Tag Archives: thyroid

Extreme

26 Mar

The past week or so has been one of those crazy weeks filled with extreme emotion. It’s Sunday night, I’m exhausted and tomorrow starts a new week. About a week ago, I met with a good friend from college for a lipstick and lunch date…now how can you go wrong with lipstick and food? It was great catching up with her while trying on lipstick followed by lunch! Extreme fun! A few days later, I got a call from one of my closest friends telling me she and her husband were getting divorced. This was devastating news to both my husband and myself because they are close ‘couple’ friends. You know, it’s hard to find a couple you both like to hang with. It was a complete shock and so sad, even she was surprised; he just decided to up and leave her and their two kids. Extreme low. Friday I sang at my doctor’s annual World Voice Day Celebration. This was my fourth year attending and singing and every year has been different. The first year was after my first surgery and my voice was decent, the second, was after my third surgery and radiation and my vocal cords were paralyzed. Last year, I was still recovering, and this year, well, I am cancer free. My voice has changed quite a bit (obviously), and singing with one vocal cord is such a thought process, but it was overwhelming and awesome. As I stepped out on the stage I was overcome with emotion because it has been such a long road and not only did it feel like a miracle being there singing, but my ‘voice team’ who took care of me from the beginning was there right along side of me cheering me on. I picked a difficult song and it wasn’t the best I’ve ever sounded, but I was there. Extreme high. Saturday night, I was at a ‘girl’ party with one of my best high school friends whom I reconnected with a couple years ago as I was going through cancer the third time. It’s incredible how true friendship works, we don’t see each other for 20 years and we talk like not a day has gone by. Anyhow, it was a fun party with just a handful of women. Extreme joy and laughter. Today…extreme exhaustion.

Each day was different, each day holds a memory, each day involved relationships. So now, as today ends, we have tomorrow. Life is crazy and fun and sad and filled with so many tidbits in a day. Don’t miss the moments. Take in every emotion, as much as your heart breaks, it gets recharged with love and joy. Love people, they need you as much as you need them and be open to whatever may come next!

Today I wear Bobbi Brown High Shimmer Lip Gloss in Electric Violet, A pinkish, violet shimmery lip gloss. Gorgeous color for spring and summer. This is a newer formulation for Bobbi and it combines vitamins to help moisturize your lips and is not sticky. The colors are still sheer so you can wear it over lipstick if you choose, but they do add a good amount of color on their own.  I chose it because life can be electric if you let it! Enjoy!

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Trials

14 Mar

This morning I spoke to a friend of mine who has been struggling with some major family issues for awhile. As she told me everything she was going through my heart hurt for her and her trials brought me to tears. She said she didn’t want to burden me with her stuff because of everything I was going through with my cancer tests. Why does God allow pain? This is the question many people struggle with and I certainly have no answers. I know for me, during all of the trials and tribulations of my repeated cancer diagnosis and treatments, I would not have been able to stay calm and at peace without having faith that God had a perfect plan and that I was not in control. People always asked how I could maintain my faith throughout everything and all I have to say is that I could not have ‘maintained’ without it.

I believe trials in life (and everyone I know has been through at least one) can either harden your heart or soften it. For me, my heart is softer, and listening to my friend’s hurt made me feel her pain. We go through trials to be able to help others, so we need to open our eyes to see and our hearts to listen and feel because no matter how hard we think we have it, someone is doing worst and needs you. Be there. Life is about people, what will our legacy be?

Today’s lipstick is Lancôme L’absolu Rouge in Berry Noir. It’s a beautiful berry color which would be great for spring and summer and this particular formula has great consistency, lots of color, and is moisturizing too. I wear it because spring is a time of new beginnings, and when life throws you a detour it’s great to get a fresh start.

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Reunion

10 Mar

This past week I was in Nashville for my National Meeting. Besides the actual meeting part, it was great seeing people from across the country that I haven’t seen since last June. Remember, last June was an emotional time for me because I had just gotten the news that my doctor thought my cancer was back. These were my new friends who carried me through a crazy time during three weeks of training for a new job. Anyhow, it was a happy reunion because of my recent ‘non’ cancer diagnosis. It has taken a couple weeks for the cancer free news to soak in. My immediate reaction was joy of course followed by doubt ( I’m pretty sure that’s normal), but for the first time since the news, I feel great about it. I think the more I talk about it and the more I tell people I am now cancer free, the more I believe it and become confident. I think that may be true for all people in different circumstances. If you can talk abut it, there are people out there willing to listen and help, and maybe just to give you a hug; and sometimes, we just need to hear ourselves outloud to believe what we say in our heads. I will be singing in a couple weeks and I’m deathly nervous but I’m challenging myself. If we don’t try, we don’t know.

Funny mom story from the week away because I think moms always wonder how dads do with kids while we’re gone. I got a text from my youngest boy who’s 9 saying dad’s not doing that good of a job because he let the dog sleep with him, so he asked if I would do the laundry when I got home. Later in the day I spoke to my husband and he tells me my 9 year old got out of the shower, got ready for bed, then told my husband he shaved his mustache. “What?” “Yup, I used Audrey’s razor and her shaving cream called Satan” Yes, he said Satan, Audrey’s shaving cream is called Satin Gel….

This week I was a little stressed because of all the meeting prep, plus a presentation to give. Consequently I developed a cold sore so my lipstick of the week was limited to Carmex and Abreva although near the end of the week I finally was able to switch to Buxom Big andHealthy Lip Cream in Purple Haze. That’s what it felt like all week with 2000 people in the giant Opryland Hotel…a haze. This lip gloss is awesome. For me it was a slight deep berry color which is just a hint deeper than my lipcolor. I love the consistency of this particular gloss and it is free of parabens and sulfates. It also gives a little tingle when applied to lips!

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As Simple As A Breath

27 Feb

 

I took a yoga class the other day and the instructor opened with “Take a deep breath and breathe in the simplicity of life. Each breath is a new start, breathing lets  you know you’re alive.” OK, call me hormonal but I laughed at first because life seems anything but simple, but then I got all emotional thinking about breathing. In my cancer journey, more than anything I was told I was going to lose (besides my life, of course), breathing on my own was the one I was most scared to be without. I’ve talked about my singing and speaking, but as much as I would miss my voice, I knew that those were simple compromises. After my first surgery which paralyzed one of my vocal cords, I was in the ICU for a few days to make sure I would be able to breathe on my own. The fear was that the other vocal cord would snap and close off my breathing tube (trachea) and I would need an emergency tracheotomy (tube in my neck). Fortunately, that didn’t happen. Each time cancer came back, the threat to my voice and breathing was much worse. The last surgery was the most difficult because the threat was imminent considering the cancer was invading the area around my remaining vocal cord along with my trachea. Despite hours of careful surgery and multiple radiation treatments aimed at my neck, I am still speaking, singing, and breathing on my own.

In fact, my breathing and the scar on my neck are my special reminders that I fought cancer and won. Breathing is still difficult for me sometimes. I can’t ‘run like the wind’ or do too much aerobic exercise because my vocal cords sit very close together and I simply can’t get much air in. If I talk too much too fast (which I’m known to do), I run out of air quickly and have to stop and take deep breaths. If I have allergies or get sick and cough too much or even yell too much at my kids’ sporting events, my vocal cords swell up and it gets a little difficult to breathe (nothing a little steroids can’t help). Essentially for me, breathing is a miracle and the simple act of taking a breath has become a reminder that I’m alive.

Is life that simple? Probably. I think we are the ones that complicate things a bit.  But she was right, breathing does let us know we’re alive and each breath we take is a new beginning with new possibilities. Take a minute and take a deep breath, imagine your life without it, there is no life without it. Thank God for today and the air you breathe.

Today I wear Nars Lipstick in Fire Down Below, a matte blood red. Yes, I know, the name….I do love Nars lipsticks because their colors are long lasting and creamy and of course this one’s red and you know how I feel about red lips…I’M ALIVE!! Wear it like you mean it!

 

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Waiting

7 Feb

It’s been an emotional week for me so far. Superbowl Sunday brought a mix of emotions because it was four years ago when the Giants played the Patriots in the Superbowl. How do I know that you may ask, well, four years ago is when this cancer journey began. I remember finding out I had cancer in the beginning of January and scheduling my surgery as soon as possible, January 31, 2008. I remember that year, my husband’s fantasy football quarterback was Tom Brady. I also remember the argument we had two weeks before the Superbowl because one of his good friends called and said he had an extra ticket for the game and was asking my husband to go. Yes, of course he wanted to go, but I reminded him that my surgery was the same weekend. Hubby says, ‘once in a lifetime’, I reply, yes, hopefully for me too (I was a little upset he was even thinking about going). Well, he didn’t go and the Giants won then too. Superbowl Sunday 2008 I was in a hospital room. Just the day before, my doctor told me my singing was over and my prognosis was bad because my nerve was cut leaving my vocal cord paralyzed and the cancer was everywhere. Lots to think about.

This year, again, Giants vs Patriots, Giants win…deja vu. Today, I’m waiting. I have had very few clean scans and tests since then and now I am waiting for the results of the latest test. It’s an experimental blood test which my doctor says may be able to detect cancer instead of another PET scan for me (I’m maxed out on radiation, so the less I get the better). Unfortunately since it’s not a test usually done, the results take a little longer (he told me 2-3 weeks). I have been patiently waiting now for 2 and a half weeks but my patience is wearing thin. Sometimes I feel as if the past few years have been a waiting game; waiting for treatment, waiting for the next test, waiting for the results. Crazy, upsetting, unsettling, depressing, you name it. The bottom line is this, I am not in control of the situation. I have to release my fears and anxieties and just live…a message I have to tell myself DAILY, EVERY MINUTE. It’s hard, but we have to live right? Live your life

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.- Corrie Ten Boom

Today I wear Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter in Red Velvet (no link, you can get it at the drugstore). It’s amazingly moisturizing and has lots of color. RED-LIVE LIFE NOW

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Just Say It…

27 Jan

A few days ago my husband got an e-mail from a friend regarding an acquaintance of theirs. This person was a healthy 36 year old former college and pro basketball player who was also a newlywed of 6 months. About three weeks ago he wentto the hospital for an elective, outpatient surgery…just something simple, or so he thought. A few days later a fever ensued and he was admitted into the hospital. For the past three weeks he fought a massive infection overtaking his healthy body and a few days ago, he passed away. He fought for his life with his new bride at his side and three days before he passed, the physicians told him there was nothing left to do. What made this story more incredible was that he was given just an unknown number of days to live after the doctors stopped treatment. He and his wife decided to make phone calls to family and friends; the people he wanted to say good bye to. It was gutwrenching and as his wife put it in the e-mail update we received, ‘he was able to speak to those he was closest to and when I finally let go of his hand he was able to cross the gates to Heaven’.

Most of us are not given our ‘death date’ or even an estimate of when our last day of life may be. After so many bouts with cancer, it’s on my mind and may be sooner than later, but I don’t even truly know for sure. This man was given the chance to say good-bye, to make peace with people, to ask forgiveness from some, or whatever he needed to speak to them about, he got the chance.  We don’t know when our time may be, why wait to tell people how much we love them? Why wait for the ‘right moment’ to say you care or how much people mean to you? Why harbor resentment which gnaws at you…why not forgive today and free yourself from the burden of bitterness? Most of us will not be given a few days at the end to make phone calls and say good-bye. What are you waiting for? Say what you need to say (great song)…

Today I wear Bobbi Brown Rich Color Gloss in Angel Pink, a beautiful soft pink which can be worn alone. I also dedicate this to the new saint who was brought up to heaven this week!

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Cancer Free?

21 Jan

Recently I spoke with a co worker about his young son who had just been declared ‘in remission’. His son had been fighting a rare brain tumor for the past three years and is now officially done. What does it mean to be cancer free , in remission, etc.?  2011 was my first year since 2008 that I wasn’t in some sort of cancer ‘thing’; surgery, treatment, etc. In June of 2011 though, I was told that cancer cells were seen on PET scan, but in September the ultrasound showed no tumors. I had an appointment with one of my physicians this week and asked him if that meant I was done and there were not really cancer tumors, he said he didn’t know for sure…hmmm. When my co worker asked how I felt about the constant cancer scare, I said, ‘I’m here today and all we really have is today.’

So what does it mean to be cancer free. I think this statement means different things to different people depending on the type of cancer, how long the battle has gone on, how long they’ve been declared ‘cancer free’. For me, I still struggle, maybe because those words are still fresh and I’ve hardly been told that. I’ve been told, ‘this should be it,’ or ‘so far we think this has worked,’ but mostly what stays in my mind are the statements, ‘it’s back’, ‘there’s something suspicious on the scan’, or ‘I’m not sure, here’s the plan.’ I think in time as I hear it more, the term ‘cancer free’ will be a more joyous one. For now, I let friends and family celebrate while I look forward with apprehension.

This week I had bloodwork done to see if there were any changes or tumor markers detected. So for today, while I’m ‘cancer free’, I’m happy and nervous at the same time (it’s kinda a daily thing). I look at each and every day as a new day, a new opportunity to do something, to try something different, to make a positive impact on the world. I have been exhausted this week. My mind won’t stop thinking about the different things I’d like to do or accomplish. Being a cancer survivor I want to LIVE each day strong. Now I finally understand the whole LIVESTRONG thing. The thoughts and goals that have plagued my mind (and my sleep) have led me to this conclusion: because I’m a cancer survivor and because those cells always seem to be lurking around, I don’t want to miss anything. Do you know what I’m talking about? I don’t want to miss life. Sure I still have many responsibilities, job, family, etc, but I just don’t want to miss it and I feel myself running ragged to soak up every bit of life I can get. I’ve started exercising again, trying to sing again, learning spanish and french (nothing big, through a program on my new ipad), taking classes to become a life coach, but I still want to learn guitar, maybe write another book, the list goes on. It’s crazy, but it’s reality. How many of you hear those stories about people waiting to do _________until after they retire and end up dying before they even get the chance to try. We don’t have that kind of time. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.” Live now, start something. If you have a small spark brewing, jump on it. Dream big and go for it…and teach your children the same thing.

Today I wear, YSL Golden Gloss #17, Golden Cherry. It is a sheer red gloss with specks of real gold. I have to tell you it’s a little pricey, but holy cow, it’s probably the best gloss out there (I own four colors). It’s not sticky, it’s sheer, but also has beautiful ‘just enough’ color. I chose it because red lips is my thing, throw in some gold and what else can I say? Live

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Pet Peeves

17 Jan

This weeks blog topic in my blogging group GBE2 is pet peeves. Initially I didn’t want to take part this week because I thought I was easy going and really didn’t have many pet peeves. As the week has progressed, while pondering this topic and thinking about what my pet peeves may be, I realized that after cancer I actually have more things that bother me than I thought…uh oh. Anyhow, I thought I’d list some of them out.

1 I can’t stand when people not only think they are better than you, but act like they’re better than you.

2 I don’t like it when people make assumptions about you based on hearsay, looks, gender, race, etc, without really knowing you or your story

3 I don’t like having to repeat myself to my kids when they’re asked to do something (especially when I know they hear me)

4 I don’t like it when I’m asked to take care of something that that person could do…”these leftovers are going to rot in the fridge, you should really throw them out”…My reply, “’You’re looking at it, can’t you throw it out?”

5 I don’t like it when people are nice to your face but will talk negatively about you if given the chance (really dislike disingenuous people)

6 I’m bothered by consistent complaining about dumb things…life is too short. Either someone is worst off or generally it’s not that bad

7 Last thing for now, I cant stand it when I purchase something and I get home, open the box and it’s the wrong item, the wrong size, the wrong color (referring to lipstick of course)

I’m sure there are many more, but it’s a small snapshot of what I thought about with pet peeves as my topic in mind this week. Obviously most of my pet peeves are related to people and their treatment or mistreatment. Once again, love God , love others. Look people in the eyes, find out their stories. Don’t be too quick to judge. Also, gossip is the quickest way to dissolve a trusting relationship, be careful, it could be poison. All it takes is one person to start a fire.

This week I choose Smashbox Be Legendary lipstick in Legendary. First off, it’s red, second, who doesn’t want their life to be legendary? As a side note, this is a new Smashbox formulation which is more creamy and the colors are beautiful! Enjoy!

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History

9 Jan

 

 

Recently Facebook added a feature called Timeline. I haven’t really checked into it but for those who have changed over, it looks really cool.  I wish I was more computer savvy because I don’t even know how to turn my profile into the ‘timeline’ (among other things), but the feature basically chronicles in order your pictures and posts for I don’t know how far back (maybe you all can help me with this). I’ve heard some comments from some of my friends saying they did not like this feature because they were forced to look at old pictures and older comments which some have regretted putting out there. Facebook made our days public and now it’s in chronological order for all to see. Are there things in your past you wish you could take back or change? I read a quote which said, “People are trapped in history, and history is trapped in them.” ~James Baldwin, Notes of a Native Son.

If you’ve read my book or my blog (well, obviously you’re here), you know that I love hearing people’s stories. We are all shaped by people, events, and decisions from our past. The quote I mentioned says that people are trapped in history, well, to some extent we are. I decided to pursue science over music and here I am, trapped? Not really, just a different path. I have a friend who grew up in a home of alcoholics, his siblings are now both alcoholics, but him….no. He decided to change the pattern of history and create a new legacy for him and his family. The second part of the quote says that history is trapped in them. Absolutely, we are who we are because of where we came from. My cancer is part of my history, my story, but I will not let it trap me. We have the chance every day to learn lessons from our past, some things we controlled and some we did not (cancer). Everyone has a story but the hope is that we are not trapped in the story of our past. Move forward and create new moments to add to your history. As Natasha Bedingfield sings, “staring at the blank page before you…..the rest is still unwritten”

Today I wear Mally lipgloss in Life’s a Beach, a soft caramel with a hint of gold. It’s a beautiful color anyone can wear. This particular gloss is from her ‘Life, Love and A Really Great Gloss’ lipgloss collection…HOW CLEVER, also, life’s a beach…who can argue with that name?

 

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Back to Work

2 Jan

Well, it’s a new year and I finally start back to work tomorrow. I have been off since December 16th so it’s been a L-O-N-G break (I saved my vacation days til the end). I think I’ll do it differently next year because being off so long makes me not want to go back tomorrow. I spent a ton of time with the kids, I was able to read alot and write alot, and of course, dive into an exercise regimen which will have to change tomorrow. I have worked most of my life. I was fourteen when I started working at Burger King (back in the early 80’s you could work 8 hours a week if you were at least 14 and 6 months) and I have not stopped since. I worked through high school and college, sometimes two jobs, and finally stopped to stay home with my kids after the third was born for 4 years (that was a special treat)!

Tomorrow I go back to a job, a career, which I actually fell into over 20 years ago. In college, I started as a music major and dance minor. Music is my love and passion and I loved every minute of it. I was in college productions and choirs and spent extra time in the dance studio or piano rehearsal rooms. Being the oldest child and first generation raised in America, I also wanted a ‘stable’ career so eventually I switched my major to Biomedical Science and Chemistry which obvoiusly led me into a different direction entirely. I thought I wanted to go to medical school but after anatomy and physiology I decided that was not for me. My junior year of college I landed an internship in a chemistry lab with a pharmaceutical company and I thought research was for me. Think about it, a musical theater actress, singer, dancer in a white lab coat looking in a microscope all day…NOT! The search was on but I did not want to waste the hard work I spent on my science degree. My mentor at the pharma company asked one day, ‘How about sales?’…The rest is history, sales is a great paid acting gig. I never thought I would be at it still, I only thought it was the job that was going to carry me through until I got my dream job whatever that would be, but 20+ years later, here I am. I never found my dream job, but I’m content. I heard a statistic once that said that only 2% of Americans TRULY love their jobs and more than half hate it. I must be in the middle, the people that like their job. Do I love it? no, but it has provided many opportunities and blessings along the way. Travel, insurance, a company car, and those are just the basics.  I have met many great people and some of my closest friends. We all are faced with different decisions throughout our life which leads us onto different paths, I sometimes still wonder what I’ll be when I grow up and I wonder how I got to where I am today. We can’t look back so we need to own up to our decisions with no regret and move forward in wisdom.

Happy Monday, Happy New Year again, and for those of us fortunate enough to have a job in this economy, congratulations, don’t let the job swallow you up. It’s just a job.

Tomorrow I will be wearing Kat Von D Painted Love Lipstick in Prayer which is a mauvey brown. It’s great for work because it’s a very conservative color. These lipticks in particular are both creamy and long lasting (I have a few colors). Also, I always start my work day with a prayer for a good day…I know it helps!

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