Tag Archives: lipgloss

Challenge

22 Aug

This morning I was driving an hour to my first appointment and I started feeling sorry for myself.  The sun was out, I was off to work, my kids were being taken care of by my visiting in-laws today, and we had just come off a great weekend of visiting a themepark (always fun people watching at those places) and just overall relaxing.  I got mad.  I was mad because without the cancer, life is really great.  I asked myself why I still had to be here, year after year, scan after scan, still showing cancer????  I was mad that my family and my friends had to go through this again and I hate being the downer of the group.  The one who has to say, ‘yes, it’s still there,’ or ‘yup, got cancer again.’  I really want to be normal and worry about normal things like what I should wear tomorrow or if my shoes match.  Is this my new normal?  I guess it is, and I’m not happy about it.  Being sick sucks.  I don’t look sick, I don’t feel sick and yet some small cell in my body is trying to take over.  I truly am ok with whatever may happen to me, I’m not ok with the fact that my family and friends have to worry about me again.  I’m sad for them, I’m mad for them.  I’m mad that my kids have to wonder how it’s all going to turn out, I’m mad that my parents,  friends, and the rest of the family have to ask how I’m doing and be afraid of the answer.

I read a quote today, “Life challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”-Bernice Johnson Reagan (thanks Jennifer).  Well, I thought I had me figured out the first, second, and third time, but now I’m getting a little confused.  It’s that roller coaster again and today, yes, I’m mad about it.  Sorry to vent, it’s frustrating.  Is this challenge paralyzing me?  Of course not and I continue discovering new aspects of myself.  In fact, I hope I am becoming a better version of myself daily.  We should all strive to do that, cancer or not.

Today I wore Sue Devitt lipstick in Australian Bight.  On me it’s RED (I probably looked like a Geisha, oh well).  I know it gave me the fighting spirit to forge ahead.  In the next few weeks I will be seeing my radiation oncologist and getting another ultrasound to see if the tumor is growing so I am putting out a challenge.

I would like to put out a ‘RED LIPSTICK CHALLENGE’ for those of you who love life and have the fighting spirit.  Wear red lipstick daily for three weeks and e-mail me how you felt and any stories you would like to share.  With your permission, I will share a few anonymously.  For the men reading my blog, carry something red in your car or pocket as a reminder to live life and e-mail me too.  You can send all e-mails to lipstickjourney@att.net.

I can’t wait to read your stories!  Here are some suggestions for reds:  Bobbi Brown Burnt Red, Smashbox Marvelous, Lancome Merlot, Bare Escentuals Buxom gloss in Brandi, Covergirl Natureluxe Cabernet, Burt’s Bees Red Dahlia tinted lipbalm.  Have fun!

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Blessings

15 Aug

I sat down and played the piano and sang tonight for the first time since starting my new job last June.  I picked the song Blessings by Laura Story and I almost could not make it through.  The words struck a chord with me and it made me cry.  The chorus goes like this….”What if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?…What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are Your mercies in disguise?”

Think about it. Why do bad things happen to good people?  That of course, is the question of the century and I don’t know the answer.  For me, I stand on my faith which tells me that yes, God knows what He is doing and that His plan (although not mine) is perfect.  Looking back on my journey with all the twists and turns, I have had blessings beyond belief and all on His time frame.  I have met and am still meeting incredible people.  I have seen kindness and compassion and love from people I have only known for a short period of time.  I am talking and even singing with one vocal cord.  Despite the constant attack on my neck by the cancer cells that won’t go away, I am not defeated, I am alive.  I am amazed at how blessed I am.  Like the words of the song say,  what if our blessings come through raindrops?  Through my tears I have seen rainbows.  I still have hope and I know that God’s plan for me (and you) is an amazing one.

Today I wear Mally lip gloss in Life is Fuscia.  It is a sheer hot pink lip gloss which is perfect for August.

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Enjoy Today

5 Aug

So I just completed my first week in the field doing the only job I’ve  known since college.  This may sound cheesy, but it felt like home.  Sure, I’ve done a short stint or two trying other things, but this is the job that I am confident in and that I know how to do and for that reason, I love it and I feel very fortunate to be back.  I am in a territory that is partly new for me so I get to meet tons of new people which is exciting (not all of them are nice, that’s the challenge, right?); but I also see some of the people that I used to see before I was laid off last year and it was like I had never left.

Driving along today I was looking at my life and really feeling blessed.  Sure, I am still living with cancer, but I have a job I actually like, I don’t have to travel a ton so I’m home with my family almost every night, they’re all healthy, and generally, I feel great.  I am done crying and as a matter of fact, I can’t stop smiling right now (I realize this may be temporary, but for now, it’s what I got).  I was with a new customer a few days ago and after I introduced myself he handed me a piece of paper folded in half and told me to read it in my spare time.  I of course stuffed it in my bag and forgot about it until now.  Well, I read it and the gist was this, enjoy today, don’t worry about tomorrow, and don’t think about the past…how fitting…it put a bigger smile on my face.  Enjoying today is hard for many of us to do, but truly today is all we have.  Recently I went through my ‘what if’s’…What if I never got cancer? Then I wouldn’t have written a book, and I wouldn’t have met all of my new and wonderful friends and support system, I wouldn’t have known to let go of the simple worries and irritations so easily.  What if it continues to grow and I can finally no longer sing?  Well, this I struggled with for awhile but after grieving the possibility over and over, I am letting that go to.  I think our question should not be ‘what if’ but instead be  ‘what now’.  If we continue to worry about the future and obsess about the past, we miss today and that would be a bummer because for now, today is all we have.

Enjoy today, be present for those around you and especially for those you love because we can’t get back time.  It’s  ok to be selfish with your time, since cancer, I certainly am.  Don’t let today be tomorrow’s regret.  Today I wear Nars lipgloss in Greek Holiday.  It’s a gorgeous peachy-cream-sparkly lipgloss.  It’s great for medium/darker skin or someone with a great tan.  I wear it because it’s beautiful and going on a Greek holiday sounds like fun (I’ve never been, but thinking about it puts a smile on my face)!

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Tic Toc

30 Jul

“Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear. Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, How do you measure, measure a year. In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles, in laughter in strife, In Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, How do you measure a year in the life”…Seasons of Love, from Rent.

Tic toc, all we have is time, how do we spend it?  I learned the news that I had cancer one week before leaving for training.  The last thing I wanted to do was leave my family and friends for three weeks and use those minutes with people I didn’t know.  I listened to this song on my way there and then again on my way back and I discovered that my attitude had changed.  On my way, I thought about the brevity of life and truly the limited time we have and wondered why I was leaving my family during such a critical time in my health.  On my way back, I thought about the new friends I had made and how those moments I spent on the new relationships impacted my life.  At the end of training we were given evaluations individually.  What my trainer told me was that in the beginning he couldn’t figure me out because I was so quiet, but in the end he said it turns out I was a quiet storm affecting one person at a time.  This made me cry.  Since cancer, my life mission has been to make a positive impact one person at a time and his statement was validation that I was doing something right.

You’ve heard me say this before but I will say it again and again.  We impact each person that we meet whether positive or negative, people walk away from each encounter feeling something about you.  Sometimes, it’s just a few minutes and in this case for me, it was three weeks.  What type of impact do you want people to feel after you walk away?  I choose to make it a positive one.  Yes, three weeks was a long time, but the moments I spent with certain people were not a waste of those precious 525,600 minutes.  People are not a waste of time.  So thank you to Michelle, Jennifer, Ashley(TX), Ashely(FL), Lauren, and of course, Fernando.  You have all impacted my life.

For my new friends I wear  2 colors, Chantecaille- Angel Skin ,  a soft pinkish nude, because you were all my angels during training; and Bobbi Brown -Burnt Red because it’s my reminder to live boldly (and because Fernando said he loves red lipstick).  Thank you for the shared tears and all the laughter.

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Roller Coaster

26 Jul

Well, we are drawing on a close on week 3 of training for my new job.  I have been away from home for the majority of the three weeks.  I can’t say that it’s been fun and exciting, but I can say I have heard so many stories of people, where they came from, their hardships and trials, and why they are where they are today.  I have also made some lifelong friends.  Many know about my book, but most don’t know that I currently am living with cancer in my neck.  It’s been a little bit of a struggle to maintain composure, but generally since the atmosphere is high stress, it has been a great distraction.  Which brings me to my next point, going home.  I found out my cancer returned one week before coming here and have not really been able to completely process the information.  Now, going home is bittersweet because now, I have to go back to dealing with my recent diagnosis.  It’s reality.  Am I mad, sad, dumbfounded? Of course, all of the above and now I have to deal with it.  I don’t feel I have the strength for a fourth time but I know God is there and I know I have to.  What saddens me is that I feel my smile fading.  Hope is now a little more difficult for me but it’s all I have and I have to continue trusting God.  I’m also sad about having to put my family and friends through all of this again, it’s such a roller coaster and I want off because I’m seriously getting motion sickness.

On a lighter note, I went on a lipstick trip with a few of the gals from here.  It was great fun and they all loved the colors we picked together.  I know I am here for a reason and for a purpose specific to me.  I still love God and I believe I still have some fight in me, although at this point I may have to dig a little deeper.  I am excited to see what lies ahead because truly, it has been an amazing adventure.

Today I wear Estee Lauder Pure Color lipgloss in Plum Divine simply because it’s beautiful.  Life is beautiful.

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Transparent

22 Jul

End of week two in training.  It’s interesting what happens after two weeks in a high stress environment.  Week one, everyone is on their game putting up a front, majorly competitive, and of course, trying to mark their territory.  Now, after week two, everyone’ s tired, stressed, and just plain overly exhausted.  It’s great because everyone’s walls are slowly being chipped away, people are FINALLY letting down their guard and the atmosphere has totally changed in the room.  It has become much more comfortable and supportive. 

It’s amazing once again what happens when people let their guard down and let other people ‘in’.  Now, we are in this game together and now we are learning each others stories which is great.  I love hearing about people’s backgrounds and experiences because it helps to explain why the way they are today (and that goes for the irritating people too).  Ahh yes, another lesson.   If people had no walls and were just themselves, I believe the world would be a better place.  I’m not saying not to have a filter, but if we came into relationships with no expectations, not trying to mark our territory and look better than the other person, what would it be like?  Maybe we should try it, I know I have been because it is such a waste of time and energy to keep up.  For me at this point, again living with cancer, what you see is what you get.  Transparency is a beautiful thing.

Today I wear CO Bigelow Sheer Liptint in Just Blushed.  It has a sheer pink tint and tastes like peppermint.  I chose it mainly for the name although I do love the consistency and color.  Just blushed…because when you’re yourself, it’s easy to see your inner beautiful glow.

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Un-Birthday

7 Jul

This weekend my daughter will be in a musical production of Alice in Wonderland Jr.  She plays a few different roles but one of her roles is a ‘Un-birthday’ girl.  Of course I had to ask what that was.  She said that everyone has one birthday and 364 un-birthdays.  In Wonderland they celebrate un-birthdays and are going to have a big party.  How great is that????  Why can’t we celebrate every single day?  From my past post you may recall how much I love birthdays and how meaningful (especially having cancer), they are to me, but why can’t mine and your un-birthdays be just as meaningful?

You know this past week I found out my cancer is back for the fourth time.  Well, I’m done crying.  I have decided that I must live one day at a time and trust God.  Right now, there are no decisions to be made. The doctors will watch and see if what was detected stays the same or grows over the next few months.  From this point on I must celebrate every single day and live life to the fullest…every un-birthday!  Think about it, why hold back a celebration of life? Each day is new and a chance to be blessed as well as to bless others.  We don’t get do-overs (well, maybe some of you do) so move forward, press on, and don’t look back!

Today, I am wearing Dior Addict Ultra Gloss in Flash (sorry, limited color).  It is a gorgeous hot pink lipgloss with a little bit of silver sparkle.  To me it is the best color for today’s un-birthday, a little hot pink to celebrate life!  Now, who wants the first piece of cake?

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The Story Continues…

4 Jul

Some of you already know the results of my latest PET scan (my last blog entry), for those who don’t, yes, there was cancer detected.  I found out last Friday afternoon and for the past few days I’ve been trying to process how I feel.  I cried a lot mainly because my mind wanted to hear the words “All clear, see you next year.”  Instead I heard, “There’s something there that’s not big enough to be detected by ultrasound so we will look again in 2-3 months to see if it’s grown.”  This has been one long and difficult road but I think I’m done crying.  I’m not angry, my heart is mostly sad; sad for my family (which by the way, my daughter and younger son were standing right next to me when I got the news and when I got off the phone my daughter said, “all clean right?”  When I said “not exactly”, her face and demeanor changed immediately…sad); sad for my parents who also have been waiting for good news for almost four years now, just sad in general.

On the other hand, I am done crying because I am 100% confident that God has a plan that’s perfect for my family and me whether it’s the plan I want or not.  I have to move forward in faith because that is the only sure thing.  I am broken right now.  I don’t feel courageous or strong so I’m thankful for all the support and prayers, but I know I’ll get that back.  For now, I move forward on this journey that God has me on, confident that He will take care of me.

Today I wear Smashbox Photofinish  Lipstick in Marvelous. On me, it is a beautiful sheer red.  I wear it because life is a marvelous adventure, and of course red to continue living life boldly.

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No Fear

29 Jun

Here I am again in the PET scan room (written at 6:30am), waiting the 2 hours until the contrast they injected me with makes its way through my body so they can detect any cancer cells floating around.  Am I afraid? Of course.  Not so much for the test. this is probably my 10th or 11th scan in three years so I’m used to lying still with metal hovering just inches over my face and body.  No, I’m always scared to hear the results (they haven’t exactly been positive most of the time).  I also am seeing my laryngologist this week and that scares me too.  Mostly because I don’t really want to know how close or non-functional my vocal cords are.

After cancer, I don’t really trust my body.  Before each diagnosis, I have felt great (minus an occasional sore throat).  I would love to rejoice each time I get clean results or good news, but even when/if I do I am hesitant and suspicious.  Will I ever get that trust back?  I doubt it.  Will I let it control me and take away my joy?  I won’t let it.  Yes, I believe the fear of cancer coming back will always be there, but even if I don’t trust my body, I will always trust in God who created it and has a perfect plan for me.

All of us have our hesitations and fears but there are many things we cannot control.  happiness is based on our outside circumstances but joy comes from within, from trusting our Creator has a plan although it may be different from ours.  Fear is ok but don’t give it the power to control you and rob your joy.  Life is for the living!

I’m not wearing any metal for my PET scan, but one thing I am wearing is Bobbi Brown Treatment Lipshine in Rosy .  It’s a gorgeous warm pinky brown color that looks great on ALL skintones, not quite a full on lipstick, but also not quite just a lip gloss.  One thing I’ve learned is to live for today and today I choose to have a Rosy outlook on life!

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Like Father, Like Daughter

17 Jun

Me and my dad

People have always asked me where I got my love for music and my musical ability.  Although I have many musically inclined relatives, I have to say that most of my passion for music came from my dad.  Growing up, we had the turntable stereo with the 4 ft. speakers on each side in our family room.  At least a few times a week my dad would blast a symphony playing classical music and pretend to be the conductor.  I would watch in awe as he conducted Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, and even John Philip Sousa.  He would also continually play singers like Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, Tony Bennett and sing along with them.  My dad was and is always singing; sometimes instead of replying to a question with words, he replies with a tune.  I learned later on that he played the trombone in the college marching band and was also in a band playing the harmonica.

My dad and I are a lot a like.  We are both quiet and laid back and sometimes have difficulty expressing our feelings; I think that’s where the music comes in.  When we find it hard to express ourselves, there’s music that can do it for us.  My dad was stern and strict growing up and I’ve only seen him tear up a few times.  Every Christmas, he would play Filipino carols and tear up because of the family and friends he missed in the Philippines.  That’s what I mean, emotion through music.  Now for me, music runs deep, it affects my heart and I can literally feel each note and word of a song.  I thank my dad for this love and expression.  He has taught me many things and even though he’s a man of few words I understand him.

Happy Father’s Day Dad, I Love You!

For Dad’s day I wear Estee Lauder Pure Color Gloss in Rock Candy.  It’s a gorgeous soft baby pink lipgloss with diamond shimmer throughout, great for any skintone!  I wear it because the pink reminds me of my childhood and the bling reminds me of the musical showman my dad truly is!

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