Tag Archives: thyroid cancer survivor

Long Week

6 Apr

2013-02-18 22.20.13

*sigh*   What a long week, emotions can be grating on the psyche. Remember a couple blogs ago I spoke about my friend and her boyfriend with the growth on his neck? Well, it was a rare fast growing cancer and he almost died last weekend…yes, from an unknown lump, to cancer taking over his whole body in one month. He received massive amounts of chemo and miraculously looks like he will be ok. Another friend revealed that her husband’s cancer has progressed and he is now starting treatment after a year of ‘watch and wait’. On Wednesday I did my mammogram which, well, if you’re a woman over forty, you know. I felt a little traumatized by the manipulation of my breasts in a giant panini maker, not to mention the pain. I’ve been a little sad because of everything, but this week was particularly difficult. With all of those things going on with me and around me, I was, and still am, overwhelmed with not just the brevity of life, but also how things can change so quickly. I am trying to be angry (to get over my sadness), but it’s not working yet.

The week still had plenty of magic to lift my spirits of course. Last Sunday was Easter and being a Christian, I am so grateful for what Christ has done and for His love and amazing gift of grace and forgiveness. I also met with some great friends this week, old and new. It’s awesome how God brings different people into our lives at different times. I believe there are no ‘accidents’ or concidence in meeting people and I am so thankful for all of my relationships. In Les Miserables, Victor Hugo wrote, “To love another person is to see the face of God“, a line which is included in the Finale song of the musical by the same name. Thank you to my friends, family, and all of you reading my blog and following my journey; God’s face is all around.

Today I wear Dior Dior Addict Lip Gloss in 643 Diablotine. I LOVE this gloss and color! It is super moisturizing, a little bit sparkly, and has great color for a gloss. This color is not quite hot pink, and not quite orange (which seemsto be the color of the moment)…it’s perfect! I chose it for today because I have been wearing it all week and for me, it is another perfect color for spring and summer! Cheers!

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Results Are In

26 Mar

fall

Well, the results are in! Remember the three scenarios I mentioned in my last blog? It was none of the above. No, no, a definitive answer would be too easy considering my cancer path. My doctor called and the good news is that my neck looks good! Nothing showing up on the PET scan in terms of ‘leftover’ cancer or new and obvious growth, so the number on my blood work results must have been a fluke or a variable they didn’t know about from the new test. It was great news for me because the treatment for anything new in my neck would be extremely risky. Ahh, but the news doesn’t stop there…he continued to say that there was something else. He asked if I was recently in an accident, or if I cut myself shaving, or if I was sick recently…no, no, no,….why? ‘Well, there’s some inflammation of some lymph nodes under your arm.’ ‘So what?’ ‘ He says, well, that’s typical of breast cancer, I want you to get a mammogram.’ ‘I have thyroid cancer cells in my breast?’ ‘No, this would be totally unrelated.’ ‘Hmmm, ok.’

So a mammogram is next and my journey moves forward. How do I feel? Nuts. It’s almost laughable. I cried a little because I just want this over with, but hey, it’s life and I’m still living, making the most of every day now more than ever.

Today I wear Chanel Rouge Coco Shine in Rebelle. These lipsticks are super moisturizing because they are like a lipstick/gloss hybrid. I chose Rebelle because it is the perfect pop of sheer red and ‘Rebel’ is in the name…I’m fighting back! Cheers!

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Done

6 Mar

010

The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me. From my last post you even read about how I thought I was losing my smile. With all the cancer stuff swirling in my head, I ended up extremely sad and I couldn’t seem to snap out of it. Anytime I would talk to someone and they would simply ask how I was doing I would start getting weepy. I didn’t feel like doing anything, it’s hard to describe, just overwhelming sadness. I had a couple friends ask why I wasn’t more angry or maybe even angry at God. Why get angry at God when He is the One carrying me through? I read somewhere that He either brings it or allows it for a greater purpose. Well, I’m waiting to see if that purpose is revealed soon or if I’m already serving my purpose by sharing my story? Who knows, but I can’t get angry because everyone is dealing with something in their lives trying to tear them down, right? I just wanted out of my pity party; my sad, teary, bursting into tears at any given moment mood.

Over the weekend something clicked in my head and I was done. Yes, there are still some underlying waves of sadness, but I feel my strength (or will) to move forward, to fight once again. Part of it was being tired of being sad and tired, another part was truly handing my heart and life to God and trusting His plan, and the last part was listening to some really great music. You know from reading my blog that I LOVE music and that words, tunes, and voices actually affect my heart. Well, over the weekend I played the piano and listened to some great songs that just lifted my spirit enough to push me. Songs like You Are For Me by Kari Jobe, Carry On by Fun, and Girl On Fire but Alicia Keys (I like a wide variety of music). I am a total believer in music therapy and honestly, the music helped me. A friend also reminded me that it was ok to cry, to feel weak. I have always tried to maintain an even mood and a positive attitude over this 5 year struggle, but I was just tired. So, I allowed myself to cry…a lot, and now I’m back…this girl is on fire! If you are feeling troubled or overwhelmed I encourage you to take the risk and tell someone. We are made for community; reach out, listen, make people laugh, and don’t judge. What may not mean much to you may mean the world to someone else. Take the time to be there. I am so thankful to those who reached out and continue to listen, to cry, and make me laugh.

Today I wear Givenchy Le Rouge lipstick in Carmen Escarpin…who could resist that fun name? It is a coral/red which is a hot pop of color for spring. This formula is described as semi-matte which I try to stay away from because of my dry lips, but it actually feels creamy and it is longer lasting. Until next time…Cheers!

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Taking A Break

25 Feb

2013-02-19 05.17.29

Last week we spent a week in paradise. We got out of the cold and snowy Michigan weather and took a trip to beautiful Punta Cana. The weather was perfect; hot and sunny everyday, the sand was white and the ocean was beautiful and blue. Everyday was spent by the pool and beach and it was precious time spent with my family. Looking at the kids I realize that we only have a few years left with my oldest before he’s an adult; time slips by so fast. It was a great break from the cold but also the monotony of every day, busy life. I took some time to really think about everything that has happened over the past few weeks with the blood test and ultrasound and I couldn’t help feeling a little sad. If you read my Dear Cancer letter you knew that just a few weeks ago it was anger that I was feeling, but today, not so much. I guess I’m sad because this whole cancer/cancer survivor/possible cancer story will always be a part of my life, but not just me, those around me too. There were times on this vacation that I had trouble breathing. Whether it was the humidity, allergies, whatever it was, it was that constant reminder that cancer had taken something from me and I was sad. Another thing I noticed, which made me even more sad, was that I feel like I’m losing my smile (metaphorically speaking). Previous to all of this cancer stuff, I had no problems keeping a smile on my face but now, at times, it feels a little like a struggle and I hate it. Maybe it’s just now but I can’t really tell. I am desperately seeking out the magic and the blessing in every day and I still find it, but my smile seems to be fading a little. Anyhow, I guess it’s that whole cancer roller coaster that I can’t seem to get off of completely.2013-02-17 22.15.05

Just to update you all on what’s going on, since the ultrasound didn’t show any sizable tumors and my number was only elevated by a small number, my doctor thought that it was not a medical necessity to do the PET scan yet, but he said as soon as my insurance will cover it (October), he will schedule it right away. So now, we wait…again. I thought I would be able to forget about it for awhile because I trust my doctor and his decision, but the thought of that elevated number keeps popping into my mind. If you’re a praying person, I’m asking for a little peace until October. I trust in God’s plan and I’m mainly praying for the peace and the freedom to live every day to the fullest…with an easy smile on my face. Thank you for walking with me on my lipstick journey.

Today I wear YSL Golden Gloss in Golden Shell which is a sheer pinky beige color. First of all, these glosses have real gold flecks in them and are a little pricey, but I LOVE them. The texture, color, and consistency of these are awesome! They have some vibrant colors that I also own and they are all beautiful and can be worn on their own or on top of lipstick. I chose Golden Shell because it reminded me of the sand on the beach. Cheers!

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My Heavy Heart

2 Feb

survivor

What a week! This past week I was out of town for an important meeting with my new company. It was both exciting, because of some new things we are doing, and stressful, because we were also being tested on new information. All in all, it was fun because the company is small and I was able to spend time with some great people from across the country. This week I also found out that one of my former colleagues was tragically killed in a car accident leaving a wife and four young children. I was not close to him but remember having a few conversations at corporate functions. Just the thought of him leaving for work in the morning and not coming home puts a knot in my stomach and it is once again the reminder of the brevity of life.

Anyhow, this week I got the news I was waiting for. On Tuesday while I was sitting in one of the general sessions of my meeting I received a call from my doctor, the results of my blood-work were in. So here is what I was thinking leading up to this, it’s been over two years, a few scares along the way, but if this blood-work was clean I was going to be able to finally start breathing a little easier about the cancer coming back. It would be the longest time between cancer ever coming back and in my head I would’ve been ‘semi’ home free. Unfortunately the news was not what I wanted to hear. My number was outside or above normal which indicates cancer somewhere in my body. Not exactly the news I was expecting. There are many questions and unfortunately no answers. My doctor said that since the test is so new and the patients that need it are so rare, he is not aware of any possible variables in the number. So what’s next?  PET scan and ultrasound to determine if, what, and where. Another obstacle to getting more answers, since changing jobs, I have new insurance and right now my new insurance may not cover those tests until May because of a pre-existing clause. So, all of this during a very important company meeting…it was too much. Fortunately, because I am an actor, I kept my game on and did extremely well at the meeting and the testing despite the fact that since receiving the news on Tuesday I slept very little and was trying to keep tears at bay, talk about extreme emotions.

For today my heart feels a little heavier and my head is swimming but I am still trusting in God’s plan. Today I wear Laura Mercier Lip Glacé in Brownberry. I love these glosses because they are not too sheer, moisturizing, and feel great on the lips; they also have a vanilla smell. I chose this color because it gives me a perfect natural color for everyday. It’s got a hint of berry but is still natural. For now my journey continues, not yet fully confident but still with that hint of hope. To be continued…..

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Music

26 Jan

singing

The topic this week for my blogging group GBE2 is ‘music’. Where should I start? I don’t know what my life would be like without music. You know when you’re watching a movie and if something scary or emotional is taking place there’s music in the background? My world is a little like that. For many of the events in my life, there is a song that matches. Music has always been a part of me thanks mostly to my parents. They love music and even from my earliest memories, I have always been surrounded with it; from musicals, to classical concerts in the park, or even my dad singing around the house or conducting a fake orchestra. My mom says I sang all the way to Detroit on the flight from the Philippines when I was 2, Tiny Bubbles and Pearly Shells. At age 8, I saw the musical Annie and memorized the songs with dreams of being Annie (Asian Annie? no way). At 9 or 10 I saw Grease and learned ,Hopelessly Devoted to You, Asian Sandy? Not a chance. Dance lessons and piano lessons started at the age of 7 and at ag14 I sang and played the piano for the first time in public at a talent show and won first place, Looking Through the Eyes of Love. It all came together, Guys and Dolls, Brigadoon, Anything Goes, West Side Story; musicals in high school and college brought my singing and dancing together. Sometimes when I see people I care about or if I’m going through emotional times I hear music, different songs pop in my head. Waking up from my first surgery,It Is Well, surviving my second surgery, Good To Be Me, surviving cancer the third time, How Could I Ask For More. wss

Yes, music has shaped me and has allowed me to express myself in different ways. The way music affects me is difficult to describe, sometimes it’s the melody, sometimes, the words, and sometimes the voice itself. Victor Hugo said it best,“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”. What about you? What does the soundtrack of your life sound like? I know my story is not done, my musical is still being written and I’m still hearing the music; it’s pretty cool.

Today I wear lipstick from a local Michigan cosmetic company called Whip Hand Cosmetics. I am wearing their Lip Creme in Shock which is a beautiful deep pinky plum color. I love this lip creme because it feels lighter than lipstick and is super moisturizing. It’s hard to describe because it feels like a non-sticky gloss but the color lasts like a stain…simply awesome. I also have to talk about their most popular product Set the Stage Makeup Primer. I have literally tried at least 10 primers from Laura Mercier, to Smashbox, to even Revlon. Since I’m in my 40’s I’m just looking for something that can smooth my face without feeling thick. Theirs has been the best so far! It feels smooth, blurs the lines and does not feel like another layer of something on your face under your makeup. Again, hard to describe. Enjoy the music that is your life!

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People

21 Jan

morning magic

Wow, has it been almost two weeks since my last post? It’s not for lack of ideas on what to write. In fact, I read a quote somewhere which said that quiet people have the noisiest minds; or something like that. For some who know me, you may think I am not quiet by nature…untrue, I am an introvert who over the years of being in sales have become a trained extrovert. Over the past couple weeks I have been able to meet with a few friends for coffee or just brief one on one time. It’s a time I cherish developing and deepening relationships. Each one has a different background, life, goals, etc, it’s so interesting hearing their stories and their feelings about different things and it gives great perspectives on how past and current events change you and make you who you are today. I met with a close friend going through a divorce and I can’t help but hurt for her and her kids. It’s a struggle for her to balance what’s best for her, what’s best for her kids while trying to guess what their future looks like. There are many facets to her story and it’s just awful. The beautiful part is that she hasn’t lost her faith and is now relying on it, along with her friends to get her family through. I met with another beautiful friend and jewelry designer Michele Saulson for ‘girl time’ and a private shopping experience in her home. It was great getting to know her better, talking about our families, and listening to her goals for her company; and of course shopping her awesome stuff! saulson designsSo many people, so many stories. Here’s what I know, everyone is going through and experiencing life differently and you can’t judge them based on how they look, what you think you know, or even on just one or two interactions. A big story that has come out recently has to do with Notre Dame football player Manti Te’0 and his ‘virtual’ fake or real girlfriend. I don’t know the whole story and whether he’s lying or telling the truth. I do know that it’s a sad statement to think that he considered this person that he met on-line his girlfriend?! Have we come to the point where we don’t need face to face, physical contact with other human beings? I hope not. I know I need it and I’m pretty sure our society craves it. Once again, love God, love others. Look people in the eye, smile, hug.

As of today I still have no results from my blood work but it’s still one day at a time. I read a quote (sorry for all the quotes today) that said, “To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.” – Oswald Cambers. Breathless expectation, I love that. I still seek the magic everyday and most of the time it finds me through people.

Today I wear Mary Kay NouriShine Plus Lip Gloss in Beach Bronze. I got a sample of this believe it or not in my son’s Halloween bag after trick or treating in the neighborhood. It was in a bag with a candy bar and it had a tag on it with a business card which said, ‘something for mom’; clever idea I must say. Anyhow, it’s a great bronzy color with a bit of shimmer. It has a great non-sticky consistency and is surprisingly long lasting. I chose the color because it can be worn as both a wintery bronze on me (because I’m tan) but also in the summer for that sun-kissed look. I mainly chose it for the name. It’s been really cold the past few days in Michigan and the name ‘Beach Bronze’ just captured me! Cheers!

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It’s That Time Again…

9 Jan

bloodwork

Oh no, not again. Yup, it’s that time of year. Time for the blood-work and all the check-ups to see if the cancer is back. Since this is the 2 year mark I only have to get the tests done every six months or until they see something different. Remember last August they did see a little something but nothing substantial enough for action. Well, today they took four vials of blood to see if there are any changes. Two of the vials are going to California for that ‘unique’ test to see if I have tumor markers signifying cancer. Unfortunately since its a test given to rare cases like me, I have to wait 3-4 weeks for the results…ahhh fun times. Otherwise, my doctor said all seemed ok. While at the doctors office I got in a conversation with a gentleman in the small waiting area amidst the patient rooms while I was waiting for the phlebotomist to collect my blood. He asked what I was getting blood-work for and then he asked,’ Well, thyroid cancer is the best cancer to get right?” As you know, most thyroid cancer survivors don’t appreciate that statement, no cancer is good cancer. Anyhow, I replied, ‘ For some,’ then I asked if he was being seen for something. He proceeded to tell me with teary eyes that 35 years ago his wife had lymphoma (cancer of lymph nodes) followed 10 years later with pancreatic cancer, then 5 years ago, colon cancer, and now they think thyroid cancer. So, I repeated the very phrase that I dislike to him, ‘Well, thyroid cancer is the best cancer to get, easily treated for sure.’ I couldn’t believe what this couple has been through and I was so grateful that I was hopefully on the tail end of my cancer journey.

So here I am today, if the results are good then I will be over two years cancer free. For me, a mile marker easing my mind that quite possibly it’s over and maybe I can finally adjust to my new normal. What’s bad about today and all the tests,  is that it brought back those feelings of anxiety and insecurity; it was a reminder that yes, I had cancer, it’s come back a few times and no, I have no control over it. It’s so crazy and sad and depressing, but of course I was blessed with a quote on a radio talk show about the future at exactly the time I got into my car and turned on the radio after the appointment. The host was talking about the future and quoted Abe Lincoln, “The best part about the future is that it happens one day at a time.” How awesome is that? I just finished my appt and bloodwork from one arm and was headed to another lab for bloodwork on the other arm and heard that on the radio! God is good, that’s the truth, one day at a time, no control. I don’t know what the results will be one month from now but there is nothing I can do until then. Life moves on so I must continue seeking that magic. The blessing now is that once again I am reminded of the brevity of life and I can’t wait to continue living it.

Today I wear Buxom Full Bodied Lip Gloss in Hot Mama. First of all, I love the Buxom glosses. They are moisturizing and have beautiful color…these are some of my favorites. Hot mama is red of course and I love it both for the color and the name; hot mama, I wish! Cheers!

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The Same?

5 Jan

snow

The first week of 2013 has come and gone. It’s funny, we were at a friends house New Years Eve and we were all excited about a new year ahead, thinking about the possibilities, things we would change, places we want to see, goals, etc. Well, January 2nd dawned and it was back to work for me, and back to school for my kids. So after all the anticipation and excitement for the new year, life is still the same…or is it? One of the things I consciously wanted to change or do every single day was to find the magic,or the blessing, whether it be with another person, the weather, a flower, whatever, because in the rush of our daily lives I believe that we miss a lot. Yes it’s fun to look forward to the next vacation or there’s of course the thought process of ,’when ____happens, then it’ll be great or my life will be better.’ But what about right now? What are you missing? This year my eyes are wide open and it’s much more exciting to start the day anticipating something magical or even the purposeful thought of being on a ‘quest’ for blessings or magic.

Here’s the magic from this first week of 2013:

January 1, sleep. That’s right, it was a blessing to be in pajamas most of the day, not having to do one thing…truly magical

January 2, met with a friend and had a great time talking about all kinds of stuff. Investing in relationships are a must!

January 3, talking with one of my kids about the dangers of social media..the magic? They listened and we had a good heart to heart

January 4, watching my son play a high school basketball game against a large rival school in a packed gym. Felt blessed, proud, and sadly,…old

Today, ran into my husbands office to take care of some things for him and another lady was waiting in the hall for her boss(a dentist) to show up so she could start work. We exchanged ‘hellos’ and I told her to have a great day. She said, ‘Everyday I get to work is a great day.’ That statement actually stopped me in my tracks so I turned and asked, ‘Really?’ She replied, “Absolutely. I feel so blessed and thankful to have a job when so many are without. It’s true, every time I get called in to work I’m ecstatic and it’s a great day.” Wow, what great perspective.

These are just little things but life isn’t filled with grandiose moments, it’s filled with minutia…small moments of impact that if we don’t look for them, many times we miss them. Don’t miss those moments of magic because life is beautiful.

Today I wear MAC lipstick in Captive which is a pinky plum. There are a ton of great MAC colors and formulations of lipsticks. I admit I don’t love them all, but I do love their satins and sheers. I chose Captive because it is an easy everyday color for me to wear and also for the name. Be captive in the moment, don’t rush through life. Happy New Year!

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2013

27 Dec

snow

Four more days until the new year…2013. It’s hard to believe how fast time goes by. I ran into a friend today and asked her how Christmas was for her and her family this year and she said, ‘uneventful, thank goodness’. She said it was the first time in a few years that there wasn’t crying. Last year her mom passed away, the year before, her sister. She told me that she and her family were able to do ‘normal’ Christmas things without tears…church, family dinner, presents…she said it was very peaceful and loved seeing everyone smiling again. I can relate in a small way. Remember from a past post that December has been a hard month in my cancer journey, either I was diagnosed with cancer, recovering, or preparing for a surgery. This year I declared a moratorium on anything health related; no doctors appointments, blood work, etc. and I guess you could say this December was also peaceful for me. I am also fortunate enough to have the holidays off of work so I don’t return until January 2. With all this downtime I’ve been reflecting on the events of the past year. Highlights include me still being able to sing at my fourth Voice Day concert after three surgeries, a paralyzed vocal cord and major radiation(twice), a trip to Europe with my family, the kids all playing basketball (the face of my daughter when she came home and said she made the team…priceless), good 20120629-204705.jpggrades, dance recital, good health, running in 3 races, and NO CANCER year 2! Yup, the highlights were awesome, but some of the best memories were just every day things. I am so thankful for so much it’s quite overwhelming. My daughter today asked what my New Year’s resolutions are, well, I don’t really have any. It’s kinda bad but I’ve always been the one to literally live day to day. Yes, I have really large, no, monumental goals and aspirations, but since I’m quite the dreamer some may be unattainable…I don’t care, you never know, I mean, who knew I would write and a publish a book? Anyhow, there are things I would like to improve or just keep doing in the new year:

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* Respect every person and invest in their story *Speak the truth * Be intentional *Live boldly *Keep dreaming big * As Eleanor Roosevelt says, ‘Do one thing everyday that scares you’… ‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face.’

As I look toward 2013 I know big things are in store. I have that restless feeling that I get so often, so much so that I have strange energy brewing from my fingertips to my toes. I’m not sure what the future holds and I also know that life is short and time goes so fast. What are you thankful for? What are you looking forward to? Don’t hold back…SEIZE THE DAY!

Today I wear my go to red lipstick for the holidays Lancome L’Absolu Rouge in Merlot. It is a deep red/burgundy which I have loved for a few years. It’s surprisingly moisturizing (most reds are not) and for me, its the perfect evening red. Happy 2013…CHEERS!

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