Tag Archives: hope

Random

10 Apr

Do you ever get that feeling that time is just slipping away and you haven’t done anything significant? For the past few weeks this has been me. Working, eating, sleeping, just normal day to day stuff. Last week I had to go back to my corporate office for some advanced training. Although some of the material was good and seeing old friends was awesome, my kids were on Spring Break and I hated being away. One major thing the past few years with cancer has taught me is that time is so precious. It’s hard to wrap my head around this new normal for me and it’s hard expressing it into words. All I know is that I cry more easily and that I feel more deeply. I also value each moment and have a burning in my chest to do something significant. Not really for me, but for others. I want people to see life as beautiful and to live passionately because my heart is bursting. I’m sick of all the facades and the unspoken words…tick tock tick tock…time is just flying by and we can’t go back. I really am having difficulty expressing myself aren’t I?

Let’s put it this way, our life is like a book, each day, each season, is a new chapter…would you keep reading it? If you were a sitcom or a movie, would you keep watching? No, its not always an adventure, we do have the day to day mundane, but there are people we run into in our day and investing in their story can be a small adventure. Oh well, I’m rambling now. Do you think all survivors feel like this? I guess because I’ve been through a lot and know for certain there will be an end to this life (maybe sooner than later), I want to make mine count. Last week at our training we were given personality evaluations based on a questionnaire we had to fill out. One of the concluding statements given to me was, ‘she lives in the present, she tries to live each moment as a satisfying personal experience’.  Yup….

Today I wear Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Dragon Girl which is a siren red. I have to say, like any matte lipstick, it’s a little dry but if you pat it into your lips with your finger and apply lip balm or a gloss on top, it’s fine. Obviously this color is bright red….HOT. I chose it because I have a burning passion to live life.

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Mirror,Mirror

31 Mar

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Most of us look and see our flaws. For me, it’s the new gray hairs, the lines that are starting to show, etc. What about the positives? Do we ever look and say, ‘Dang, I’m gorgeous!’ or ‘Wow, new lines. It’s wonderful seeing life experiences on my face.’ Believe me, those things have NEVER come to mind while looking at myself. But what if mirrors could talk back? What would they say?

Recently, Snow White has made a comeback. Once Upon A Time (a new TV show I love on ABC–I love fairytales), Mirror Mirror with Julia Roberts, Snow White and The Huntsman coming out with Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame…remember the mirror? ‘You are the fairest of them all.’ If my mirror could talk to me I would hope it says, ‘It’s ok, you’re beautiful. You see the lines around your eyes, I can see into your eyes and the experience and wisdom you have gained through the years; you see lines around your mouth, I see the imprint of joy and all of your moments smiling; the gray hairs? Well, that can be colored.’

What is a true mirror in our lives? Our friends and family. Think about it, the people we connect with reflect back to us how we treat them. Kindness begets kindness. Love bounces back (most of the time). Authenticity brings truth to relationships; and if you haven’t noticed, for the most part, a smile brings on a smile. What do your friends think about you? They are your mirror. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Look in the mirror and realize there is no one else quite like you!

Today I wear Bobbi Brown High Shimmer lipgloss in Bare Sparkle, a champagne colored shimmery gloss. It is BEAUTIFUL and goes well on top of lipstick to add a beautiful shimmer. I chose it because it’s beautiful and sparkly on its own which is what I hope to be.

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Extreme

26 Mar

The past week or so has been one of those crazy weeks filled with extreme emotion. It’s Sunday night, I’m exhausted and tomorrow starts a new week. About a week ago, I met with a good friend from college for a lipstick and lunch date…now how can you go wrong with lipstick and food? It was great catching up with her while trying on lipstick followed by lunch! Extreme fun! A few days later, I got a call from one of my closest friends telling me she and her husband were getting divorced. This was devastating news to both my husband and myself because they are close ‘couple’ friends. You know, it’s hard to find a couple you both like to hang with. It was a complete shock and so sad, even she was surprised; he just decided to up and leave her and their two kids. Extreme low. Friday I sang at my doctor’s annual World Voice Day Celebration. This was my fourth year attending and singing and every year has been different. The first year was after my first surgery and my voice was decent, the second, was after my third surgery and radiation and my vocal cords were paralyzed. Last year, I was still recovering, and this year, well, I am cancer free. My voice has changed quite a bit (obviously), and singing with one vocal cord is such a thought process, but it was overwhelming and awesome. As I stepped out on the stage I was overcome with emotion because it has been such a long road and not only did it feel like a miracle being there singing, but my ‘voice team’ who took care of me from the beginning was there right along side of me cheering me on. I picked a difficult song and it wasn’t the best I’ve ever sounded, but I was there. Extreme high. Saturday night, I was at a ‘girl’ party with one of my best high school friends whom I reconnected with a couple years ago as I was going through cancer the third time. It’s incredible how true friendship works, we don’t see each other for 20 years and we talk like not a day has gone by. Anyhow, it was a fun party with just a handful of women. Extreme joy and laughter. Today…extreme exhaustion.

Each day was different, each day holds a memory, each day involved relationships. So now, as today ends, we have tomorrow. Life is crazy and fun and sad and filled with so many tidbits in a day. Don’t miss the moments. Take in every emotion, as much as your heart breaks, it gets recharged with love and joy. Love people, they need you as much as you need them and be open to whatever may come next!

Today I wear Bobbi Brown High Shimmer Lip Gloss in Electric Violet, A pinkish, violet shimmery lip gloss. Gorgeous color for spring and summer. This is a newer formulation for Bobbi and it combines vitamins to help moisturize your lips and is not sticky. The colors are still sheer so you can wear it over lipstick if you choose, but they do add a good amount of color on their own.  I chose it because life can be electric if you let it! Enjoy!

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Lipstick List

22 Mar

For today I thought I’d depart from my usual ‘life’ topics and talk solely about lipstick. For the men who read my blog, sorry, you may exit now, unless of course you like lipstick.  To go along with this weeks topic of my wonderful blogging group GBE2, I thought I’d write a list of some of my favorites, not only lipstick, but cosmetics in general because I love other products as well (although not as much as lipstick).

I hope the picture above does not scare you, but that is my current lipstick selection from my bathroom. It is ever revolving and I hate throwing them out so some lipsticks may be a year or two old. I also have to say that every few months or so I have a ‘giveaway’ to my girlfriends and mom where they can choose any lipstick they want from my collection.
So, as you can see, my favorites are up front (down at the bottom);  I have multiple colors  and formulations from YSL, Chanel, Bobbi Brown, and Dior.

Here is a list of my favorite colors:

Bobbi Brown– Great colors, long lasting, moisturizing: Raisin, Burnt Red, and sometimes Papaya

Chanel– Not as moisturizing for me as Bobbi, but great variety of reds: Fatale-red

Dior– Not as long lasting, but moisturizing and feels great on lips: 773 Rouge Podium (a great orangey-pinky-red), 714 Brun (shimmery brown pink), 811 Red (no longer available), Also love Dior Addict Lip Glow which is like a lip balm but brings out the natural pink in your lips.

YSL I love the golden glosses! They add a lot of color for a gloss, are moisturizing, have actual gold flecks, and look AMAZING! #2 is my favorite!!

Here is a list of some of my other ‘must haves’:

Cetaphil cleanser and moisturizer

Smashbox Oil Free primer

Armani Luminous Silk foundation or Bare Minerals Matte Powder

Chanel waterproof eyeliner

Benefit They’re Real mascara, Dior New Look Mascara or L’oreal Voluminous Million Lashes Mascara

Last but not least, my favorite lip balms:

Carmex (in stick form), Eos sweet mint, and Aqauphor (which by the way is great for things such as dry elbows, knees, around the eyes, etc…anything dry, this is a great moisturizer)

Have a great day! Today, I let you pick the lipstick color…what are your faves? I’d love to know!

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Trials

14 Mar

This morning I spoke to a friend of mine who has been struggling with some major family issues for awhile. As she told me everything she was going through my heart hurt for her and her trials brought me to tears. She said she didn’t want to burden me with her stuff because of everything I was going through with my cancer tests. Why does God allow pain? This is the question many people struggle with and I certainly have no answers. I know for me, during all of the trials and tribulations of my repeated cancer diagnosis and treatments, I would not have been able to stay calm and at peace without having faith that God had a perfect plan and that I was not in control. People always asked how I could maintain my faith throughout everything and all I have to say is that I could not have ‘maintained’ without it.

I believe trials in life (and everyone I know has been through at least one) can either harden your heart or soften it. For me, my heart is softer, and listening to my friend’s hurt made me feel her pain. We go through trials to be able to help others, so we need to open our eyes to see and our hearts to listen and feel because no matter how hard we think we have it, someone is doing worst and needs you. Be there. Life is about people, what will our legacy be?

Today’s lipstick is Lancôme L’absolu Rouge in Berry Noir. It’s a beautiful berry color which would be great for spring and summer and this particular formula has great consistency, lots of color, and is moisturizing too. I wear it because spring is a time of new beginnings, and when life throws you a detour it’s great to get a fresh start.

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Reunion

10 Mar

This past week I was in Nashville for my National Meeting. Besides the actual meeting part, it was great seeing people from across the country that I haven’t seen since last June. Remember, last June was an emotional time for me because I had just gotten the news that my doctor thought my cancer was back. These were my new friends who carried me through a crazy time during three weeks of training for a new job. Anyhow, it was a happy reunion because of my recent ‘non’ cancer diagnosis. It has taken a couple weeks for the cancer free news to soak in. My immediate reaction was joy of course followed by doubt ( I’m pretty sure that’s normal), but for the first time since the news, I feel great about it. I think the more I talk about it and the more I tell people I am now cancer free, the more I believe it and become confident. I think that may be true for all people in different circumstances. If you can talk abut it, there are people out there willing to listen and help, and maybe just to give you a hug; and sometimes, we just need to hear ourselves outloud to believe what we say in our heads. I will be singing in a couple weeks and I’m deathly nervous but I’m challenging myself. If we don’t try, we don’t know.

Funny mom story from the week away because I think moms always wonder how dads do with kids while we’re gone. I got a text from my youngest boy who’s 9 saying dad’s not doing that good of a job because he let the dog sleep with him, so he asked if I would do the laundry when I got home. Later in the day I spoke to my husband and he tells me my 9 year old got out of the shower, got ready for bed, then told my husband he shaved his mustache. “What?” “Yup, I used Audrey’s razor and her shaving cream called Satan” Yes, he said Satan, Audrey’s shaving cream is called Satin Gel….

This week I was a little stressed because of all the meeting prep, plus a presentation to give. Consequently I developed a cold sore so my lipstick of the week was limited to Carmex and Abreva although near the end of the week I finally was able to switch to Buxom Big andHealthy Lip Cream in Purple Haze. That’s what it felt like all week with 2000 people in the giant Opryland Hotel…a haze. This lip gloss is awesome. For me it was a slight deep berry color which is just a hint deeper than my lipcolor. I love the consistency of this particular gloss and it is free of parabens and sulfates. It also gives a little tingle when applied to lips!

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Vacation

25 Feb

Audrey's Rainbow

This week my family spent the week on vacation in the Dominican Republic. We started our vacation last Saturday in the wee hours of the morning literally running to our airplane because we waited 10 minutes for the parking shuttle, then the lines were outrageous, then of course after security, we found out our terminal was at the very end of the airport. Thankfully the direct flight went without a hitch. Upon our arrival, we were greeted with beautiful weather and friendly people, what we weren’t expecting was the mass confusion and chaos at their very small airport. Our flight arrived almost an hour early, exactly the same time 4 other flights arrived leading thousands of people pushing and shoving their way to three customs agents. After two and a half hours, we finally hopped on a bus to our hotel which was filled to capacity. So much so, they overbooked the family suites and separated my husband and I from the kids by four rooms plus an elevator hallway. No, I didn’t sleep that night and immediately requested a change the next day. Fortunately, many were checking out leaving us two adjoining rooms…all was well. We spent all day at the beach and in the pool and at the end of our first full day, my husband came down with a severe sinus infection leaving him stuck in the room the next day and a half with fever and chills. The rest of the time went well, besides the one incident with my son eating something with nuts (he’s allergic), and my other son having to be pulled in as he drifted out to sea by a strong riptide, oh, and at night the mosquito hunts in our rooms….our time overall was awesome. We spent time as a family in beautiful 80 degree weather, body surfing the waves, and relaxing in the pool. All of the ‘minor’ incidents on this vacation will be funny memories.

Pretending to be a Rockstar

Isn’t that true of life in general? We all sit around waiting for the ‘big’ stuff to happen; getting to the hotel for the vacation to finally start, the dream job, the big break, the lottery win, etc, but truly it’s all the little or ‘minor’ things that make a life. In fact, sometimes when we look back, the things we thought were little were actually the big things we missed while waiting. Our vacation started Friday night after school and work, not Saturday night when we finally got to the hotel. Don’t miss out, don’t dwell on the little stumbling blocks or mishaps, it could ruin your vacation, or day, or life. Soak up life and laugh about it, it’s funny sometimes!

Today I wear Korres Lip Butter in Plum. It’s kind of a sheer berry which would look great on anyone. Korres is an all natural brand which is a plus and this particular lip butter is super moisturizing with just enough color. I would say that it was the only lipstick I brought with me, but you all know me better than that; but, it is the only thing I wore, the others just took up space!

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Answers!

16 Feb

The wait is over…almost 4 weeks ago blood was taken from me and shipped to California for an experimental blood test that could detect cancer cells. If you have followed my story you know that I not only have a strangely aggressive thyroid cancer which has kept coming back, but I also have thyroglobulin antibody. In the majority of thyroid cancer patients, thyroglobulin level changes in blood is used to detect cancer, but for me, I am in the select few whose body has an antibody against that. Because of that, I have had to have alternating PET scans and ultrasounds every three months to detect my cancer. Add that to the radiation drink (which I later found out my body is resistant to) and seven weeks of external beam radiation and I should be glowing. Fortunately for me, a couple things happened, some physician/scientist discovered this test that would work for people like me, and my personal doctor happened to be at a conference when he talked about it in December. The test is not yet available to the public (it will be very soon) but since the two of them met and personally talked about my case, they agreed to check my blood.

Today I got the call that I am cancer free. If you have had cancer multiple times you beam with excitement for about 30 seconds and then hesitate and say ,”Are you sure?” which is what I said to my doctor, followed by, “How accurate is this test?”  He told me that he was fully confident in this test to the point that he said ,”I’m going to say we repeat all tests in a year.”  A YEAR? I’m used to seeing him every 3 months followed with bloodwork and some type of scan. I told him a year was too long for me and he said his door would always be open. He said if I needed to see him every week he would not say no. My doctors have become my friends and comfort. I have had to lean on them so much over the past four years and when I don’t see them, I miss them. A year seems so long.

For now I feel great. My last post was about do overs with my day starting awesome and ending, well, not so awesome. Today my day started not so awesome (been battling flu like symptoms all week passed along from one family member to another), but is ending on a high note. I still have that hesitant joy, but I’ll let loose for now because I know God is in control.  Thank you all for your continued support and for joining me in this crazy lipstick journey!

Today, actually right this minute, I’m swiping Lancome Le Absolu Rouge in Merlot on my lips. It is an impossibly GORGEOUS deep red which is great for going out. Yes, I know it’s late, I don’t care…maybe I’ll walk in the kitchen after this and end the day with an actual glass of Merlot…cheers.

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Questions

1 Feb

Last week a study was published about cancer survivors and stress (I wish I had the exact link, but I can’t seem to track it down). The study was done in Europe and it was to see if survivors have less stress in their daily lives because the battle was so intense and stressful already. There were about 200 post cancer patients included and monitored through quiestionnaires. What was interesting was the conclusion stated that cancer survivors actually have less stress regarding different life events and daily happenings but stress more from people and relationships. Hmmm. After thinking about it awhile, it’s true. If I miss an appointment, if I’m in the ‘wrong’ line at the grocery store, if I’m in unexpected traffic, oh well, there are many things in life we can’t control so I don’t stress about  that stuff  much anymore. What stresses me out more now are people;  people at work who will do anything to get recognized and move ahead, people who complain non-stop, people who are rude just because, people who pass judgement before they know you, people who expect the world from everyone else but won’t lift a finger themselves, people who feel entitled, the list goes on. I stress because I just want to shake them and tell them all that in the end, it really doesn’t matter. We have today, we have each other and that’s all. I’m exhausted thinking about it but I do realize that we are all flawed and no one is perfect. What is it that everyone truly wants in life? Fame? Recognition? No, people want to be loved and validated, to know they matter. For me, I think I stress less if I can dig deeper into their story, understand where they’re coming from and realize it’s not my job to change them, it’s just my job to love them for who they are. Love God , love others. Treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated. Sounds simple enough….

On another note, this week has been a long week for me already. What’s today? Wednesday? Well, it’s been busy and I’m exhausted. I can’t seem to sleep because my brain is in overdrive. Not about anything in particular, just a million random thoughts and questions. I would love it if you could leave some comments or answers to some of these questions so I could get better sleep so here goes:

* Is there any time when a mom doesn’t feel like a taxi driver for her kids?

* Is it harder to have needy teens or needy infants? I’m going with teens

* Is there really a dream job out there for everyone, not just a career but a calling with pay?

* Why is Jennifer Lopez’s skin so flawless and luminous on American Idol when I am her age, hormonal, and am struggling with both oily and dry patches? Oh yeah, and her hair? Just sayin…

* Will there ever be a day when I don’t think that my cough, sore throat, headache, or whatever ailment I have at the time is cancer coming back?

* Do moms ever get a good night’s sleep?

* Why is there Twitter, how does it really work, what am I missing? I have almost 500 followers and don’t know what I’m supposed to be tweeting…sorry

* Why can’t kids live without electronics anymore?

* How long must a friendship go on before you both can get ‘real’?

* How can I cut back on sugar when I’m a chocoholic requiring a little something sweet after every meal?

* How much coffee is ‘safe’ to drink every day and what causes cancer?

Well, there’s your sneak peak into my brain, seriously, it won’t stop and I have many more questions in there. I’d appreciate any insight  you may have. Today’s lipstick is Buxom Big and Healthy Lip Cream Lip Polish in Creamsicle. It was one of  my faves as a child. I chose it because it feels like spring in Michigan right now and wasn’t life easier when you were a kid?

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Just Say It…

27 Jan

A few days ago my husband got an e-mail from a friend regarding an acquaintance of theirs. This person was a healthy 36 year old former college and pro basketball player who was also a newlywed of 6 months. About three weeks ago he wentto the hospital for an elective, outpatient surgery…just something simple, or so he thought. A few days later a fever ensued and he was admitted into the hospital. For the past three weeks he fought a massive infection overtaking his healthy body and a few days ago, he passed away. He fought for his life with his new bride at his side and three days before he passed, the physicians told him there was nothing left to do. What made this story more incredible was that he was given just an unknown number of days to live after the doctors stopped treatment. He and his wife decided to make phone calls to family and friends; the people he wanted to say good bye to. It was gutwrenching and as his wife put it in the e-mail update we received, ‘he was able to speak to those he was closest to and when I finally let go of his hand he was able to cross the gates to Heaven’.

Most of us are not given our ‘death date’ or even an estimate of when our last day of life may be. After so many bouts with cancer, it’s on my mind and may be sooner than later, but I don’t even truly know for sure. This man was given the chance to say good-bye, to make peace with people, to ask forgiveness from some, or whatever he needed to speak to them about, he got the chance.  We don’t know when our time may be, why wait to tell people how much we love them? Why wait for the ‘right moment’ to say you care or how much people mean to you? Why harbor resentment which gnaws at you…why not forgive today and free yourself from the burden of bitterness? Most of us will not be given a few days at the end to make phone calls and say good-bye. What are you waiting for? Say what you need to say (great song)…

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Rich Color Gloss in Angel Pink, a beautiful soft pink which can be worn alone. I also dedicate this to the new saint who was brought up to heaven this week!

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