , but truth is that if I do fall through the ice I’m afraid I would never resurface, so I keep skimming the top. No, I really am not afraid. I trust in God’s plan. Sounds hokey and religious to some, but that’s how it truly is for me. I’m not scared, I’m just sick of all this and I really don’t like to have to think about anymore. Unfortunately because of all my appointments and how my breathing, speaking, singing etc. have changed, I’m forced to.

Well, enough of my rant. Thank you for listening, praying, and supporting me always. Thanks to this blog, I can rant and rave and not keep those feelings hidden ,that’s worse, everyone needs an outlet, so find yours. For now I will move forward with my red lipstick on. Today I choose Nars lipstick in Fire Down Below (a color I’ve chosen before). Nars lipsticks are great for color, staying power, and of course the names, love this name….cheers!

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Loner

3 Aug

 

I recently saw a movie called ‘A Little Bit of Heaven’ starring Kate Hudson. It is available for rent or On Demand if you have cable television. WARNING!! SPOILER ALERT!! READ ON IF YOU DON’T CARE IF I TELL YOU HOW IT ENDS!!! Anyhow, it is about a woman whose life is going great; good friends, great career. All is well until she is diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer and is told she either starts treatment right away or she dies. She begins treatment right away and about half way through the movie she finds out the treatment is not working…therefore…well, you can guess. What made this movie unique for me was that unlike other ‘cancer’ or ‘death/illness related’ movies, it was not really a bucket list movie. You know the ones…’I’m dying so I have to accomplish these things before I go’  movies. No, this movie has the main character completely focused on her relationships, strengthening them and even repairing them. It shares her feelings as well as her friends’ and parents feelings and struggles during an extrememly difficult time. The main character is a happy-go-lucky girl, always smiling and positive, but not really ever revealing the turmoil inside, kind of a loner. It reminded me so much of my own thoughts and feelings and it exposed to me what my family and friends may have felt over the past few years in my own struggle with cancer. I sobbed the whole time and at the end I could barely breathe because of how hard I was crying…I’m glad I was alone! I think the last time I cried that much watching a movie was when I saw ‘The Champ’ in the late 70’s. What kid wouldn’t cry watching a dad die?

So here’s the truth about me, some of you already know because I’ve written about it before, I am also a loner. Before cancer I was also happy-go-lucky, always smiling and positive (I still try to be), but…like the character in the movie, it has always been difficult for me to have deep, authentic relationships. Of course I’ve had many close friends over the years, but very few that I can say were deep. Deep relationships take a lot of time to develop and are vulnerable and difficult , a position I did not want to be in. Dont get me wrong,  I love to listen to people, hear their struggles, share their pain, but as for me sharing…not so much, and of course, to have an authentic relationship it needs to go both ways, right? Now, that was BEFORE cancer. Like the character in the movie, cancer opened my heart and it has not been able to close back up. I CRAVE relationships, honesty, authenticity, openness, etc. so much so that when I feel like a friendship is just riding the surface it drives me crazy. Well, there were things I did not agree with in the movie but overall I thought it was spot on. In the end, it’s not about your stuff or your accomplishments, it’s about people and relationships and ultimately love. So if you feel like crying and seeing a real tearjerker movie, this one’s for you.

Today I am wearing Aquaphor on my lips. Tragedy happened this week when I got hives on my lips from one of my newer lip products!! That’s right, I was allergic to a lipstick I bought but since I had purchased a couple lip balms too, it has taken the whole week to narrow down which one it was and I still have a few spots that are irritated. If my lips weren’t so big everyone would have seen the hives!  So, it’s been Vaseline or Aquaphor as my gloss for the past few days while my lips calm down. I LOVE Aquaphor. It is a great skin treatment for severely dry or chapped skin that you can use on lips, elbows, hands, and one of my favorite things to do is put some on my feet and then put socks on at night. In the morning your feet look like you just had a pedi! Cherish your friends and family, open your heart!

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One Week

22 Jun

Two days ago I had writer’s block, I didn’t feel like there was anything interesting enough going on to write about. Last night I assessed the events over the past week and realized so many things have happened in just one week. A week ago my kids finished school. It was a landmark year for two of my kids because one is now officially going to be a freshman in high school and the other will be a 7th grader in Junior High which leaves my youngest child going into fourth grade and the last one in elementary school. The sad part is that he will no longer be in the same building with either of his siblings for the rest of his school career. Over the weekend my daughter had her dance recital. After a year of hard work learning and perfecting a dance, she had three shows over two days. She did great and was beautiful up on the stage. Three days ago my 9 year old had his second playoff game and lost. It was a great season and he was asked to be on the all star tournament team which made him happy. Unfortunately, we will be on vacation for a few of the games so he won’t be able to join the team this year. Last night my oldest son had his last game of the season. Although they lost by one point in the last inning, he had some great plays and ended on a good note. Add to those events my two boys going to basketball camp daily and my daughter going to a few swimming/birthday parties….well, kids keep you busy!

On a serious note, six days ago, my youngest son had a seizure. It’s only happened once before and it was frightening. It happened in the middle of the night and fortunately my oldest, who shares a room with him, heard him and woke us up. As we watched his little body convulse, I couldn’t help but cry. The following day he was tired but normal. Yesterday he had some brain wave testing done and something was abnormal on the test so today he is having a brain MRI. I am reminded once again of how things can change in an instant. I remember when I got the call that I had cancer, in just one sentence, ten seconds, over the phone my life forever changed. When it’s your child, hearing something bad is even worse. At least with me, I know I have the strength to do what it takes but for my son, I want to be able to fix it for him. Last night after the game we were all in the car driving home and we saw this rainbow.

 I was so thankful because it was a reminder to me that there’s always hope and God always has a plan. In the meantime, I thank all of you for your support and would appreciate prayers! Today I am wearing Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter Balm in Red Velvet. I LOVE these lip butters because they are so moisturizing and have lots of color as well. Loreal also has their version of lip butters which I also like, but the colors are very neutral while Revlon has some bolder colors. I chose Red Velvet because it’s red, also, while we were at the doctor’s office yesterday I was reading a magazine talking about ‘your cupcake personality’. I asked Alex which cupcake fit his personality and he said, “Red Velvet!”

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Laughing still…

7 Jun

As a college freshman my roomate asked me to color and highlight her hair. Here’s the deal, I am TERRIBLE at any type of hairstyling. I couldn’t pull off my hair curled under when the ‘Dorothy Hamill’ was in, I couldn’t do the ‘Farrah Faucett’ feathered look, I couldn’t even get my bangs to stand up when that was in. I was so thankful when perms were in in the late 80’s because I of course was in line to get one. I finally had big hair that I didn’t have to mess with. Anyhow, I told her to ask someone else. I distinctly remember her saying, “It’s easy…I don’t care if it’s a little uneven because highlights should be scattered anyhow.” OK. I put the gloves on and got to work. About an hour later when her hair was dry and styled, the front looked awesome if I have to say so myself, but when she turned around…oops. The back of her hair was blond and highlighted to about the middle of her head, the rest, well, a bit darker with no highlights. When she grabbed the mirror and looked, she laughed and said, ‘cool.’ I was off the hook.

Now that I’m older and have a few strands of gray, I have started coloring my hair but only once or twice a year by a professional. I have long hair which is black/brown and pretty simple. Well, something possessed me as I was at Target and I thought to myself, ‘How hard can it be?’ Why pay $50 when I can buy a box for $6, it’s not like I get highlights or anything complicated, just one color. Now, I know millions of women do this all the time, but take into account my hair history. So, I bought what I thought was a black/brown (what happened to the fake hair pieces they used to have hanging as samples?) and last night at about 10:30, I started. It was a comedy of errors. Remember, I have long hair, so when I was done with the top and sides I couldn’t see the back so I just reached. It was a TOTAL mess. I reached for a clip to keep my top hair out of the way and got dye on my sink and toothbrush, the color container fell into the sink after jugglng it with the plastic gloves and slipping, color was dripping down my forehead as I bent forward trying to get to the bottom of the back of my head. Then, when I went to rinse in my kids’ bathtub (they have a removable shower head), I sprayed myself in the face when I was trying to rinse the front. After I was done rinsing I stood up and looked at the mirror behind me and had to laugh. Apparently the water I sprayed in my face went past me and sprayed their mirror, counter, sinks, etc…water was everywhere and I looked ridiculous. I was by myself, wet from head to toe, hair, towels, and water everywhere. Thank goodness my husband was not home and the kids were asleep. I assessed the damage and could not stop laughing. Oh yeah, and the color I got was too dark,for those familiar with Elvira…yup.

Oh well, here’s the lesson, don’t take yourself too seriously. I laughed for a good 15 minutes at myself and it felt great. Sometimes we are not able to laugh at little mishaps and let things go. Those things not only drag you down for the moment but if you dwell, they will always drag you down. Laugh and learn, then move on.

Today I wear Chanel Rouge Allure Extrait De Gloss in Exces. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that right now for me, this is close to perfection. This gloss is shiny, moist, and long wearing. The colors are beautiful and although it’s a gloss, it has the perfect amount of color. The color I chose today is a sheer cherry red on my lips, I love it. Cheers!

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High School

5 Jun

My awesome son about to enter his high school years

Next week my oldest child finishes eighth grade, since our school district has junior high instead of middle school, his first year, or freshman year, of high school will be in the same building…7th-9th grade. I’m thankful because there’s a huge difference in my mind between 14 and 18 years of age. I can’t believe I am a parent of a high schooler because I feel like I was just there, sad thinking that we are on our last leg with him before he officially becomes an adult. I went to a huge high school graduating in a class of 700+ students in my grade alone. When I started high school I was super shy, smart, skinny and pimply. It’s funny because thinking back, one of my goals was to be asked to go to the Homecoming dances and prom, and one of my main focuses was hoping not only to make new friends, but to possibly have my first real boyfriend…scary yes,obviously my focus was on boys. I wonder what may be on my son’s mind, I’m sure it all academics and sports, not girls at all….

Anyhow, high school, my teachers, and the changes and challenges that happened there have helped mold me into the person I am today. I sang and played the piano in a talent show in 10th grade and that is when I met Mrs Christy who asked me to join the choir (I think to my mother’s dismay). My mom was purely focused on education and college and thought that music would distract me….well it did, but I still went on to college, career, etc… My decision to join the choir led me to some awesome friendships, to musicals, and helped me truly enjoy my high school experience. My science teacher Mrs Smith introduced me to the beauty of chemistry and physics which I still love too. I had my first true love during high school and my first heartbreak. I learned leadership skills as Vice President of Student Senate and got a varsity letter from playing on the tennis team. I was never the most popular or the most beautiful, but me and my big hair had a blast. I recently found my journal from my senior year (I’ve kept a journal since 4th grade). It was filled with stories and emotions, most of which I had forgotten. It made me laugh and cry and it also gave me more memories and insights into what my kids are about to experience. The world is a different place now so boy will I be praying! All I know is that I had great friends, not too many worries, and parents and teachers who believed in me and encouraged me; and yes, I had a prom date (even though my teacher set us up two weeks beforehand…long story for another day).

What more could we ask for, even today? We’re still the same right? We all need great friends who support us (refer to last posting), and bosses and managers who believe in us and encourage us. I will do my best for my kids as well as the people I encounter. There is enough negative in the world, have you watched the news lately? Let’s try to be the positive.

Today I choose Covergirl Continuous Color Lipstick in Iced Mauve. I chose Covergirl because it’s probably what I could afford in high school with my mall job salary(although I was not really allowed to wear make up except for shows). This color is a light pinky mauve with a little shimmer. I found a picture of my senior year spring break in San Diego with three of my friends. We were not really allowed to go to Daytona Beach where all the crazy high schoolers went, but we were able to stay with my cousin in SD for a week…ummm, we still had fun. Anyhow, this shade of lipstick reminded me of that because it looks to be the color we are all wearing in one of my pics (remember that time Melissa? Crazy). I do like Covergirl lipstick and this formula is very moisturizing. My only issue is that I  can’t really try before I buy so it ends up being a waste of money. To all the parents with future high schoolers…cheers and good luck!

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